So frustrated with my 19 month old!!!

Michelle - posted on 01/01/2010 ( 82 moms have responded )

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My son was an angel baby! We got soooo lucky with him-- didn't cry except when something was wrong, only got sick ONCE, started sleeping through the night at THREE MONTHS! and he has just been an angel up until about two months ago. I know he's just starting that phase and all, I get it, I understand it, but OMG I'm losing my mind!!! He's so frustrating!! He hits me, kicks me, throws toys at me, SCREEEEEAAAAMS if the littlest thing doesn't go his way...... I know what he's doing developmentally and all of that but help!! How can I deal with it?!??!?!?! I literally feeling like I'm going crazy! Am I a horrible mother??

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Christy - posted on 01/03/2010

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here's my suggestion: get some educational DVDs (Sesame Street, Dora/Diego, those kind of things) and when you get really frustrated put in one of those DVDs for him (after you have him calmed down). it will probably keep his attention and allow you to do something for yourself, like read a book or magazine while in the same room. i also think trying not to yell is a great thing, not for discipline or whatever but for yourself. i always find that if i allow myself to get full-fledged angry with my daughter it stresses me out and throws me off completely. it's hard to get your cool back once you lose it so just try to keep your emotions in check, easier said than done i know. i also agree with Jenni about talking to him about his behavior. tell him that it hurts mommy's feelings when he hits you. good luck getting past this stage, remember that this is just a phase that he's going through.

Kasha - posted on 01/03/2010

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Here is what I do...Walk to another room and pray for renewed strength. My oldest really made me feel like I needed a drink. He completely changed on us in one night. Sweet child to hellion. I know the feeling. He has grown out of it at 3 years with the help of pre-schol and a sibling. However he is still a bit high strung at times.

When I have had enough or I feel myself getting frustrated, I ask my husband to take over. I go out for a store run or a breath a fresh air. 9 out of 10 it works, I end up seeing a litte boy who reminds me of my little one and I can't wait to get home.

Feeling like running away is normal. Not normal is putting a plan together to do it. Hope that makes you laugh. Prayer works and I'm a drive-through catholic. Working on being a better chirstian in 2010.lol

Lisa - posted on 01/03/2010

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my 3 year old and 18.5 month old try my patience. put htem in rooms and go for a walk outside close doors and take key take a few deep breaths when calm go back inside if you have a dog or pet throw ball for a few minutes (if kids are in rooms they should be safe providing they have nothing they can get into in there)

Shana - posted on 08/20/2010

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I don't know how old this conversation is but have you ever tried to listen to music with your child: Either relaxing music to calm you both down or faster music and dance around with you child. My son is 20 months old and started getting to the throwing himself on the ground and banging his head stage. We've kind of gotten out of the slapping, biting, pinching phase. Yeah, disapline is good but takes time and meanwhile you're pulling your hair out. I understand, and sometimes my hubby is just as bad as my son. Sometimes i put my son in front of the tv to watch cartoons and i'll go outside for a minute or too.

Cindy - posted on 08/18/2010

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At 19 months he is too young to understand what a time out means & too forgetful to remember to not do it next time. (This is from my children's doctor-- we had the same issues.) What helps me keep my emotions in check is trying to put myself in my childs shoes-- thinking "Yes, he is crying, but if I still wanted to play with that toy & not go to sleep & lacked the verbal skills to negotiate staying up another 15 minutes, I'd cry too."

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User - posted on 04/16/2012

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Make sure you are consistent and very fast in responding to what is happening.It is really tough and annoying after a few times but it really works and is worth it. You have to be firm and have a distictive tone that he knows when mommy means business. Remove him from the situation, and put him in timeout. Keep the same spot for timeout where he cant play or mess with anything.After time out sit him down and talk to him. Ask him why he did it. Tell him you understand what hes feeling and that it is normal for everyone to feel that way, but there are different ways in showing his emotions.For him to know that you are in charge and just talking to him showing you really care about how he feels (good and bad), and to show him you are going to take the time to correct the problem every single time it happens, as soon as it happens will help him realize that you do know best and he will better his security and trust with you to start following your rules. I hope this helps! I work very hard with my son, hes not that old yet but I do everything I can each time he does something and it has worked great.The thing is kids do alot of things they are not suppposed to, so we do say no, dont, all the time so make sure you congratulate/show him how proud u are each time you notice him doing something good. He will love the positive attention so he wont be so apt to do something hes not supposed to. It really takes alot of work and youll get tired of hearing yourself after a while but it is soo worth it when you start seeing results. Mines 14 months and I already have!

