Stay at home mom

Carolyn - posted on 10/09/2009

I have a 2 year old and have just left my regular job to move to a new town. However, I also have 2 home party home based businesses. In our house we're working on the picking up after himself. He likes to put stuff in the sink, so he takes his own dishes to the sink. He likes to "help" whenever I have my party stuff out, I should probably say that I sell kids toys and accessories with one company and kids books with the other so it's no wonder he wants to help. I find the best thing in our house is to turn on a movie, whether it be Bob the Builder or Pooh, it works for me to get a few mins of quite and get stuff done. Good Luck!

Aisha - posted on 10/09/2009

Wow...sounds like your husband needs to be left by himself with both kids for a couple of days. With grocery shopping that needs to be done. A couple of loads of dirty laundry. And endless sesame street, Barney, and Winnie the Pooh. About 20 times of singing "It's a small world", a few dozen puppy dogs to draw for the amusement of said children, jumping, dancing, temper tantrums, frustrated screaming ( by him and the kids), time outs, playtime, naptime and omg ...the diapers!

When I was pregnant my husband said I was getting a 9 month vacation - I worked during my pregnancy. When I stayed at home with her I was on Vacation.

When I went back to work part time, or just took a day off and he got to watch her.....well lets just say I NEVER hear the word vacation associated with taking care of our daughter anymore.

I don't know if it is feasible financially but a monthly/weekly cleaning service could help YOU alot. My daughter is 2 and I have a rule - you managed to make the mess so you can manage to clean it up. Every night before bed SHE puts all her toys away.

Hope this helps - comic relief if nothing else!

Alisha - posted on 10/09/2009

My daugher is now 2 years old, I let her help around the house when I'm cleaning. She loves it and I get more done with her help.

Julie - posted on 10/08/2009

I have not gotten it all figured out by any means but FlyLady.com is helping. You might check it out. There is also a place on the site with ideas for toddles and infants.

good luck!

Carianne - posted on 10/07/2009

Hey Jessica,

I have a 3 year old and an 8 year old and I work 55 hours a week. When I was on maternity leave my husband, like yours. thought there was a house keeping fairy that comes when he's not home. Surprise!! There isn't. I finally had enough when he yelled at me because he had no clean socks. I lost it on him. I refuse to get down on my hands and knees to pull his socks & undies out from under the bed when the laundry basket is three feet away. When he pulls the last pair of sock out of the drawer he has two choices. Let me know that he is out of sock or do is own bloody laundry. Last time I checked I wasn't a paid servant. Same now that I'm working. If he doesn't like how I'm keeping house he's more than welcome to help out.

You are not a paid servant, if you were you'd get breaks & paid vacation. You are a mom first, their health & well being are your #1 priority. You should be #2 (although my hubby often get's #2 billing on my list). House work is #4. Stay focused and make sure your priorities are in the right order. They can move around some but don't let house keeping hold that #1 spot too often.

Your 3 year old is capable of helping and he is also capable of playing independently. My, just turned, three year old will play for over an hour in his bedroom. It's neat to watch because he gets some pretty crazy scenarios going with his tow truck & various other toys. One of the stuffed puppies got "towed" out from under the bed the other day. It is important that your children learn how to play on their own and it gives us moms a mini break too.

Good Luck

Krista - posted on 10/07/2009

Does the dad work weekends? If not, then tell him you'd like to try an experiment. Tell him you're going out for the ENTIRE day and do so. Tell him when you get back you want the house clean and organized and you want food to either be in the oven or on the table when you get back. Tell him if he thinks it's so easy, he can try it himself.

As for cleaning and supervising. A 3 year old is at the age where he can totally help you with certain things and I'm sure he'd happily do it if you made it a game. A one year old can help in certain aspects, too. Teach them to clean up their own toys. Buy a swiffer duster. Tell your 3 year old to dust...I can almost guarantee he'll jump at the chance to use one of these nifty things.

Jessica - posted on 10/07/2009

I'm sorry hun. That's hard when your spouse isn't understanding. My husband used to work 80 hours a week. He didn't get it either. He does now because in the 7 years I have gone on 2 vacations on my own LOL But even still sometimes he comes home and gets all mad. You just got to do what you can and on the days you can't get it all done you just have to say oh well. To me life is just too short they grow so fast and it's an important time for them.

Maybe you should make a list of all the things you do each day. One for you to check things off and two for your husband to see what it takes.

Jessica - posted on 10/07/2009

Yes that is how i feel... there dad works in the oilfield.. so of course he works everyday and gets off really late.. and he expects me to have the house completely clean.. I'm already stressed out as it is.. I mean i have too kids to deal with all day and my son is terrible to me... so the dad just adds more stress to this!!

Jessica - posted on 10/07/2009

Have you heard the term a good mom has a dirty house? Get what you can get done when you can. In my experience not everything always gets done and if it did then I didn't play with my kids.

Have them help you with easy stuff like the 3 year old can help load the dishwasher with you or even hand wash buy him some gloves and he can help rinse them as you wash. The baby girl can sit in her highchair and color in the kitchen. You guys can sing songs or listen to music while you are cleaning up the kitchen. My son also likes to help vacuum and he helps me pick before we do that so does my 20 month old. I think sometimes the 20 month old does a better job LOL Make it fun sing a clean up song while picking up. Have a race to see who can take care of the blocks the fastest or whatever. Clean the bathrooms during nap times. You can have them help you put clothes away too. It won't be perfect but they really do like to help.

Also have your DH help you with some of the house work. Just because you stay at home doesn't mean the house is 100% your responsibility. The reason you stay home isn't to keep a perfect house. It's to raise your children. That's your number one job.

Angela - posted on 10/07/2009

I am not an organized person so I have to try really hard to keep a schedule and keep things picked up. I stay at home with my 2 yo while my 11 yo and 13 yo are at school. Have a loose schedule and get your kids involved in keeing track of the day, You have breakfast, lunch, nap and dinner. Plan a caouple activities in there like reading crafts or TV/movie.

I keep baskets around the house to keep toys in and pick up as I go. Also I get those big plastic shoe boxes from Container Store and group toys and keep them high in the closet so I can pick up the pieces of one activity before getting the next one out.

My best advice is to pick up as you go. Oh, don't forget to schedule some "me" time into your day!! Good luck.

Amie - posted on 10/07/2009

I have a 3 year old and 8 month old. One day a few months ago I was feeling crazy and so I sat down made a weekly schedule for myself of what tasks I was going to get done on what day. And I get my 3 year old to help me. As soon as I get up in the morning and get everyone happy I put in my load of laundry for the day. And that is a task my 3 year old loves to help out on. He loves putting clothes in the washer and pouring the detergent. Then I unload the dishwasher and let my son help with that too. Then I do breakfast. Then play time with the kids. Then my little one takes her morning nap. I get my son to help me put the clothes in the dryer, then he and I have time to play just us. Then the rest of my day is pretty low key. l clean 1-2 rooms a day. I usually do this when my daughter takes her afternoon nap. My son likes to help dust and vaccuum or wash windows. Also every night before I go to bed I thoroughly clean the kitchen. Also I set my tasks to where I have weekends off! All work is done Monday through Friday.

Jessica - posted on 10/07/2009

I ment DAY not DAD lol