Please I need help. I raise my 5 yr old girl by myself. And her tantrums are terrible. Eg. Wldnt eat dinner I made tonight - so I told her she can eat her dinner or go to bed. I had to put her in her room. She swares, throws things, kicks wall - I start off calm. Trying to ignore those things. But it's tireing and hard. I ended up smacking her really hard tonight. But I don't want to do that. I feel completely lost and sick within my self. Can anyone please help me to help her in good way. Kind regards Melanie. Gold coast - Robina

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Gigi - posted on 12/18/2012

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to Jessica - I think your whole sequence is off. First of all her child is 5 years old, putting her in time-out for 15 minutes is way to long and prolonging it for additional 5 as a punishment for not saying "yes" to a question at the end is even worse. And threatening a child with repeat of time-out when it finishes is contraproductive - I think it should be finished on a positive note with hope and trust that it won't happen again (for the same thing at least).
Time-out should last 1 minute per age of child, so in her case 5 mins and that's more than long enough. when its done, she could ask her does she understand why was she in the time-out and after they talk about it her daughter should appologize, followed by something positive like hugs and kisses.
Secondly, giving 3 warnings is 2 too many, especially if you use words like "you better stop or else" and "you're about to go to time-out". These are both threats, and as such don't give a child clear (if any) positive options. Why not say just - "please stop ____, because it is dangerous/we don't do it/etc." and add "but you can play with ___/help mommy with ___". If she listens, praise her, if she doesn't put her to the time-out.
I would also add that putting a child in time-out for every single "offense" will probably wear out the mother and the child fairly fast and it will loose the impact. Hence, I try to see is the behavior caused by tiredness or lack of structure/activities or is it actual "bad behavior" (if that makes sense) and use time-outs very sparingly.

Ana - posted on 12/17/2012

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My dear Melanie....

First off let me commend you for reaching out because you have done what you feel is all you can do.

Second, let me say that I have a 2 1/2 year old and am pregnant with another. Little girls...

You need a better way to manage your fustration and anger. Your daughter could be reacting to many many things within you, or about her environment, the list could be very long or very short. Ultimately you are her mother and she needs to learn to listen to you, trust you and respect you.

The swearing comes from somewhere, if you do it, expect her to, if you allow others to do it around her, expect her to, if you have no consequence for it other than hitting her, expect it to stay....She needs a deterrent.

Her not wanting to eat and kicking walls, this kind of behavior is often learned. Kids try parents all the time to see what they can get away with, and even if not directly with you, this has worked for her in some manner or she would not be carrying on this way. You have to reverse her behavior patterns. Going to take some time, and if she doesn't need any medication for any other reason, it's totally possible.

Do you spend time with her doing things that she likes what ever it might be? How does she spend her weekends? Are her little friends brats and bad influences, if so you can put her into groups outside of school to change her environment and give her more self reflection.

I think you love her, and raising her by yourself is not easy and it makes it harder when the child acts out, but start with looking into some of the basics of her behavior and then step out and begin to attack some of this.

But in the meanwhile, talk to her, get her to use her words with you. The screaming and kicking walls is actually behavior you would expect of a smaller child (if nothing is clinically wrong with her). Tell her you are listening..and give her options...If you don't want to eat, you don't have to...or you can have one or the other...and leave it at that.. if she is willing to go to bed hungry.. maybe she's not really all that hungry.. no need to have a screaming match over it..patience is key and being presistent it key..

She will need to learn to use her words with you, because in school and other places in society you don't want other people going up-side her head the way you do because she doesn't comform or reacts violently...train her to protect her...And find your outlet mom.. working out, a glass of wine, hang with friends, something to beat down the build up of fustration. This site is also a good way to talk about what's going on, helps relieve some stress.

