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Share tips on raising active toddler and newborn simultaneously

Melissa - posted on 10/28/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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17

I have stayed home with my first and only daughter since she was born. When she turned 2, my husband observed what he thought was her getting bored. He encouraged me to consider putting her in daycare where she could interact with more children and I could gain time to myself without being a mommy all the time (depression). I was reluctant for several months knowing that daycare introduces constant exposure to illness. That changed when I could see for myself that she was starting to misbehave for what seemed to be boredom. She also has speech delay for what a therapist said could easily be fixed by being around more children. Then I began to day dream of what all I could do if she was occupied and I had some time to myself.

I began interviewing daycare programs and found one that was half preschool, half daycare. They had 4 extracurricular classrooms (art, music, library, indoor playground) they would visit each day in addition to their homeroom and outdoor playground. It was a great fit for our daughter. So when she was 27 months, we enrolled her for 2 days a week. It took 4 wks for her to adjust to being dropped off without crying, but she did great after that and would show excitement about going each day. We even bumped it up to 3 days a week. And she has learned SO many good things. She turned from shy to social, learned to count and letter recognition and began increasing her vocabulary in addition to many other things I hadn't expected. She would come home and be happy about seeing her parents instead of being defiant and bored.

Then the fall season came. And the snotty noses were rampant at the daycare. She began to pick up the colds. Now in the month of October, she's been out a total of 2 weeks for being sick 3 different times, the last for croup which freaked us as parents. Husband is beginning to reconsider if our daughters health is worth going to daycare, even for all it's benefits.

Now I will share that I am now 8 months preg with our 2nd child and I've come to appreciate time away from my 2 y.o. She is so energetic and I am so preg/tired that I find it difficult to find enough activities to wear her out enough to even take naps anymore! Taking her on outings has become frustrating and exhausting as she doesn't mind me very well. Picture a defiant child in checkout line with frazzled mom and that's how most outings look.

Here is where my question begins. How can I give my 2 y.o. the structure, social interaction and physical outlet that she apparently thrives on at daycare at the same time I am about to expect a newborn child in the start of wintertime- (read too cold to play outside). I would like to see my toddler go to daycare for both our sakes, but I am also concerned for her health- (it was the primary reason I put off daycare to begin with). Now I am scared of what illnesses she would bring home to the newborn baby. How does one parent tend to 2 sick children? Perhaps you can also tell I am nervous about becoming a mom of 2 kids when parenting the first one is a challenge enough!

I would love some suggestions on raising a toddler and newborn together. I feel unprepared to give each child the attention they each deserve at their respective ages simulaneously.

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Jenna - posted on 10/29/2011

187

51

Actually, if your older child brings home illnesses, your baby will develop a tougher immune system than your older child has because he/she will be exposed to more. I find it funny that so many parents worry so much about how to give all their kids enough attention. It's really not that hard. Just pay attention to them when they want attention instead of doing what you want and you'll be fine.

I will say that going from one to two was the hardest transition for me, harder than going from 2 to 3, 3 to 4 and 4 to 5, but I think going from 1 to 2 was so hard because my older child was 17 months old when my second was born.

As far as attention, make sure that your older daughter is allowed to be around the baby. Set limits, of course (she shouldn't be picking the baby up) but allow her to sit with you when you feed the baby, allow her to lean over your shoulder when you're changing the baby, allow her to hug and hold the baby (while sitting on the couch), have her help you with feedings, if you bottlefeed, etc. I have never had a problem with sibling jealousy once when having a new baby. And make sure that you give attention to your older child. A baby that is awake and laying quietly on the floor looking at toys can be left there while you read a book to your daughter, etc. In fact, it's good for the baby to have periods of time where they are alone and playing by themselves while awake so they can learn to entertain themselves--also something I've never had a problem with (my kids being bored) because since they were little I let them be alone for periods of time.

If you take her out of daycare, just structure your day similar to how it was structured there. Have a basic schedule that you follow (breakfast, then morning playtime, then morning snack, then maybe some book time or quiet time, then lunch, then naps, etc.). If she is still napping, the best thing to do will be to get them to take a nap at the same time (for your sanity). That is really important.

Good luck. It will all work out. And you will look back and think, "man, why was I complaining about how hard one kid was?"

Erin - posted on 10/28/2011

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39

Do you plan on breastfeeding? If so, then I wouldn't worry too much about the viruses your daughter may bring home. Even if you catch the cold along with your newborn, your newborn's cold will be milder compared to yours because your baby will be getting the immunity he/she needs from you. Dealing with two sick children when you don't feel well yourself can be difficult (I've been there) but you need to weigh out the pros and cons of having your eldest home all the time versus her getting the social structure you say she thrives on. Also, we as parents tend to forget that colds are a part of life, especially childhood. I may sound hard-hearted, but I would rather my children get lots of cold in toddler/preschool age than when they're in first and second grade simply because I would rather them miss a couple of day of preschool than a week of elementary school.
As far as giving each child what they need, it takes practice and trial and error. Your daughter is old enough that she may benefit from having a baby of her own. My mom got me a doll that I could feed, bathe, and change when she took care of my little sister.
My best wishes and hopes that it all works out.

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