Wanting only one child

Katherine - posted on 02/15/2012 ( 36 moms have responded )

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This is a blog from Strollerderby. I thought it was very well written and I know some of you either have one child or only want one. I thought you might find it interesting.







I wanted to want two children. After all, my daughter was a "planned pregnancy," a little girl created by two people who decided they wanted to have a child. I figured then that one day I'd want another, but we had to start somewhere. Everyone else certainly seems to want us to have another . . . and another.



Once the first one is here, you learn to brace yourself for the question. People look your child up and down with a smile playing on their lips. Then they turn to you, and the smile morphs into something closer to a smirk. "So . . . when's the next one?"



Some people didn't even wait until Jillian was out of my stomach. They'd eye my belly, their hands held up at odd angles like they were measuring a piece of furniture. "Ah, so twins run in your family, don't they?" I'd hear. The insinuations were always accompanied by that same sick grin.



Parents of multiple children always act like they know something I don't. Their eyes take on a look of pity when I say, "Jillian's my one and only." Apparently women are supposed to want babies. When they're done popping out the first one, they're supposed to be working on the second.



I guess I didn't get the memo. Loving children and wanting them are on two distinctly different planes.



When my own mother was finished with a twenty-eight-hour labor and delivery, my father said she turned to him and said, "Oh, let's have another." My labor was half that. And all I wanted to do was go to sleep with my daughter in my arms.



I love children. I do. And not just my own daughter. I sometimes sneak a whiff of Jillian's Johnson's Baby Wash just so I can drink in the scent of baby. If there's a toddler sticking his head over the back of the restaurant booth, I'm the adult one table over making goo-goo eyes and playing peek-a-boo. I volunteer on family reading night at a school where I know no one except the teachers — it's not even the school my daughter will one day attend.



But loving children and wanting them are on two distinctly different planes. I was there once. I wanted a child desperately. Fortunately for me, my husband — an only child, by the way — wanted one too.



Now we have her, our joyful little monkey with long blond curls and little hands that pat at the backs of my shoulders when she's giving me a hug.



And while my friends are off birthin' more babies, I'm wrapped up in the world of parenting a toddler and only a toddler. I work on the ABC's and the 123's. I read Goodnight Moon until my voice runs out, then flip on the television for a helping of Sesame Street.



I still have that gooey feeling that filled up my heart the first time Jillian clenched her fist around mine. It's enough.



She's enough.



Think I'm selfish?



You're right.



I'm wrapped up in my own life — a life that's wrapped up in Jillian.



I get a decent amount of sleep. Now that we've bid goodbye to diapers and Gerber, I'd say I even get a decent bang out of my buck. After slicing up a hamburger into mini bites and smushing peas into the mashed potatoes, I can spend a decent time eating my own meal. No scarfing down a hardened piece of pizza and sucking down the long-cold dregs of coffee for me.



My boobs are my own these days. And my attention isn't divided. When I'm in the room with my daughter, I no longer have that baby-in-the-house radar honed to catch noises from the nursery.



I can spend an hour — or two — on the floor with Jillian and a pile of wooden puzzles without a single interruption. "She's going to be so spoiled, you know," they tell me. For that matter, despite the meager incomes of part-time stay-at-home-mom and a guy on the low end of the banking totem pole, I don't feel guilty buying four puzzles on a trip to Target.



I've let go of the guilt that used to rumble through me when yet another well-meaning parent tells me I ought to give that little girl a brother or sister.



"She's going to be so spoiled, you know," they tell me. I smile. I shrug.



"Don't you want another one to love?" they ask. "I love her," I respond.



"You're going to regret not doing it while you can," they say.



Or "she needs a playmate so she can learn empathy, respect, teamwork." That's why we have a dog. Oh, and my husband is grooming her for a long soccer career.



I have an answer for everything — even the horrid "What will happen to her when you die?" "I'd rather not think about that quite yet," I say.