I'm not judging you, I've done some of the same things you mentioned here, but i learned from them

Bobbi Jean - posted on 01/31/2013

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Start with one thing at a time. if she doesn't want to eat her dinner, but is behaving appropriately at the table, fine. If she isn't behaving appropriately, she should be excused, with all the water she wants untl the next meal--period. When my children were that age, they knew that if they couldn't behave at the table, they would leave the table. It takes time, patience, and consistency.

As for advice--all of it given so far is excellent. I also recommend the book, "Parenting With Love And Logic." As far as counseling--if you think it can help, don't be ashamed to ask for help. Everyone needs a little help from time to time.

Amanda - posted on 01/01/2013

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I have a nearly 5 yr old and a 3 yr old. I have practically bought them up myself. My husband does shift work and long hours over 7 days so is rarely home. I have to be in control of my kids otherwise all hell would break loose. My 4yr old also has ADHD so is a real handful.

I try and distract their attention if I see a tantrum or meltdown happening. Giving them another alternative to certain behaviours is sometimes enough prevent it. For example if one is starting to throw toys I tell them that they are stop throwing the toy or I take it away or they want to continue to throw things they can go outside and throw a ball, same with kicking, running, jumping etc.
With tantrums that can't be distracted, they go to their rooms until they feel they are calm enough to come out and join the rest of the family.
I know you are supposed to do a minute per year but about a month or so ago my son was so worked up and no amount of talking him out of it calmly worked, he was kicking, hitting, punching, biting, screaming, throwing things, he was uncontrollable. I sent him to his room to calm down. He was in there for 1 hr and 20 mins before he calmed down and was ready to come out. He got it out of his system and came out a different child.

If they don't eat their dinner, I don't send them to bed early, they just don't get anything else to eat until breakfast. They catch on pretty quick.

My 3 yr old went through a swearing stage. I had words with the person who swore near her and I sat her down and told her that some words are bad and she is not to use them. She gets a time out if she does. She once told me something was fking bullshit. She went straight to time out and hasn't said it again.

I keep firm and consistant with them and entertained. Some days I can do 20 different things in a day, but it keeps them out of mischeif and keeps me sane.

Clarice - posted on 12/25/2012

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My second born was that way. I made him things that he liked eating, separate from what the rest of the family was eating. Of course giving him a vitamin every day. I also snuck in vegetables when possible. Like in sauce with seasoned sauce or broth. If I. didn't make him things he liked he would starve and sneak treats. I also refused him desert if he didn't eat what I prepared him and saved it in the fridge and only offered the uneaten food if he complained about empty tummy. Sometimes kids are firm about what they refuse to eat. Sometimes the aversion might be related to lactose intolerance or extreme distaste for the food that they may or are afraid of throwing up. My dad forced my brother and I to eat dairy and I threw up or got dizzy, because as a teenager I was discovered to be lactose intolerant. My suggestion find a happy medium and supplement with nutritious kids shake or vitamin. If angered try breathing and counting slowly or going to another room to cool off. Hitting someone in anger could accidentally hurting the person instead of providing discipline intended or getting point across. It's hard but controlling your emotions and finding a happy medium can help.

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Pamela - posted on 02/04/2013

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Ive had that before. My daughter, now 12. When she was 3 she was diagnosed with PTS. Her tantrums got horrific. Finally, i grabbed her up, sat her on the bed with a huge stuffed Goofy. I told her to beat up Goofy. As she did so, i asked her who she was beating up and why. She hasnt had a tantrum like tgat since she was 4!

Bobbi Jean - posted on 02/01/2013

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To Jason:

First issue: Please be sure of your facts before making any indictments. I went back and carefully reread Tracy's entire post. She did not say she locked her children in the closet. It was the toys which were put in the closet.

On 1/18/2013, you posted: "@Tracy...I'm hoping that I just misunderstood your comment, because if you are "locking" your kids in the closet for bad behavior then you probably aren't in the shape to be giving advice on discipline because I'm pretty sure that locking a child in a closet is child abuse." In response to Tracy's post of 1/14/2013.--(You could have reread it the same as I did to be sure.)