Jade - posted on 08/20/2010

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i say if you need to calm down remove yourself from the room have a nice cup of tean and when they come out of timeout, (i make my daughter sahy sorry and give a hug n kiss to me) i say in a calm voice, "do you know what you did" they tell you and you explain that it upset you and made you sad and ask them do they want an upset mummy? they reply no you say mummy wont be is you please dont do it again. oh and to the woman that hits n kicks her kid i repeat IT DONT WORK. calmness is the key some people remove they selves from the room n have a smoke, coffee i dont doi either so i flick the jug on and sit down with a dink and slow deap brethes. you will find what works for you. hope it helps

Haley - posted on 08/18/2010

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I wouldn't spank him. He's learning that he has some control over things and isn't used to it yet. He is still young, obviously you know that. But if you react to things with violence he might assume that is how you should handle dealing with someone that is bothering you. When my daughter went through this stage me and her dad kind of saw the humor in her throwing herself down and just DYING because she didn't get her way. However, things like throwing toys aren't something you can really laugh off. The less of a reaction you give him, the less he will want to do it, since it's not getting him what he wants. Be sure not to just give into it or it will be how he gets everything he wants. Try your best to stay calm. The toys he throws at you, should just be picked up and put somewhere where he can see them, but has no chance of getting them back. Don't lecture him, he's obviously not listening. Just pick them up, put them away and carry on with your day. Some screaming will happen but if you can keep your mind through it a couple times, he'll see how little of an effect it has compared to just asking for something. As for the screaming, I would let my daughter do it for a couple minutes, then calmly pick her up, set her in her room, and tell her to come back when she's done. The main thing is that no matter what you do don't let him see how badly it bothers you. My daughter is three now, and anyone who knows her will agree with me...She doesn't throw fits, she says please (I always say it to her too, she just kind of started on her own) as well as your welcome. I can't remember the last time she threw anything at anyone. She just had to see that asking for something nicely got it for her, while freaking out only got her in her own room with no one listening to her but herself. She got a headache from screaming and lost alot of toys for awhile, but it was definately worth it.

Shaina - posted on 08/18/2010

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At this age your childs attention only lasts 1-3 minutes and sometimes longer if we are lucky they like the object. My advise is if you are a stay at home mom or are there alot then make an activity sheet and get him involved. Keeping my little one busy helps some but I still get frustrated; and then I just go outside and walk around and let her play with rocks or leaves while I can cool off a little.

Hanna - posted on 08/18/2010

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Thank you for asking this question before I did! I have the same problem, where my almost 18 months just started screaming at the top of his lungs every time something doesn't go his way no matter how little it is. and it's usually accompanied by hitting, throwing himself on the floor (If i'm trying to take him away from whatever he was doing) and tears.
i stick to my guns and he gets a timeout and occasionally a litte spank on his butt (not hurtful but just to snap him out of it). but it is a matter of learning how much he can get away with. and me and my husband don't put up with this behavior, unfortunately, we have some friends and relatives out of town so literally within 3 days this behavior has escalated to about 4 times as bad because he has a grand audience to perform for. so i'm trying hard to control this behavior and can't wait until everyone leaves so that my son can go back to structure and knowing who is in charge without everyone telling you what to do with your baby.
so good luck, stay consistent & firm and hopefully it's only a stage and you can get her to stop throwing tantrums before she gets older & 5 minute tantrums turn into 2 hour ones. good luck and thank you for posting this, it's nice to know that i'm not the only one who had to deal with this:)

Kimberly - posted on 08/17/2010

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I do a pretend cry and explain to my son that it hurts when he hits/kick etc...He quit doing it. I also do a time out when he's misbehaving. The trick is not to give in. The best part about toddlers is they learn really fast, the worst part about toddlers is they learn really fast. lol

Nida - posted on 08/16/2010

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michelle i know this sounds awful, but i felt so wonderful reading ur post!!!
my daughter is almost 3 yrs old and iv been going insane since she was 2!!
the screaming, hitting, unnecessary frustration, all have really been driving me nuts. i know ur post is old but it was just what i needed 2 read 2day.
i cry buckets because my first urge is to whack her. and controlling that urge takes sooo much out of me. trying 2 talk in a decent, calm manner seems like a superhuman task.
i guess we just need 2 distance ourselves physically till the worst has passed.. i hope i get through this phase quick!