Faced with all this unsolicited advice, I used to seethe. Now I respond.



I laugh when they tell me she needs a brother because she needs someone to love. I love my little brother — now. But the memories of him sitting on my head to pass gas are not sweet. Having a brother built character — only time built love.



There's only one reason to have a second child that ever made me flinch: the fear that some day something will happen to Jillian, something I can't control.



That possibility started whispering in my ear on the drive home from the hospital, Jonathan stomping on the brakes every time a car approached in the opposite lane. He felt it too — our baby's frailty and our inability to protect her from future hurt and pain and the big, bad world.



The fear thumps in my heart on late nights when I pace her dark bedroom while she wails in my arms, while Jonathan measures out Tylenol in an eyedropper. It burns a trail up my throat when I sit down to write about a teenager lost in an automobile accident, when I cover a funeral for the newspaper.



For three years, the fear told me, "No, you cannot settle for one child." It told me not to make any drastic decisions. It told me to keep open the door to bearing more children. "Please, just wait," I told him when he wanted a vasectomy. "You just never know," I told Jonathan, who had his mind made up the moment Jillian entered the world that he was done. "Please, just wait," I told him when he said he wanted to get a vasectomy.



I heard the quaver in my voice that used to be part of everyday married life when we were trying for baby number one. Jonathan would look at me with his own brand of fear in his eyes. I could almost hear him asking, "Who are you, and what have you done with my wife?"



He was right. I didn't recognize myself in the puddle on the floor.



And then one month I thought I might be pregnant again. And as I sat there waiting for the line or lines to appear, I realized I was hoping I wasn't.



One line. Not pregnant. We were safe. Yes, that was my first thought: I was safe.



"I'm done," I told Jonathan and gave him the thirtieth birthday present he'd asked for: a vasectomy.



Now the fear is quiet when Jillian laughs. It's not there when we snuggle on the couch, Goodnight Moon splayed out on my lap, those curls resting against my chin. When she balances one foot on each of my thighs, wraps her arms around my neck and pats my back, I hear only her breath and the little hum she makes when she's content.



And I think, Okay, no more. I have the one I always wanted.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Gina - posted on 03/22/2012

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I am a hairdresser and have one 15 month old boy and hear that famous question of another baby on a daily basis. I'm not surprised anymore by this question. In my business you have to have a thick skin anyway. If I dont know the person well I just say "yes I'm done with one unless god knows different." if it is someone I like I will give out my list Of reasons. I'll let you know i was a third and hated every moment of having siblings when I was younger. I dreamed of having my own bathroom when I was growing up too and hated always having to share everything. Now that I am older I am close to only one sister who had a son a few months before I did. I loved being pregnant with her. I love having the opportunity to call her for advice. However being the baby of the family I was always very spoiled and used to say in my teenage years I'd never want kids. Then I met my husband and knew he would make an amazing dad. I dreamed of having 4 and having a huge crazy household of girls with curly hair like mine and boys who were tall like daddy. We were together 5 years and after being married for 1 bought our first house. It had five bedrooms. It was a foreclosure and on sale for a steal. It didn't take very long for my husband to start asking when we should fill up the rooms. I still waited 6 months because I didn't feel ready yet, I didn't have that "yearn". then one weekend I saw a family of 4 "mini me" girls running around and I thought hey let's do it. Anyhow followed was a pregnancy of horror for me. I was sick all the time. My body hated being taken over and I always felt like I had an alien in me. I also didn't "get" the idea of loving someone you hadn't met and my husband was worried I wasnt ready to be a mom. I also was a work horse and ended up pulling my back out towards the end because I'm 5'2 and tiny and my son was almost 9lbs. So he just hung off me. Not to mention my hormones made me a CRAZY person. This never went away. The labor was a piece of cake. My doctor said I was born to birth babies. Whatever that meant. I still say I'd rather give birth 10x then be stuck pregnant for nine months. However the second my son came out i was a goner. I was so in love with my son I instantly would kill anyone who stood in-between us. It was such a strange feeling to know that my husband who was the love of my life now jumped down a notch in my book because of the connection I had with my son. I still have those feelings. I've always been a one woman man and my son has my heart. I always got offended at first when people asked about another child because I would think " ugh and share my time? I'd never want to not spend every second with my son" now I realize it's just people being people. I love every stage my son goes through but l love that the older he gets I get to see his personality show through. Just to let you know he's not a mommas boy because my hubby did turn out to be such a good dad. My family does feel complete though. We also feel one is enough because of our lifestyle. This is where my list came into play.



