Terrible two's! Please help?

Christine - posted on 10/02/2011

the locking in the room works if you do it right every single time with patience i chucked him in there for 2 minutes i let him out and as soon as he mucked up he straight back in no matter what he did when you let him out tell him he was naughty and are you going to be a good boy let him out as soon as he does anything back in every single time patience and being able to handle him cry is important its pure persistence never letting down on your word ever at his age he is now pushing your limits and seeing how much leaveway he has with you this is the age where you need to tread on things

Michelle - posted on 09/15/2011

i have the same problem he hurts kids and himself

Kelly - posted on 09/15/2011

Poor Diet and/or lack of sleep can trigger this. My 2 year old son was agressive and tempermental and even hurting himself at one point. This stemmed from being unhappy at his daycare, which led to refusing to eat and sleep... It turned out it was a cry for help and when we removed him from that daycare and into a better one, he changed for the better. He still has his moments of tantrums, usually when he doesn't get what he wants, but that's typical at this age. Did you ever consider getting him tested for any behavioural disorders? I think it's worth looking into.

Chera - posted on 09/13/2011

It s ok ur still adjusting to each other being a mom often makes u cry. Try time out and taking things away, like tv, toys, play time outside,whatever he likes tge most. Keep ur head up u can do this!!!!!

Katie - posted on 09/12/2011

I completely agree with Helen M!!!!!

Not sure how this is going to be received, but here's something I did with my daughter when she was going through her "terrible twos" - When I told her to sit in time out (or picked her up and put her there) she'd run off like it was a game. I'd have to chase her down and try again, only to be unsuccessful... again. I finally took her portable high chair and put it on the floor in her time out spot, and when she needed to go in time out, I strapped her in so she'd learn it's not a game and that's where she needed to sit until she calmed down and was ready to be nice. She was safe, she was within my eye sight, and she learned (very quickly) that time out is not a game, and what she was doing was not okay.

After time out, give him a hug and remind him that you love him and you really like it when he's nice.

Even to this day (she's 5), if my daughter hasn't gotten enough sleep or hasn't gotten enough positive personal attention, hugs, etc., she will still act up and be a complete terror, hitting, screaming, etc. I just have to remind myself why she's doing this rather than reacting with anger and punishment. All she needs is a little more love and attention.

Kim - posted on 09/12/2011

My first son was just like your son. It seemed like he enjoyed being bad and driving me crazy! Nothing I did seemed to matter. It did get better with time. Time outs are great if you can get them to stay in the time out spot. My friend had awesome advice. When they act out simply say Oh Oh and pick them up and put them in a play pen. Walk away. Once he has calmed down then he can get out. It got to the point all she had to do was say Oh Oh and the bad behavior stopped. Of course consistancy is important here. Any bad behavior and it is Oh Oh and to the play pen. That is if he can't climb out already.lol With this method you can remain calm, it is not you being mean or lossing control but him having to face consequences for his bad behavior. This too will pass and I know it doesn't seem like it now. I was in your same shoes, I was losing it and crying in the bathroom as my kids banged on the door. I had a 2 year old and a 6 month at the same time and thought I was the worst Mom in the world. Turns out not true just needed direction and a break! The key to being a good mom is taking time for yourself! Don't say well I can't because of this or that, it is for your child that you take the break so you can be a better Mom. I assure you it will get better. God Bless you.

Lisa - posted on 09/12/2011

I'm not where you're at now since my son is 19 months old, but I can see that some of this behavior is starting, and I had some trouble figuring out how to handle it. My sister explained to me that my son models my behavior. So, when you yell, he thinks it's OK to yell. If you spank him, he'll think it's OK to hit. I know it's hard to contain your anger because you get fed up, especially when he whines - I can't stand that. You have to hear yourself and stop yourself, and you could give him a time-out in a safe place - that's a good idea. Also, when he behaves well, you should praise him, so it makes him happy. I agree that the sleep might be an issue too. Kids are much crankier when they're tired. I also agree with the idea of being consistent. Come up with a plan that is comfortable for you and stick to it, and if it becomes hard for you, the time-outs should be good for you to get a grip. Also, I think if you pretend to cry and beg him, etc., you're showing him that he's in control, and I think he must love that - it encourages him. It shows he has power over you. I think if he sees that his behavior is not getting any kind of attention, and that he only gets attention if he acts nicely, he'll want to act nicely. If he whines, either ignore it or say, tell me nicely what you want. I don't understand you when you whine. And he'll have to talk nicely for you to respond to him. I hope this helps.

Helen - posted on 09/11/2011

from being both a parent and a nursery nurse, these are the things I have found to work, and that I try to follow:

1) take charge - you are the parent, and the one who sets the boundaries for behaviour etc, but pick your battles - save your energy for when it is needed!

2) get some support, either from friends, family or professionals - eve if it is 'only' time to rant, and to chill out a bit

3) time for you - get someone else to have him for a couple of hours, or put him in daycare if you can (it doesn't have to be all day every day - just half a day a week would give you a break).

4) Be as consistent as possible in how you deal with your son - decide what behaviour is unacceptable, and ALWAYS deal with it, not matter how tired, frustrated and fed up you are.

