What do you do when your sister is flat out mean/rude with your kids??

Patricia - posted on 05/10/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My older sister is a complete psycho and thinks she "knows it all" when it comes to parenting. She has a 5 year old daughter, my niece, who is very sweet and loving and has a very close relationship with my 3 year old son. The problem is that my sister claims that my son is "on the slow side" because he, according to her, doesn't meet HER expectations of learning!! I love my son more than anything and I knowhe is pretty advanced for his age--he started counting to 40 when he was 1 year old, knows how to read short sentences on his own, knows all of his colors and shapes, and other things that make me proud!! I know EVERY child is different and has different ways of learning so why can't she see that??



My question is--who is she to tell me that my son is ___or___?? Is she jealous of me and my parenting skills?? It just drives me crazy because I feel bullied and my immediate family does nothing but tell me to "ignore her" when it's very hard for me to do so. She will sometimes tell my son not to do certain learning things or tries to tell him to do "easier" things. PLEASE HELP!!

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Kristen - posted on 05/11/2010

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There needs to be no fight here and it sounds like she's just rude in general. I have a SIL that way. Just lay it down - "Sister, I don't appreciate comments like that about my son, please stop". "Sister, I have asked you to not talk to/about my son like that. I am his mother and will address that if need be." If she doesn't stop, then just leave. If you don't want to be around that, then don't.

Christine - posted on 05/11/2010

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i dont think i would be able to control my rage in this situation. regardless of how smart your son is or isnt, he is YOUR baby not hers. every child develops different mentally through no fault of yours or their own. it is not her right to say anything about you or your son. if she is so insecure that she has to put your son down to make herself feel better about her own skills as a mother then i personally dont think she is worth your time. a good parent does not belittle a playmate, call him/her stupid, slow or even ugly because teaching humility in my opinion is a part of parenting. your sister is teaching her daughter to be a bully. as much as i would love my sister (if i had one) i would not let her pass her bad habits on to my son and as long as she spoke like that to either one of us there would be little more than a phone conversation. this is the polite answer i am extremely protective of my baby, the next step would be an ear full.

Marcy - posted on 05/11/2010

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I would just tell her flat out...."Look, I love you, I love your children but I don't appreciate your comments about my son. If I want advise or imput on how to raise him and his developmental stages I will ask." Then take out a list of all the things she has said about him and read them off to her all at one time. After you are done tell her "I am willing to start fresh today with you and forget all of this but I don't ever want to go down this road again." Tell her you don't want to hear about how she is only trying to help...etc etc...

You make the rules...you are the mom. If she can't handle this then I would have to say that you need to find another playmate for your son.

Be honest with her and treat her like a child...she sounds like one to me.

Jennifer - posted on 05/10/2010

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You need to speak to her without the children around, possibly with other family members or even your child's doctor. I'd at least ask your doctor for advice. Let her know that you appreciate what a great job she has done with your niece but that you are uncomfortable with her "parenting" your son. She needs to be the Aunt, not another mom. And if she is a "bad" influence on him you may need to limit any time he spends with her and just have your niece over for playtime. If your son was "on the slow side", I'm sure your doctor would have discussed it with you. Stay confident in your abilities as a mom and also your sons.

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Patricia - posted on 05/14/2010

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thank you everyone! You all have very interesting points! I have to agree that my sister is pretty jealous and petty, considering she feels that it is better to put down her own sister and her nephew in order for her to feel better about herself. At this point, talking rationally and calmly to her has not helped (I've tried this with her before; that only makes things worse). The best method has been for me to tell her that she is not allowed anywhere near my home or family until she starts acting like the adult she should be.

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