Spanking, what are your thoughts?

Casey - posted on 07/14/2011

I'm not really a spanker with my kids, my eldest who is nearly three has copped a smack on the hand when we first moved into our new house for going near the fire place and stuff like that because he is one of those kids those just doesn't listen so we arn't sure how else to get the point across when it comes to his own safety, and I have to admit that I have given him a smack on the butt (he is still in nappies) recently as he is well and truely going through the terrible twos and can sometimes get a little bit out of control but I really try to avoid having to do this at all costs cause even though I know it doesn't hurt him it still makes me feel horrible, I find sitting him down and talking to him helps sometimes and most the time he is acting out his really just trying to get my attention (we have a new baby so it can be hard at times). When we are at the shops he must sit in a trolley to avoid all the little tantrums and problems but if thats not possible and he does start acting up then I usually just get down and look him in the eyes and tell him very firmly to stop it or we'll go back to the car, his a pretty good and does throw huge tantrums so this usually works.
I have nothing against people smacking their kids, if thats what they have to do then thats fine by me but I know it just makes me feel bad especially if he starts crying it's awful, but each to their own and so long as your not abusing your child then do whatever you have to do.

Holly - posted on 07/14/2011

@ Selena....all I have to say is wow...personally I would rather tap my child in the mouth than go to the extreme and spank them with a belt. That would in my opinion be more like child abuse....honestly wat child deserves being spanked with a belt...no one deserves that

Holly - posted on 07/14/2011

I think if you child needs a good ass beaten, then by all means give them a good ass beaten. As long as you're not going to the extreme with it. Every kid needs there ass beaten once in a while

Cara - posted on 07/13/2011

I have never allowed myself to cross the line. My parents did that to me a couple times as a child and i refuse to let myself do that. I do not want to spank my daughter, i don't like having to spank her at times but there are times when nothing else has worked and thats what gets her attention. When she is spanked we sit and talk about why she was in trouble. Thankfully my past has made me a better mom rather than a bad mom. I even know people who are ok with popping their kids mouth for back talking and such but i refuse to do that. I remember my mom slapping me one time, out of all the spankings i got as a kid that memory is clearer than the spankings therefore i will not do that to my girls. I'm sure that not all parents that say they dont get carried away are telling the truth but for me it is. I was abused some as a child and dont want to carry on that with my children. Whenever i think there is even a slight possibility of getting carried away or spanking out of anger I make sure to remove myself rom that situation. I send my daughter to her room and i step outside for a moment to gather my thoughts. Spanking should NEVER be done out of anger, it is when it is done that way that children learn to hit or use violence out of anger.

Jenni - posted on 07/13/2011

Cara, the way you described it, I don't consider abuse. I do not think when spanking is used responsibly and as an absolute last resort it's going to do irrefutable damage to a child.

But there is a fine line when it comes to spanking vs. abuse. And I do have a hard time believing that all parents who claim to use it responsibly have never crossed that line. Many take it to an extreme and that's when it becomes detrimental.

I don't use spanking in my home but when used 'responsibly' and following certain guidelines, I don't believe it's the worst thing in the world.

Cara - posted on 07/13/2011

Sadly, i have seen a few that outwardly admitted to not only spanking but quite honestly, being abusive. I personally do spank my daughter when it is needed, but it is used as a final resort or in a case of her doing something that could hurt/kill her. Do I pop her hard enough to hurt? No, I pop her just enough to get her attention. And ONLY on her butt. I fully agree that no type of "weapon" should be used. A belt is included in that. To this day i still have a scar on my leg from my father beating my butt with a belt. While it did get the point across, i realized that he spanked me out of anger...not out of discipline. People need to learn the difference, and you are right, some don't see it. I do not agree with saying that spanking is the same as hitting, slapping or smacking.

Vegemite - posted on 07/13/2011

"The problem with a lot of people is that they REFUSE to see the difference between A spanking and abuse. One swat on the butt with your hand is far different from say, 5 swats with a belt that land where ever they happen to hit."
I agree with you there Cara and believe Selena and Yalana can't see this difference as they say it's ok to belt their children.

