Stupid ungrateful husband >:(

Cherith - posted on 08/17/2012

hi there
I know what u are going threw and it is damn fustrating ,everything is about them and them alone
You have to be supermom ,super wife and then slave 2 ,raising kids is hard work and then you still have this mooding bastard in the evening that cant even lighten ur load when he gets home
Some men just never seem to want to grow up ,im married for almost ten years and my asshole still acts like he is my youngest child ,CREW THAT SHIT ,live for yourselve a little sweetie ,after all u deserve it !!

Christy - posted on 10/17/2009

This is totally a man thing! My husband thinks that his cooking dinner should earn him a medal! I work full time at a family business and keep our toddler with me the whole time...ALL DAY LONG! Yeah, he has dinner ready after I drive 30 minutes home listening to kids songs the whole way. But I still have to clean up the whole kitchen/dishes, and I don't know about anyone else but OMG, that kitchen is ridiculous when he is done. Like he's trying to see how many pots and pans he can possibly use. Then I still have to get the little one a bath, entertain her, and put her to bed before I can sit still for 30 seconds. Not to mention doing all the house cleaning on my one day off, Sunday. Then the bastard will have the nerve to act like I'm slacking if I leave the living room strewn with toys in the morning rather than be late for work. Ass.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! :)

Erin - posted on 10/17/2009

Lisa, that sounds really shitty! I can kinda relate in the 6 wks that my husband was off I was nice and gave him 2 wks that I didn't bitch about nothing getting done so it was more like a vacation giving him time to decompress from having worked (does semi labor intensive work). So then the next 2 wks NOTHING was done! And I got the same comments that our toddler wouldn't let him clean, which was funny because when I would be home (worked PT) and he'd come home from work that would be one of my excuses because I would wait for our son to nap otherwise cleaning was about as productive as beating my head into a wall!!! Well our 3 yr old is at that inbetween nap phase so most days he actually doesn't nap :( and then he goes to bed late, so unless I was getting up early the house never really got clean...so that was understandably annoying, but it was super funny that all of a sudden the excuse worked for him :) He did eventually start helping a little bit in the last 2 wks but not in the way that I would have and he did everything ass backwards...ugh...that's a whole nother story. I asked him to do 2 things before he went back to work since he would all of a sudden not have time to do them once he was working again, and that was back in Aug. they are STILL not done! One of them I did myself last week (finally :P ) but I'm not touching his laundry so that one will likely go undone forever!!! I do think it is funny how long he will go without doing his laundry though, like it punishes someone other then himself? LOL 3 yrs of this and he STILL hopes I'll pick it back up, HAHAHAHAHA I joked with him about giving him our oldest son's laundry to do as well since we had another baby and I of course do the towels to boot, but I would never do this as I would like my son's laundry cleaned more frequently then once a month!



One of the things I learned in Women Studies is that we (parents) teach our daughters to see dirt but do not do this with boys... that we will allow boys to be loud, because after all "boys will be boys" and yet are not this liberal with our daughters. There is a lot of thought that we are taught to be motherly (or atleast all those things that are assumed about mothers) I hope to be able to instill some of those traits on my sons!!! I told my husband that since I have no daughters I will simply have to raise little feminist boys! He just rolled his eyes at me!!!

Lisa - posted on 10/17/2009

ooooh I have a man like that. well, except that he doesn't complain about toys being out. I was a SAHM while going to school and my husband worked and we had housework all divided and it was good. Except he hated his job and as soon as I graduated he asked me to go to work and let him quit his job to stay home with our then 8mo old. So I did. I got up every morning at 3am and went to work. then I'd come home and nurse the baby, pump and save some, and spend time with my older boys and do homework with them, read to them, play, etc. and do my chores. Go to bed early, though husband always tried to keep me up later. I'd wake several times in the night to nurse our baby, then get up again at 3am...and it started all over again.
Then I switched jobs so I could actually get some sleep, and things got worse. because I wasn't home at 2pm, I got home at 7pm my house fell apart!
my husband stopped cleaning, or he never actually started and I just didn't realize it because I was home more and doing more and it was always clean. well getting home later kind of ruined that. I'd come home starving, eat something put the kids to bed, nurse the baby, put baby to bed (gosh I missed her so much then), and spent some time with husband then went to bed myself. only husband started playing computer games as soon as I got home and letting me do everything including dinner clean up--so dirty dishes piled up and the house was a wreck. I asked him, I told him, I begged him, I withheld sex...nothing worked.
so I got pregnant again and quit my job and made him go back to work because the entire year I was working he was supposed to be going to school and he wasn't. I was! I had one class to finish and I did it while working full time and being with my kids as much as possible. and doing all the chores on my days off because otherwise they'd never get done.
I even sprinkled Ajax in the tub and left the sponge in there--my husband just wondered why the tub was gritty, but didn't clean the thing!
now that I'm home again, I do all the chores still, plus all the cooking and taking care of the kids and being pregnant and all he does is go to work. when he comes home he turns on the computer and ignores me for the rest of the night. He has no responsibilities at home and yet when we got into a fight once he mentioned that a few times the dishes weren't done when he came home from work (that was his ONE complaint), and I was so surprised, considering I do them ALL the time. When I'd work the dishes wouldn't have been done for 4 days, the longest he has to wait is ONE day.
I was so shocked at his attitude.
I don't know why men are so stupid, but I do know he used to complain that taking care of a toddler kept him so busy all day he couldn't clean. Here's a list of what I think mens' problems are:
1. They don't know how to actually clean. nobody ever showed them how to correctly clean.
2. They are blind to dirt. They don't SEE dirt, it just doesn't exist...which is why it's no biggy for them to track mud into the house....
3. They have one track minds. If they are watching a baby, that's all they are capable of doing--staring at the baby. They cannot look away because if they do the baby will move and they will have lost the baby....because...
4. Men can't find things. Ever. Even if that thing is HUGE and right in front of their faces...
5. Men need to decompress from work, by staring at something that doesn't move (so they don't have to worry about losing it) for a very long time...
6. Men have a storage box that has nothing in it and they can open that box and do and think nothing for a long time--this bugs us because we don't have a box of nothing.

