Tantrums

Courtney - posted on 03/07/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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So I totally ignore the tantrums like everyone says, waiting for my son to realize that I'm not paying attention...He will cry and flail and hit and do everything he can to get our attention. Even if it's simply rolling around on the ground. I have let him do this and one time it was a good twenty minutes before he would even listen to me to talk. What do I do?

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Mandy - posted on 03/17/2009

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I used to watch a pair of twin boys that did this. When they were in my care, I picked them up from the tantrum and told them that they were having bad behaivor and put them on my step in timeout. I would leave them their for 2 minutes (or until the tantrum ended). They eventually stopped having really bad fits with me. Their parents went with the ignore thing and is still working on trying to deal with it.



My rule is: They can have a tantrum or throw a fit but I get to say where it'll be. Then eventually they find out if they're in a store and they throw a fit, they can have it, but they'll be removed from the store IMMIDIATELY and have it in the car. Then after they're done, they get to try it all over again. Its a lot of work, but really worth it. The stores a very helpful by holding your cart until you're ready to come back in, or if the case gets bad enough, put the items away.

Courtney - posted on 03/17/2009

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Thank you for that. We actually just did have a talk a couple of days ago, because we find out what we are having this next week, and I was asking my son if he wants a sister or a brother. It was really cute, he said he wants a girl. I know he is feeling that there are changes coming, I keep telling him he needs to be a big boy when he wants me to carry him, things like that. sometimes he insists on me feeding him, which is ridiculous! Anyway, thanks for your comments!

Megan - posted on 03/10/2009

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Quoting Courtney:

My son is 30 months. We had been dealing with things just fine, until I got pregnant in November. It's like he knows something is going to change even though we don't talk about baby very much because I think it confuses him. He knows I leave the room when we are at home, but I can't go far when he's doing it in a store, but I am out of his sight...Does that help? I'm just so tired of it. And time out with him has never worked. We started that about a year ago, and he just explodes into a tantrum on the timeout stool.



part of your problem is definately because of being pregnant. you definately need to sit him down oneday and explain that you are pregnant, and that means he'll be getting a new brother or sister soon. and you need to explain to him that you still love him just as much as before, and all that.



he really does know something is going on, my daughter is 14 months and she knows there's a baby in mommys tummy and she's having a brother. she started acting out a little when i found out i was pregnant, and even though she is so young and you wouldnt think she'd understand, addressing it has helped a TON!

Jennifer - posted on 03/10/2009

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My son has had tantrums that have lasted 45 mins plus! I know your feelings! I am thankful to have a good friend whose son has a similar temperment as mine, who had the same long, exhausting tantrums as a toddler. He is now 7 and a sweet, well behaved young man. So not only do I have her good advice, but I have a very hopeful outlook, it won't last for ever. My son is almost 3 & tantrums are already better, shorter & more controled. We send him (in the beginning physically put him there) to the stairwell, the bottom where it is carpeted and also sort of secluded. He stays there as long as he is having the tantrum. When he is controled he can come back to whatever he was doing (includeing finishing a time out if that was what caused the tantrum), if the tantrum starts up again he has to go back. It gives him some control over the situation and seperates it from misbehavior. We also work very hard on helping him learn appropiate ways to express his feelings, especially those feelings of frustration & anger. Things like stomping his feet, using words, and deep breathing. Now when a tantrum starts we remind him of these more appropiate options & then tell him he doesn't stop the tantrum he needs to go sit on the stairs. Sometimes he stops & things go fine, sometimes he goes to the stairs, sits there a few minutes & comes back just fine (as if he just needed to cry it out), we very rarely have a full blown tantrum ever anymore. It takes time & consistancy, but it is well worth it. I am a former kindergarten teacher & it just isn't very becoming when you see a 5 or 6 year old throw this kind of tantrum! :-)

Courtney - posted on 03/10/2009

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My son is 30 months. We had been dealing with things just fine, until I got pregnant in November. It's like he knows something is going to change even though we don't talk about baby very much because I think it confuses him. He knows I leave the room when we are at home, but I can't go far when he's doing it in a store, but I am out of his sight...Does that help? I'm just so tired of it. And time out with him has never worked. We started that about a year ago, and he just explodes into a tantrum on the timeout stool.

Sarah - posted on 03/09/2009

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I would put him in his room for a time out. When our son was about 16-17 months we would put him for time outs, only for a minute or two. Then one of us would go in, crouch down to his level and say something like "Do you know why you're in a time out? It's because you are not acting very nice (or whatever the problem is). If you want to come out, please start being nicer." If he says ok, give him a hug and ask if he would like to come help you do something, or play with some toys. If he keeps acting up, say okay maybe you need a few more minutes, and close the door. Just keep doing this and eventually the tantrums will become fewer and farther between.



Our son responded well to this as we started so early. Our daughter is 19 months old and is a little daddy's girl and gets her way a little too often. I have started the time outs but she doesn't respond the same way as our son did because we are not as consistant. I think consistancy and not putting up with the behaviour is the best way to deal with baby tantrums! It's very frustrating but once it starts working, you will be happy you got through it! Good luck :)

Karen - posted on 03/07/2009

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How old is your son? When you ignore the tantrums, do you leave the room or does he know that you're nearby watching?

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