5) follow through - if you threaten, you MUST follow through, but do warn first. (DS1 went through a stage where he bit me. A lot and hard. I warned him, ignored, used time out etc and in the end told him that if he bit me again I would bite him back. He did, so I bit him, not hard enough to mark him, but hard enough to make the point - he hasn't bitten since, and last week he started to hit me, I warned him if he did it again I would hit him back - he hasn't hit me since, because he knows that I will do it.)

6) don't beg, ask, try to reason (they can't at this age) - tell.

7) Use your tone of voice to help convey meaning - it's no good saying 'be a good boy for mummy' in a soft voice - it has no impact! Just phrases like 'Do NOT do that' or 'STOP that now!' in a firm, strong voice (try not to shout all the time as that looses impact as well - but use in to gain attention etc if you need to)

8) use distraction - if he's up to no good (which he will be being a toddler and a boy :p ) find something else to interest him - 'wow, look at this', in an excited voice, should again his attention, even if only for a second, but that could be long enough.

9) keep him occupied - as well as getting out and about, going shopping, playing games, going to the park, toddler groups, doing cooking/art activities etc, get him helping around the house - DS1 helps with the washing - loves pulling things out and putting next lot in, and pushing the buttons to start the machine. They are never to young to start to help with house work - let him do some 'washing up', or help with washing the car, gardening, anything you're doing! It'll keep him busy, stop him getting bored, teach him about life, and make things take ten times longer! He'll feel important and grown up, and give lots of opportunity for:

10) positive praise - lots of this when he does things right! And, if you can, ignore the smaller 'bad' behaviours - this goes back to picking your battles.

I found the other day that I hardly had to tell DS1 off at all - even in the evening when things usually go down hill because we're all tired. Looking back over the day I realised he hadn't stopped - we'd been doing something all day - playing with playdough, sorting things out, doing washing, cooking, going for a walk to the library, reading books etc, so when tea time came he was happy to just sit, watch TV and eat. It was wonderful! Just need for me to have the energy to be able to do that every day!

Hope this helps

Heather - posted on 09/11/2011

NEVER hit a child. Especially a two year old. NEVER lock him in his room either. I think that you need help from some local moms groups and also a parenting class might help. He is only 2 years old. Most of them, don't listen.

Donna - posted on 09/08/2011

I know my son gets crazy if gets too much sugar, via juices or snacks... Studies have shown red 40 coloring added to some foods can make autistic children wild ( and PMS women moody) no joke!. We can not give my son ice cream after dinner or he becomes wild. Usually he is a calm little 3 year old who has a very long attention span, loves to play trains and do crafts with me or just help around the house and yard. Just a thought on how diet can make children behave poorly.

San - posted on 09/07/2011

Consistency is the key, but also how much is he sleeping? I find if my 26 month old doesn't get 10 hours at night and 2 hours during the day (nap time) he is a terror! The less he sleeps the more he struggles to fall asleep. Also get some alone time so u can have the patience you need to deal with this stage. I know it's easier said than done! Good luck.

Kristie - posted on 09/07/2011

I just posted a question similar to yours! I don't have any advice cuz I dont even know how to handle my own son and he is 2 1/2. But from the posts on yours sounds like consistency is the key. I think kids know when to push your buttons and when to act like sweethearts so we just have to try not to let them get the best of us! I wish you luck in controlling him as I wish for myself :)

Donna - posted on 09/06/2011

You really sound as if you need to ask for professional help before things get any worse. More often than not, a child that acts out is frustrated and does not have the mental capability to know how to express their needs. How does he act after a day at a park or play ground, or a picnic with just you. He may just want more one on one time with you, some toddlers just need more than others. My little boy would be consider a high needs baby in the Dr. Sears book.. I highly recommend reading any of his books, or even just check out his website. Best wishes and remember to take deep breaths often. Your little boy loves you more than you know, and needs you more than anyone else in his life. You are the adult, he has only been on this planet for a little over two years, that is not very long to learn how to walk and talk, never mind having his brain develop fully enough to express himself.. I agree with others, smacking will only teach him worse habits that he will carry with him as he grows...

Janet - posted on 09/05/2011

i think u need to call in outside help - i've had this problem with my 2 kids to varying degrees. call the maternal and child health nurse and ask for a child behaviourist or a child psychologist - u also need time out for urself - motherhood is never easy

Samantha - posted on 09/05/2011

I had the same problem with my son I couldn't handle it, we found taking his toys off him helped and he's now nearly 4 and it seems he's just grown out of it, 2 years though I suffered! Now that I look back I see that it was just attention he wanted, I should have been encouraging him to help me with things and basically never letting him leave my side, the tantrums were his way of expressing himself and letting people know that he's missing something in my sons case it was positive attention you find yourself always yelling and being angry at them you don't want to be nice... Ever! But that's what they need, if I could have only done that sooner it wouldn't have gone on so long but it's just so hard to be patient when there being little s***s. Just try getting him to help u with things like putting clothes away, or cooking, you'll find something that interests him and he'll want to behave to get rewards... My son gets toy cars when he's behaving and high praises work well now, it's a hard thing to do but it's something they grow out of.

