My 4 1/2 year old will not use potty

Melissa - posted on 11/18/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My son is 4 1/2 and will NOT use the potty. His 3 year old brother is completly potty trained and as a reward got a bucket with pail and new big boy underwear. I have tried everything from charts, rewards, we have 3 different potties in the house. (the sit down on potty, the insert you put on the potty (it even is a football one) and the transitions potty (that is the one that is an actual toilet seat with smaller seat built into it for little kids) I have given him books to read on it and even have sat down on our potty to show him how to go. I really do not know what else to do. he is suppose to start school next year and he knows he can't go if he is still messing his pants. he wants to start school so I have even used that as motivation, but nothing works. Oh I also have put just underwear on him but he doesn't care.. He poops his pants and comes to me telling me he did and he needs a shower. We are back to keeping a diaper on cuz honestly his play room floor and his bedroom floor started smelling cuz of him so I have had to go buy the urine carpet shampoo and it took me about 3 shampoos to finally get it out... please I really need some advice. I would hate to hold him back a year in school just for this one thing. He is really smart and knows all of his alphabet, and numbers and has even started learning basic addition and subtraction. He is ready for school but this is holding him back

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Doriss - posted on 11/18/2009

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I would seek proffessional advice at this point...my nephew who is 3 1/2 is not potty trained and my sis-in-law is really struggling w/ this...she has tried everything too...except talking to the doctor or therapist...this doesnt mean there's something wrong with him..it just means that you may need some reinforcement..Maybe get a good friend involved to help...maybe being held accountable in a different envoirnment would stimulate him to head to the toilet instead of his pants..because if his brother is doing it successfully - there is no reason why your oldest shouldn't get it either - maybe he just needs a trigger like outside help/support and not only will he go in he toilet but maybe he'll be a pro from the start! My sis-in-law & I talk about this often, and she is frusterated too...she is going to give him through holidays to get it..and then she's getting help by seeking medical advice...

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Melissa - posted on 11/19/2009

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I think we will be going through a lot of froot loops..lol now my 3 year old wants to pee on them..lol if I could get it through my 3 year olds head that it is NOT okay to pull his 'ding ding' out in the driveway and pee we would be doing better..lol

Doriss - posted on 11/19/2009

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YAY! I am sooooo happy for you all....he is a good boy, who will get to where he needs to be in due time...this also has a lot to do with you, you are a great support to him, and with that he will be successful...great job!

Melissa - posted on 11/19/2009

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thank you for all your replies and I have some encourageing news. He asked to go potty last night and he actually stood up in front of it and went!! We all made a big deal out of it and told him what a big boy he was and how proud we are of him.. hopeing this is a break through and he continues..

Pamela - posted on 11/19/2009

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I'm sorry to hear about your husband and this is probably the reason for your sons delay at going to the restroom! I hope the counseling will help his get over his fears. However, if he is not potty trained yet your school district might run a government rand preschool where he will not needed to be potty trained! I know this because I have a son that had developmental issues that prevented him from getting potty trained until four and half and he was able to go to the preschool with out being potty trained!

Melissa - posted on 11/18/2009

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not yet, but will. I do think it is playing a big part of his potty issues. We just finally got him to sleep in his own room again. The main reason we started the counseling is because he had developed a fear of his dad. He has gotten better but still has some fear of him. Hoping this changes with counseling. It is very hard for a small child to express how they feel and what they are thinking. He has an appointment to see pediatrician on Friday so we will see what she says also.

Doriss - posted on 11/18/2009

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Oh Melissa,
I am so sorry to hear about his father..that must be such a traumatic situation for your lil' ones & yourself to deal with...I hope & pray that everything in your family life finds its balance...
now knowing that...I think for sure...that may play a part in his bathroom issues, they say that when the child has been through something this tragic - that it can lead to many other issues...maybe in your sons case...he isnt looking at going potty in the toilet as a priority...he has other things on his mind...or maybe other fears...your doing everything right, and seeking that medical/professional advice is the BEST thing you can do...have you mentioned to his current therapist his potty issues? if not, you should - it may help...I truly wish you all the very best...Keep me posted if you will, take care!

Melissa - posted on 11/18/2009

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I was actually thinking the same thing. I am in the process of getting him counseling but it is actually for another situation but I am wondering if they both are related to one another. His father was in a bad accident almost a year ago and almost died from it and is now living with a traumatic brain injury so his father is different as a result and I have noticed a lot of changes in my son since then. so hopefully the child councelor will be able to help with this. I am also going to make an appointment for him to see his pediatrician. thank you so very much. your reply was very helpful

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