Erin - posted on 10/17/2009

there you go...let it alll girl....men just dont understand what it is like to stay at home and care for the kid..they think that we just sit on the couch all day and kids will play.."yeah right" now before i had my son i had my days of hard working long hours..i use to race horses wich stared at 7:30 am and i didnt get home until 11pm-2am after i was done racing..did that everyday for years so i have had my share of long hours and hard work..so i hate when they say..well i bust my ass all day.what do you do beside sitting home with the kids...but funny enough when you say.."wanna switch"..ill go to work and you be the stay at home dad..they are not intrested..lol...its just a man thing..they really dont understand..

Kayla - posted on 10/16/2009

Oh we love to hate our men! :) I actually just read a news article recently that said that men get post-partum depression as well as women. Maybe something to do with all the change?? This could be it. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was put on 'light' bedrest. So, I was taken off work and told to stay home, but I could do somethings around the house...Not totally bed ridden. And my other half would come home from work angry at me that the house was dirty.... After we had our daughter he was still pretty assholish until I finally lit him up one day and told him that I would trade him any day of the week. He lightened up some then! :)

Shannon - posted on 10/16/2009

You are still in the early post partum time period when hormones are running hot. It is during this period with each of my kids and my sister with each of her kids that we almost ended up divorced. Men can be brainless fools and not know when to keep their mouths shut. What finally helped for me was without anger (which was hard since I'm a yeller) I told him that when he...I feel hurt and taken for granted. I also told him that the next morning I had an appointment that I could not take the baby to and since there was plenty of breastmilk pumped he would be just fine with the newborn and the 2 year old. I dropped my older daughter off at school and went to a donut shop turned off my cell phone and had a donut and coffee and stayed gone for an hour. When I got back, his eyes were wide and panicky looking but it was the beginning of a turn around. I never told him my appointment was for coffee alone. Two years later he still thinks I had an actual appointment. Good luck to you. It's hard but that's what this area is for, a sisterhood.

Melissa - posted on 10/16/2009

I kind of know where you are coming from. I have 3 year old triplets and the toys are everywhere. If the toy boxes were in the livingroom I would never get them to stay put up for the most part. I noticed that you say your sons room has turned in to a storage room. Why not get that room cleaned up and put all his toys back in it. I take one room at a time. Some times it will be one room a week. This is on top of the normal kitchen & clothes stuff. Doing one room at a time, I work on it when I get a chance, nap time, playing with daddy time or when ever. Like I said it may take me awhile to get that one room done, but when I do it is so worth it, to me. Then I will move onto the next thing. Right now I am working on my closet. It has turned into my storage area, I can't get to my clothes. But I am hopeing by the end of next week to have it where I can find everything.
Good Luck - I know it is hard with a new baby, but in a couple of monthsthings should be getting alittle eaiser to deal with.

Sherry - posted on 10/16/2009

ya know what - the mess will be there tomorrow. picking up toys and doing laundry is never ending. I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old - my priority is them. My time is spent with them. Once they are in bed then I pick up.
I also go through the toys every few months and weed out the ones that are no longer age appropriate or ones that are not played with and I donate them to the Salvation Army or Good Will. Especially Happy Meal Toys!! I helps keep things easier to tidy up and less of it.
Remember - it wont be like this for long - soon they will be teenagers and we will all be worried about them driving or worse - this is a happy time. a messy living room never hurt anyone!