We live out of state from family. So we have zero help with our son. We are a two income family so childcare is very expensive when you add diapers, formula, and food into it ( my son is tall like daddy and puts food down like a teenager). My hormones were crazy low after birth and I'm still having issues with trying to find a balance. Being a crazy person when you know it's not your fault your being crazy is a hard thing to explain to your husband who wonders where his wife went, I want to be able to afford college for my son and we will only be able to afford that once. I want to retire before I'm 70 since doing hair is hard on your body and still be able to help give my son a nice wedding if he meets the right girl, I want to be able to travel to California to visit our families often so my son knows his family well. However 3 plane tickets is scary enough. I want to be able to afford vacations, weekends off for sports and trips to theme parks for lots of childhood memories. I also would like money left over in the budget for pedicures because spending time/ money on me makes me feel sane again. I just want to enjoy life, be debt free and be financially secure and in our family the more kids we have the harder that will be. We also learned that both my husband and I are easily overwhelmed with baby stuff. He works shift work, So I am now aware what being home alone at night with a newborn feels like and still working with a toddler would most likely put me over the deep end. I still have never got the "baby fever" again and he's almost 2. When i asked my sister she said they are trying again because she has had the fever for months. That shocked me because I still cringe when I see a pregnant woman and think thank god thats not me haha. Anyhow id have to add that my son is super social. he's always the life of the room and loves other kids. I'm told by many he is the easiest toddler to be around and has no problems being away from mom and dad and does share his toys. I think this is in part His personailty and in part being With sitters alot at a young age. He's super independent and I love his stubborn streak of wanting to do everything himself since he's 2 going on 12. He also is goofy and loves a tickle fest which thankfully on my off days I can give him all my attention and I'd never want it any other way. I haven't mentioned that my husband thankfully felt the same way I did. My inlaws however will throw in a sibling comment here and there but I just nod my head and smile ;)

I also think the idea of us dying leaving him alone is morbid. In life everyone dies at some point. He has 4 grandparents, 4 aunts, 3 uncles and a ton of cousins and thats just the blood family. He would never be left alone. Not to mention ive heard enough tragic tales of car accidents that wipe out a whole family and what does it matter then if you had one child or 8? If god decides to take him away from me first then I'll have to deal with it however I can and having a backup child to love will not make that period any easier. Anyhow to end my story I love being a family of 3 and respect any other family or 2 or 10. Its a personal choice and should be left at that.

Linda - posted on 02/26/2012

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We had kids very late in life. Both were miracles of modern science. Even though I was at the age limit for our fertility clinic when I had my daughter, we decided to give her a sibling so she would not be alone when we were gone much earlier than usual, given our age. Since my first pregnancy was flawless my doctor agreed to let us try again and found a different clinic that would allow it. Our son is a miracle and even though he and his sister fight and compete, they love each other and we could not love them both anymore. Hard? You bet. But worth it.

Amanda - posted on 02/22/2012

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I have 2 and can totally understand where this article is coming from.



Before I had my son I always said I would like 2 kids, a boy first then a girl. Once my son was born I changed my mind, we were both happy with one and I couldn't imagine having another one. I really didn't want another one after him. I never got clucky looking at pregnant women of small babies and we had discussed that my son would be an only child.

