Potty training differences. Mom wants naked waist down, babysitter (me) wants pull ups- Help!

Nicole - posted on 04/03/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am a mom of a 3 year old girl and I babysit my girlfriend's son a few mornings a week in my home. My girlfriend has decided that her preferred method of potty training, which started this Monday was to leave him naked from the waist down. We did not employ this method when training our daughter. We used pull-ups and then panties. She learned quickly and with few accidents.
That said, I am NOT questioning her method, frankly it's not my place. I genuinely place no judgements on her preferred technique. My issue is that she fully expected me to also have him naked from the waist down while I sit him in my home. I stated that he be in pull-ups until he can demonstrate that he can somewhat consistently use the potty in my house. I will fully support the training by way of asking his if he needs to go encouraging him to take a moment to sit and try etc. the only difference being he'll be wearing a pull-up.
- A little back story- He's always had issues with anyone but his mom changing him. He will hide when he does his business and when you ask if he need to be changed he'll completely deny he's gone no matter how gentle and non-threatening I am about it all he still gets super traumatized when being changed. This has been going on for the 2 years I've watched him. He even reacts this way with his dad, grandparents etc. It's not exclusive to my home. In fact because I've been caring for him for so long he's actually *slightly* better with me 7 out of 10 times.
So knowing this I had always anticipated that when training started there would be some qualms about using the potty here. I had also assumed that knowing his history she'd have spent more than 2 days training him before sending him to my home.
She's stated that my insistence that he be in pull-ups is going to break the training consistency and impede his potty training progress. I told her she's right and that I happen to agree. I also told her perhaps she should take a week or so to train him in her home if this is her desired method of training but I simply can not risk him hiding to pee or poop in my house without a pull-up on. she responded that she can't spend a whole week on this.
How can I resolve this conflict? I feel I've been direct about my needs and boundaries as a caregiver and she feels I'm not being supportive.

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Elfrieda - posted on 04/04/2013

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I think you're in the right. Your reasons are sound. Of course you don't want him pooping behind the sofa, etc. You'll have to be firm and just say, Sorry, I'm not doing it.
(And I'm coming from the place of considering pull-ups almost worse than diapers (for potty-training confusion) and I did the bare-bum method, too. It is inconvenient, but I think she has to take the time off work and stay home with him for several days until he's trained. I didn't leave the house for 5 days, but it was worth it!)

Sarah - posted on 04/03/2013

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It might just be something that is what it is. You can state to her that you are sorry she feels that you are not being supportive and that you do want to do everything you can to support the potty training, but that there are certain limits you have. She may still feel that you are not being supportive and there is not much you can really do.

A side note: I do agree with you not having him be naked at your house. I also think this crosses the line of what is appropriate and inappropriate. Even though the child is young I don't think it is appropriate for a child to be walking around naked in someone else's home. I babysit two 3 yr olds boy/girl and I don't allow them to be in the bathroom going to the bathroom at the same time. I could not dream of having them run around and playing all day naked. To me that is inappropriate as a caregiver. Maybe you could approach it that way to her?.

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Michelle - posted on 04/04/2013

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If she was to put him into a daycare they wouldn't let him run around half naked so why should you? I agree with you that you don't have to have him half naked in your house. You are helping her out.

Elfrieda has a good idea with her taking some time off work to train him herself. I have 3 children and haven't done the half naked thing but didn't do the pullups either. When my children were ready they went straight into underwear and had very few accidents.

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