Melanie - posted on 01/08/2010

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Patients is the key. If you show them that they are getting to you they get the satifisfaction they are looking for. Don't show any emotion that you are frusterated. This is the age where they learn who is in charge and who isn't. You need to be very firm and very strict. When he kicks or screams put him in his area to calm down. He is unable to look at anyone, play with anything or touch anything. Just stands there until his time out is done. If you need to hold him there, then so be it. I've had to hold my niece's arms and stand her up with a firm grip while she looked at the wall. I've had to do this several times until she got the point i don't play those games and it's not a game. she also gets grounded as well as my daughter does. All toys are band for the rest of the day. They can have books, if they mistreat the books in any way then they can sit or just use their imagination without toys or books. you will be surprised that a child's mind doesn't need those things to play. if they keep throwing their fits you put them to a nap. and when they get up, they are still grouned. you cannot let up to what you say. once you do that, you just wasted all that time. you must be consistent that is soooo important as well as patient. do not let them know they are driving you crazy.

Nilam - posted on 01/08/2010

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I have a 19 month daughter and i do get really frustated sometimes too mostly when at 1:00 am when we are almost like sleep walking and she wants to play. what me n my husband do is take turn if i get really frustrated and angry i just wake him up and its time for him to handle her for a while i go in diffrent room and calm my self down and that actully helps my dauter as well. it seems like if i am really frustated with my daughter she feels it somehow and acts on it if i am calm thing goes more smoothly

Shandy - posted on 01/08/2010

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Quoting Ashley:



Quoting Amy:

whup his butt and just on the diaper for these thing or time outs for the hitting and kicking tell him why you his being punished throwing toys take it away do not give it back. my son is 14 mos. and i use all 3 things. he listens a lot better than my daughter did at his age.


ya but you got to remember you really can't whup a kid now day. thats a good way to get your kids taking away.



i agree with her!!! as soon as he does one of those things spank him!!! that's what i do with my daughter. it's not going to stop them but it will make them think twice before doing it! my daughter bites my husband because he doesn't do anything to her but she knows better than to bite me.





 

Shandy - posted on 01/08/2010

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i understand you i have to kids one that is 3 and another that is going to be 5. my five year old is not that bad now but my 3 year she keeps me hopping. And always into stuff drive me crazy because i'm a very clean person and likes my house very clean. U just have to take time for your self, i know people say they can't you just have to go in a room or outside or something and take a min for your self. other wise your going to lose it.

Ami - posted on 01/08/2010

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My son does the same thing, DRIVES ME NUTS!!! we have a time out chair, its only supposed to be one minute per year of age. I make him sit there and not get up and not play with anything... which means that I have to sit right there by him. He eventually gets the point. I dont spank or an anything like that so I had to do something. OOOhhhh he still pitches them and for the most part I just ignore him and he will stop whenever he sees that he isnt getting any attention... but good GOD it hard to do. I really dont have anything for you other than ALL kids do that and they eventually outgrow it.

Chantelle - posted on 01/07/2010

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I turned the playpen into a time out box. 3 minute timeouts. Put him in everytime BE CONSISTANT. walk away- go into the other room be weary but he can't do much damage in their by himself with no blankets no toys nothing!!! This will help you calm down as well. The urge to yell, hit or spank will subside and it is healthier for you and your little angel. It is merely a stage and if you respond to it in any way they will continue. After 3 miinutes hold your baby tell them that you love them and don't want them to act that way. Big Girls/Big Boys don't act that way. I have twin girls and we are in the hitting stage OMG with utensil spoons you name it. You can't teach your kid not to hit if you hit back same thing with biting and pulling. Simply say if you want to act that way fine put them in their time out playpen and walk away act as if you haven't a care in the world. Don't be hypocritical be a role model- do unto others as you would have others do unto you. It's the golden rule for a reason-- Goodluck

Lacey - posted on 01/07/2010

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my daughter is also 19 months and the first baby so she is spoiled and now im regretting spoiling her. she hits screams throws toys anything she can think of she didnt bite when she was a baby but she is starting to now and im dong it all on my own her dad is not around and omg sometimes i get really irrated she is learning time out now. but she is rotten she does get spanking s but im trying to just do time out