"I find it very amusing how the parents that do spank don't usually sit and put down all the parents that don't. Yet the parents that don't spank are the ones to act high and mighty and pretend they are better than others and a better parent. I hate to break it to everyone but just because someone doesn't parent the same way you do, it does not always make them a bad parent."
Parents who don't spank get put down all the time and told their kids will grow up to be bad people. I have never said anyone is a bad person for spanking but when someone wants to belt their children or spank anywhere except once on the bottom, I will defend that child in the hopes the parent sees that, that particular part of their parenting is not the right choice. I know how damaging taking a belt to a child can be.

"Not all of us have been blessed with kids that are perfect and never disobedient."
That's right not even those of us who chose not to smack.

Cara - posted on 07/13/2011

The problem with a lot of people is that they REFUSE to see the difference between A spanking and abuse. One swat on the butt with your hand is far different from say, 5 swats with a belt that land where ever they happen to hit. SPANKING IS NOT HITTING. I find it very amusing how the parents that do spank don't usually sit and put down all the parents that don't. Yet the parents that don't spank are the ones to act high and mighty and pretend they are better than others and a better parent. I hate to break it to everyone but just because someone doesn't parent the same way you do, it does not always make them a bad parent. Believe it or not, there ARE other ways of doing things beside your own. Not every spanking parent takes it too far or gets abusive with it. Some of us are smarter than that.



And as a previous poster had said, Not all of us have been blessed with kids that are perfect and never disobedient. And just because some of us do spank that doesn't mean that it's the only form of DISCIPLINE(not punishment) used or that it is used often.

Jenni - posted on 07/13/2011

But Selena, where I live if I witnessed someone hitting a child with a belt (or any other object) that would be grounds to call CAS, it is against the law and would be considered abuse.

I may be wrong, but i'm getting the impression from your post that you are encouraging other parents to spank their 'out of control' children. So don't be suprised when other posters combat that on your thread by encouraging parents to use PD methods. Now I'd like to clear this up, are you assuming that out control children and children who bully are that way because their parents;

a) choose not to spank?

or

b) choose not to discipline?



Because if you're going with a) I beg to differ.... i think, if anything, when naturally physical children are spanked *they* are more likely to become physical bullies. The behaviour is being condoned in the home.

And more subserviant children who are spanked are more likely to be bullied because they have been taught fearfulness by authoritative parents and are naturally going to respond in fear to anyone who shows authority over them.



Also, I'm sure there are parents who spank as an absolute last resort and with certain perimetres. But I fear that the vast majority of parents who spank, have:

a) spanked when angry

b) use tools

c) spank for little infractions

d) spank often

e) use excessive force



Yalana's post is proof of that, hey... at least she's honest. When parents cross these lines... it is when the fine line between spanking in the form of discipline becomes abuse.



You don't need to hit to teach children. You don't hit your dog to train it. If you can teach even a dog without hitting it, surely you can teach your children without hitting them.



Spanking to me is lazy parenting. I'm sorry but that is just my opinion.

Vegemite - posted on 07/12/2011

I'm sorry if you don't want to hear my "horror story", it's not a horror story it's my life. A lot of the people I was friends with as a teenager are either dead or in jail. Most of them were hit with a belt as well. Think about that.

Vegemite - posted on 07/12/2011

Hitting with a belt is so wrong and it makes me sad to hear that people are still doing it. A nine year old is not an adult and not fully responsible for those kind of actions. When you're 13 and have nowhere to live because you're too scared of your Mother to live with her you do whatever has to be done to survive. My mother making bad decisions with discipline is the direct reason of why my life was the way it was.



Don't tell me my mother isn't responsible for my crappy childhood and the extremely bad positions I found myself in as a child. What a mother does with her kids is her responsibility not the child's.



Now that I'm an adult I have taken responsibility for myself and worked damn hard to get where I am now. I have gone from living on the streets, on drugs, being uneducated and having nothing and no one. To having a family of my own, being clean, finding ways to not repeat the mistakes of my mother, have an education, own a very successful business, have a nice house to live in, a nice car to drive and as of last month made my first mil. That's what I call taking responsibility for your own actions and takes more strength than most possess.