My daughter was a big oops baby, I was devastated and it took me until I got to 38 weeks pregnant to come to terms with the fact that my little girl was just days away.



Now I can't imagine life without her around, our family is perfect, for us at least and she has made our world complete

Christina - posted on 02/17/2012

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I love this. I have only one daughter and she is my one and only! I get the same reactions and this makes me PROUD to be a mom of an only child:) Thank you for sharing. She wrote the very feelings and thoughts I have had since my beautiful only child was born!

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Laura - posted on 04/03/2012

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Your choice is one child. My choice was two. Who is right? We both are.



Through agonizing twists of fate, my marriage ended rather unharmoniously. I remarried....a man with one child; he had custody. So now there are three. We tossed them all into the new house and said "get on with it". They did.



Now, my daughter has one; she's done....we're good with it. The s/daughter is expecting her second very soon....we're good with it. My son & his wife are expecting their third in the fall....we're over the moon with it. The premise is all the same....the circle of love widens to include them all. Had each stopped at one that would be fine too, and all for the same reason....it's their choice

Gina - posted on 03/22/2012

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Ps our house with all the extra rooms. We made them into a playroom for my son, a guest room for the never ending visits from grandparents and a office/ craft room. I'd say it works very nicely for us all!

Danielle - posted on 03/07/2012

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I am the 3rd of 8 & always wanted 4 children. My husband is the oldest of 5 & he agreed with having 4. Just before our oldest dd was turned 1 I got pregnant for the 2nd time. I lost the baby 1 week before her birthday (at 7 weeks) and thought "if I don't have any more children, at least I have her". But I still wanted 4. I was very lucky & got pregnant again almost immediately. My 2nd is 21.5 mos younger than my 1st. I got pregnant again when my 2nd about 8 mos old.



When my oldest was barely 2 mos old, I'd be out shopping with my 3 yr old, 18 mo old & newborn and people would ask me "are you ready for another" or "you done now". I found both questions to be rude! Looking at pictures from then, you can tell I was exhausted all the time (lack of sleep & chasing 2 toddlers while taking care of a newborn will do that to you)! Why did people feel the need to ask me about my plans? All I wanted was to get done what I needed to & get all 3 kids safely back in my car so I could go home. I actually had problems while pregnant with my 3rd & held off on the 4th - he came almost 5 yrs later. And now when I'm out with my 11, 9, 7 (almost 8) & 3 yr olds, I still get asked the same questions frequently!



Honestly, I wouldn't change a thing! I love all of my children! I think either way (whether you have 1 or more), you find a way to spend time with all of them. And either way they (and you) miss out on some things that they'd have if they were(n't) an only child/one of many.

Gabrielle - posted on 03/05/2012

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My cousin and I got pregnant around the same time. I had my son a month before she had her daughter. She said that was going to be the only one she had cuz she was enough. when I became pregnant with my daughter she ended up getting pregnant about halfway thru my pregnancy. I love my children and wouldn't trade them for the world but i understand only wanting 1 because i wanted to wait a little longer before we had our second child. things dont always work out that way tho.

Megan - posted on 03/01/2012

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As someone who did not want children at all until I met my husband, my one and only daughter is perfect for me.

Initially we entertained the idea of having two kids and were pretty set on having two but once our daughter arrived both of us (who are both only children I might add) decided that our little girl would always be our one and only. She was a perfect baby and I had a wonderful pregnancy; yes we can afford to have another but I don't want to get pregnant again, I don;t want to go into labor and I don't want a newborn baby. I like having a 3 and a half year old who I can reason with and who can tell me what she wants to eat and what is wrong if she is sad. I love teaching her how to count and her ABC's. I love that she is potty trained and diapers are a thing of the past.



I love my daughter and I want to be able to give her the world. I would rather raise one little girl and be able to send her to any University or College then have to struggle to raise multiple children.