Tracy actually said: "I take toys and lock them in my closet. It takes 24 hrs of good behavior to get a toy back."

Second issue: What are you doing on a site for mother's. I am assuming you are a man since your avatar is a man's picture and your name is a man's name. I have great respect for husbands and fathers. My DH is wonderful. However, he would not belong on this site and I don't believe you do either.

Niki - posted on 01/30/2013

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My second has a fiery temper. All this time out stuff is really not going to help this one. First of all, get a hold of parenting with love and logic. This book changed my whole perspective on parenting - everyone tell me that my kids are so responsible and mature - that book is why. Second - SHE DOESN'T NEED TO EAT DINNER. Yes, this is true - she may choose to get up and leave the table and not eat - I promise she won't die. She also gets NO snacks ever till she gets over this. Your part - provide a dinner with three options (meat, potato, veggie for example), options you want her to eat. If she cannot find one thing she likes from the three, she must not be very hungry. End of argument (I had to stop buying snacks for awhile till they got the point). With my second I also made up the rule that all screaming and yelling is done out of my hearing. She was sent to the back deck to throw her tantrum (not fun if it's dark, hot, cold). That curbed it real fast. Someone once asked me if I was afraid that someone would call cps when she threw her fit outside. I said no, if someone called the police I was fine with explaining her choice to throw her fit outside. When she threw one in the store, I sat her down in the isle and continued shopping. When strangers asked if she was lost or hurt she realized this wasn't the response she hoped for. When she got it under control she was welcomed back - no time outs. My girlie is now nearly 8 and she excuses herself to her room when she is about to lose it, she comes out when she is calm on her own. I thank her and praise her good choices. Sorry for the small book I wrote - please do not try time outs for this issue. You will feed the negative behavior and get more tantrums. Feed the good choices. Making good eating choices means she is healthier and can pick out a fun snack at the store. It works, it worked on every kid I have ever taken care of.

Alicia - posted on 01/28/2013

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Try 1,2,3, magic remember sometimes there are natural consequences to behaviors, for example, not eating dinner, her natural consequence is that she will feel hungry, leave that to be the consequence she is the one losing out. One consequence for one behavior, remember there is no such thing as a bad kid however there is bad behavior. Take care of yourself, are there respite services available to help provide relief and support for you? It's not easy raising a child as a single parent. Let her tantrum she has a right to feel upset, however if she breaks her toys from throwing them around,then she will learn she won't have that toy to play with anymore. I'm no pro, but what I have learned is that children communicate their feelings through their actions. What is she trying to convey? If you don't make things a big deal neither will she, ok, so you don't want to eat what i made? No desert and no other options available, you'll have to wait till breakfast, if she asks for food again that night offer her the same plate of food.. Best of luck to you, no hitting now... Go to your room alone and scream instead :)

Gigi - posted on 01/19/2013

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To Jason,
I am pretty sure she said that she locks the TOYS in the closet, not the children.

User - posted on 01/18/2013

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@Tracy...I'm hoping that I just misunderstood your comment, because if you are "locking" your kids in the closet for bad behavior then you probably aren't in the shape to be giving advice on discipline because I'm pretty sure that locking a child in a closet is child abuse. Maybe you need should listen to the other mothers advice and take some into consideration.

Joni - posted on 01/16/2013

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Ps. At her age ignoring her will not help and neither will slapping her.
I'm not against spanking a child at all but it shouldn't be done before the age 18 months or past the age 2. Anything before 18 months they wouldn't understand anything past age 2 just teaches them it ok to smack and teaches them to be violent.
It should only also be done on occasion not all day everyday. I have 3 children ages 5,3,and 14 months. My 5 and 3 yr olds listen like marines they are not perfect children we all wish that just sat in silence but they do know the rules and obey them most of the time.
Growing up I was spanked all the time and too this day I hold it against my parents and I do not allow them to take or watch my children. I would but they won't follow the same disapline rules I have set for my child so it their loss! Lol...
Good luck momma