Phi - posted on 01/07/2010

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welcome to the terrible twos mine is the same way the best thing to do is enforce disapline (whatever kind fits your family best ) and show him extra love some times to get my daughter out of a fit, especially when i am about to go right out of my mind, is chase her down and ticklle her. anything to make the crying turn into laughter. find what makes him stop crying, for mine its music

Julianna - posted on 01/07/2010

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Your not a bad mom. I get frustrated with my daughter too! Who is also 19 months. Shes at that stage too. The best thing that works for me is one day out of the week whenever convinient take a day break. Send him to his grandparetns or a day out with his dad, like if his dad goes to the store send him with him. Also try putting him on time outs when he screams or spanking his hand when he throws things at you. Warn him at first though. ex.. "if you throw your dinosoar at me again your going to get a spank!" Its working for me. When my daughter screams just to throw fits i tell her to calm down, i start to count down from 5, tell her shes not getting her way and if she is still screaming or throwing, I put her on a time out untill she clams down or for a couple minutes. Thats what i do it seems to be working. When you take him out of time out just pick him up and explain to him why you had to do that. You get the concept. :) hope i can help. Good Luck

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no i totally get you mines 22 months and i feel the same way. it only gets worst before it gets better, i am using TIME out corner now it seems to help a lot

Veronica - posted on 01/07/2010

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The thing I try to tell myself is to stay calm. If he sees you getting fustrated it makes matters worse. Take a deep breath and tell him it wrong what he is doing. Try counting to 3 and when you get to 3 put him in time out. Make sure you are explaining why his behavior is not okay. Explain in a calm voice, If you are yelling, you basically are showing him the same behavior. I hope this helps you out.

Arimaselis - posted on 01/07/2010

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girl i deal with the same things with my three year old son. it is extremely difficult, yes, but what i would do is ignore him. if he continues and gets worse, i take a hand to his hind end three times, not too hard and not to soft, enough to make him understand that tantrums are not allowed.

Geralyn - posted on 01/07/2010

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I visualize a "happy place" - I know it may sound funny, but, for example, the beach has always been a very soothing place for me. I imagine the noises and smells and sight of the surf... It has always grounded me, and takes my mind off of the present frustration. You could just have a peaceful image of something that makes you calm and relaxed and happy....



I know its hard to quit smoking, and the withdrawal does not help in coping with frustation. I was a stress smoker at work and had to find something else to do when I was hitting that point where I would normally run out to smoke. Honestly, every day, it will get a little better...



I totally agree with the moms that also talk about you time. It will replenish you for the day....



As far as some of the discipline advice, I am so thankful that my son was born into our family. What some children must endure.....

Kirsty - posted on 01/07/2010

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when my daughter trys to hit kick etc i found instead of hitting back i jus keep moving a few inches away from her then she tries again so i move again n she ends up chasing me round the room and gets so frustrated that she cant reach me that she stops!it also makes us both laugh in the end so difuses the situation and no one gets hurt!hope this helps

CHRISTINA - posted on 01/06/2010

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Your statement doesn't say if you have any relief or help? I'm in agreement with a couple of others. You need some time to yourself. Not sure if you work or stay home but try to focus on yourself at least ONCE a day. I don't smoke never have but when either of my kids (7yr girl, 21 mo boy) start acting up and I feel myself losing control I literally STOP right in the middle of what's happening. I'll just stand there sometimes and close my eyes and take about 5 slow deep breaths. Then calmly proceed with the correction of the child. I remember one day it was so bad I went in my room and sat down behind the door and cried. My daughter was on the other side beating the door and crying but I had to walk away it was just to much. Good luck and let us know how you make out.

Melanie - posted on 01/06/2010

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I remember when my daughters were younger and they had gotten me so worked up that I finally locked myself in the bathroom and told them Mommy needed a time out. I had to start laughing when they started sliding pictures under the door that said " Please come out" Every once in a while, we as parents need "time out" too.

Danielle - posted on 01/06/2010

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I am glad that you are asking this question. I think that this happens many of times where parents become upset and want to change the child... when in reality we need to focus on ourselves. When I find that I am frusturated to a max, I will put my child or children in their room. It is completely safe in there and I take five minutes to myself. Before closing the door, I let the child know that mommy needs a time out. Take those few minutes to call a friend and vent or just go sit in total silence. Allow yourself to regroup and if it takes more than five minutes thats ok too. And remember it is a mommy time out and we all need that!! You are definitely not a horrible parent, being a mom is hard and we all need to take a break once in awhile.