My one kid is one more then I ever wanted therefore she is my one perfect only child!



As for only children being selfish, they don't know how to share and no empathy... Those are things that are taught to them by their parents... Don't look down on the child look at the parents and see where they dropped the ball...

Jenny_D - posted on 02/29/2012

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I definitly don't judge other peoples family sizes/choices, and I have to say that I really liked this article and found it to be comforting and sweet, but I have to say that one of the neatest things that has ever happend to me as a mom was when my 3 year old daughter told me "mommy, I am so happy I have a sister." :o)

Mandy - posted on 02/29/2012

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i only have one child but my reasons are very diffrent from yours. I have health issues I could have another child but the state of my health has to be considered.



I love My child and I feel honered to have her at all I believe being a Mother is a very important Job and its one that i should do to the best of my ability. I feel that with more than one child I wouldnt be able to give my best to both of them. My motto do one job well. .

Shanna - posted on 02/26/2012

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Thank you so much for sharing this!! We have only one girl and both my husband and I only want her and yet there's so much pressure from family and friends for us to have another... It was so nice to read that we're not the only ones in that boat!!

Krystel - posted on 02/22/2012

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really enjoyed reading this article. I have an only child of mine (husband has 2 much older) who is nearly 4, and for a long time I got all the same questions etc of having another, and even to this day I still get comments of how shes a spoilt so n' so....but so what. No-one else knows what daily routines we have, or what disiplines she gets (she is well disiplined at home), or how my health suffered for yrs after having her...but everyone has a comment or opinion. In the end- I shut out the world that didnt matter, enjoyed the parts that I loved, and carried on with what matters to me and my family of 3 (hubby, daughter and me!) with no plans of any more.

Deborah - posted on 02/21/2012

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I don't see a problem with having only one child... although from the moment I held my daughter in my arms I knew I would do it all over again.



I honestly think it's more rude to ask "is this your last one?" rather than "are you hoping for any more?" My cousin asked me that and I told her "That's not really up to me, now is it?" And I pointed skyward. both of my children and my current (and final) pregnancy were OOPSIES. Not planned, and only my daughter was even remotely close... her dad and I (engaged at the time) had recently begun discussing kids (how many we wanted, when, how far apart, etc) when we found out about her.



I think asking 'is this your last one' can imply too many negative things to a parent...as in 'can you support any more?" to 'are you sure damaging another child is what you want to do?" Whereas asking 'are you hoping for more?" is far more encouraging... it implies you are a good parent, that they think you can handle another, or that you've taken to parenting so well that it suits you and having another might make your life more fulfilling.



The only issue I can kind-of see is that, well, only children are usually very spoiled and self absorbed. They lose valuable sharing lessons that last well into adulthood (I say this from firsthand experience). Granted not EVERY person ends up that way, but a majority of 'only child's that I've met have a lot of trouble with peers on a social and emotional level, both in personal and romantic relationships.



I also think, on a more jealous note, that only child parents have it extremely easy. My life was turned more upside down when I had my son compared to when I had my daughter, and when I had her I was going to school (College) full time, living on my own, and managing my life just fine being a single mother of one. When I had my son I lived with my parents (by choice, whole 'nother story), and I was (Still am) with his dad. My life was more chaotic being a stay at home mom with all that help rather than having only my daughter and doing it on my own.



I"m not trying to say that everyone should have more than one kid... in fact our world would probably be in better shape a few decades from now if people limited the amount of children they have...I'm just saying that multiple child parents are in a VERY different category than single-child parents.

Joy - posted on 02/21/2012

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Love it too. I have only one daughter. When people ask me when I'll have more I tell them "When God wants me to have another one."



If they thought about it, they're really asking 'how often do you have sex without birth control' -and that's none of their business. I get the question from my Mom a lot and have called her out on it. Its also none of their business if someone has had miscarriages - that can be a very painful question then.

