My child suffers because I'm stupid...

Wendy - posted on 05/15/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi Everyone --im new here, feel free to comment anything you like because believe everyone is entitled to their opinions and hence why I'm posting



The other day i took my 3 year old daughter to swim class

After the class there was a mad rush for the showers

one 1/2 of the showers were taken and the other 1/2 was not



So I prop my daughter in the showers on the free side, told her to stay in that mom voice and went to get her soap / shampoo and towel (I'm stupid for not doing so ahead of time)



What happens during this time is:

She ends up freezing to death, (this was our first time at this pool) because the 1/2 that was empty --had only icy cold water, while the 1/2 that was full had warm water!



My daughter was so scared of me --thats what I assume was what kept her in the shower,

she was shivering when i came back and freezing to death, i almost cried right then and there...



When she tried to basically inch into the warm water side, and the mom with her daughter using that side basically told my daughter to go away or go stand in line



Anyways, i feel so guilty and sad, because I'm stupid my daughter suffers, worst part is, she didn't even cry about it, just shivering



-_-!!!! i get the whole --yes i have learned from this experience, it won't happen again next time etc etc...but how many times does my daughter have to go through something awful because her mother is stupid...



----

It doesn't end here!



That same day, i went to get a lock for the locker from the front desk, i left her by the pool in the "kiddie play area" they had (to the side of the pool) where there were other kids and about 40 parents



When i came back she was LITERALLY arms length for the 3meter pool side, trying to reach for a toy that was on the pools ledge.



She could have drowned and died ... because i was worried that our stuff would be stolen and went to get a lock and didn't want to take her with me because i was afraid she would get cold.



I am stupid...and i am so afraid...

what should i do? obviously not about these two incidents in particular but what if others things...am i not good for my daughter?



ps. i have no history of mental illness, i have a happy loving husband, my child is very smart, articulate and wonderful and my life is near perfect

so...it must be me, what should i do,



pls help.

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Kathy - posted on 05/21/2012

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We all make mistakes and yes, your mistake could have been a deadly one. Always keep in mind that your child comes first, your child comes before your stuff, your family dog, your car, your phone your everything! Learn the lesson from your past mistake, move on and be grateful that your daughter didn't even have to go to the hospital.

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Ashley - posted on 05/23/2012

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This is my first time being on the chat line here but I felt that I should respond to this post. Being a parent is hard especially being a mom. We have so many things that are costantly on our minds that we do make careless mistakes. The main thing to keep in mind is to remain calm during these situations so not to get your child overly worked up too. They feed off our emotions and we need to help set the tone. It sounds like to me that she was actually more cold than terrified of you. For instance, I can tolerate extremely hot water, so when I had my first child and I would run his bath water and check the temperature with my hand it felt cool. When I put him in is when I realized it was way to hot for him. I felt very bad and for a moment stupid that I did not test it out another way. Yet I assured him that I was sorry and I never made that mistake again. Parents are hard on themselves because we feel like we are suppose to know everything and be able to do things correctly at all times. The reality of it is we are learning along with our children. You are not the only one who have done it... as long as they do not need any medical attention because of it.... Trust me, I have done it all: went to get my car fixed and accidently locked my baby in the car ( good thing I was at the car shop), went to take out the trash and my child locked me out the house ( good idea to have an extra key somewhere near by). I probably sound crazy for admitting all of this but if these situations had not occurred, I doubt that I would not triple think everything I do and I learned to slow down and focus on what is going on at that moment! Now people think that I am crazy with how I think things out and can tell them every possible scenario that can happen if I make a certain choice. My scenarios could have been WAY more dangerous but it was a blessing they were not. That is what you need to focus on, not what it could have been but what it is at that very moment. After going through those moments, moving forward you now know the best choices to make. :)