Sandy - posted on 01/06/2010

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ok that was just funny, You are doing ok, don't worry kids will be kids, there is not right or wrong way to dicuplin. there is only the way that work for you. and as for the one ladie i think her kid is just scared of her cuz that is how my dad was and man i would wnat to act out either if i knew what was comen...lol as for not going crazy take some me time get out do something. lock your self in the bathroom and take a bath. if you can't do that get ababy sitter and go out. that is the best way. If you are going to lose it right then and there walk away. Kids know like to push buttons and get to you don't show that is does. Best of Luck...

Ashley - posted on 01/06/2010

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oh and honestly it's great your quitting smoking, but i would wait one more year because you're going to need that time of smoking to keep yourself cool when he throws his fits!!!

Ashley - posted on 01/06/2010

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Quoting Amy:

whup his butt and just on the diaper for these thing or time outs for the hitting and kicking tell him why you his being punished throwing toys take it away do not give it back. my son is 14 mos. and i use all 3 things. he listens a lot better than my daughter did at his age.



i agree with her!!! as soon as he does one of those things spank him!!! that's what i do with my daughter. it's not going to stop them but it will make them think twice before doing it! my daughter bites my husband because he doesn't do anything to her but she knows better than to bite me.

Kirsty - posted on 01/06/2010

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hi my girl was a lil angel until the candle went out on her 1st birthday then the horns appeared!!!tantrum is not the word! she refused to eat her tea sleep do as she was told hated her baby sister u name it she did it! but it is just a phase n i found ignoring her (even though ur head is splitting or ur in tescos really is the best method!)they will grow out of it its a test of whos got the strongest will! time out dont work with her as shes only 2 so i jus walk away n make her say sorry then its all forgotten eventually (this will take some practice)my hub is in the raf so its up to me most of the time so it can be frustrating and i wory my 14month will copy but if u hang in there it does get better...x

User - posted on 01/06/2010

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Honestly Jessica your going to tell someone the way they are parenting is wrong when your the one teaching ur child to kick and hit is ok?? i think someone needs a reality check.. I have a 17 month old myself she throws tantrums yes what kid doesnt but when she starts to misbehave i pick her up and explain to her in a soft firm voice what she did wrong and she doesnt do it again and if she does its the same thing and we repeat it until she understands...

Esther - posted on 01/06/2010

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I can honestly say that I don't really ever get frustrated with my son. Now, don't get me wrong, I am FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR from a perfect mother. My 2-year old son is still on a pacifier and drinks his milk from a bottle. So there you go. As flawed as anyone. But patience I guess is my strong suit. My husband on the other hand definitely does get frustrated. I find that my son listens better to me generally than he does my husband and I think it's precisely because I don't get frustrated. He doesn't feed off of that negative energy.



So the question is (and that was your question) how do you stop yourself from getting frustrated. My employer organizes weekly lunches for working parents with a clinical psychologist so we can pick her brain on how to deal with parenting issues and I asked her this very question yesterday to see if she had any tips for my husband. She suggested that he visualize himself as a wall and that the tantrums etc. just bounce off of him. I'm not sure that will work, but that's what she suggested.



I tried to think what it is that I do to keep calm in the heat of the moment and I think what I do is that I almost view the whole situation as a science project of some sort. I approach it very analytically. I just strategize when I deal with my son. If distracting him or speaking to him doesn't work, I try the next strategy (time-out usually). I am constantly aware that he is a 2-year old and I cannot expect the same kind of self-control of him that I can of myself. I know you know this, but I almost take an outsiders perspective of it. It's as if someone gave me a hypothetical situation and says "OK, here's this kid who is having a meltdown, what would you do". I'm not sure I'm explaining myself very well, but that's about what I do. It kind of keeps me detached from the emotion. I think of myself as my son's teacher and these are the moment where I have an opportunity to teach him how to better handle his emotions. I've also read in some book one time (I think the moms guide to toddlers) that a mom would take out the video camera when her child was having a tantrum and she would just videotape him. It functioned as kind of a barrier between her and the situation (and provides excellent footage for when they're older and start dating - hehe). I hope this helps.



For the moms who suggested hitting, kicking etc. I'm sorry, but I find that ridiculous. If you think that is teaching "respect", you need to find yourself a dictionary. That's called fear, not respect. And what you're doing is not disciplining them, it's bullying them. I guess you would find it acceptable if your boss at work kicked you when you did something wrong? Just so he/she could show you who's boss? Or maybe you beat your husband to make sure he "respects" you? You are a teacher to your child. You need to consider exactly what lessons you are teaching them.