The last time my mother hit me with a belt was when I was 15 and went home to visit. For some reason she got angry and wanted to discipline me so she got the belt out, I grabbed it from her and belt the crap out of her. Then while she was cowering in the corner I said , and I still remember the exact words, "how's it feel bitch" and kicked her. I don't know why anyone would want to do anything to cause their kids to form such hatred towards them or hurt their kids so badly. There's discipline and then there's abuse.



Using a belt is abuse. Selena you said "unless you clearly see a child being abused then mind your own business!!!!!". Well I see a child being abused. Don't use a belt on your kids.

Selena - posted on 07/12/2011

@Chrissey No I do not agree with smacking a child in the face or hitting them with any object although in the past I have used a belt for my 6 year old however I would never smack them in the face or use anything other than a belt (and using a belt is in and extreme situation)

Claudia - posted on 07/12/2011

O God, I was reading some of the notes and.... I am sorry, but spanking is not the cause of people killing, dealing drugs, low self steam...., I was spanked, no My mom used the belt. I do not use the belt, but my mom did. Thank God she did. She kept me from making bad decisions, because I knew there would be a bad consequence. She always told that she loved me, I knew that. But she did explain things to us, explain the consequences and the importance of trust. My bad decisions are not because I was hit with a belt during my childhood. My bad decisions were made by me, an me alone. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS, NOT MY MOM. I AM AN ADULT WHO KNOWS RIGHT FROM WRONG, AND I WANT MY CHILDREN TO KNOW IT TOO.

Claudia - posted on 07/12/2011

I believe in spanking. Spanking done the correct way, will help. Never spank when you are angry. Inform your child that if he does not change his behavior, that he will get one spanking on his bottom, and if he repeats the action, keep your word, be consistent. Give ONE spanking and after he calm down, give him a hug and tell him that you love him, and will always love him, but you (mom) need to teach him how to behave. It works with my 4 years old. Spanking is not abuse. Hitting over and over in anger is abuse. Only spank on his bottom. No arms, no legs, no face. Only his bottom and never give more than 3 spankings at time. I know that this is a very delicate issue now days, but if you do not teach your child, who will? the Governament???? Jail???? Fostercare???? If you decide t do it, just do for the right reason, not because you are angry or embaressed.

Ella - posted on 07/11/2011

@ Yalanda, a slap on the cheek is unacceptable....its abuse. Can I suggest some parenting classes, or some other form of support to help you deal with your children? This is coming from someone with alot of anger issue, who has gone too far at times, but Im not about to condone my behaviour. To answer the OP If I had to smack I would, but I explore all other options first, I don't like to smack because it teaches your child to fear you and to feel hurt and mistrust in you amongst other things

Vegemite - posted on 07/11/2011

Selena, in another thread Yalana has admitted smacking her children in the face, one across the cheek and one on the mouth and states it's an acceptable form of discipline. She has also advocated using objects for "spanking" and doesn't see anything wrong with it. I hope you don't also agree with this abuse as an excuse for discipline.

Vegemite - posted on 07/11/2011

I don't know my first instinct when my child is about to run on the road is to grab them not smack so they run away from me and further towards the road. I have shoved my sons hand away from the stove but that is not smacking it's stopping his hand from being burnt.

Margaret - posted on 07/11/2011

I don't believe in spanking. It makes kids fear us, and if we're out of control enough, it could borderline into abuse. If a child acts up in a restaurant, food store, doctor's office, or even in Church, just take the kid out and leave (if you've tried time-out and EVERYTHING else, of course). I'm sorry, but I'm NOT imposing MY child's unacceptable behavior onto other people, it's just not right and it's not fair to subject the public to unexpected outbursts. I'll deal w/ discipline @ home, but I'd first remove my child from a situation/scene where I can't manage her behavior too well. I'm her Mother, NOT her friend!

Veronica - posted on 07/11/2011

I think spanking should be done when they do something dangerous like trying to run out in the street or trying to touch the stove. I have only spanked my child once on his hand because he touched the inside of the dishwasher where there was detergent (contains bleach that would eat through his esophagus). Kids test boundaries even when you say no. Sometimes they have to stub their toe or whatever till they learn, but getting burnt or run over is just not a lesson that either one of us could recover from. No matter what, I try to talk to my 14 month old and hope that he starts to understand what I am trying to teach him. As for tantrums, I ignore him completely. He is starting to notice that when ever he takes a breather from crying/kicking I look at him. Otherwise, I look away. On a lighter note, I know someone who spanked their child in front of a police officer and the police officer said, "You know you are not supposed to do that." He responded, "I'm doing it so you won't have to deal with him later on." The officer laughed and walked away.

