Should I call CPS on the dad?

Nekeva - posted on 06/20/2010 ( 76 moms have responded )

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I have two little girls and they go with their dad every other weekend, last weekend they came home and my 41/2 yr old told me that he made them sleep on the living room floor and ignored them when they said that they were hungry. He lives with some woman and her two children and I have never meet her. My 4 yr old then told me that her dad makes her watch a movie that he made supposedly based on his life, which involves VERY inappropriate content for a child to see. She said that she tells him that he doesn't want to see it, but he makes her and her3 yr old sister watch anyway. She then told my mother a few days ago, that he daddy kills people and that he had guns. She also told her that she was scared and did not want to go back to his house.He doesn't not feed them and they always come home filthy. I am furious about it all and I don't know what to do, can someone please help me and give me some advice? Should I call CPS? If I don't, then I know my mother will.....

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Donna - posted on 06/20/2010

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As this is a very sensitive subject, I will try to approach it with caution and hope not to offend you or anyone else. I will start with some suggestions before blame and accusations are acted upon because you never know if the kids are telling the truth (for example teachers who have been wrongly incarcerated)...



First and foremost, meet this woman and her children before entrusting them with the care of your daughters again. It is our responsibility to make sure they are in a safe and loving environment.



While you are there, ask to watch this video to make your own judgment. Then check out their environment and discuss the care the children are receiving and the concerns you have. Write a contract of agreements to the care of the children with everyone's signatures.



If you are not satisfied, I personally wouldn't allow them to go back! I don't care what the consequence, let him take me to court.



I would immediately contact my lawyer and explain the situation. The lawyer should give you some directive.



If you can't afford a lawyer, then with a little research, you may find free legal services for women in your situation or just call an attorney's office to see if they would work with you. Or ask the court to appoint an attorney -if he takes you to court.



Whatever you decide to do, my prayers will be with you and your children. Good luck!!

Nicole - posted on 06/20/2010

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I'm wondering if their visitation is court ordered or not. If it is, then i would first file a petition with the court to have it modified. You can do this yourself with no need for a lawyer. Calling CPS won't do much if there is no evidence of abuse or neglect, that being said, it may actually do more harm than good. CPS may go in and investigate but if they find nothing wrong, then your kids father will have proof to the courts that he is fit. But if you go to the court and file a petition the courts are more likely to investigate more and ask the children questions. And if your really lucky, your ex might only get to see them with a court supervised visit. I hope this helps, good luck with your children. And also if I was you, until you have it settled, I would'nt let your kids go back. Tell your Ex that the arrangement with visitation is going to be handled with the courts.Its not fair to the kids to have to go somewhere they do not want to be, it must be very frightning for them to have to go for them to repeat what has happened. Go with your gut and keep them babies home with you!

Cassandra - posted on 07/01/2010

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If it would make you feel better report him. They will investigate and then if nothing happens you can feel safer and if something does come of it it's a point where you can take on other options. Don't call CPS on the other parent just because you are mad though.

My husband's ex has called on us so many times that DPHHS comes to the house says hello, has a conversation and leaves. If something ever did happen (which I would NEVER let happen) then they wouldn't believe her.

But as a mother making your children safe should always be your #1 priority.

If you get along with your ex it's better to talk to him, voice your concerns and ask him to send you a copy of the video. If it's not appropriate you can tell him that you don't want the kids watching it or turn it over to police if you have to. As far as the guns goes that sounds like a video game to me. But check with him.

Hollie - posted on 06/23/2010

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I would first call the police. Then they will contact CPS and an investigation will be started. In the mean time get an attorney and work towards sole custody. He obviously needs an psych evaluation. Until things get cleared up, I would definitely stop visitation and take it to the courts. Also, find out everything you know about this other woman and her children. You never know, it could have a huge part in what is going on there. Good luck to you and your precious little girls.

