my three yr old girl is getting really aggresive towards me, noone else, she is a sweetie most of the time, but when she loses her temper, she hits me, and throws anything to hand.....have tried everything to stop this, and ideas?

Christina - posted on 02/12/2010

I have tried everything with my amazing and wonderful daughter - who also shouts, screams, hits, kicks...at times...and I am soooo glad I found you guys - as the latest thing I tried was ignoring her - and you have just confirmed that that is the right thing to do. It is soooo hard - but I hope it will work. I have smacked her, but I don't believe that is the right thing to do and I don't like it when it has happened - I think the point is that if you wait for them to calm down and get themselves out of whatever pickle they are in - the whole thing is much shorter and becomes calmer much quicker! Really glad to hear that you guys have the same problems! hahaha! of course you do! xx

Ali - posted on 11/25/2008

thanks for all ur help, i have found ignoring it and walking away from her is working pretty well, shouting and smacking her definately have never worked,so will continue ignoring....thanks again!!!!!!!

Ashley - posted on 11/22/2008

Your daughter is doing this for your attention. It sounds weird but toddlers really don't get the difference between positive and negative attention. In their minds whether you are hugging them or yelling at them...they have your undivided and that's what they want. Anything you do in reaction to this behavior...spanking, timeouts, yelling is giving her exactly what she is looking for. The best way to deal with the tantrums for me was to NOT deal with them. When my son and daughter would throw fits i would simply ignore it. Granted it takes some practice to act like you don't feel getting hit in the head with a transformer...but it is possible. After being completely ignored and getting the exact opposite of what they were looking for, they both would simply climb in my lap or ask me to the read to them. Whatever attention they were looking for they found much more positive ways to ask for it. It worked for me and I hope it works for you. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 11/22/2008

my daughter does the same thing only towards me when she is freakingout, no on else. i didnt know what to do either and tried everything from time outs to a spank. nothing worked. so i just started removing either myself from her or vise versa, till she calmed down and then talked to her about it. my husband works a lot so im the prime caregiver/disciplinarian, and the one she feels most comfortable with, so thats why she takes it out on me. i cant reason with her when she is freaking out cause she isnt listening or paying attention she is just freaking out. most of the time, she doesnt even know why she started in the first place. she just needs an outlet. i started making a mental note of when these tantrums tooks place and changed the way i approached these situations before the tantrum happened. like getting dressed in the morning used to be a bad one or brushing her teeth, so i would give her a ten minute warning "in ten minutes we are getting dressed" and then a five and then a 2 and then ok its time to brush your teeth now. also the same about leaving places. try changing the way you might do things with her. notice what brings these on and try to figure out what about it is stressing you child out. keep her busy in the day with lots of activities, dont raise your voice and yell at her...cause if she is like my daughter she will just respond the same way. keep calm and in control, if you lose control so will she. dont allow her to control the situation, your the mom. calm and collected, TRY not to lose patience. if you hit, she will hit. if you yell she will yell. pick her up remove her, tell her hitting is unacceptable and you dont appreciate it. when she calms down tell her the way she was acting was in appropriate and she shouldnt treat her mommy like that because you love each other. tell her no more "?" for the rest of the day and she can have it again tomorrow if she can have better behavior. compliment her when she does do well and say "see that was great behavior...you can do it" etc. make her feel important and stay calm and in control. hope this helps, hope i didnt ramble and jump all over the place, its just i had the exact same thing with my daughter and as soon as i changed the way i acted and noticed what kinds of things were bothering her and then way i approached these situations, things calmed down! they still happen, but probably have cut down at least 90%. good luck

Kelly - posted on 11/22/2008

i dont think spanking helps as it gives the wrong message,i would try the time out approach and explain why your doing it.pr try a star chart sort of thing,if she can go the whole day without hitting/throwing,then reward her ie a extra story at bed time,little more pudding after dinner.it doesnt have to cost..and then after a week try it on a week basis.so one week of good behaviour means a trip 2 the park...good luck hope you find something that works.....

Ange - posted on 11/21/2008

I don't think they realize what they are doing. My daughter gets rough when we are tickling, and she can pack a wallop with her feet. I would imagine if they are flipping out, the best thing is to remove yourself and just repeat that they need to CALM DOWN and then you can help them. I just feel that it is them out of control, and you have to help them understand that they need to get themselves under control, you can't do it for them. Over time, cause of course nothing will change it overnight, you should see it getting better. Now I will let my daughter know as soon as she hurts me, and she immediately will come over to kiss the booboo saying sorry sorry sorry, and then I forgive her and we move on...hope that helps!

Elizabeth - posted on 11/21/2008

I agree with all the previous posts, except the spanking. That is what my husband does, but it just doesn't logically make since... especially with the hitting issue. It turns into a you hit me, I hit you situation.

Marlene - posted on 11/21/2008

My son gets the same way. Now that he's 4 the tantrums are much less often. I had tried time out and it didn't work. Then I began to lock him in his room. I had a gate that he couldn't open. I would leave him there until he would calm down. The gate is now gone, but I have one at the top of the stairs that he can't open. Now I lock him upstairs. This method has been helping for us. He calms down much faster than he used to. The hardest part is to completely ignore him until he has calmed himself down.

Nicole - posted on 11/21/2008

You have to be consistent in whatever you try, you can't give in. If you do timeout, they cannot get up or make a sound for the whole time or they have to sit there longer if they do. Sometimes spanking works, sometimes timeout works. All 3 of mine responded so differently to different disciplines.

Amber - posted on 11/21/2008

have you tried a spanking and a strict time out situation. get her to stand in the corner with her nose against the wall not making a sound for 3 minutes (one min per year). she has to stay there until she is quiet and stays that way for 3 whole minutes, no exception.

Cari - posted on 11/21/2008

my son does the same thing..i have tried spanking/time out/puting him in his dining seat..none of those work so i will just grab him and hug and kiss him and just tell him how that hurts me and i don't like it..it usually works and then when he is really bad (usually really tired) i just change location from one room to the next..he almost always comes running after me and wants me to hold him..