What to do about big sister bullying little sister?

Dara - posted on 04/08/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Ok, I have two girls. My oldest Trinity turned 2 in January and my youngest Dyllun will be 1 in May. Dyllun has just begun to walk about 2 weeks ago. It seems as though since about that time Trinity has decided to start pushing Dyllun over. She will be walking by Trinity while Trinity is on the couch and she will just shove her with her foot repeatedly until she pushes her over. I have tried time out, which doesn't really seem to work. And I am pretty much totally against hitting them but today she pushed her over and she knocked her head on the coffee table and now has a big bruise so today I have given her a couple of smacks on the thigh to get her to stop and it has worked but again I hate hate hate having to do so.

Why do you think she's doing this? What should I do to stop it and what type of punishment has worked for you Moms?

I'm just worried because she usually isn't like that at all and I'm always right here but who knows how badly she could hurt Dyllun since she is still so wobbly. Thanks Moms!!!

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Tyra - posted on 06/30/2014

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my big sister is a bully to me she skwes my arms and laugh at me in front of my face i fell like she hates me i know she hates me and she talkes about me in front of my face im 11 and shes 19 why do you want to hurt me i cant wait untile you move out the house.your making my life miserable

Niloofar - posted on 01/17/2013

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i think he is doing all this for attention, dont worry, when they will grow up they will be together and its you who will be apart, so dont try to get into there way, as they are sisters.......you are seeing the fight, not the love that there is between them, the day they will stop fighting, u will feel bored, believe me.

Niloofar - posted on 01/17/2013

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i think he is doing all this for attention, dont worry, when they will grow up they will be together and its you who will be apart, so try to get into there way, as they are sisters.......and you are seeing the fight, not the love that there is between them, the day they will stop fighting, u will feel bored, believe me.

Dara - posted on 08/28/2011

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I forgot all about this post. Lol. Now they are nearing 4 and 2 and a half. Now the little one is bullying big sis. Not sure how to handle that. I think a lot of it has to do with the same, terrible 2's, and she doesn't talk nearly as well as her older sister. I believe she does most of her communicating with her body. Thanks for your input! :)

Alexa - posted on 08/28/2011

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Its just terrible twos its a phase my cousin is going through her terrible twos just a phase just a phase.

Kelly - posted on 04/19/2010

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Honestly, I think every older child does this to some point to their youger bother/sister. My daughter who turned 3 in December loves her brother who will be 2 in June, but she is constantly picking on him. Nothing I say makes her stop, but I do think my son is starting to learn to stand up for himself better. He doesn't usually push back, but he gets his point across. I am the youngest of 5 kids and I think a little sibling rivalry exists no matter what.

Erin - posted on 04/19/2010

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Honestly I am no help for a solution but I wanted you to know you are not alone! My son Paul, who is 22 months older than my other son Sean, did the same thing. He was very gentle with him until he was walking (at 10 months). He loved to knock Sean over. He even did it casually, like walking out of his way to bump into Sean "on accident". He didn't seem to want to hurt him, just thought it was funny when Sean fell. I tried all sorts of things but Paul didn't take me seriously because every time Paul knocked him over, Sean LAUGHED!!! It became a game and I gave up trying to stop him aside from reminding him that it wasn't allowed because Sean could get hurt. The bad thing is now that Sean is sure on his feet (well ever since he became sure on his feet I should say) he is one tough cookie and will get down in a low foot-ball/wrestling stance and charge forward and knock Paul across the room, even though he is still about 10-14 lbs lighter than him! Paul taught him to play rough, so now Sean gives as good as he gets, and more! I agree that it could be a jealousy issue, but she could also be experimenting in her own way. I hope everything smoothes out soon, without too many bruises along the way! Good luck!

Sam - posted on 04/13/2010

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i have the same problem with my 2 daughters 4 in may and 2 my 4 yr old always pushes my 2 yr old over and is always hittin her.

Tara - posted on 04/13/2010

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my girls are almost the same age as yours. my oldest, Lydia, turned two in january and my youngest, Keren, turns one in April. I have seen exactly what you are talking about. the worst is when Lydia has shoes on. It seems to stem from jealousy. as Keren gets more mobile and gets into Lydia's stuff i have had more trouble. the ways i have handled it are first to spend special time with Lydia while Keren is up and playing so that lydia can see that she is special to me all the time and not just when keren is asleep. Then Lydia has some toys that are hers and she has the right to take them away form keren (provided she does it nicely - no hitting allowed) there are also toys that are shared and she can't just take these away. this helps with the jealousy. But when all else fails and lydia goes and hits keren she gets a spanking. (understand spanking and beating/abuse are totally different) there is a time and place for spanking and it is biblical. We ALWAYS spank on the bottom or right below the diaper and just hard enough to get the point across which isn't very hard. this is followed by a time that we sit and talk so that she understands why she gat spanked and that i still love her even though she did something wrong. then we hug and kiss and she goes and plays again. these things have helped so much that she doesn't kick/hit keren very often. Hope this helps

Michelle - posted on 04/11/2010

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my honest opinion is your 2 year old is jealous of the 1 year old and now that the 1 year old is mobile they are venturing into the 2 year olds territory. The pushing and kicking is he way of saying I am the queen around here.....find something that is important to her and basically tell her if you push your sister you will lose your toy, your priveleges be consistent and follow through it is a stage and if you stay on top of it, it will stop

Christine - posted on 04/09/2010

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Dara, well, I have four children (girl 8, girl 6, boy 4, girl 2) and they are all just under two years apart. They constantly 'fight' for our attention. Each of them acts up in a different way. Though I'm sure there are possibly many reasons for the behavior, I think at this age they can't be vicious on purpose.

My votes are:



1- cause and affect...every action is a reaction. She may simply be amused by the act even if she doesn't laugh out loud.



2- she could be looking for attention. If you are busy chasing after the younger daughter because she is walking now and telling her not to touch this or put that back or think she's cute because she's unstable, your older daughter may unknowingly be doing this for your attention.



My advise is to encourage her to help her sister to walk. Have her hold her hand. Make a huge deal if she does something kind or helpful towards her. Explain to her how it makes her (little sister) feel when she's pushed or hurt. Positive reinforcement is best. Don't give so much attention to this behavior so she thinks it's the way to get your attention. Just make sure everyone is safe.



Don't feel so guilty for spanking, I posted a response on another thread about spanking, I encourage you to read it.

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