Joni - posted on 01/16/2013

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First question is where did a 5 year old pick up that type of behavior? If your child is disrespecting you this badly maybe it time to stop and think where she is picking up this awful things. My oldest is 5 yes he has his fits but does not swear at me. 1) I don't even know if he knows any bad words other than dam it. 2) I would not tolerate that type of behavior 3) I respect my children and they respect me.
If you don't swear @ your child or lash out at her in a disrespectful manner you should find out where she picked these things up at and well if you do that's why she would act that way. Children learn by watching and bad habbits can be picked up in places you would least expect.
If you are certain she isn't picking these bad habbits up anywhere I would see about counsiling for her she sounds like she is angry. Unless you can found out by asking her. 5 yr old are usually very good at expressing their thoughts and feelings.
Good luck and best wishes

Tracy - posted on 01/14/2013

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I'd tell her the dinner will be in the refrigerator if she gets hungry later. Don't give in and let her snack on anything else. I remember my son having left over pork chops for breakfast around that age. Time-out never worked real well on my kids. I take toys and lock them in my closet. It takes 24 hrs of good behavior to get a toy back. Last year was really bad for acting out and tantrums. Are the tantrums something new? Have there been any major life changes? Last year, we had some rather large changes in family structure. I thought my normally well behaved child had gone nuts. We got a referral from our pediatrician to a play therapist. It helped a bunch. Not only did it help him find more constructive ways to deal with his anger, but the therapist also had good suggestions for us on how to handle him.

Andrea - posted on 01/11/2013

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I've been seeing so many posts of parents trying to deal with these kinds of tantrums... and I think a lot of us are in the same boat. I feel these are normal phases that happen to children around the same ages. I've been reviving the super nanny system... I think it helps a lot because it's already tested and written out... all you have to do is find ways to implement the lessons, etc.
http://www.supernanny.co.uk/

Cecilia - posted on 01/06/2013

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I only skimmed other replies and many suggested you put her into time out. Have you tried to put yourself in time out? I know it sounds silly but it does work. I raised 3 kids alone and i know that feeling of not knowing what to do then you end up lashing out. Believe me it's a tough feeling.

What i used to do was when i felt myself losing control of the situation i stepped back. I told my kids "mommy need a time out" This meant i was going to my room and shutting the door for a few minutes and just recollecting myself. Ignore the actions of what she is doing in her room. Even if you can't do that from your room, step out onto the porch where you have a little bit of quiet. At first she will not respect the fact that you need a second of quiet... she will get it and realize that when given that break you come back calmer.

Not only does it help you calm down again, it teaches them to be responsible with their own emotions. To this day my 12 year old daughter will put herself in time out. When she calls time out everyone know to just let her walk away and go into her room until she feels calmer.

She is 5 and can understand so much more than some think. Maybe sit down every once in awhile and talk to her. Tell her for example that you don't like when she swears because____. I would prefer if you ____ instead of swearing. When you ____ it hurts my feelings. If she wants to say some things about her not liking things, go ahead and listen and see if you can accommodation her feelings in some manner. For example if she says when you yell at her it makes her angry. You can tell her that you sometimes need to yell, but you will not yell until after the 2nd warning. No you can't give into every whim she has. Try to work with her, she will learn to respect it and it will open the lines of communication for later on. ( and i know some would fully disagree with this part, that's okay. I know it worked for me and still does with teenagers i figured it would be worth mentioning)
As far as her not eating dinner, that's fine. Let her go without eating. As someone else mentioned it is not child abuse. If you refuse to feed her for days on end- that is abuse. She made the choice, eat or don't. Make sure that she is not eating or snacking before dinner to kinda force the issue with her later on. If she asks for something to eat tell her it will be x time before dinner will be done.