Julie - posted on 07/11/2011

We don't. I wasn't so just for me, doesn't really come into play. For me, our girls seem to feed off the fact we're getting upset so I try to remain calmer to diffuse a bad situation (Granted that requires letting out stress via exercise, some time alone, whatever floats your boat) I'm not saying it was a direct result, but my niece is and was from a very young age (which I did have a problem with) and she hits a lot. Again, not the only reason but I can see where the "you hit when you're mad" mindset could come into play. Kind of like the first time I yelled to my girls to stop yelling in the house and they called me out on it. Works a lot better in an even tone so it makes sense to them, just in my opinion (okay so went a bit off topic there)

Sunny - posted on 07/11/2011

i went down the same disfunctional path u did not because i was spanked because i was ABUSED there is a difference jusat like alcolism there is a difference in havin a drink a cpl times a year and being an alcoholic.... my daughter will nvr be abused....... as i stated in my story she gets a spat on the butt.... no belts or paddles i am tryin to get her attention not hurt her

Sunny - posted on 07/10/2011

i swatted ny 20 mth old on the butt in dr's office just last week because she was goin to the front door (which is about 10 ft away from parkin lot!) and trying to open it i told her tweice if she opened that door i was gunna get her butt and then she was goin to time out! well she did it, so i spatted her on the butt and she went to time out!!! i think moms uinderstand when they see s omething like that!! kids have to know if u are resorting to a swat its because they did something VERY not ok!

Selena - posted on 07/10/2011

I was not referring to children with special needs. I was talking about the children who are told no the can't have something and then go off.

Selena - posted on 07/10/2011

I'm sorry your life was that way but to sum up what you said your parents where just horrible parents.

Selena - posted on 07/10/2011

@Yalana I totally agree with you. Especially that part about that stupid voice I hear some parents use. If someone was talking to me that way I wouldn't take them seriously either.

Selena - posted on 07/10/2011

Hello Kiley, If what you do to discipline your works for you that's great however you should not be so quick to judge other parents who choose to spank their children. I was spanked as a child and every thing you have described was not my personality at all nor did I bully or hit other people as a child. I happen to be a parent who spanks and again my children are well behaved any where I go because they no better. They are not children who hit or bully to get their point across to other people. So I highly doubt if your theory of how you judge these kids are correct.

Vegemite - posted on 07/10/2011

Spanking is not a good form of discipline and for some kids it can make their behaviour worse. Take me for example, I was spanked and very early on thought this was because my parents didn't like me and couldn't be bothered treating me like a human being.



By 9 I was using drugs and doing break and enters to get money.



By 13 I'd moved out of home in addition to the above I was now dealing drugs, had a "job" debt recovering for my supplier.

I was living from squatter to squatter because a 13yr old can't rent. I would also shop lift designer clothes from major department stores.



By 14 (grade 10) I'd dropped out of high school because no one was there to make me go. However I was smart enough to go the minimum amount of hours so the police wouldn't be involved. I'd completely dropped out as soon as I'd turned 15 (legal as at the time to leave).



All because my parents chose spanking as their form of "discipline" and never realised all they were doing is punishing and hurting me.



I'm only just now, at 32, recovering from my start in life. If your form of discipline is spanking I would encourage to think about how every time some one was angry or upset with you they spanked you. Go have an appointment with a child psychologist, they can tell you great forms of discipline and the most effective ways to carry them out. Then go back once more to talk about how your family went and how to improve on those forms of discipline.



I think there should be mandatory classes for parents. I'd go.

