Terrible Two's

Abby - posted on 10/09/2009

Quoting Marcy:

Amanda-
Not sure if this is an option for you but I will tell you what we do and it works for us. We stop everything. First off, we almost always give him a choice. For example, You can take your bath now or as soon as you show is over. Obviously he almost always picks option #2 which is fine. Its when he refuses to take a bath after his show is over that we a problem. First off, I shut everything down. The tv goes off, any games he is playing with get put away etc. I then sit next to him and in a very calm voice I explain to him that he agreed to take a bath as soon as his show was over and that when he was ready to listen he could let me know. The first time I did this he pitched a fit for about 45 minutes...crying, pouting and then he gave in and came over. When this type of incident happens now, he gets mad for all of 1 minute and then comes over to me and tells me he is ready to listen and and be a good boy. Then, its tub time.

It takes a lot of patience to do this and it might not seem like the first few times it is working but it really does. I find it to be such a "nice and calm" way of dealing with a "not so nice" kiddo.

Good luck.

This is the perfect combination of allowing him to make choices as well as ensuring he/she understands that you are in charge!!  For us, because our son has a very strong will, it is imperative to give him choices so he FEELS like he has SOME control.  We always give him 2 acceptable choices and then we hold him accountable to the choice he made, just like Marcy does.  It can be a battle at times, but who said parenting was easy:)

Chantel - posted on 10/08/2009

My son is 18 mths and is already doing the terrible twos! Screams and carries on like he's dying if he doesn't get his way. I found that when he throws a fit.. and i ignore him.. he quits when he sees i'm not giving him the attention he wants. Then i calmly try again for him to do what i want. Sometimes it works and sometimes not but i feel like i'm making progress in having less tantrums. But i definately hear ya.. this is a tough stage and i'm wishing he was like 5!

Marcy - posted on 10/07/2009

Amanda-
Not sure if this is an option for you but I will tell you what we do and it works for us. We stop everything. First off, we almost always give him a choice. For example, You can take your bath now or as soon as you show is over. Obviously he almost always picks option #2 which is fine. Its when he refuses to take a bath after his show is over that we a problem. First off, I shut everything down. The tv goes off, any games he is playing with get put away etc. I then sit next to him and in a very calm voice I explain to him that he agreed to take a bath as soon as his show was over and that when he was ready to listen he could let me know. The first time I did this he pitched a fit for about 45 minutes...crying, pouting and then he gave in and came over. When this type of incident happens now, he gets mad for all of 1 minute and then comes over to me and tells me he is ready to listen and and be a good boy. Then, its tub time.

It takes a lot of patience to do this and it might not seem like the first few times it is working but it really does. I find it to be such a "nice and calm" way of dealing with a "not so nice" kiddo.

Good luck.

Vicky - posted on 10/07/2009

i wouldn't bother with shouting unless absolutely necessary (i.e. something dangerous or really nasty) cus she'll only end up copying you... don't give many choices...if you say something like "got to get you changed now" & she says "no" just say firmly "you're getting changed now" or something like that! she doesn't have a choice in the matter cus you're in charge!! not her! if she throws a tantrum for something pick her up put her on a seat in a safe place & tell her your leaving her there until she decides to be nice & walk off... she will calm down & you can then ask her to say sorry. She will learn that you are in charge! She's only testing your boundries so you have to set them... trust me this works - no need for any where near as much shouting - fingers crossed for you...good luck ;-) x

Carianne - posted on 10/07/2009

Hi Amanda,



I am so with you on this one. My youngest just turned 3 and he loves to tell me "I rather not..." It is so FRUSTRATING!!! The "experts" say that part of the reason they act like this is to maintain control. As your daughter moves from baby to little person it is easy to forget that she is capable of making decisions for herself. We've always made the decisions, it's faster, it's easier and the choices themselves make more sense. I found, with both my boys, that by giving them some control over what to wear to bed (and later what to wear to school), what to have for desert and other smaller choices I find they don't fight me as much on the other stuff. It's the same with the rules. James can choose to follow the rules like a big boys, or be treated like a baby (carried, stroller, buggy) a lot of times I get a buggy at the front of Wal-Mart just as a constant reminder. We tend to emphasize the fact that he makes his own choices. He determines how the shopping trip will go. Two is a "Terrible" stage for all involved, your daughter will change so much in this year, learn many new things, good & bad.



Best of luck

Amanda - posted on 10/07/2009

I have tried the time out thing but she just keeps not listening and saying "no" to me and it is just stressing me out. I do not want to start spanking but it seems like thats all that might work. I have included her in a lot of daily chores but that hasnt helped either.

Jennifer - posted on 10/07/2009

I try to be positive and tell my daughter please and thank you. You could try to ask her calmly and tell her how helpful it would be. . . .

Stacey - posted on 10/07/2009

You can try to give her an option, either you do this or you can sit on a time out??? Or you can do this or take away something thats important to her until its done.

Kaylynne - posted on 10/07/2009

As much as it makes you feel bad, you need to start taking things from her. I had the same problem with my son, but that's the terrible two's for ya. lol. My son eventually ended up with nothing to play with or do for about a week until he could straighten up his act and start listening. She will kick and scream and cry about it but she will learn. It was probably one of the smartest things i did. My attic was full of toys, books, crayons, Disney movies.....lol until he started listening. Its hard to deal with at first, but it definitely helps! Just a suggestion! :) Good Luck