Brandi - posted on 01/06/2013

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Melanie,

I am also a single mom to a 5 year old girl. And she too has recently started throwing temper tantrums. Most of the time, I can tell they are coming, and mainly because she is tired, but there are those times where she is just ridiculous for no reason. At that point, I just send her to her room. I know most of these moms here think time out is the way to cure all bad behavior, but I could not disagree more. There is a time and a place for time out, and that time and place is NOT while a child is throwing a fit. When they are in that stage, they are in no position to be learning a lesson.... THEY AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION!!!

I tell my daughter to go to her room, and when shes ready to join me with a good attitude, shes welcome to come back down. But crazy behavior is NOT allowed in family areas! If she wants to throw a fit, fine. Do it behind closed doors, on her own time. Meanwhile, I take 5 minutes (if needed, because its not always) & calm myself down because I know I've about had it by then, and I resume the activity at hand. Whether its dinner, cleaning, putting away groceries, watching a movie... doesn't matter what, I just continue it. (FYI, I've started using this as a tool as well for her attitude/sassiness that sometime arises. I ask her to go to her room and change her attitude because she is being disrespectful. If she says "but mom" I stop her and say "Go!" Even if she walks in, turns around and walks out, shes got a smile on her face when she comes back! )

Here is what it does. It gives you a chance to calm down AT your own pace IN your own space AND it gives HER a chance to calm down AT her own pace and IN her own space. You continuing on in whatever activity was taking place shows her that throwing a fit does nothing but separate her from the activity... Life does NOT revolve around her!! If you're watching a movie, she's going to miss it. If you're cooking, cleaning, playing, etc. she will miss out on the fun or on helping which we all know kids love. If its dinner time, she has 30 minutes to clean up her act and return, or dinner is over. I'm almost certain she is not going to die from missing one meal. Just as time out has a lesson about bad behavior, letting her go to her room also has a lesson. It teaches her self control, AND time management. Going to bed without dinner (whether its once, or 3 days in a row) will definitely make her think twice about how long she takes to calm herself down, and be reasonable. [on a side note, I do the same thing is she doesn't like what I make. I know what she likes, I know what she doesn't. If its something she has eaten before without problems, or it is apparent she is being a brat before trying something new, she is welcome to leave the table until she decides to eat dinner. If I can tell she honestly doesn't like it, I will offer her something else she does like... before asking her to excuse herself from the table. Same rules apply. 30 minutes to change her mind or dinner time is over.]

Some may say that sending children to bed hungry is cruel, or abuse, or what have you. Seriously?? These days not so many people hold to a household schedule, but ask your grandparents what happened if they were late for supper. News Flash people! The 5 year old DOESN'T run the house hold. The sooner you give, teach and demand respect, the sooner that child will start to appreciate things, and show respect to others.

But back to topic... you say she swears, throws things and kicks things... those are all in itself part of a temper tantrum, and while they are unacceptable behaviors, as parents, we need to pick and choose out battles. Addressing the individual behaviors within a certain episode is not smart. There will be consequences for the tantrum (keep reading) but trying to teach multiple lessons at once to a child who is already not focused is just a waste of time. DO however, address the issue when the tantrum is OVER! While both calm, remind her that that type of language is not allowed, and that on top of everything else she has just done, you are also disappointed in her choice of words. On any other occasion, a time out or whatever discipline you use would be appropriate. But for now, the tantrum is over, and so are the punishments.

