What to do about the kicking, wailing, throwing AWFUL tantrums???

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Christin - posted on 05/16/2009

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honestly, most kids are only doing it to get your attention, or get you do do what they want. the best thing I have found to do is, ignore it. do not make eye contact. as long as they are in no physical danger, or pose no real risk to anyone else. it only takes a time or two of this and trust me they stop one real quick once they realize you are not giving in or paying attention to them. Just make sure to watch them out the corner of your eye to make sure they are not in danger, and you will be fine. If you notice a dangerous object do not move them, move the object while making no eye contact with them. Keep on doing what ever you were doing before they started with one eye on them for safety.

Regan - posted on 05/16/2009

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I liked this article...



Tantrum-proof your home - some useful tricks and tactics





Every child will throw a tantrum at some point. But there are ways to deal with tantrum episodes and prevent them from happening again...



‘Toddler-proof’ your home by placing dangerous or breakable things out of reach. Have clear routines to your child’s day, for example regular lunch, nap, bath and bedtimes. Plan ahead, keeping an eye on frustration levels so you can step in before they go over the top. Provide lots of opportunities to let off steam every day –running around outside, at the playground, dancing to music. Give children some control and choice over what to eat, wear or play with. Use distractions and diversions for as long as they work – a new toy, a changed activity, a song or game. As children reach pre-school age, discuss how you want them to behave in different situations and have clear, simple rules. If Tantrums do happen...

With all the previous strategies in place, parents are likely to have a relatively tantrum-free life. But it makes sense to have a few ideas up your sleeve for how to deal with them.



For a minor episode...

Try ignoring, by walking into another room or just carrying on with your own tasks Use calming techniques to lower your own stress levels – deep breathing, relaxing your muscles, positive talk inside your head: ‘I will keep calm’. If ignoring hasn’t worked, some children can be jollied along out of an episode. Say something like, ‘Time to stop now – I’ll count to 10’, then give plenty of praise and cuddles if the tantrum stops. In the supermarket, it is sometimes best to just pick up your child and go outside to cut down your embarrassment. For a really major tantrum, different tactics are needed...

Speak calmly, saying things like ‘I’m here, I won’t let you hurt yourself’. Hold your child tightly, preferably making eye contact. Sometimes you just have to weather the storm till your child calms down. ‘Time out’ can help if you find it impossible to stay calm. Time out involves putting your child somewhere safe but boring (for example a playpen, pushchair or the bottom step) for a couple of minutes. It should never be forced in anger and is not really understood by under 3’s. It may work best for parents to take it themselves! Top Tips for Cutting Down Tantrums

Aim for some happy, relaxed times every day – reading a story, visiting the park, playing a game. Show a good example by remaining calm when times are stressful. This encourages your toddler to do the same. Cut down negatives – constantly saying ‘No’ will add to a toddler’s frustration. Instead, use phrases like ‘later’, or ‘after lunch’. Keep aware of new stresses (potty training, starting nursery) that may need more sympathy. Respect your child’s feelings. Feeling understood will reduce your child’s need for tantrums. Try saying, ‘I know that makes you mad’ or ‘That must have made you feel sad’. Your child will see that their feelings matter and can gradually learn to put them into words, saying “I’m angry” instead of acting it out. Use positive parenting – plenty of praise and attention for behaviour you do want, trying to ignore as much as possible behaviour you don’t. Avoid harsh discipline – shouting and punishments only make tantrums worse. Use humour to defuse tricky situations – silly songs, laughter, making a game of tidying toys can all work brilliantly! A hug or a tickle at the right moment can also change a child’s mood. Most children do grow out of the need for tantrums when they have more language and understanding. But the way you deal with them in the toddler years is important. If they are handled harshly, with responses like yelling and smacking, or if you constantly ignore their feelings and need for comfort, they may well become worse and carry on for longer.

Jessica - posted on 05/15/2009

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Just let your child throw the tantrum in a safe place. My son is the same way and as long as I have the heart to ignore him the tantrum is not nearly as long if I give him the attention

Kattiie - posted on 05/15/2009

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they say that when kids do that it's because they want attention. It's not good to give them the wrong attention by putting them in time out what ever, You are suposed to make sure that they aren't going to hurt them self then ignore them. I know it can be hard but after a while they will stop. If you don't ignore them their tantrums will just get worse. Good luck

Amanda - posted on 05/15/2009

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while i so agree with sue..... all they are doin is trying to get your attention..... if you jus ignore them like you dont even see them they will eventually stop because they are not getting the reaction that they want..... just walk away... like to another room and start doin something else.... wait like 5 mins or so n call them to help u do something... sound real excited about it and then give lots of praise....i know its kinda hard to do in a store tho....but i come to find out that spankings do not work... they might correct it 4 the time being but they dont address the root problem.... piaget (a psychologist) says that children even from the time they are born want to be in control....its always a power struggle..... but there r always ways around it to make the child THINK they r in control but in reality they r doin wht YOU want them to do

Sue - posted on 05/15/2009

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I found out time out works wonders! I give my grandson a warning if he throws something or any kind of misbehavior and it does seem to work! He is in the time out room with the door shut(with the lights on of course) a couple of minutes-no more than 5 and it does seem to work. It is at the point of me just mentioning time out and he seems to snap into good behavior right away.

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