My story

Robyn - posted on 07/23/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

Hi there my names Robyn and I'm 19.

I have a little boy called Leo who is 2. A few months ago I lost him and he has since then been in foster care, I have been diagnosed with post natal depression and am now on anti-depressants I know a lot of the mums on here will be angry reading this but I just wanted to tell people my story as I am a good mum and fighting to get my little boy back, no matter what critics think or say. I became dependant on (vallium) when me and my sons father had split up, I know this is wrong and it has wrecked everything for me, I am so ashamed and will never forgive myself. While I was on this drug I was regulary drinking, the drug had wrecked my memory and my health I turned from a healthy size 8-10 into bones, my life had no purpose and in this I seemed to have been selfish as I had a little boy to think about my mum helped me take care of him although my memory had blanked I remember the day he was hurt as clear as day. In the morning I put him in his buggie and took him to nursery, when I picked him up a few hours later he was screaming in pain I can still remember seeing my little boy screaming crying with a towel round his buttox area to this day no one knows what happened he had a scowled on his bum that looked like hot liquid the skin had peeled he was rushed into hospital I was later questioned by the police my son was in hospital for ten days in total I couldn't deal with it it hurt me to see him in pain it hurt me to think people thought I done it. I know I acted selfish and carried on using drugs but it was my coping mechanism. To this day I hold the nursery responsible as there is no way that this happened in my care, police still haven't got back to me and I still don't know what happened to my son, during his time in hospital social work made me sign an agreement to have him placed in temporary care three months on I have came off the drugs and see him regulary I've started eating again but not having him with me kills me inside, I know to all you reading this it sounds as if I am a horrible human being but I would never harm my son he the most amazing little boy in the world and three months on despite having hearings and being assessed by social work every week I am a stronger person for him because I believe I have made the biggest mistake of my life signing that paper letting them take him. Now I live alone, I've lost friends but I still have my family many people think that I caused harm to my child which hurts me because I don't even know what has happened, I will fight to the death to have him back. There is not a night I don't cry myself to sleep. I miss him so much and I have vowed to never ever give up. NEVER I will fight till the day I die because I am a good mum no matter what anyone says or thinks. I just want someone to believe me. I've made mistakes but I would never harm him. This is my story it has taken a lot for me to write this. Thank you for reading. X