Although my daughter doesn't swear, I do hear her say things like "hate" and "stupid" which are not ok under normal circumstances in my house. But the issue here is the tantrum, not the language. I have heard her throw things, and kick things as well. I just let her. As hard as it is, and as frustrating as it may be... that is HER time and HER way of calming down. WALK OUTSIDE if need be to calm yourself down. Believe me... a few breaths if fresh air, a couple paces in the front hallway or down the driveway and some Air punches from that workout video or class at the gym will calm you down. RULE # 1: NEVER hit a child out of anger!!! Its hard girl, I've been there. If you go into her room while shes doing it, she wins. You are angry, and giving her attention. If you just let her have her time, she WILL calm down... or wear herself out, and fall asleep. By letting her calm down, and NOT going into her space, she learns 2 things. 1, her behavior isn't gaining any attention (and some times that is all they want. She will learn this is NOT the way to get it) and 2, self control. I tell my daughter all the time, SHE is in control of HERSELF. Myself, other adults, and places can give her rules or institute regulations, but ultimately, SHE is the one who CHOOSES to follow them or not. If she does, she is rewarded for good behavior. If she does not, she made the choice to deal with the consequences. It is not my job to live her life. It is my job to guide her and love her through it, and be supportive of her even if I don't agree with the choices she makes. The sooner children start learning to take responsibility for themselves, the better independent people they will become.

The first time my daughter threw a fit where she made a huge mess in her room, when all was said and done, I helped her clean it up. By this time she was calm, and so was I, so I told her the next time, she is cleaning up the mess she made by HERSELF. If she wants to act a fool, she can clean up her mess. The next time, she didn't like cleaning up her mess before she went to bed, or going to bed with a messy room (because punishment does not proceed bed time schedules) and being grounded the next day until it was done. Now, if she goes to her room and I hear stuff flying, it stops quickly and she actually cleans it back up before coming back out. Once she sees the mess forming, shes quickly reminded that if its not clean before bed time, shes grounded the next day until its clean. So she stops fast, and puts things back in order. And while shes doing so, she calms down because she has to pay attention to what shes doing so its done right :)

I can usually see her attitude change, and tantrums coming on. Unfortunately, there isn't much time to take a nap once dinner time roles around, so that's out of the question, but if its early enough in the day (no later than 3 at my house) I make her take a nap. When things have been calm, I have explained to her that as the mom I know when she is tired, and as the mom & the rule maker of the house, when I say its time to take a nap, it's time to take a nap.... even if she says shes "not tired". I tell her to go lay down anyways, and rest quietly. The rule is 30 minutes of quiet in bed = a good nap. 99% of the time (because she has to be quiet or she starts the 30 minutes all over because shes not "resting") she falls asleep in the first 10 minutes. There are times that she stays awake and whispers to her stuffed animals and looks out the window, but as long as she is IN bed, and quiet, it counts. It allows us both a chance to relax, and regain control of ourselves and our attitudes. To let things go that have us flustered, and to find the words to express ourselves rather than simply turning up the volume on words that were not understood in the first place. That goes both ways.

Anyhow, good luck with your parenting & the life of a single mom. I know its hard, I'm right there with you! Just the fact that you are reaching for help shows that you arent a bad person, nor a bad parent. We are all human, and we all make mistakes, I'll keep you in my prayers. I hope this helps :)

~B

Jacqueline - posted on 01/05/2013

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Great advice I love this book. Several people I work with swear by this book.

Jennifer - posted on 01/05/2013

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I am also a single mom, and I find the "power struggles" that are natural between parents/kids these days happen earlier and can be more intense with single parents such as ourselves. I don't think the issue is the food, or getting her to eat, it's the behavior she's exhibiting? I know it can seem overwhelming, but find a good family counselor, (meaning good for you, that you feel comfortable with, sometimes this isn't the first one we go to, but it's 150% worth the effort). Find one who will see your child and do play therapy with her, and can also see you too, to help you with your struggles as a single parent. Then this person also can see you both separately and together from time to time, to observe the dynamics and help find strategies to help. I've done this with my daughter and it's helped tremendously, in all aspects, for both of us and our relationship. Wishing you the best. Oh, I have also struggled with my temper, especially since my daughter got into the tween years, and I have learned when and how to walk away when I feel it coming on. Just 5 minutes of a break to help de-escalation helps both people, kind of a good "time out" for both when the dynamics aren't going in a productive direction. {{HUG}}

Starr - posted on 01/04/2013

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Honestly if she doesn't want to eat I wouldn't force the issue. If it is something that you know she likes and she's just not eating it I would tell her either you eat dinner or you get nothing else later. I wouldn't make her child eat everything on the plate either, I would encourage her to take a few bites or you or her choose one item to eat completely and call it good. I generally try to pick my battles and this just doesn't seem worth all that to me. Kids will eat if they are hungry. Also, watch the snacking. Try having a small treat available if she does eat dinner fairly well she gets desert .