Jacqueline - posted on 10/16/2009

www.pairs.com

It is a relationship communication class. It works with whether you are dating, married or engaged. It is worth it. Not all things are going to be cleared up. But hearing how both of you feel about what is going on and explain what each other expects and what is realistic of the expectations will significantly help. Try having him echo back to you what you are saying is bothering you and tell him if what he repeated back is what you meant to say. Small simple exercise to get out in the open what is bothering you. But it helps not to place blame. IE "When you come home, it isn't all my fault the house doesn't get cleaned." Use "When you come home, I would like some help cleaning up the last of what I could not clean up because it was a hectic day." Or "I understand you worked hard today and I didn't have a moment to get his toys up, could you help me while I get dinner finished?"

The person with Clutter=Stress, this is so true. It is a behavior modification that might calm your husband down and in the long run your children too. I have a behavior therapist and that is the first thing we did in my child's bedroom was get rid of the extra toys she doesn't play with everyday and the items that were too young for her. With decluttering the house, my child has calmed down significantly. When it started getting cluttered, her behavior got bad.

There too might be jealousy factors of the child sleeping in bed with you two. Takes away from personal time of just the two of you. Personalize your son's room just the way he wants it. Toys---If it can't fit in his room, get rid of it. That is the way it is with my daughter's room. We are in a 1,000 sq-ft apartment. Put a limit on what he has/gets. Everyone will be less stressed.

Make a plan with your husband to make the changes and have him input any changes he would like to see and ask him to be open to any changes you would like. Making the changes might change his perception of what is going on.



Hope this all helps.

Erin - posted on 10/16/2009

I start back up to work 1 dy/wk in Nov. due to scheduling conflict (we're trying to keep them out of daycare) and I'm smiling inside SOO BIG about the fun he'll have w/a 2 month old & a 3yr old :) hehehe I have a feeling he'd going to hate Saturdays starting in Nov.! I've actually left him w/our newborn but the little terd is always asleep when he has him! When I have to leave I try to use that time (as its usually for shopping) to have some 1 on 1 time w/my older son so he doesn't feel left out all the time. My husband also does this on occassion. He'll get his in Nov. and I'll likely end up LOVING saturdays :D LOL



Stephanie, you're right about guys not liking others knowing their business! I actually think that's what starts most of our dirty house fights because he brings his friends over EVERY DAY! And he has them come in our bedroom too so that is why the shape of the bedroom would play in to that...yeah for my complete lack of privacy, in my own house, ugh... This is why he stormed around and "cleaned" the living room 2 days ago! He had company coming over and was just sick and tired of the mess he helped create (as it was caused by reorganizing rooms NOT our 3 yr old!) but whatever :) Thanx for the support :)

Stephanie - posted on 10/16/2009

Girl every man does this from time to time but you don't have to put up with it...first try explaining to him your overwhelmed and need help and you didn't make these kids by yourself.That don't work do what I did I just handed him the kids and left for the day and he got a dose of my crazy job. Sometimes men forget that being a mom /wife is a 24 hour job that never ends. And if all else fails I also called his mom over who thinks he can do no wrong and boy was he pissed bcause they hate people knowing there business!! Good luck and remember you are his equal not his slave and he needs to appreciate you for all u do !

Adina - posted on 10/16/2009

i have the same problem with my hubby. i do all the cleaning take care of the kids and then when i ask him to do the dishes he says o i am doing them i cook dinner or he says he cant help clean cause he cooks dinner sooo freakin what thats the only thing he does. i do everything else. its ridiculous how guys think.

Erin - posted on 10/16/2009

Sorry if you feel that I have attacked you in any way :( I don't mind a differing opinion I just don't understand how this would come to bite me later??? I understand about saying shit about friends, especially if you're not talking in the mean time... I read plenty of friends petty notes about other people and often think the same thing... but like I said, in this I'm not sure how that would bite me later...my husband doesn't even have a facebook acct... and he's in the know... I suppose the part where you inadvertantly called me degrading and childish would get people's defenses up? Good luck to you :)

Angeline - posted on 10/16/2009

I'm not on his side, i just don't like seeing people hurt each other. There's enough of that going on in the world. I wrote something bad once online and 6months later after we worked everything out,this thing came up and it cost me a really good friend, I just wouldn't want it to happen to another mom. I know that i am extremely lucky to have a wonderful loving and understanding husband who truly is my best friend. It's not that rare as ALL my friends are this lucky to have wonderful husbands. Sorry to have offended anyone., but as you all have said we are free to vent our opionons on this site. I guess they just all have to be the same opinion or you get attacked.

Erin - posted on 10/16/2009

I told my husband about your post last night, cuz like I said I DO TALK TO HIM, and he was happy to hear that someone was on his side :) I have journals from when I was a teen and I have told him he can read them whenever he likes, I'm not ashamed of how I feel, and since I've told him ALL of these things before I don't have a problem w/reading them again later... I'm not sure how this would be destructive later??? Hell if I was getting a divorce later I have my ammunition for that I don't think that this little post is going to hurt...maybe be evidence to why he drives me NUTS at times ;) I say this jokingly. 13 yrs later our marriage isn't hanging by threads...my husband is my best friend and he knows how I feel I just came on here to vent my frustrations because I was hurt by him being so insensitive to my situation, and he KNOWS THIS TOO!

