What should I do if my friend ignores her child?

[deleted account] ( 27 moms have responded )

My friend ignores her child to spend time with her boyfriend, she also doesnt help clean up after herself or her daughter, she treats her daughter like she is a burden, and I am at a complete loss as to what I should do. Can anyone help?

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Determined - posted on 01/12/2012

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If you have talked to her and she's not acknowledging it unfortunately there is nothing else you can do except you try to interact with the kid so she's getting SOME attention. That is really sad and hopefully the mom comes to her senses soon. My SIL and her husband actually stated at our last family get together "We spend a lot of money buying our kids toys so we shouldn't have to play with them." They've got my vote for parents of the year =/ The kids are the ones that suffer and unfortunately they don't have much of a voice selfish people shouldn't have kids.

Heather - posted on 01/22/2012

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Do everything you can to help the Dad or Grandmother gain custody. Heck, if you love this little girl so much, ask her to give her to you! If you get the right papers drawn up, and she signs them, you can get legal custody of this little girl.

[deleted account]

I agree amber, I dont think selfish people should have kids either. As far as your SIL remark, that seems really ignorant, your child can never have enough toys to where you dont need to play with them, your children depend on you for so much, including interaction. My daughter has a big load of toys, but my husband and I play with her with her toys, she always wants us to do whatever she is doing.The only time I have her sit down with a cartoon or to play with her toys by herself is if I am doing homework, and even then I will take a break to play with her in between assignments.

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Resa - posted on 02/19/2012

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Report her to child services. If she does neglect her child, they will make sure the child is taken care of, if she doesn't, she should have nothing to hide, right? (PS you dont have to give your name)

Jess - posted on 02/10/2012

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toys do teach kids social skills, if you can get her on video maybe all it takes is her seeing herself towards her child to get her to smarten up! this is about her neglected child! and that can be reported to child services! maybe her child will be better off in a foster home until she can grasp the importance of interacting in her childs life! this is such a sad story. I really hope it ends well, good luck!!!

Keri - posted on 01/25/2012

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If it's so bad, call CPS. Calls can be anonymous. Maybe all it'll take is a good smack on the back of the head by you for her to remember she's a mom. If you're courageous enough, find a time the two of you can be alone - go out to lunch or something - and tell her about it (she may not really realize it). That might be crazy to say about not realizing it, but how many times has someone "talked" to you about something and you've realized duh, I shouldn't be doing that!

Amber - posted on 01/23/2012

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Wow. You know, I am mom to six kids. I have not had the easiest life. I don't ignore my kids, they are my world and I would die without them. But I am not so sure trying to get custody, or calling cps is the answer. You need to be careful what you recommend, ladies. CPS could very well take that child and the child would never see her mother again. It is possible that the child could be put in worse circumstances. Be in foster care for years, go from home to home... Let us try to help the mother want to be a better mother, but let us not make things worse.

[deleted account]

@cassie, I have talked to her, I finally let all my frustration go yesterday when I had food poison and she had her daughter downstairs with me and my daughter while she went back to bed, so far she has been doing what she needs to do, and hopefully it stays that way.

Cassie - posted on 01/19/2012

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Tell her that she is a grown women an that she should pick up after her own self. And her daughter should do the same. My 3 year old has all ways picked up after his self. It's good for them to spend time with her boyfriend only if she love's this man because it is not good if she just likes him an let her kids be around him because who knows they might not stay together and the kids are all ready close to him that will hurt the kids really bad. I can belave that a mother or who is so post to be a mother would do that to there kids. If I was you I would tell her what I thing about it all rether she like's it or not

Casey - posted on 01/17/2012

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I am glad that she has support. I wish I knew what to tell you to get her to unerstand that this kid is going to grow up and if she wants her to feel like she had a mom, she should fix this now. My mom never changed. I hope that your friend does.

[deleted account]

Im sorry to hear about your mom, no child should spend their childhood like that or any part of their life for that matter. I am glad to hear that your grandparents were there for you though. My mother and I lived with my grandmother from the time I was 13 until my mother passed away when I was 17 and I continued to live with my grandmother until I was 19, grandparents can be the most amazing people. As for my friends child, my husband and I try to include her in a lot of things that we do with our child. Also my friends boyfriend plays with her a lot and treats her like she is her own child, which is awesome, he is one of the sweetest guys.

Casey - posted on 01/16/2012

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My Mother actually did this to me and my two sisters. Everytime she had a new boyfriend we were sent to our room, grounded for the smallest thing, or sent to a grandparent's house. I would get so happy when she had no one because she would actually talk to us, but that didn't last long. She got really depressed when she didn't have a man; I never understood why because she always picked terrible people. There was always some form of abuse in her relationships-also drugs and alchol. When she was single she would go to a bar, pick up some random guy, and bring him home. She told us to call them dad after just a few weeks in most cases-I was the one who refused. The worst time was when she broke up with a guy and got very depressed. She sent us to our grandparents-she tried to commit suicide. That was the last time we lived with our Mom. She ended up in a coma for three days one of which was my 10th birthday. When she woke up the day after my birthday she called the guy-not us. I spent most of my teen years just trying to forgive her. She moved 2000 miles away when I was almost 19. I haven't seen her in almost eight years. I haven't spoken to her in 4. Sometimes people just don't change. Not being there for a child lasts longer than most people realize. I am 26, and I feel like I lost my Mom a long time ago. I am so greatful for my grandparents for taking me in because they taught me how to be a parent.