Cassandra - posted on 01/04/2013

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Melanie

Did you ask her why she did not want to eat dinner? My niece sometimes only eats every-other day, kids do not need so much to eat. I sympathize with you on the tantrums my two year old is horrible. I think it would be best if you just walked away from her instead of putting her in her room. My neighbors six year old was doing the same thing and she called the local police and they came by on a "call" and told him they would take him away, she has been tantrum free for a while besides the occasional I hate you.

Cassandra

Amanda - posted on 01/03/2013

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I agree with Angela's last post. Praising a child goes a long way.

Also have you tried letting her control certain things. What she wears, whether you go to the park or the library, does she want chicken or sausages for dinner???

Angela - posted on 01/03/2013

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Melanie,
I stated in the last post how you may want to discipline her when she is having negative behaviors. Also try rewarding her when she is showing positive behaviors. If she cleans up her room, reward her by saying "You have did an excellent job cleaning your room, give me a high five!" Or on a Friday tell her "You have had an awesome week, so you may stay up ten minutes longer tonight!" Award her in the good times with loving words (it goes a long way)!!!! It also puts you in a GREAT mood to see her smile afterwards. With my son (two years grown : ) when I use loving and positive words, we both glow.

Jessica - posted on 01/01/2013

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Try setting up a naughty chair or mat ect. When she starts to act out give her a clear warning while face to face with her in a calm stern voice that her behavior is unexceptable and she needs to stop, if her behavior continues place her in her designated time out area for 1 min for every year of her age so 6 minutes..... When her time out is complete, and you might have to place her in time out many times, calmly before she stays there and completes it. Go over to her and get down to her level and tell her why she was in time out and that behavior is unexceptable and you would like an apolagy. Do this every time she acts out and be consistant and eventually you will see a positive change in her.

Angela - posted on 12/29/2012

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Gigi and Ana,
Well said and five thumbs up! I agree, a child watches and listens to their parent's actions and language as well as the environment that a child may be in. At five a child needs choices and responsibilities, children love this! For example, ask her what shirt would you like to ware, the purple or pink one? Or say to her before you finish dinner, if you help mommy with the dishes we can read (her favorite) a book or play that game you like before bed.

Spanking is a form of discipline that many parents use but I THINK (my opinion) parents spank when they are frustrated, angry, or in a bad mood. What parent spanks when they are in a good mood? Is normal as a parent to have these emotions but try to stay as calm as you can. Melanie when you smack or yell things quickly move from"oh no" to worst. Melanie if timeout is the form of discipline your going to use please follow through because children need structure and it NEEDS to be consistent

Alexis - posted on 12/27/2012

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try reading the book, "parenting with love and logic" i love that book and the tactics have already made a big difference in only 3 weeks with my stepdaughter, we are going through some of the same things right now. and my mom used that book with me and my brother, it explains how to word things, how to teach responcibility and acountability.

never just ignore bad behavior. she needs to know there are concequences to her actions, and they need to be the same ones every time she does it.
there are also alot of books at libraries on how to handle different types of behavior, wouldnt hurt to look there as well for more ideas on dealing with tantrums.

if it still doesnt get better, take her to play therapy or group kid therapy... something may be bothering her that a therapist could figure out and give you giudence on how to help her cope with it.