Angeline - posted on 10/16/2009

I don't live in perfect world, and I not being high and mighty. I just know how distructive it can be later down the road to read this. Currently, in my home I have my two children 4 and 1 PLUS 2-2year olds and 2 other 4 year olds. The best thing that i've learnt in life if you need to vent right it on paper and then burn it, it makes you feel better and it doesn't bite you in the ass later. I'm sorry you guys feel that way about my posts but that's my reality and my husband and I have learnt to work out and deal with whatever comes our way together. It's what has made our marriage stronger. As for the job description of being a mom, I love it and wouldn't change a thing about it. (I've been with my husband for17years and married to him for 8)

Desire - posted on 10/16/2009

Im sorry hun! My husband knows that if he wants dinner on the table when he gets home that he better be walking in the house with a pizza in his hand. and that if he doesn't like how i clean i am more then happy to let him do all the cleaning!. I hope things get better. good luck with taken care of your lil ones and keeping your sanity. god knows im bout ready to lose mine!

Kristy - posted on 10/16/2009

I have these moments everyday! I have 3 kids and none of them pick anything up after themselves. Mommy is expected to do it all. My husband is just like the kids, I have to go behind him too and pick up after him. He still has the nerve to spout off at the mouth if everything is not the way he wants it to be. I'm sorry I am only one woman taking care of a house, getting 2 children up, dressed, and out the door for school, plus taking care of a toddler, washing clothes, doing dishes, all the good Mommy stuff. Very seldom do I ever hear a thanks or the house looks good. So I know your pain.

Jenica - posted on 10/16/2009

i understand. when my husband and i were living together it was the same thing. i had my youngest two seventeen months apart and i had csections with all 3 children. im surprised that i didnt pop my stiches trying to live up to HIS idiotic expectations.

i do have an idea about what to do about the toys. go through them all and figure out what he plays with most. and what ever he doesnt play with get rid of. donate to goodwill or salvation army or have a garage sale and save the money that is earned and put it into a piggy bankj or make a savings account for your son. and have a bonvoyage party for the parting toys. that way you can have 1 or 2 bins of toys and less clutter.

Lori - posted on 10/15/2009

This is for Angeline, You must live in a prefect world! This girl is just trying to vent..So maybe as not to cause a fight. It's not always perfect in other peoples lives, so please don't come on here acting like a saint, and belitte a mother who works her bottom off. If you have never been in this place you have no right to reply. Its not alway easy to get a 3 year old to do stuff for his self when there is a new one in the house. This lady just wanted to get some stuff off her chest. Not be told she was childish. This is a place where we can do that. If you don't like to hear stuff like this don't READ it ..The title was a dead give away of what you were about to read! And as she said in the post she wrote (i'm pretty sure it was for you) pleas read the who question..not just parts of it! And since you seem to know she is she is angery when she comes home. You might want to think about how her husband acts toward her as well. We aren't all so luck to live perfect lives. So all i'm asking is if you have a problem with the way a women tries to vent then just please don't read the post. Don't try to act all high and mighty. Just kindly find another more perfect post to read.

Alana - posted on 10/15/2009

i absolutely loved reading ur post...and to finally hear more women be able to "bitch" about this! its awesome! i have a 6 year old...and a baby who just turned 1. my little one is constantly wanting to be on my boobs...hes a little attached...and my 6 year old is my only saving grace...he helps sooooo much around the house.

i actually let my husband have BOTH boys for 3 1/2 hours so i could get out of the house for a while on my own...when i came home...i think i had never saw my husband more happy to see me! hahaha...

he said...the baby cried the whole time i was gone...and he didnt know what to do! i was of course...THRILLED!

men sometimes dont get it....not until they go thru it themselves!!!!

now...my husband and i switch off and on who does the dishes...and all the other household chores...cuz...he now knows...the taking care of my family is harder than it seems!!!!

god bless ya!

Lori - posted on 10/15/2009

I though I was the only who thougth that way about theis husband! I have a 2 year old..1 yr..and 6 months..and i get the samething..Or he says do you need my mom to come help..clean...do laundry...and i'm like know i just need you to recut the cord the dr.cut at birth and help...then if you don't look nice you hear about it too...well in sorry but I like my sweat pants..if he had to do the stuff i do all day he would wear them too...and what really gets me is that he sits behind a desk.So the only thing on his body that is getting a work out are his fingers form being on craigs list..looking for the next big deal on an old car!...I love him and hate him at the same time sometimes...Good luck..we all need it.