Sarah - posted on 02/20/2012

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Something that I considered after we had our first was knowing I didn't want my child to be alone one day. Because one day his Dad and I will be gone. It made me sad to think that if he didn't have a sibling he'd have no support to reminisce his happy memories, no nieces or nephew to love and spoil. I think there's something very special about siblings that can't be replaced by a pet or a friend. We have a daughter now too, and it surprised people when I say I would like another, like if you have one of each you should be done.

Demetra - posted on 02/20/2012

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This was a really interesting blog to read, as well as the responses. My husband is in remission from testicular cancer, which he was diagnosed with shortly after we were married. God blessed us with a little miracle 3 years later. Seeing as I have neither the financial ability nor do I want to go through hormone treatments, one child is enough for us as well. She'll be turning 4 in the summer, and if we're blessed with another baby, so be it, in the meantime, the time, and attention we can give her is given back to us and our family 1000 fold.

Di - posted on 02/19/2012

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We always wanted three and we had three. We had a boy then a girl and 4 years later- another girl. Some people told us we should have another to make it even or another for my youngest so she wouldn't feel left out. Others said that we should have stopped at 2! I'm glad I don't care about others' opinions! If you only want 1- have just the 1, if you want 6- have 6. It doesn't matter so long as they are loved and cared for. Everyone thinks that what they have is right... and it is....for them. When I only had 2, I felt like someone was missing. As soon as number 3 was born- I was happy-- I felt that my whole family had finally arrived. Enjoy your children-how ever many you have- and God bless.

**Jackie** - posted on 02/19/2012

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Oh I hear that Erin. Daycare is so expensive! I mean it should be because they are taking care of a human being and the biggest treasure in your life but YIKES lol

Erin - posted on 02/19/2012

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Those bother me too. During my husband's previous command, he had one higher up that treated me with the attitude of I was lazy and a mooch because I was a SAHM. At the time, he and his wife had no children. I know they have one now and it would be interesting to know if he's figured out how much work just one little one takes. I do have plans to go back to work, but I love spending time with my boys at this age. Besides, if I was working now, most (if not all) my wages would go to daycare.

Katherine - posted on 02/19/2012

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Oh the SAHM comment grinds my gear! Like we have nothin else to do but eat bons bons on the couch all day!

Elizabeth - posted on 02/19/2012

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This is something Ive been fighting with for quite awhile. I have a 4 year old from a previous relationship and had always said he would be my only one. I had a rough pregnancy and delivery. I had multiple blood transfusions and was so out of it from the blood loss that I dont even remember my boy being born or anything about his first day.

My husband couldnt love my son more but I know that he also wants one of our own. He missed the baby/toddler years, he missed all the firsts, etc. He is 10 years older than I am and I know he is afraid of waiting much longer, even though I dont believe we are financially stable enough to add in the costs of diapers, food, etc to make us a family of four.



I grew up as the only girl in a house full of big brothers. Our house was messy and loud but I loved it. There are days I long for a house full of little boys, but I am still torn.

**Jackie** - posted on 02/19/2012

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OOOO Ashley here's a virtual high five girl!!! You must be super mom!

This was an awesome article. I am at that point right now. My beautiful daughter, Makenna, is almost 15 months and friends and family waste no time asking me when I am having another. "You're not getting any younger" ( I am 24), "You don't want the next one to have a huge age gap", "best just to get the pregnancy over with and have the next one now", "don't you want more children", "what are you waiting for...you're a SAHM", "It's not like you have anything else to do".



I think people are flat out RUDE. How do you know it wasn't difficult for me to conceive or that I didn't have a rough pregnancy? You assume everything was picture perfect because I'm not a complainer? Give me a break...literally.



Do I want more children? You bet your a$$.

Will that answer change? Maybe.

Is every family different? Absolutely.