Yalana - posted on 07/10/2011

Kids are self-centered...they put themselves in their own little "happy place" when they don't want to listen, and that place spills over into reality. No tone of voice is going to get them back into the here-and-now. My kids get a tap on the cheek to snap them back to reality. They get a good swat on the butt if they continue to not listen to me. My boyfriend and I were disciplined much more harshly growing up (him more than me), and we are respectful, hard working adults set on instilling the values in our kids that we were taught growing up. Neither one of us whines or complains, "Oh, woe is me! I was spanked as a child and now I need years of therapy for it!" We are thankful our parents were parents and punished us when we deserved it. I wish my parents had done the same to my younger brother...maybe he'd have a better life than he has. I don't believe in waiting until the child is removed from the situation to discipline them...by then they forgot all about it and no longer remember why they are being disciplined. Address the problem as it is happening. That way it is still fresh in their minds and they learn, "Oh, I just broke that expensive glass and mom's punishing me for it...I won't be doing THAT again!" I HATE with a passion this "no, no, sweetie...we don't do that", syrup-y voice that some parents will use. With my boys, it's "NO! Get that off NOW and apologize!" Time outs? Ineffective. Take something away? They just wait it out until they get it back, then do whatever it was they did to lose it again. Calm "discussions"? You'll become a wimp to them faster than the class nerd. Sometimes, force is the only way to make them realize that we mean business! Once that is established, they start adhering to what you teach them. Sure, it may be somewhat of a fear tactic, but doesn't that happen in adult life, too? We're afraid that if we don't show up to work on time, we'll lose our jobs? If we don't get to the grocery store on time, we'll miss out on the sale? If we don't get the laundry done, we won't have any clean clothes to wear the next day? If we hurt or kill another person, we might go to prison? We need to quit sheltering our kids...let them fail, discipline them with spanking, and let them learn to fight their own battles...my parents did, and I'm glad they did. Bullies aren't always abused kids...many of them are bullies because they are so spoiled by their parents that they get angry if even one person does not give them what they feel they deserve. I knew plenty of kids like that growing up. Some of them grew out of it, some did not. I've actually been surprised at how few of our parents have complained about being spanked...I hear more about the Priest sexual abuse cases than anything else...must not have been too bad of an idea...

Cara - posted on 07/09/2011

Ok..first....I don't recall saying it said that in the bible. Spanking is different for being abusive or hurtful. One pop on the butt is FAR different from hitting with objects such as belts or paddles.

FYI...you should know your bible before speaking about something not being in it that is...



Proverbs 13:24 - wording varies based upon which version you read

Katherine - posted on 07/08/2011

@ Cara, it does NOT say in the bible, "Spare the rod spoil the child." It just doesn't That is from a poem.

As far as not hitting or slapping your child, spanking is still a form of striking and causing physical harm.

Wolfmama - posted on 07/08/2011

Behaviors don't occur in a vacuum - there is a reason your child is acting out. Are they tired, hungry? Having a bad day? When young children have tantrums it is because they know no other way to process their negative feelings and it is the parent's responsability to show them appropriate ways to handle those emotions. Hitting them does not help them with their feelings, other than help them repress them which isn't healthy emotional development. When such situations occur, show some empathy and ask yourself first what could be bothering your child.

Jenn - posted on 07/07/2011

I don't believe in spanking, especially when you're trying to teach that hitting isn't the way to get what you want. Sorry.

Whitney - posted on 07/07/2011

I have a son with special needs. He is autistic and takes actions and words literally to their meaning. If I spank him when he's "being bad" he has learned to hit to show he's angry or mad. My son can't even comprehend the term ";quiet", "ndoor voice", or "whisper". His off days occur every day. I would never teach my child it is ok to hit. We just got his aggressive behavior mostly stopped at the age of 2yrs old. Why start that vicious cycle over agian?

Lindsey - posted on 07/07/2011

I agree with spanking. With some kids it is the only way to get there attention and make them behave. I have found with my son that I count to five and if he has not straighten up he gets a time out. He hates time outs so this is very effective for him. One day he spent 58 minutes in his time out chair because he was suppose to sit there for 5 min but kept getting up. It was a bad night but since then I have only had to put him in a time out 2. When we are out in public and he throws a fit we leave and go home for a time out. I have done this at the grocery store after I had gotten half of my groceries. Felt bad for the person who had to put my groceries away but they understood as I had a screaming kid in my arms.
I have had people come up and try to help but it only makes things more frustrating and takes the parent completely out of control.
Hang in there and find out what your child will respond to whether it is spankings, timeouts or taking toys away. Every kid is different.