Erin - posted on 10/15/2009

Wow, so um...if you all didn't get the hint by talking in past tense...he is working again. I simply stated that he was very unproductive during a 6 wk lay off that I pulled in extra hours and was pregnant during, all the while cleaning more in our house then he did, but...eh. He was not fired, he was laid off, and is working for the same company, again, and has been since August. Soooo...as I also stated I do make my son clean up his toys, maybe not IMMEDIATELY after he uses them or makes a mess, but I do make HIM clean them, unlike my spouse... And I love how my ONE post about my ungrateful husband (because he was!) equates to me being angry every time he walks in the door? Actually my original post was in the morning after I got the day started so I wouldn't be pissed when he got home :) But hey, you can vent your way and I'll vent mine :) Thanx anyways :D Anyways, we had that tiff, and have not been pissy towards each other past last night when he came home (FROM WORK) and cleaned the living room! So of the 15-20 mins we've had issues in the last 5 days *rolln eyes* ugh...my journal ran out of paper and I don't have the extra funds to buy a new one at the moment, but I'll work on that and quit my apparently ungrateful bitching so as not to bother you Ang. ;)

Christina - posted on 10/15/2009

My husband gets home from work at 4:30pm and sits on the comuter until dinner around 5-5:30pm...he eats, then gets up, goes back and sits on his computer and leaves me in the kitchen table with my crazy 3 year old and 11 month old (feeding them), after that I clean the whole kitchen and he is still on the damn computer until 9pm when he goes to bed. This everyday!!! I get you.

Lynne - posted on 10/15/2009

Thanks for venting Erin! I completely understand however mine wouldn't dare complain about the messy house, he knows I would have my great dane bury his ass in the back yard! I only have one child and one full time out of the house job which is enough for me. The most stressful and thankless job that I have ever had is being a wife. I apparently did not ask for the full job description before I made the trip down the isle to adopt my husband! I am just glad to hear from wives I don't know that we all sometimes deal with this shit, and will make my future decisions on that particular matter easier to handle. Thanks

Angeline - posted on 10/15/2009

When did we all become so important that we can just insult our partners???? If your not happy in your situation get out of it or fix it. I could never be so degrading and childish to turn to name calling on line. We all have stresses, and we find ways to deal with it. Your teaching your son to be the same by allowing him to make a mess, not clean up after himself. it's stressful with two kids, but it's also stressful coming home to an angry wife when you've lost your job.

Erin - posted on 10/15/2009

Ok so what itd been 3 dys since we moved some stuff in our son's room and trashed the living room...I didn't really clean the living room but kept up on laundry (of course not his), the kitchen, touched up our bedroom & the bathroom...all the while he drank with his buddies and didn't help clean at all... He came home last night, PISSED that he had more people coming over and the living room was STILL trashed. I was brainstorming places to put the crap that was residing in the living room, I didn't want to just move the mess behind closed doors (which is in turn what he did). He huffed and puffed and cleaned the living room :) It took all 10 mins, I tried to explain that its easier for him since he didn't have to worry about where the 2 boys were or feeding/pumping/calming down our newborn (which is what I was doing when he was cleaning) And like I said, he moved the mess into our sons room instead of truely cleaning it :( He just didn't want his friends to see his house a mess for yet another day (of course if he would have bothered to NOT have company when he came home and worked with me we could have both taken care of it and actually got something clean...) ugh...



As far as taking time to have alone time with my husband, ugh... I've tried to make schedules so we can plan time alone since you need to plan when you have kids and need sitters... it doesn't work :( Hell it didn't work w/1 kid and my husband wouldn't even let my mom (who had 6 kids) watch him when he was 1 month old he won't let anyone watch the 2 of them w/one being

Carla - posted on 10/15/2009

Here's a little thing i learned about men! there brains are made up of boxes they have one box for each thing that is important to them, when they want to talk about what is important to them they go to that box, when us ladies want to talk about something that is important for both of us they go to a little box that has nothing in it, so when we are talking, shouting or moaning they arent really listening they are thinkin about nothing, hence why they dont respond or look like thay aint listening, my husband does alot of things that pisses me off, when i try to talk to him he doesnt listen or gets al smart on me n say's it's my fault for being so high strung he say's if i just try and talk to him he would listen......emm iv tried but obviously he wasnt listening, he also used to say he hated the house but done nothing to make the house better although he's used the i do dishes more than you do crap lol so one day i decided to stop everything clean only when i can be bothered, and i only clean my mess or my son's, i also walked out on him one day i spent a week away from him and he saw our son everyday he also done my washing and cleaned the house, he made a big effort which was all i really wanted, he does help out more often but still pisses me off lol so all you have to do is get in that nothing box and give him something to think about. Also you should try and get your 3 year old into a nursery or playgroup a couple of times a week to give you a bit of much needed me time ask your friends or family to help you out a bit with cleaning or babysittin kids for a couple of hours, try and arrange some alone time for u and your husband and do something nice bring back the romance and love, after having kids its really hard to find time for each other and it will stress both of you, men are usually selfish and think only of themselves so he will probably be upset about not gettin enough attention or feel less loved than the kids it's important to get that back for both of you, after all before the kids you only had time for him right? now you dont even have time for yourself, so i suggest you get help with kids and cleaning arrange a date with your husband and spend some time together : )