Anna - posted on 06/20/2010

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I would report him...
If your daughter is coming to you and telling you this, and you have seen the proof for yourself. You have two options...
1- Report him and the woman who he lives with...more then likely they will get him for child endangerment and neglect of a child. Probably some other chargers but I don't know what state you live in.
or
2- You can sit down and discuss with him and this woman, go to their house and check out everything. Ask to see this movie and so further. If what you find is not to your liking and unsafe for your daughters. Then pretty much tell them so, tell them they won't see the kids again until they clean up their act.

If you and him don't have a custody agreement then you can ask for supervised visits, heck you can still ask even if you already have one in place. If you don't then you and your mom can supervise them but not allow your daughters to go back over to his house.

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76 Comments

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Amanda - posted on 07/10/2011

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If you live in California. be careful who calls cps. YOU should b the one who calls. not your mom because they will question you too. and they would question how many times they have said this and you still allowed them to go there. I don't know what your "court" situation is. but if you HAVE to let them go over there go back to court and tell them why you haven't sent them back over there. just be careful because cps is risky business you don't want to get in trouble too. don't send them over there anymore. it's a matter of life n death.

Hannah - posted on 07/08/2011

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If I were you I would concentrate on the sleeping on thefloor situation and discuss it with CPS. Also the kids could have asked for a snack and the dad said no...that's at least what he will say. Don't start your case with the kids are filthy. Kids play and get dirty...unless they have soiled underwear on I don't think CPS will see it as reason enough to come in the home. And as far as child support-if he's not paying then he's not seeing them!

Hannah - posted on 07/08/2011

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I don't know what state you are in but in Georgia the man or woman is not allowed to live with a boyfriend or girlfriend. They have to be married. I would not like my children spending the night with a stranger. Go to the court and request a hearing over custody. They will temporarily give you custody of the children until dad gets his act together. I'm not saying keep your children from him but you need to have more control over their safety. Allow him to see the kids but if at all possible don't let them stay the night over there. When cps comes in they will rule the house unfit for the children to live in seeing as how they don't have beds to sleep in.

Britt - posted on 07/08/2011

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If 3 or more calls get brought in to CPS hotline usually a caseworker gets things start to removal or visitatino can be altered.

Amber - posted on 07/08/2011

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you should call CPS no question!! it is your job as a mother to make sure that your children are safe and protected at all times wether or not they are with you!!

Julie - posted on 07/07/2011

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Good luck... my ex bashed our daughter when she was a toddler (why I kicked him out) and he moved in with a violent drug addict who lost custody of her own child many years earlier because she's a psychotic (diagnosed), violent drug addict, who then repeatedly threatened to harm my daughter, (my ex is also a mentally disturbed drug addict with a very long history of abuse against women as I discovered too late for myself), and yet despite proof of this (their multiple criminal convictions), CPS (or DOCS as they are called here) refused to even investigate saying it was a matter for the family court to investigate.

The family court in turn said if DOCS wasn't investigating, there mustn't be anything to look into.

The only reason my daughter is still alive and in one piece, is my ex's mistress became psychoticly jealous of my daughter and insisted her father cut off all contact - she won't even let him send her cards for her birthday and christmas - and he is such an uncaring gutless pig, he won't even do it behind her back

So my daughter got lucky - CPS and family court did NOTHING to protect my daughter from a pair of violent, seriously mentally disturbed junkies. Lots of people made complaints and they wouldn't even investigate.

I wish you better luck .

Tonya - posted on 07/05/2011

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Yes document every visit. Also take a before they go picture and a when they come home picture with dates and times on the photo. As for the kids sleeping on the floor when they come that is wrong. Is there any reason those babies do not have a bed of some sort an air mattress is better than nothing. Even the couch would work. What is the name of the video you said your boyfriend seen it. Get all the proof you can before doing anything so when you do go and they find it not for children's well being then you can nail him to the wall. Good luck

Brianna - posted on 06/23/2011

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i think u need to keep ur kids away from him. call who u have to but u need full custidy.

Britt - posted on 06/23/2011

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Yes report this dont delay it makes it more suspicious! Document everything the children tell you? Is there marks? If not CPS wont do much about he said she said..but can drop in on BD unexpectedly possible see the filth! GL please keep us posted

Christie - posted on 06/23/2011

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Call CPS or DSS ~ tell them everything you have shared and have documented.