Stephanie - posted on 07/07/2011

i was spanked, my most prominent memory is of being chased with the belt and slipper, how is this a good thing? Just because people used to do it years ago does not mean it is right, if the only way you are able to control your kids is by voilence then you really need to question your ability to be a parent. How can you hit your kids, then tell them it's wrong to hit people??? Ok, rant over, lol

Jenni - posted on 07/07/2011

You're assuming spanking is the only way to discipline and that when you see a child acting out in public it is because they are not spanked. Something you couldn't possibly know as a onlooker. Likely, the child lacks consistant discipline and involvement or has a possible medical condition. To assume children act out because they are not spanked is a very poor and ignorant judgement. I don't assume when another child hits my child that his parents must be spanking him and that's where he learned the behaviour from... just sayin.



For support and help with discipline I'd like to invite everyone to join our community:



http://www.circleofmoms.com/positive-beh...



Everyone is welcome!

Melissa - posted on 07/07/2011

there are other ways to deal with bad behaviour and i feel it is wrong to have to resort to hitting your children and is bullying. i was smacked as a child and it tought me 1 thing not to get caught the next time!!!

Helen - posted on 07/07/2011

my daughter was a high stress baby always thowing fits i was looseing control of her because i use to think that spanking was beating your child soon she became a toddler and i was not able to go any were and i was a single parent with no support so i went to my mom in a plead for help after a black eye from my child and she eplained that i was spanked as a child by the time i was 3 she never needed to again thats why i dont remember it and she told me that some kids need a touch to snap there brains to think oh mom does not like what im doing i should stop at first it was a pat on the bottem and now shes 3 and more verbal so she understands when i say no but every now and than i rest my hand on her sholder and thats all it takes its the touch that makes them focus but i think if you choose to parent your child this way you should alway explain why you spanked them so that in time they understand what is bad behavour and it wont lead to bullying or abusive tendency in the child

Cara - posted on 07/07/2011

I personally believe in the "spare the rod, spoil the child" thing. I do not feel a spanking should be used every single time a child is in trouble nor should it be used when angry. I do believe in spanking and my oldest has had her butt popped her share of times for her behavior but I refuse to spank her if i am angry or annoyed with her. When I have spanked her i talk to her about why she is getting a spanking. Spanking your child does not lead to them thinking the solution to things is to hit people, it doesnt make them disrespectful, it does not make them afraid of you....etc. I don't spank my daughter unless I have told her that her behavior is going to get her a spanking either. Children have rough days just like adults do, but as adults we know that bad behavior because you're having a rough day is not right. Something we learned as a child. My husband had to leave for a job offer and to get us a new place in the state with the job. It has been a very hard time for my 2.5yr old. She has had many hard days. While part of me thinks "i understand she's having a hard time and this is her way of dealing" i also have to know that allowing her to behave badly because of it is unacceptable and would only teach her the wrong way to handle things when upset. There is nothing wrong with spanking your child IF, and only if, It is done in the proper manner. NEVER spank a child when you are upset or angry. Send them to their room and take a moment to cool off. Don't spank for every single little thing they do wrong. Give a warning that their behavior will result in a spanking if continued. Just my thoughts and opinions.



Side note: Being a parent that does spank I can say that i have a very respectful child and it's not because she's afraid. She doesn't hit, bite, scratch, pinch, slap, kick or any of the other things kids tend to do. I am a SAHM and spend a lot of time teaching my children right from wrong. Children also learn a lot from OTHER CHILDREN. Spanking your child is not abusive...IF it is truly only a spanking. there is a HUGE difference between a spanking and a beating or getting hit or slapped. I got my share of spankings as a child and turned out just fine. I respect other people, i am not a violent person(nor is my daughter...), i know right from wrong, I know that hitting isn't an answer when i do not get my way....

Kiley - posted on 07/06/2011

Parents who spank need to learn to
control situations without resorting to physical punishment. Think about the message you give a child when you strike them for discipline. I am an educator and can usually tell which children get spanked, and not in a good way. In the early years, many children who get spanked had trouble w/ hitting. That becomes the only way they have to tell their peers, "Hey, don't do that." Not healthy. My personal opinion is that it is abusive. My daughter and students ate very respectful, intelligent and mature and over-all vert well behaved children and I would never, ever hit, pinch, threaten etc.