Suzanne - posted on 10/15/2009

Wow!! That was alot to get off your chest. Hope you feel better?! It sucks when people do not understand. I feel you on that. If I were you I would not let his complaints bother you or force you back to work b4 you are ready. If he doesn't like it he can clean it himself. I would just smile when he b!tches and tell him that you are OH SO SORRY the maid and nanny both had to leave early ;) You'll remember to dock their pay.

Jenny - posted on 10/15/2009

Hang in there. Things will get better. But you may have to put him in check before this can happen. My daughter is 17 months and I get so irratated that I seem to be the only one in our house picking up toys after she goes to bed and then vaccuum, dust, sweep the hardwood floors and do laundry. I too feel that if only my husband could lift a finger or two a night I wouldn't have to do so much cleaning on the weekend and in return would not be such a B!!



But it is nice to know that we are not alone in this and that other moms are feeling the same way. Atleast it makes me feel a little less crazy.

Lori - posted on 10/15/2009

Good luck and hope things work out. Being a mom to two little ones isn't easy at the best of times. Sometimes the men just don't "get" it but sometimes we don't get the stresses they face (and won't talk about) either. If you can find some reason to be out of the house for at least an evening so that he has to do what you do 24/7 it might give him an appreciation for what you face. When we take each other for granted it's never a good thing. Verbal attacking (on either part) is just counter productive and maybe you need a third party that won't take sides? Which means no close friends or relatives :-)

Tiffany - posted on 10/15/2009

Hey hun! I no exactly how you feel, my bf works PART TIME about 21 hours a week. granted hes up early but its only an hour before me and the 2 kids (4yrs and almost 2yrs) get up. he will go to work for 3 hours and come home and complain if the breakfast dishes havent been cleaned or clothes havent been put in to wash. im like HELLO iv had to sort breakfast out for the kids get them ready take our 2 dogs for a walk (with the 2 kids which isnt easy at all) and your huffing and puffing about some dirty dishes. anyway i do them when the kids are settled watching tv or playing with their toys and he goes back to bed!! he will stay there until 3o'clock. this used to really wind me up but now i prefere him to be out of the way, i get to do my own thing with the kids and the house. if he doesnt like it he can lump it! he purposely stays out of the way now though because he nos hes a nuisence. haha. heres the story......i used to work about 30 hours a week and he stayed at home with the kids and the house looked like a bomb had hit it. haha its funny now but it meant me going to work (i was waitressing so on my feet all day) coming home tired as hell then starting all over again. i never got to sit down untill the kids were in bed and floors were cleaned. then i took the dogs out aswell. if i ever asked him to help or do something for me he would huff and puff and call me lazy and say 'i have looked after the kids and the dogs all day think i deserve a rest now' that made me so angry i really counld have hit him. i think he nos how hard it is looking after our family and our house but i dont think he will ever change and start helping me out. I think he nos that i dont need him around actually i am capeable of doing everything that needs to be done on my own because iv had to for so long now and i can do it in my own time because he is no position to tell me when or what needs to be done when he cant do it his self. *smug grin* we both spoke to my dad about this and i thought 'hes my dad he will stick up for me whatever i say' well HE DIDNT! he completely backed my bf. he said 'its easier for women to all that stuff and a man to sit and have it all done for him' i could have hit him aswell! people seem to be living in the past and need to start learning that women do more than cokk, clean and look after kids. sorry for ranting hun but it really pissed me off, that coming from my own father! anyway hun keep up what your doing and be srong and stick to your guns. if you want him to do something ask him once if he huffs dont ask him again. then when he wants you to do something for him YOU HUFF AND PUFF and see how he likes it! i no its childish but it gets the point across that its a two way street and its kinda fun too watch his face when you say no to him :0) xxxxx keep us informed hun xxxxx

Kimberly - posted on 10/15/2009

I love all the posts. We have all dealt with this. I suggest you talk to husband & let him know how serious this problem is. I wish I had done that, but instead I attacked him (not the best way to handle it & I am sure my hormones had a lot to do with it). This was the third time we had this issue (twice while I was pregnant with our 2nd child and the final straw was 2wks after giving birth) and the other 2 times I ignored him and realized he was an idiot. The third time was the final straw, I lost it and saw red. I will say my method worked (however I do not condone my actions). He does not say anything about what I do around the house and tries to help out more. However, I think if I had a serious talk with him I would have gotten the same results.

