What do you do with a husband who thinks it is OK to leave the house for 45min. while

Melissa - posted on 11/03/2008 ( 20 moms have responded )

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My husband thinks it is OK to leave the house while my little one is down for a nap. Not only to leave the house, but to be gone for 45 minutes. To clarify, No one would be home to watch our son!!!! He has not done this of course, but he said that I should go and vote while our son naps! The voting place is four miles from our house. I would NEVER leave my son at home alone. I don't even walk to my mailbox and leave my little one unatended. At 14 months old this is not right, and I am sure that it is considered neglect. My husband does not see it that way. No matter what I say. Needless to say. My husband does not get left alone with our son anymore. I will hire a sitter if I have an apointment weather he is home or not.

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Andrea - posted on 11/03/2008

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It is actually illegal and considered neglect and if children's aid showed up while no one was home they would take the child away. Just because anything could happen while your out of the house, if someone breaks in or something catches fire or the child wakes up then there is no one there to protect the child.

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Amanda - posted on 08/15/2011

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my husband has said this before too. but he was JOKING. he wanted me to go somewhere with him and I said no. the kids. and he said put em down for a nap and lets go it's only for a little bit. he was JOKING. you shouldn't take his parental rights from him. his self esteem for you not letting him watch his own kid will not go well. I know sometimes I take control too much and tell my husband what to do that he's not doing it right or whatever and it makes him feel really inadequite. sometimes I have to take the trash out and the only time I can do that is when my kids are sleeping at night. they are both in cribs. I think you are taking this a wee bit out of control Idk how your husband is. but you should talk further about it before you start spending extra money on a sitter that is unecessary.

Ashley - posted on 08/15/2011

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I think he was messing with you i really dont think he would leave your child he was prob just saying that to get your back up. Mine does it all the time i just tell him to screw of i know he is responsible he just pretends not to be.

Teresa - posted on 08/15/2011

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I agree with @Brianna! I think you should seriously consider the fact that your hubby may have tendencies towards child neglect. He needs to take parenting classes ASAP!

Brianna - posted on 08/15/2011

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OMG!!!!! i cant believe he would actually do that!!! :( :( so many things could happen! just think about how scared baby would be if he woke up and no one was there or if he was to throw up/or poo and had to sit there in it crying for a hour before someone came back and found him? im sorry but i would say thats HORRIBLE PARENTING on his part. if i new someone did that i would call the police and when they got to the house and found that baby alone they would take it away. honestly if my hubby did that i would tell him to get out and not come back..

Melissa - posted on 11/06/2008

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I had only meant when I leave the house, yardwork, and showers are just fine. But I am hiring a sitter for trips to town that I can't take my son on. I don't want to deny him any rights, He is a great husband and father, he just doesn't think about some things, joking aside.He has already admitted that he was wrong even if it was a joke, he could see that I was genuinely freaked out. I will let him earn my trust again, but as I said before, it will start small while I am in the shower or yard and even at a neighbor's house for a while.

Amy - posted on 11/06/2008

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Okay, I don't know what kind of relationship you and your husband have and I don't have any idea how he is as a husband or father...but... Please give your husband a chance to bond with your baby and to be a PARENT to his son while you are away. If you never give him a chance ("I won't leave my son with him until he can dial 911) to be alone with your son then you will be shortchanging him (your husband) because of your fears. Also, you need to be able to trust your husband with your children, for a myriad of reasons. Wouldn't it be a shame if you couldn't do anything (ie leave the house) without your 2 year old hanging onto you because you had refused to let your husband take care of him alone? Keep this in mind as you walk down this path...Emotionally unattached fathers who aren't trusted with their own children are no help and no fun to live with. ...There are safe ways to do this...let him earn your trust by successfully taking care of your son when you...do yard work outside while they're inside, take a shower alone, take 15 minute walk, play with the dog... Best of luck!

Kristine - posted on 11/06/2008

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Umm, I don't know what universe he lives in that he thinks that is okay. Not only is it dangerous, irresponsible, and horrible parenting, it's illegal and is considered child endangement here in CA. You might want to threaten legal action if he cannot be a responsible parent. It's your responsiblility as well if your husband can't be trusted to be in charge of your child then you should rethink leaving the baby with him. It's your child too. Tell him to grow up and realize he's the parent. What would he do if he left the house and it had an electrical fire and burned down with the baby in it.. or was robbed and the baby was kidnapped. What an immature jerk!

Melissa - posted on 11/06/2008

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I found a website and asked a lawyer, and showed him Andrea's post. He says he was just testing me to see if I would look into it to prove him wrong, and to see how bad I would freak out! This after I told his mother what he said. After she got done with a conversation with him that I could hear across the room from him on the phone. He promised never to EVER leave our son unatended in the house. Still, I will not be leaving our son with him till he is old enought to diall 911 in an emergency! I have found three great potential sitters in our church and will call on them instead. I only hope to find great sitters if we end up moving here soon.

Katherine - posted on 11/05/2008

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I agree thats a problem. So many things can happen. And your right, it is neglect. My ex was of the same oppinon and I dont feel comfortable leaving my son with him. So yes, get him to speak to someone who knows what childrens rights/laws are and give him a reality check. Its better to take baby with you and risk interrupting theyre sleep rather than leaving them behind to sleep just because its "inconvinent."

Lisa - posted on 11/04/2008

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I would never leave a child at home alone. You never know what might happen. I think your husband needs to re-think his reasoning.

Melissa - posted on 11/04/2008

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Oh my! I may step outside for a minute while my dd is napping, but I wouldn't leave her for any reason to go somewhere. Please try to tell him all the reasons why this is not a good idea!

Heather - posted on 11/04/2008

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A few months ago there was a mother who left her sleeping kids inside while she went outside of the house for a few minutes and the house caught on fire. All 3 of her kids died. I agree with Michelle and inform him of all the possiblities and then ask him about how he would feel if that happened to your child. My guess is, is that he'd change his mind in a heart beat. If not then he needs some serious parenting classes or something!

Sandy - posted on 11/04/2008

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Dude... o.O Although it's true that you can't watch your baby 24/7, leaving baby alone in the house is a bad idea and far different from leaving baby in the living room while you step away to pee.

Andrea - posted on 11/04/2008

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Yeah that could be bad, but even if he looks around online I'm sure he could find it somewhere.

Melissa - posted on 11/04/2008

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Thank you Andrea. I knew it had to be. My mother did foster care for 20 years and that was one of the more common reason's that a child was placed with her. I will be sure to tell him so, if he still doesn't believe me, I will make him call his work provided lawyer...though I wouldn't want him to advertise that he thinks like that as some people take thought for action and would take our son anyway!

Andrea - posted on 11/03/2008

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lol ok i just checked with my husband hes a law clerk it is actually illegal and there are laws against it. I knew everything else I said was true with the cas and neglect stuff but i wanted to double check that before you read it so i didn't give any wrong info.

Michelle - posted on 11/03/2008

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HHHMMMM...I can see where he is coming from, but you have to see ALL the MANY possibilities of things that could go wrong....I might start by giving him all those scenarios...electrical fire, car crash (you while you are gone), robbery, etc....

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