Christie - posted on 06/23/2011

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Call CPS or DSS ~ tell them everything you have shared and have documented.

Cindy - posted on 07/09/2010

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I agree with sopme of the people and even if ur daughter did know how to lie obviously there is something that is making her not want to go back that needs investigating, but then i agree with the other person that said that he could just hide them so maybe go to the courts that would be the better way and have someone like a counsellor talk to your daughters so its documented because whether its made up or not which i find very unlikely they are more likely to make something different up not those kind of stories. good luck

Carrie - posted on 07/05/2010

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I'm a former family law attorney, here's my advice. 1. Do call CPS. This is sexual abuse and neglect. Even if you are wrong, let them sort it out and make sure. You can't get in trouble for calling, so what's the downside? Better to be safe... 2. As for custody, file immediately for sole custody and supervised visitation. Get a lawyer if you can afford one (you can't get a "court-appointed" attorney for yourself in a civil case, has to be criminal. But you can ask the court for a guardian ad litem for the children, they will represent the kids). Do all this BEFORE you go to court for child support, otherwise the court may not hear your motion for change of custody. 3. Because it often takes a long time to get a court hearing, in the meantime, give Father your demands--no showing the video, he must feed the kids, etc. Then if the kids still are saying he's doing these things, but only then, withhold visitation. Courts don't like to see parents withholding visitation but it is okay if you can show that you TRIED to comply with the court order but Father was putting the child in danger. HTH.

Pauline - posted on 07/03/2010

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if it's do with your children then do what you think is right otherwise let your mother do it - i know i would but my man aint an egg.....

Natasha - posted on 07/03/2010

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I don't know what CPS is, but you should call him in! If it is true that your own children are not getting fed while visiting their own father than that is abuse!!!! You should take action on this asap! And as for not meeting the woman and children who your children are around, is not something i would be doing? who knows what kind of person she is!!

Michelle - posted on 07/02/2010

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If you firmly believe what your kids have said and have not in any way coached them or "helped" them remember then you should at least make a call and ask for help. It may be that they are jealous for his attention or it could be that they are being neglected. Be careful and give just the facts as you see them when they come home and ask for their assistance. Leave out your feelings as much as possible thus making it look like a he said she said situation. I wish you well and hope that you find resolution to this situation.

Yolonda - posted on 07/02/2010

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First thing dont let your children go back over there ever again. Second yes you should call cps on his a@$ he deserves it. I would be furious if someone made my children sleep on the floor and didnt feed them. Anytime your child states they dont want to go back somewhere there is a problem and it is our jobs as there mothers to protect them

Betina - posted on 07/01/2010

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Yes, definitely call! At the very least them coming home filthy and hungry is a reason to call, but throw the other stuff in and I wouldn't let them go back over there ever again. If it's true, he'd be lucky to get supervised visits.

Sarah - posted on 07/01/2010

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I would start with the courts and an attorney. Also, if your girls are over there, then call the non emergency police number and they can do a child welfare check. In order for the police to leave the house they not only have to see the children but talk to them if possible (if they can talk) and where I live that is away from the current supervision. If there is anything rong then they document it and call CPS themselves.

[deleted account]

If, for one reason or another, you are forced to continue with shared custody, do come up with a plan for you and your daughter. For example, during your goodnight phone call to her ask her specific questions that she can answer as indiscretely as possible. Not only am I worried about the children's father frame of mind, but his girlfriends' as well. What mother would tolerate to see other children dirty, scared, or hungry?! You are doing a great job taking immediate action.

Kendall - posted on 07/01/2010

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I would call CPS. If only because she says she's afraid to go back. Kids can tell lies, even at the age of 4(i have a 4 year old), but it's not because she doesn't want something, she just truly doesn't remember what happened, most of the time. Maybe you can call a case worker at CPS and tell her what your daughter has told you and see what she says...the longer you wait, the worse it could be and the less likely you'll be taken seriously. That being said...if he's a retaliative sorta guy, he may convince them that you're making things up. Documenting is the BEST way to do it, take pictures of how filthy they are(make sure the time/date stamp in the picture is on and accurate) when they come home. And...watch the video yourself. Make your own decision about that!