Chris - posted on 12/23/2012

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I agree with letting her cry. But if the child is throwing a temper tantrum, putting the child in her room and ignoring is an opportunity for destruction. Putting a child in the corner is allows them to kick the wall. Better to sit her in the middle of the room and ignore her other than to be sure she stays put (with nothing to entertain herself with) until the tantrum stops. Then talk to her about the behavior issue, find something that she recently did that you can praise her for and hug her and tell her you love her. The tantrums will stop quickly. As to her not wanting to eat, ijust calmly tell her that this is what we are having to eat for this meal...if you don't want to eat it that is fine but there will be nothing to eat until the next meal. After a couple of times of that happening, she will eat when meals are served. Make sure she is not getting to much snack food or that it is not too close to meal time. As to the language, be sure others do not use that kind of language in front of her. If someone does and she repeats it, instruct her that you don't use that kind of language. Be sure that you use consequences that are effective with her. It might be a timeout, a loss of tv privileges, a favorite toy taken away, not allowed to play with a friend or a spanking (I know some of you don't believe in spanking and that is your choice. Spanking...not beating....can be effective but it should be administered when you are not angry and just one or two swats to the backside and should not leave a mark and it really should be a last resort consequence.) My oldest was very difficult to discipline because not alot fazed him. Be sure to be consistent in what you expect from her or she will receive conflicting messages. You are doing a great job as a single mom and want to do what is best for your daughter. It is hard to be a single mom (been there, done that twice myself as my first husband is deceased and my second decided he didn't like responsiblility).

Carrie - posted on 12/21/2012

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Make sure you are talking to her at eye level, maybe have her go to her room and tell her she can come out when she is ready to act civil. If she is in he room throwing a tantrum, then ignore her. My 10 yr old's counselor said (I had issue w/ her crying and throwing fits) if she feels the need to cry, allow her to do it, just make her do it in a room by herself and let her know others are not going to be effected, or have their day ruined by her actions. I guess take a non chalant "your fits are not going to get to me today" attitude w/ her? I don't know, parenting is hard for sure. Keep calm and parent on!

Jessica - posted on 12/16/2012

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Give her 3 warnings:

1st Warning: "You better stop or else!"

2nd Warning: "Your about to go to timeout!"

3rd Warning: "Okay thats it!" take her arm and put her a chair facing the corner of the wall. Tell her to sit there for 10 minutes (15 minutes at the most) when the time is up get her up and tell her is she does it again she will go to timeout again ask her if she understands if she says "No" put her timeout again for 5 minutes when time is up ask her if she understands now she should say yes but if not put out again for 5 minutes.

Cmoline32 - posted on 12/13/2012

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Not sure exactly what all of her tantrums are based on (just your example), but I would try to get her more involved in the day to day. Take her shopping with you, let her help pick out and prepare the food you eat each night, etc. She is old enough to start helping you and it sounds like she is trying to get your attention (in a good way or unfortunately a bad way).

Casey Lynn - posted on 12/10/2012

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The best thing to do is give her 1 warning when she starts acting out. If she does it again after her warning take her by the arm calmly and get on eye level with her, and explain what she is doing wrong and put her in the quiet corner (time out) for 1 min. per year old, so she would be in there for 5 minutes. If she keeps getting up, take her and put her back, dont say a word to her and ignore the behavior. After she sits quietly for her 5 mins, then come to her and explain why she was there, ask her to apologize for her behavior then give her a hug. I wouldnt recommend just putting her in her room because that doesnt really teach her anything. And I also wouldnt advise spanking, I think that it teaches them that its ok to hit if they get angry or upset with someone. There have been times that I have had to just walk away and calm down from my daughter, it will not kill her to cry while you take time to calm down. It will be better for you and her both. If you are agitated then she will become more agitated. My daughter was the same way as yours and after I started doing this with her she has been so much better. And I know that its so hard but give it 2 weeks and you will see a difference. The fisrt week is probably the hardest but it does get better. Hope this technique helps!

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