My family is everthing to me now. I have known my husband for 10 years. We have a 4yr old little girl and an almost 1yr old little boy who mean everything to us. I could not imagine not wanting to spend as much time with them as I could. They are the funniest, most amazing people I have ever met.

This child needs someone. I am glad you try to be there.

Raylene - posted on 01/16/2012

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It sounds like your friend is extremely immature and selfish!! I don't know if she will listen to you, if you were game enough to talk to her about it, but if you can see this, imagine how her poor little girl is feeling. She obviously needs a bit of a wakeup call and that poor little girl needs her mum, but if that doesn't work maybe try if you can of course, to spend a little time with the child yourself (she needs to feel loved & wanted) or as a last resort child services if your friend won't step up to the plate!! All the best I know you're in a tough situation and help is definitely needed. Goodluck

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/14/2012

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Brings tears to my eyes! That is the most terrible story!

[deleted account]

The boys were very precious. I signed the petition and shared it on my facebook. Justice will be served for these two precious boys who were taken from this world too soon. Again I am very sorry for the loss.

Amanda - posted on 01/13/2012

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Unfortunately, they did not. She is free to do as she pleases as are her boyfriend and his mother and step-father who were all there that night and did nothing. It's a sad day when someone you love is hurt/killed and the people responsible aren't even punished. Coincidently, she's pregnant with another child by her boyfriend/ex-boyfriend and will probably wind up doing the same thing as she doesn't see it as having been her fault. If you want to read the rest of the story, go to http://www.facebook.com/Waiting.On.Justi...

[deleted account]

Thanks for the advice amanda. I am so sorry for the loss of your step children. Hopefully the law has stepped in and punished their mother for what she has done. I can not believe someone would be that selfish.

Amanda - posted on 01/13/2012

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My step-sons' mother was like that with my twin step-sons. She totally ignored them in favor of the most recent man in her life. She would lock herself in her room and play on the computer all day and left them in the rest of the house to be cared for by anyone and everyone that was there. Witnesses also said that her boyfriend abused the twins. To make matters worse, she constantly moved to be with whatever boyfriend she was with. Often times, she'd be living in a hotel or shack just to be with him. It wasn't until after the twins died in a fire that we learned about any of this. And when she was confronted about any of this, even with the proof right there, she denied it all. They died because she put them in a storage building/shack on Thanksgiving night with a butane heater and left them out there alone. The heater exploded two hours later and killed them. She was and still is a selfish woman that doesn't care about anyone but herself. Maybe you can try CPS anonymously and tell them your concerns without giving them names or anything and see what is said.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/13/2012

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Did I say PLAY? hehehe Please, I hope she gets a clue soon because they are not babies for long!

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/13/2012

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Play, teach, love and PLAY! Once they are teens (mine is 13) they will want NOTHING to do with you! Enjoy them to the fullest! I had to have another (15 months now) to be able to enjoy it AGAIN! ;) They're such cute, special, innocent, loving, compassionate, smart, palyful, charismatic, interested and LOVING little beings.... I just can't understand why some people have children! PLAY PLAY PLAY

[deleted account]

I dont blame you for not wanting your kids there without one of you. I bought my little girl a toy cleaning set, it came with a small broom and a play mop, and she will sit there with me and try to sweep with me, she will be 2 tomorrow. I love putting on music and dancing around with her, I do almost everything with her, she helps me mix stuff together for dinner and desert. She will do anything I do and I love it. I am hoping that she stays this way.

Determined - posted on 01/12/2012

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Yup we are the same way. I am a full time student and a 5 month old baby on top of the two year old. She has independent play time when I have homework or need to clean up but we spend majority of the day playing together and when dad gets home from work the first thing he does is join in on the fun. I also try to let my daughter help me clean when I can that way we're still interacting. Bought a second broom and we'll put on kids songs and dance around as we sweep and the broom becomes our microphone/guitar. House is getting cleaned and we're playing together two birds with one stone. I couldn't believe they admitted that in front of the entire family including the aunts & uncles on their side of the family. I thought they were joking at first but they assured us they were not. I was heartbroken for their kids. One of the many reasons my kids aren't allowed over there without my husband or I for any reason.

[deleted account]

My husband and I make sure she has the attention she needs, she is only 15 months old so I want to make sure she gets the attention and interaction she needs right now, but im not sure what to do after that.

September - posted on 01/11/2012

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Well then I guess there's really nothing you can do. I feel for the child, that's just sad! Children should never feel as though they are a burden.

[deleted account]

I have talked to her about it and she insists that she doesnt ignore her child. She makes it seem like I have no idea what im talking about.

September - posted on 01/11/2012

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Well if you feel comfortable enough talk to her about it. That's just wrong on so many levels.

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