Chantelize - posted on 01/05/2010

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Good day, I have the some problem with my 2 boys, everything that everybody comented I have also done with my boys it takes up to 1 to 2 hours to get them settled down, but then I have also lost it by then, now that I was on leave it was better because I load them into the pram and take a walk, but I need that same advice- How do I stay calm?

Lisa - posted on 01/05/2010

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ok so am i the only one who read the entire thing of one of the mommas. The mom who said to go outside for a walk. Are you serious you do not leave your kids in the house by theirselves at all. Little ones can learn how to open a door very easily and hurt themselves.OMG why would you leave your child by theirself while you are not in the house. Thats like going down the street while your child is by theirself. so wrong very wrong

Erica - posted on 01/05/2010

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I sometimes feel the same way. I will put him in his crib and walk out of the room for 5 mins. I can't let him see me lose control. His doctor recommended that to me. It has worked and he usually ends up playing with his toys which gives me a couple extra minutes to calm down. I also started taking yoga classes which help with the stress. The yoga has helped tremendously!! I highly recommend it! Good luck

Sandra - posted on 01/05/2010

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My girls have gotten out of hand and my 3 year old will try to charm her way out of trouble or uses the old my sister did it!! I do the time out and find it not helpful she continues to do the same thing over I am a single mother so going insane sometimes yes I do. If u find it hard to cope put him in a room alone with something to do and go relax get your head together than try to tell him that what he does is hurting mommy.

Lisa - posted on 01/05/2010

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If you are losing your mind its because maybe YOU don't have enough ME time. Maybe you need to go out with the girls to dinner or watch a movie. Do something other than just stay at home. The better you feel the easier it is to control yourself. No matter what your child is going to kick, scream and hit. He is just trying to get his frustrations out and he doesn't know anyother way. But if you are relaxed and had some ME time with friends you will be less likely to get so frustrated. He is so young the doesn't understand the yelling or even the hitting. But for me time out works well because he knows he can't play with anything no matter how bad he wants too. I don't warn him either, as soon as he hits, he gets put in his chair because kids only know consistancy. So try spending time away from the kids and family every once and a while, see if that helps you.

Nicola - posted on 01/05/2010

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Quoting Kevlyn:



Quoting Michelle:

Still only one person has really read what I'm saying. I know how to discipline my son. I'm pretty good at it, actually. I'm trying to figure out better ways to maintain MY control and sanity because I'm quitting smoking and that was what I did when I was frustrated. Now I can't do that so I'm trying to get some advice one what I can do to not lose my mind.






I really wish I could help. I am going through the same thing with both of my children and I know how to discipline them, but I'm going crazy. I am a smoker as well and understand what you mean. I think if I tryed to quit right now I would aboslutly lose it. I know that's another excuse not to quit, but it's the honest truth! Everyone says take time to yourself, but what do you do if that is not an option. I don't even get time alone in the bathroom. I can tell my husband that I'm going take a relaxing bath and it isn't five minutes after I get in there that he either lets one of the kids in there or he is in there for some off the wall reason....nine times out of ten both kids are going to be in there and he is in and out.... So what do we do when we don't have the option to take time to ourselves to wind down?





I soo wish i could help as well, its the same here, if i have a bath my 26mnth old son is there or partner, I dont get a break,  my son wont stay with dad, the only time out i get is in the evenings when he's in bed and then i got so much to do it's not realy me time!



My son was soo much like your Michelle, such an angel an soo good I thought i was soo lucky no, I was very lucky to have such a good baby but now I dont know what to do. The hitting and kicking should stop, Although my boy didnt kick he went through a bitting stage, Im dealing with the screaming crying an the tantrums an throwing toys now and pushing people away. I feel like a terrible mum, I thought of running away let his dad do  the work seen as he does none coz  James (my boy) wont go to him at all!!



