TERRIBLE TWO"S AND TANTRUMS

Jenn - posted on 03/17/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

Hi I NEED advice. My daughter is two and in her terrible two's. She started them at around 18 months. Ignoring them used to work, when that stopped we tried the naughty step and naughty chair, that worked for a little but not as great as I would have liked. We recently had a son (4 months ago) so I know its part that. I let her help out with him: changing time, feeding time, with his binky, etc.... but that doesn't always help. It's getting really frustrating to not yell and get overly angry. She cries and throws a tantrum over every little thing! She does not act like this when friend are watching her. They say she is a perfect angel eats everything they give her, doesn't cry. etc... My pediatrician suggested a method called one two three. Where you calmly explain that thats not the way we act, Then if they keep acting up you give them one warning thats 1 saying nothing else if they stop ok move on if they don't you say thats 2. if they stop ok if they don't you say thats 3 take 5 and then you put them in their room for 2minutes to the point it takes them to calm down. No more than 30 minutes. You then don't ask for an apology you just move on from it. I have just tried doing this but my daughter has a blanket in her room that is a comfort thing so I take that out and she ends up crying for the whole time. So I guess what I'm asking is what has worked for you?
Also what do you do when you go out in public. My daughter can act perfect one day and twice as bad the next day. She knows that we can't really do much but put her in a chair out in public and she knows we try and calm her down asap because of all the looks we get (its like people forget that kids act up). I really hate the idea of not being able to do anything or go anywhere, I feel thats giving her the upper hand. I feel like a failure as a mom because she just doesn't listen and she will throw tantrums 3/4's of the day. Then is perfect with friends. There days I just feel like crying because I feel I'm failing my kids by not providing the proper discipline. Whether she has my full attention or I'm on the phone. It doesn't matter what I'm doing.I have friends who give their kids whatever they want as soon as they cry. I don't like that and I refuse to do it with my daughter. She sometimes see's that and that sets her off twice as strong She hates the word no and she will say no no no back to you like she's dying. It used to be said mockingly now she says it like you are torturing her. I don't know what to do anymore. I love her to death but all the screaming really upsets me. TIme out just doesn't seem to be doing anything for her. She takes her time out and 5 minutes later she's doing what she shouldn't be and throwing tantrums over it. She is also OCD or so we think if her juice cup isn't put in the exact right location she freaks. If I move her toy from where she placed it she freaks
Any how I know I am rambling, but I am so frustrated I don't know what to do. I feel like I am ignoring my new born too much with tending to my daughter. I wouldn't change it for the world just need some advice on how to handle the tantrums and appropriate punishments for this age.