Angie - posted on 07/01/2010

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If it were me, I would. I made my ex sign his rights away and my current hubby adopted my son because I knew he would not take care of him and I would never trust him to be alone with my son. Do what is right by your kids.

EDIE - posted on 06/30/2010

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a four year old doesn't have the mind to make up a lie yet...they dont know well if i tell mommy this , she wont make me go back to daddys house.. that comes a little later in life.and if they are sayin it out in a sentence to you then they are probably telling truth.if you ask questions well they can say yes to anything and usually do...but they do not have the mentality to make up lies...so always believe your kids.. no matter what, because if you dont and something terrible happens ( God fobid)you would never be able to forgive urself..go to court and file petition to waive shared parenting rights until this is investigated.. dont wait, dont hesitate, the life you save could be your kids.. that being said... run like hell to court house and file that petition...i assure you the law is on your side.. they are not taking anything litely these days when it comes to neglect or abuse..i hope all works out well !!! god bless you and yours, and you keep those lil girls safe.. they are gods gift and when they are gone.trust me you cannot get them back !!!

Jameeka - posted on 06/30/2010

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If you choose not to call CPS, at least keep your children away from him until the two of you have a chance to talk things out. I cannot tell you what you should or should not do, because YOU know what you NEED to do. In everything you do, make the best decision for your children.

Jessica - posted on 06/30/2010

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Lemme tell ya CPS isn't going to do anything. I have called on my stepkids mom before b/c well she sucks - anyways they did nothing. She even lived with a registered sex offender and they did nothing.

Best advice is to take him back to court.

Also remember that kids over exaggerate and interpret things differently. I can tell you that the kids have twisted things we have done AND twisted things she has done. I have heard them say mom doesn't feed us -even though I KNOW they just ate. And I have heard them say we don't bath them when they just meant they didn't get a bath tonight.

But record it, and go to court.

Briana - posted on 06/30/2010

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first off if the child support is court ordered and the visitation is not, you don't have to let him see them. Go to court and file on him for non payment of support and sole custody. and document everything that is hppening and has happened...then contact your local law enforcement and report him. I say from experience...they need their father but if he isn't doing his fatherly duties then don't put up with it. Imagine what the girlfriends kids are going through too.

Charlena - posted on 06/30/2010

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question is wayyyy to big for a onling forum group , i would call cps and tell them the same story you just told here and see what they tell you . they have heard it all im sure they will have an answer for you . good luck !!

Mary - posted on 06/30/2010

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OK, I know you have had a tom of responses, but ... I had to reply .. For one, I would call the father and tell him you need to talk to him, and meet at a PUBLIC PLACE such as a Starbucks, or McDonalds, so you KNOW you will be safe. Tell him you have some serious issues you need to discuss with him, and you chose not to do it in front of the children! Should he refuse to go, you DO have rights as the mother! I would contact your atty immediately, if you don't have one, call your local PD, as they can hook you up with one, BUT, you do have the copy of the video that your b-friend says is VERY INAPPROPRIATE for 2 young children to view ... I would also call your local CPS or DFS office and ask them who would you need to talk to to file a case of neglect and abuse. Now, BE FULL WARNED, the old saying goes, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, so, what I suggest is you make sure your house and things are up to par before you call (assuming they are already, but just saying) as you don't want this a-rod to have a leg to stand on! I hope this helps ... God I hate to read these things. Good luck, and GOD BLESS YOU and your girls!

Zita - posted on 06/27/2010

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i would report him for child abuse to the cops and will never let my children anywere near him .....he is a sick twisted person and dont deserve to have children at all .....i have five kids and my second youngest girl who is now 7yr old cant have contact with her father for the same reason he is in jail for child pornography and i put him there......u need to protect your children at any coast....