Tiffiny - posted on 07/06/2011

and as for the bullying , those are kids who want the extra attension, who doesn't get it at home, kids who think they are the most important person in the world because their parents gave them everything they ever wanted but never had consequences or discipline for their actions..... its their way of demanding what they want

Tiffiny - posted on 07/06/2011

i am all for spanking in the right situations..... even in a store or a doctors office for instance...... but sometimes all u have to do is threaten a spanking and the situation changes

Yolande - posted on 07/06/2011

Hi Jessica, I agree with everything you said 100% It is very challenging to raise children and parents do not always realise how their own behaviour can impact on the children and sometimescause lasting and devastating effects. I have two teenagers as well, and have learned so much from raising them that I am now so much better equipped to raise my toddler twins.

Jessica - posted on 07/06/2011

Well it is normal for children to act out because thats how they learn about feelings first of all and as parents we are there role models if we spank because they are angry or sad then we are teaching them to hit someone if they are sad or angry. this is when the children grow up to direspect because us parents are thier role models this is when some children become out of control and start hitting parents. There are other ways to prevent acting out behaviors such as setting limits, consequences and time outs. Oh one more thing routines and being consistant is the key to parenting also. As for bullies these are children that need of some type of control because maybe of unstable home, abuse and ect but as parents you can educate your child how to avoid bullies and if it gets too out of control then parents need to advocate for the child with the child present this teaches as I stated in the begining we are thier role models they will developement strength to stand up for themselves.

Yolande - posted on 07/06/2011

It is very difficult when children especially toddlers throw tantrums in public. I think one must just try to stay calm, politely pick up the child, and take him/her to the car or somewhere quiet while saying " I know, I know...in a calm voice and do not show expression...

Sherry - posted on 07/06/2011

My kids are ages 3, 1 ( soon to be 2) and a 5 month old. my 1 and 3 year old love to act out in the store. I tell them 3 times they need to quit or i will spank there butt and when i mean spank i just swat there butt once. Not hard or anything like that I just smack there butt and thats the end of it..They straighten up really quick. So im for spanking but I have been seeing alot of mothers out there in stores smacking faces, arms and sometimes in the bathroom it litereally sounds like they are beating there kids. It's rediculous if your going to beat a child.. spanking and beating are two different things.

Ellen - posted on 07/05/2011

I know what ur talking about, but no matter what ur not in her shoes or know her life. Society makes it hard to displen ur child at all and some ppl are crazy if ur yell at ur child or spank their bottom in the bathroom dept of children and family will come knocking at ur door. Some ppl judge to quickly. Maybe the child has ADHD and is active, Maybe the parents had just enought money to go out and can't afford a baby sitter or thay dont have parents or sister or brothers to help or give them time off. from being a parent. If u see this say a little pray for the parents or parent so their day goes better.

Charisse - posted on 07/05/2011

I grew up with spankings and turned out to be a great person. I spank my child. I don't spank in a public place. I think that is kinda tacky, however I will remove us from where we are to go where I can spank. Like a bathroom or even out to the car. I believe when you are a parent you understand what works for some people wont work for all people. I hate it when people say it has to be a certain way. Every child is different and has to be treated differently.

Rachael - posted on 07/05/2011

i think that, within reason, spanking is an acceptable form of discipline. i was spanked and i didn't bully other children or get in fights. with my son, i only spank him if what he is doing is something that could seriously injure or kill him(like trying to run out into the road). otherwise i jtry and find a different suitable punishment (ifhe is banging his car against the tv ill take away the car, forexample)

Heather - posted on 07/05/2011

You can't always control the way that your children are acting, but, as parents, we can try our best. Children are usually acting that way in a store or restaurant because they are hungry, tired, or bored. The parents should do the best to keep their children full, not tired, and not bored. So if the children are acting up, half the time, it's the parent's fault. Sometimes my son acts up no matter what. He has Sensory Integration Disorder and possibly autism. So I do the best that I can to keep him happy, fed, and not bored, but every so often, he has a meltdown in the middle of the store.