Lisa - posted on 10/14/2009

oh darl i feel for u,i go thriugh this shit everyday with my BF,they think because they go to work they dnt have to do anything alse...i think that a lot of us would be better off with out our partners..kid's can b stressful but not as stressfull as males!!! guy's just want an adalt mother to take care of them..cause thats wat we r reallydoing for them...im just bout ready to tell my BF to start looking for his own place... good luck dalr hope it get's better for u..just rember that u r a strong woman and u dnt need a man to complete u.

Timeka - posted on 10/14/2009

Ok so I have a 3 yr old son and a 3 week old daughter...I suggest u not let the babble get to you cause it does not go away...there are 3 people in your life that will make sure of that! Try to encourage ur 3 year old to pick up his own toys...Not that he'll do it automatically but you'll be able to ask him to do it and you can conserve that energy for something else. Although personally I think that ur son has way to much...there is no way that he plays with all of those toys. You should really consider condensing the mass. Less clutter will make a more peaceful environment wether everything is picked up or not! You could have a yard sale and get rid of alot of the little things and maybe even use that money to buy him 1 or 2 big things...I mean come on 1 train set is really enough. I sent one of my sons toy boxes to my moms house cause she's the one who watches him for me. Good luck...oh yeah...Just keep loving ur husband....he'll either get over it or do it himself once he sees the effort

Cyndi - posted on 10/14/2009

It can be very frustrating sometimes. You're probably really tired with the new baby, and feeling wayyyyy underappreciated. (Sounds like you ARE), anyway...save your energy for the stuff that really matters. Choose your battles. Maybe time to downsize on the toy bins? Sounds like alot of un-needed stress. When I find something to be repetitively stressful, ex. picking up toys, fighting about messes of toys, can't walk thru toys...GET RID OF IT!! Trust me...you will feel so much better. Do it a little at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself. Get some rest...and a crock pot!!! Good luck girl.

Samantha - posted on 10/14/2009

Like Barbara said, its all about the children. Men are just idiots they do not see the fact that these children are amazing in every way possible. When they giggle when they find out the can do something new, when they get excited the little squils and laugherter that you hear is amazing, guys do not hear it. So woman everytime u get irritated and say I wish my man would do this or that, think psh, I can do this on my own because my children count on me and they need me. Just as much as those children need you, you need them.. They seriously brighten up your day and make you feel important. Example: when you walk in the door after long day at work, who is there screaming and giggling, so happy that you are home? (the children)

Amanda - posted on 10/14/2009

Try making your 3 year old more independent like making him pick up his own toys before he moves on to another activity(dinner,bath time,snack) totally dressing himself, brushing teeth, washing hands, setting his place at dinner, throwing items in the trash can, empty wet clothes into a basket and have him put them in the dryer. Does you 3 year old really play with 5 boxes of toys how about donating some to a local thrift shop it will help teach him about giving to those less fortunate. While simplifying his toys how about doing it to the rest of the house. Make meals and freeze them. Last tell your husband everything you have just said in a one on one constructive time and setting not with kids screaming and running about. Ask him specific questions that require an answer that can lead to a plan basically start communicating or your never going to be happy.

Barbara - posted on 10/14/2009

I have 3 kids ages 3,2, and 1 I was only able to take about 3 to 4 weeks off of work to have each of em I really wasn't ready to go back to work I really wanted to breast feed I was forced to bottle feed I tried pumping at work but I had no time and I would leak every hr got uncomfortable I told my husband I needed to have him get a 2ed job so I can go P/T or have more time at home turned into a big arguement off n on I have had 2 jobs during my pregnancies I felt I had no choice and I was so sick of crying and begging him for help lil by lil that anger and frustration builds up you do start to feel your losing your partner we have gone to talk to someone but 'cause he doesn't want to hear the truth he will not go back - I figure I need to do and try everything in my power to keep us together and if worst comes to worst (which it has come real close we have had divorce papers in our hands) I just hope that we could be better parents for our kids no matter what our outcome- but well see I hate to feel the hatered toward him but he created that. I feel you through so keep your head up being a parent is more important than anything our babies deserve to have nothing but the best possible so do what YOU feel you have to do - your a great mother and your kids will love you regardless!

Barbara - posted on 10/14/2009

I guess we might all be able to relate in a way holy hell lol - THEY r all the same guys suck most of the time. I really want to know what happened to them, actually I have had the last 3 yrs of our 9 yr relationship just learning not to care - Even know I need him in a lot of ways I tell him u know where the door is!

Melissa - posted on 10/14/2009

I think all of us go through that cause God knos I do. I have 7 kids between the ages of 15 to 7 months between my husband and I 3 in sports and workin part time and still am expected to do it all. Men just dont get the fact that takin care of some children all day is a very very big chore. It gets very stressin alot of the times and I hate to say but my older ones get the raw end I am tryin to change things but no matter wat I do it will never be good enough for him. He yells at me at times for not havin dinner done but yet when I am workin on the weekends and get home between 5 and 7 dinner is still not even started God I love him but sometimes I sure do hate him. Good luck and hope the best for ya.