Kim - posted on 06/27/2010

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Don't feel bad about not knowing what is the correct thing to do. I'm in some what of the same situation. You need to know the laws of your state and your county, find them out. Where I live if I can't 100% prove he is guilty of any wrong doing, I will not be able to accuse him again, well I can but it will be laughed out of court. So I get to keep sending my child to his house untill I can get someone or my child to say or see something that happened. I have chosen to take my child to a therapist, hopefuly he will tell them something and also it is not me that is accusing him when I can prove it. The theripast by law has to call CPS if they think even the slightest bad thing might of happened. It looks better in the courts that way also. I was told to many mothers falsely accuse their ex's and now it is almost impossible to be taken seriously as a concerned mother. I wish you all the luck, my prayers are with you.

Amber - posted on 06/26/2010

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weekend well I had to let her go how could I help her if I were in jail. She evetually told her father what was going on and he stopped taking her to that house becuase she told him and he finally believed me. CPS did nothing for my child.

Amber - posted on 06/26/2010

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I would report it but can I tell you it may not do any good. My daughter was 3 when I left her alcoholic father. She was being molested by his young brothers. I told him and he did nothing. She would come out of the room crying becuase they were hurting her and he would yell to quit being a baby and make her go back in the room so he wouldnt be bothered. Well I called CPS and told them what was going on. The kids that did it were interviewed at the school and they were coaced they were too young to prosecute and so nothing was done. I refused to let him take her the next weekend and he called the cops and they tried to arrest me for violation of a court order becuase it was his

Kathy - posted on 06/26/2010

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If you need that ace in your pocket you should seek family counseling "you the girls and your ex" This person by law must report any abuse or neglect the girls are going through. I wish you the best of luck. No one deserves to be treated like that.

Lindsey - posted on 06/25/2010

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That's so scary. I would definietly call. If you do it you will be stopping something from happening in the long run.

JoLyn - posted on 06/25/2010

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If you do not have a good relationship, DO NOT TALK TO HIM FIRST. That can lead to unwanted consequences for your girls. When in doubt, document and report. If you don't protect your girls, who will?

Jessica - posted on 06/25/2010

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One thing: YOU are your children's protector. I compare myself with a crazy mamma tiger...don't mess with my child...LOL!
Seriously though, it is your job as a mother to protect your children no matter the cost!!! No one else is going to do that job as well as you. You need to do whatever you have to do to protect your girls. Good luck!

Christine - posted on 06/25/2010

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Report him. If there is any doubt in your mind ever, then report. CPS will take it from there if they feel like there is a real concern (which it sounds like there is here). At least by reporting it you can do everything on your part to keep the kids safe.

Carla - posted on 06/25/2010

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I am a parent mentor for Catholic Charities and I say yes call CPS and be sure to take a picture of your daughters before they go to his house. And one when they come back. I wouldn't send them at all. I would certainly call for some help. Also, put your daughters in counseling right away. A counselor can document what the girls are saying and this can be used against him too.
I am very sorry that this is happening and will be praying for you. Also, don't give in keep calling CPS until you get this taken care of. Your girls are depending on you.
You can do this. Again, I am sorry for you.
sincerely ,
Carla Gillis-cjpjwc02@yahoo.com

Jeanette - posted on 06/24/2010

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i think u should im dealing with it now to to the kids dads past of his younger sisters but it wasnt him. the father of ur kids will be considered endangerment to any children. but if u want ur daughters safe u should really do so.

Heather - posted on 06/24/2010

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The problem with calling child services FIRST is that in most cases, if the dad is the non-custodial parent, they can't do anything. I have a friend who's ex husband who was abusive so she left him (obviously) but the court, despite the fact that her ex threatened her when he found out she was with a new guy (who treats her like she's a queen) and tried to kill her refuses to change the custody agreement; he still gets their son while she's at work during the day and she only gets him on weekends. Refuse to send the kids to dads while you talk to the lawyer. Good luck!

User - posted on 06/24/2010

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i hope u keep ur babies safe....betta safe than sorry.....kids do embellish for attention but these r serious words from a 4yr old...please if anything speak to a childrens social service advisor they would point u in the right directions....our prays r with u n ur babies...x

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