Im also a smoker and there is no way i could give up just yet. Im at my wits end. the only thing i can suggest is leaving the room when your sons being this way and he's on time out. my son is soo clingy if i leave the room it makes things soo much worse, i cant win!! but if he's done my head in soo much i gotta go upstairs away form him for 10min alone.



my heart goes out to you



good luck



 



 

Erika - posted on 01/05/2010

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My daughter was a complete angel also, she started sleeping all night at 3 months, never got sick, listened. Now...shes 20 months old kicks, hits, screams bloody murder over anything. I started spanking her (over the diaper) shes not a big fan of that, BUT I am seeing results. Another thing is if shes just crying a mopeing around and wont play, when i know shes not tired, I ask her if its nite-nite time and shes says no, then she goes to play with something. I think its important to be firm but not scary and not to baby too much. But to let them know that they have options.

Brandi - posted on 01/05/2010

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Read the Happiest Toddler on the Block it will help and no violence on your part is necessary. Hitting your kids will make them think it is ok for them to hit others.

Ashley - posted on 01/05/2010

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Oh God I went through this too... my son wasn't horrible everyday but for awhile it seemed that way! added to the fact I wasn't sleeping thanks to insomnia... I was a wreck. My boyfriend suggested he take our son for an hour or 2 and left the house. I threw on loud music took a shower and danced naked through my house! haha talk about stress relief. If you can't wait... go to the bathroom (after putting your son somewhere safe) run water in the sink and soak your hands while singing your favorite songs, lotion well after the soak. It's my version of a mini spa lol. used it alot!

Stephanie - posted on 01/05/2010

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You are not horrible, not at all! All of the scenarios are different for everyone. So I think you can disregard the discipline suggestions (for the most part).

Just take a deep breath and find the humor in it. If you have every watched the Disney movie "The Incredibles" - at the very end... Jack Jack - (perfect to instant fireball)... that's our youngest daughter, and often we refer to her as JJ. Figure out what it is about the situation that you can enjoy. Don't let them see you laugh, it will make the fits last longer and occur more frequently, but really all kids do it so figure out what it is about your child's fit that is the best. The best at the worst is what we look for.... I know it sounds crazy, but it really helps me. Then my husband and I can laugh about it after the girls are in bed asleep.

AJ is right too, but in the instant, just find something that you will enjoy later. It really helps. It will be good for them to hear those little stories when they are grown up too. :)

AJ - posted on 01/05/2010

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No, Youre not ahorrible mother. I went through the SAME exact thing with my now 4 year old. She was the PERFECT baby up until about 1 1/2 years old. What you can do to calm yourself down, and my doctor and multiple other people have told me, is take 20 minutes every day and 1 hour a week to yourself, go for a walk, take a bath, read, whatever. And I would stick to the time outs. Also, we would ignore bad behavior and that worked as well. We NEVER hit our daughter unless she ran for the road or something dangerous, and she is doing pretty good right now. There was a lot of stress over the last couple years and she was acting out with that, but everything is calmed down and she is doing well now :-) Good luck with your baby :-) Keep your chin up!

Beck - posted on 01/05/2010

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Oh btw your not a horrible Mother LOL, haven't you heard Mothers are the most needed, under paid, full time workers with little gratifaction, and aparently the most stressfull job you can take, there is no fool proof guide or set of instructions to follow, and every child is different lol. No wonder you need a break of sorts ...

Beck - posted on 01/05/2010

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Im not a fan of giving the child time out, even though its great that it works for some mothers, I rather give myself time out! My son threw a thomas train at me once, I told him "Ut" pointing to him. He thankfully didnt pick it back up and do it again straight away, but he did it again the next day this time, I said "right" turned my back on him and walked off made myself a cup of tea then sat in my kitchen drinking it away while he was in my loungeroom wondering when I was comming back. I didnt go back, I let him come to me, back to my world where things were calm and nothing was being thrown! When he could sit with me and hug me and kiss me better I then would go back to playing trains with him. He is learning that if you miss behave, no one wants to be around you or play with you, mean while I have time to calm any negitivity away and by the time he has decided to make things better his little kiss makes me smile with him again. My eldest son once wanted an item from the shop as we were walking by, he asked for it, once he was told no he stoped dead in his tracks and begun to whine about it, I said "ok, Im going with out you" I started walking off (always checking where he was with out him realising) he ran to me, caught up and I explained to him that if he doesnt do as I ask while in the shops that I would leave him there to do what ever he likes but there would be no one to take him home or protect him from stranges. He agreed to behave. When your son hits you after being told it is wrong, walk off on him, turn your back to him, give yourself time before you become overly fustrated, and chill for a moment, a cup of tea, a magazine, even an ipod you can listen to, while he learns it is not ok to behave like this and if you do, I will take time out!