Alison - posted on 10/14/2009

I feel your pain, I think every mom has been in your shoes at one time or another. I just had my 3rd baby 7 weeks ago, and I have a 4 and soon to be 3 yr old, so I know how stressed out you are right now. I had the same toy problem you have, I solved it by rotating bins of toys I swap them out each week. It helps keep a handle on the mess and they don't get as board with their toys. When it comes to thier really big toys, (the train sets or race tracks) They only come out upon request and when they are done playing with them they are responsible for picking them up. As for the hubby talk to him, let him know that you need to be working together, you have enough pressure on you, you don't need him adding to it. Good luck!

Monica - posted on 10/14/2009

Go ahead, you can speak loud here and show your feelings, after all we are moms and women so we understand each other, I feel for you girl, and i hope you can find a solution to this problem. :)

Erin - posted on 10/14/2009

To those of you who say I need to talk to my husband...I have told him everything I have posted. I am not a keep quiet and stew kinda person! It probably doesn't get relayed very well, or nicely for that matter, but he is in the know! As stated in a previous post he won't sit and talk WITH me. He will sit and "listen" but says NOTHING in return... I've worked for 13 yrs trying to fix that :( to no avail... Thank you all for your advice and support! I know I don't have it that bad, and I may bad mouth my husband on occasion, like when I'm pissed off and need to vent ;) but I'm sure we'll work through it, 13 yrs doesn't come by easily...and a life long more sure wont either! :)

Jean - posted on 10/14/2009

i feel for you! really.I have three kids.10 years old,2 1/2 yrs and a 1 year old and a disabled father to go along with the bunch and not to mention his brother that lives with us so all in all i have 5 kids.Cause i have to take care of everyone of them.And all of thems messes and food preparing.Talk about one pain in the ass!

Robin - posted on 10/14/2009

Your not alone, but thank goodness my husband comes home and after he vents HE CLEANS....so good luck and keep venting, dont keep it all in, or you will end up taking it out on the kids...Trust me, been there dont that

Justine - posted on 10/14/2009

Oh man I've been there too. I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old and a husband who was raised that all the man does is go out and work and then come home to a home cooked meal and a clean house. I work 50 hours a week and I am a full time student... and I'm trying to get our house ready to be put on the market. I was getting sick of hearing about how my husbands favorite work shirt isn't clean and so I got so pissed I told him I wasn't going to do all the shit that I do for the house and he can do it, for one day. Ha he agreed, had no idea everything that i do, that was hilarious. He had to do bills, call the insurance company, the phone company, the doctor, do the laundry, the dishes, clean house, garbage out, hahaha, not to mention watch the kids feed them their meals, make us all dinner and give them a bath....

He has really really relaxed and shut his mouth when something isn't done around the house, he's also told me thank you several times since then for everything that I do.



I don't know if this will help but maybe it will make you laugh because I don't think men have any idea of everthing that we HAVE to do to make our whole family's life run smoother.



Hope everything gets better for you.

Angeline - posted on 10/14/2009

I think that there is some other issues going on here. There is no respect for each other. My husband works all day, and he comes home and encourages me to go out for awhile to take a break from our kids. If I make a comment about some toys laying around, he tells me not to worry we have kids our home doesn't need to look like a show home all the time. Your 3 year old is old enough to pick up toys after playing too. Hell, my 1 year old helps her 4 year old brother clean up all the time. You spent alot of time putting him down and calling him names, maybe he's not so great but he is the father of your children and deserves some respect. Maybe he's under alot of stress too if he just lost his job. I'm not saying he's right or you're right. Maybe you need to sit down and talk to him instead of bad mouthing him to the world.

Melissa - posted on 10/14/2009

I have two little ones under 3. I know your pain. BUT, in all honesty, if we aren't working, then the house IS our job. Dinner doesn't have to be on the table every night, but when he comes in, say "Thank God your home, can you play with the kids while I make dinner?" I am sure he would be happy to. Men are oblivious, and he won't know you need help unless you ask. He probably assumes that you do it all day without him and that if you need help you will ask. They aren't mind readers. Each day tackle a task on your list. Do it during nap times for the baby and while the 3 year old is entertained. Heck, I wish my youngest was still a newborn! Now they are BOTH getting into everything since she started walking!
Also, you should be talking to your husband about your feelings, not ladies on here that don't know the situation. It never helps to talk bad about your husband to others. If you need to vent, write it down and then throw it away, type and then delete. What other reason do you have to actually post?
Biblically speaking (dont know if you are religious or not, but I am, so bear with me lol) your main priority is husband first, children second, house third, and self last. Your children will grow and move away and it will be just you and your husband. That is your main relationship priority. Just pray about it all, God will hear.