Penny - posted on 09/04/2011

Firstly, this difficult time will pass. Remember that when you feel despairing. Some kids just struggle more with the mental and physical changes from baby to child. He is not evil and you aren't a bad mom. If you feel angry, put yourself in a time out. Avoid spanking or any physical response when angry because he will just copy you. And if there is no reason to put him with other kids, don't. Spend as much time one on one in calm outdoor places. Getting him to express himself verbally is the longterm goal. And keep yourself as far away from judgemental people as you can! It's only a year to 18 months of your life. And hug him and express your love as much as you can. Xx penny

Krissy - posted on 09/04/2011

Make him sit in the corner all day if u need. The more frustrated u are for some reason kids think TS funny. Don't let him play or watch TV, untilled he can be respectfull to u
Its hard but the More u give the more he will test u. Good luck

Kathleen - posted on 09/03/2011

Consistency, though I would only use the spanking for last resort as he is after all two. Yes, these outbursts can be crazy and make you want to pull your hair out. Keep doing time outs and talking to him. He will figure out that that is his choices. He won't like them, also for some of his behavior ignore it. I know it's hard but for minor things like he is purposely blowing raspberries, or pushing his food around his plate. Pick your battles, and remember it is not the end of the world to make him go play in his room, or put on a television show or a move he likes and go lock yourself in your room, or bathroom and cry for five minutes. I do it when I find it necessary. Sometimes that stress reliever is good thing. Just be consistent and remember you are not alone. There are many parents of toddlers that go through this, and it does pass. One thing that keeps my DS usually at bay is figure out when he's hungry, bored or tired. I know seems difficult. My son gets cranky at each of those stages. Took me awhile but I do know now when to give him quiet time (he won't take naps) find him another activity such as playdough or painting, or he needs to eat or have a snack. Usually have less of an issue. Let him help you if he can cooking or cleaning. My son LOVES to help me do this things. He helped me make chocolate chip cookies, and helped me make his dinner tonight. He gets a kick out of it. Just remember it is ok to find a spot and cry, and I always take a 10 min bath every night after I put him down for the night.

Terri - posted on 09/03/2011

Take a deep breath, try to stay calm. You will be able to teach your child how to behave. It just takes some time and a lot of patience. I found it helpful with my first daughter to get down to her eye level by kneeling and talk to her calmly until she settled down. I would then wait a little while later and tell her what she did wrong and made a point to tell her I loved her. This works well the more you do it. I would also make sure I worked as a united front with my husband. This is very important you both do this. Never make an empty threat. I would also start to throw away a toy or two until my daughter would listen. This works really fast with most kids. We also have a naughty chair that we sit the kids in one minute for every year old they are when they are bad. When the time is up go over hugs and kiss them and tell them what they did wrong. You will really learn to enjoy your child and the tantrums will eventually slow down. Remember a childs brain is not fully developed and they are going to make a lot of mistakes. No child is perfect. It's your job to teach them all you know and in time they can teach you a few things too. Remember your child loves you even when he's having a tantrum. Everyday is precious and you should try to repeat the happy times any chance you get. Reward good behavior with lots of hugs and kisses. Even the occasional ice cream splurge is okay.

Suzanne - posted on 09/03/2011

How does he sleep? I only ask as my so. The same age gets naughtier the more tired he is. On an ideal day he has a nap after lunch for a couple of hours, if he doesn't get it we know about it!! Also I agree with being consistent, not that I practice what I preach as I struggle to get him to listen sometimes and I'm sure he knows I'll give in!

I think you need some time to yourself too, just a couple of hours off will help a little bit xxx

Kelina - posted on 09/03/2011

try positive reinforcement. catch him being good and make a big deal out of it! I agree with Jennifer let him know in a calm controlled way that his behaviour is not ok, and be consistent! i also agree with the supernanny idea, she's my hero! Another thing you can do though, is talk to your doctor about your issues. Is it possible that you have depression? Could talking with a counsellor be benficial to you? Kids pick up on our emotions and if you're stressed out that could be one of the reasons he's acting up so badly. He's reflecting how you're feeling. Being calm and in control of yourself could be a step in the right direction towards him being calmer and in control.

Jennifer - posted on 09/02/2011

Consistency is key first of all; if your son is acting badly then I would put him in his room (or other safe place) and let him scream/cry/tantrum for as long as he wants but he would not come out until he calmed down. Most toddlers/kids act out because they want attention, placing them somewhere by themselves gets rid of the attention they are seeking and also teaches them that if they behave badly people do not want to be around them. This is what my pediatrician recommended when I asked him about tantrums/hitting/etc for my 19 month old daughter because I wanted to be consistent and effective from the start to avoid a worse situation down the road. As corny as it sounds watch super nanny if you get a chance, she really does have a lot of great ideas and methods that you could try. Also, do talk to his pediatrician for help; that is why they are there and most are happy to help if you ask.

Jess - posted on 09/02/2011

My friends don't even want their children around him as he hurts them. Even 8 year olds !!