Andriana - posted on 01/05/2010

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Quoting Michelle:

Still only one person has really read what I'm saying. I know how to discipline my son. I'm pretty good at it, actually. I'm trying to figure out better ways to maintain MY control and sanity because I'm quitting smoking and that was what I did when I was frustrated. Now I can't do that so I'm trying to get some advice one what I can do to not lose my mind.



LEAVE THE ROOM! This accomplishes 2 things. 1: It removes yourself from a stressful situation and allows you some cooldown time, if only for a minute. 2: Your child is not getting the attention he wants by throwing his tantrum, as soon as realizes that you have left the room, he will calm down and come find you. It's tough to stand there and listen to them scream, believe me, I have PPD and have to remind myself to keep my temper in check, but the end result is a calmer child and a less frazzled mommy.

Theresa - posted on 01/05/2010

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here is my idea everyone finds there own ways. if i get really frustrated cuz i quit smoking like a month ago and i was like your driving me nuts kid and i didnt want to keep telling her no cuz she gets that enough. is i would go outside and just stay out for a couple mins and refocus like i would if i would be out smoking. then come in and try again. after i got sick of freezing outside i have found that going to another room getting drink and either cooking or listen to music loud and dance w/ my daughter has really helped. i believe the key is to put yourself in a different mind set and its hard to get there when your frustrated but remember your child can sense that and they too will continue to act out if you show them your frustrated! i wish you luck and hope this helps you. (and if you feel your a good mom then thats all that matters!)

Rebecca - posted on 01/05/2010

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hi, hope you dont mind, but i found the best thing for m when we're at home or at somebody else house and my little girl is driving me mad is to leave the room for 5 mins have a coffee and then go back with a clear head, and sort it out from there and when i'm out and about i put her bck in her buggy and leave her to it and ingour it all and when people look at me i think well actually you dont know whats going on, but i never would smack her because what i think is it actuall doesnt make things better it just mixes her up more, and i have a naught spot which she sits in and its she hit or kicks after going there i make her say sorry to the person she done it too,

Jessica - posted on 01/05/2010

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Quoting Michelle:



Quoting Jessica:

I must of read your blog wrong. If you know how to discipline your son and pretty good at it. Then why is he hitting/kicking, throwing toys at you and screaming? I think that would take away a lot of your frustration and maintain calm. If you had discipline, he would be respecting you.





OOOOOOOH I see, so what you're saying is that toddlers who are disciplined correctly NEVER act out?? They NEVER misbehave??? Oh, pardon me. I guess I don't know how to discipline my son then.





If they are disciplined correctly and you are consistant, they won't act out. Children have their days and if your child seems to have them everyday. Then there is a problem. Toddlers will mishave, but not as badly. My son has his days, but not everyday. He doesn't hit, kick or scream at me or anyone else. Time out does work, but only for so long. I don't abuse my son, my son does listen to me and respects me.

Jenni - posted on 01/04/2010

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OK, there is a lot of smacking going on. This only encourages bad behavior. "Well, if it's ok for mom to hit, then it's ok for me to hit." Is that what you want to send to your child? Kids learn by example. Then as they get older, they will hit to get back at someone else. I never spank...becuase it is done out of anger. I like to teach by taking away toys or just saying no. I use time out.

Jenni - posted on 01/04/2010

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I am trying something new, because I too, am going through the same thing. Mine isn't hitting, but throwing tantrums. As soon as she starts the tantrum, I take her in her room, put her in her crib and I have her lay down. She has to lay down until she stops crying and in 5 minutes she stopped crying and was happy again. I stay right by the crib and I don't say a word. I lay her back down every time she gets up. The reason behind this is to make her submit to my athority. I only had to do this once today and didn't have another tantrum after that. Usually she has one at least every two hours. She was crying the whole time, but not in a screaming cry, just a cry like..."why do I have to be here" cry. She got it and we went on with our day.

Lindsey - posted on 01/04/2010

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I am going thru the same thing with my 16 month old, I discipline her and she is still a brat, I too am a smoker, what I do to give my self some time to calm down is put her in her room (or somewhere where she can be by herself and I can be by myself) I go and sit in my room or downstairs, it gives us both time to calm down..... after a few moments she tends so setlle down and i have given myself a breather and I just try to remember that as bratty as she can be, and she's very good at it, that she is still just a toddler and has a hard time learning how to express herself.....

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