Anne-Marie - posted on 05/20/2012

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Hi! Yes, the shower was silly & the pool sillier BUT for those of us who weren't born with the "I've always wanted a baby" gene (yet perservered, had a child and now know it's beyond wonderful) and didn't get the instruction book - these seemingly little things and millions of others are learnt on the run - we are a work in progress. You've now learnt these lessons - I wonder what you'll learn tomorrow!! Your daughter is obviously loved - so you're doing FINE (& so is she) xoxoxo

Kelly - posted on 05/19/2012

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I have to say I wouldn't leave her for a second again. You made some mistakes but as long as you learn from them you'll be fine. Trust me-every mom knows how much easier it is to just go grab something as opposed to hauling our lil ones along but it really only takes a second for something bad to happen. Don't beat yourself up over it-I'm sure your doing the best you can but please remember that it's not worth what could have happened.

Tina - posted on 05/15/2012

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Every parent makes mistakes yes it could have ended badly. But your not the first to make them just try to learn from them. As a mother it's easy to get into the tizz I don't know how many times I've made silly mistakes with my kids like giving them a bath and realising I haven't layed out clothes for them or going to change them and all of my clean nappies are in the laundry. Mothers have so much on their mind it's easy to make these mistakes don't beat yourself up just learn from it and move on. You're daughter is ok. If you have to go on an outing to the swimming pool again if you have a close relative or friend ask if they can come along it helps having more eyes to keep an eye on your little one. Still don't rely completely on others though. A friend of mine went shopping with her son she thought her mum was watching her kid and the mum thought she was and the child wondered off he was ok but that's how easily mistakes can happen.

S. - posted on 05/15/2012

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You are not a stupid mum at all your human and human's make errors, it is majorly important you learn by mistakes thou but don't be so hard on yourself. The biggest one being Just because other mums are around doesn't mean there gonna be watching her NEVER leave her alone so much can happen in such a short time. Swimming with little ones is loads of fun but hard work now you know what to expect next time, I never take anything of value an pack towles at the top of the bag, I rinse in the showers and then go home for a proper shower unless were not going straight home. Little things like that make it a lot easier. My 4 year old holds the bottom of my coat or touches my leg so I know she's with me so even when I can't have my full attention on her I know she's there as I can feel her.

Mistakes happen to us all the worst i had was My oldest swallowed a penny when she was little it got lodged luckerly up right and not flat otherwise she would be dead, she had to be put to sleep to remove it, I'd put her in her bed and she had got up gone in my bedroom and was playing with pennies, I felt sick with guilt she could have died but what was the point of beating myself up about it, I had to be thankful she was alive and make sure it never happened again, she's 13 now and she still has the penny in a tub.

Kimberly - posted on 05/15/2012

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Ok so first off you are not a stupid mother you simply have made some not so crash hot mistakes and feel guilty over them. I can personally say that I have made mistakes too with my daughter that made me wonder if I was cut out for being a mother but at the end of the day we are only human. You've learned the lesson the hard way not to leave her by a pool and to check the shower just like I learned to strap my daughter into the pram when she was just sitting in it ( slipped out the bottom onto the floor at home!) What you need to do is slow down a bit and even though it can take a little longer take her with you if unsure of the situation. We are all new at this parenting thing and learning as we go, be aware of what you are doing and dont be so hard on yourself. Good luck with it all

Louise - posted on 05/15/2012

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I think you made some poor parenting choices that day that I hope you have learned. NEVER leave your child anywhere unsupervised not even for a second. There are so many weirdos out there that would happily take her away in a second.

I dont know where you live in the world but hell if I saw a first time mum struggling like this I would of interviened. There would be no way in high hell I would watch a youngster stand under the freezing shower and shiver, nor would I have sat and watched why she was leaning over a pool to get a toy.

Dont beat yourself up over this move on. But think safety first always. As a mum it is our job to spot all potential dangers and avoid them for our children. You child was ok this time but next time you really need to take a deep breath and wait that extra minute to decide what to do.

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