The amount of children you have does not represent the amount of love in your home. My heart is full as it is

Ashley - posted on 02/18/2012

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Funny I have 3... BOYS and even though I am absolutly done because I hink my family is perfect I get the inevitable "don't you want a girl?". A family is perfect no matter where you end it, whether that is 1 child or more or even worse NO CHILDREN? lol. My sister loves her nephews and neice but she is not going to have her own her and her husband are very happy just the 2 of them.

People always seem to have an opinion about your life and you cannot win :P

Katherine - posted on 02/18/2012

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Caroline, I can totally see the confusion over only wanting one child with your history. I wouldn't want to go through that again either. How scary!

Caroline - posted on 02/18/2012

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I love this blog, wanting one child or wanting ten, it doesn't matter as long as you love them all. I'm still struggling over the decision to have another one, I have a gorgeous little 2 year old boy, who fills my time and wants all my attention but I feel I should want another. I don't know if it is pressure from friends,family or just society that we should always want more. My struggles are more birth related, my first birth was very traumatic ending with an emergency c section and my tiny baby needing to be resuscitated for 5 mins, these were the most scary moments of my life and i'm very frighten to go there again. But something inside me is pulling very strongly towards just going for it and I think it is the sibling thing. I'm one of four and my husband is one of two, we both have good and bad memories of having brothers and sisters but now as adults i value them more than ever. I guess somehow we'll make the right decison, but I don't want to be left with the feeling of what if?

Janine - posted on 02/18/2012

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I always hear the same sort of things Katherine spoke about. I too only have one and only want one. I have a friend who is just like me in that area. We joke all the time about people who for some bizarre reason wish more children on us. We love just having one. I enjoy spoiling my two year old who has friends his own age and socialises well. I also love having more time for me which can be difficult the more kids you have.

Momof2 - posted on 02/17/2012

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I originally wanted 3. 2 boys and a girl. when i went through my first pregnancy it was very difficult on me. i was extremely sick the whole pregnancy and ended up in the hospital several times extremely dehydrated. on top of that later in the pregnancy i got gestational diabetes. I swore that I would never put myself through that again and he would be an only child...



a year or so later i knew i had to try again because as bad as the pregnancy was i knew i needed to try for at least one more. it took us a while to start trying once we made the decision for another one. I needed to be ready. we started trying last year in august and I am due in June. This will be our last one so i decided to be happy with whatever i got this time but was mostly hoping for another boy. I was overjoyed to find out it will be another boy.



because of the difficulties of both pregnancies I am getting my tubes tied when i get a c-section in June. I just cant risk my health/life again on a hope that the next pregnancy will be better and it isn't fair to my kids to not have me at 100%.



So i started out wanting to have 3. 2 boys and a girl. I tried to only want one because of the risks and difficulties from my first pregnancy. Now I know i want 2 and I will be done. 2 boys is what i was always meant to have and i cant wait to have my family be complete in June.

Katherine - posted on 02/17/2012

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I get the same reaction. I have 2 girls and that's enough for me! Why would I want to try again and again just to get a boy? My friend just had her 5th girl and she wasn't trying.

Erin - posted on 02/16/2012

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I have two boys and I found this interesting. Wanting only one child is as valid as wanting lots. I've stopped with two. People stare at me when I say that I've had two boys and we're done. I don't want have more and so am not going to be trying for a girl. My husband and I have discussed adopting up to two more, but after having four children under 6 in the house one weekend (I was sitting for a family friend) I found out that four would overwhelm me fairly quickly. I didn't want an only child because I remembered that even with the fighting, I have good memories of growing up with a sister. And with my husband in the military, my children have built in friends when we move. They're 20 months apart in age and enjoy each other's company. They are getting to the point of making their own friends since they're both close to the preschool age now, but being that close, when we move, they have each other to lean on while making new friends. I don't understand families that have lots of children, but if the parents feel they can meet the needs of each child as far as love goes, then that works for their family and I won't judge.

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