When you send your child to spend the night with the in-laws

Melissa - posted on 11/30/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )




My 4 year old has an easy time spending the night with my parents. BUT when he spends the night with my in-laws, its not so easy for him. Which it makes it hard for me to send him there. I know I should take to BOTH places and have him get use to both places and wanna do good but, its rough for me. I spend my night thinking of him and if hes ok and not throwing a fit.
My question is, is it BAD of me to send a note in his over night bag. Its only notes on when his bed time is, to remind them of brushing his teeth, read him some books, make sure he goes potty before bed. Sometimes it makes me feel comfortable that I did it but on the other hand I feel nuts doing it. AND is it bad of me to think of him all night and if hes doing ok?


Lise - posted on 12/01/2011




Not bad, but if you want to be a little more sneaky about it, address the note to your son... "Dear DS, Mommy and Daddy miss you and love you! Don't forget to brush your teeth before bed, ask Grandma/Grandpa to read you some books, and definitely don't forget to go potty! Have a great time with Grandma and Grandpa! We love you!"

Heather - posted on 12/01/2011




No, it's not bad at all to remind them of your son's routine. Ask them to give him a bath to help relax and calm him down before he goes to bed too. Maybe put a few books that your son really enjoys in his bag for your inlaws to read to him before they put him to bed. Include a night light in the bag too and ask them to plug it in for him. I bet he's afraid of the dark over there? Maybe even send a pull up for him to wear, if he will, before he goes to bed, for now, just to be safe. There is totally nothing wrong with giving them a page of information about your son and what he likes! I would do the same thing.

Ashley - posted on 11/30/2011




I think that you tell your in laws once when you drop your son off, and then in front of your inlaws remind your son of his bed time routine. It can be hard to let go if you feel you not 100% comfortable. I have never left my son over night with my Inlaws at all, but then neither of them are terribly stable people.

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Sarah - posted on 12/04/2011




My children never spend the night at my in-laws or parents..They only spend the day sometimes...They do spend the night with friends or their cousins but only if they have chilren around the same age..So they know what they are doing:)..

Hope this helps:)

[deleted account]

Do you worry about him the same when he is w/ your parents? Why or why not? How is he when he returns from your parents? From your in-laws?

If the issues are minor.... you 'should' probably let him go, but if it's hard on HIM.... there's no reason he HAS to do overnights w/ the in-law's. Maybe day visits would be better for now.

September - posted on 12/01/2011




I think if it makes you feel better than go for it, I don't see any harm in it. I think it's common for Mother's to think about their children when they are away. Don't be so hard on yourself :)

Rachel - posted on 12/01/2011




unless he's in physical danger, I'd just let it go. They aren't a 1r yr old sitter, and I assume you aren't paying them, so let them do it their way. It'll likely be the wrong way, but they're the ones who'll have to clean the pee sheets or be up late because your kid watched too much t.v. Or cleaning puke when they fed him too much junkfood. Bring 'em home, detox them, brush their teeth, and no real harm will be done. And thank them for spending their weekend giving you a break. Of course, I'm assuming that these sleepovers are maybe once a month. If, for work reasons, they are mouch more frequent, you should maybe look into hiring someone.

Erin - posted on 11/30/2011




When he goes to your parents, does he have his own space? If he does, that may be part of the reason that he's more comfortable there. I'm too far away from both sets of grandparents to have that problem, but I do know that my eldest (who is 4) got really excited to go to my inlaws when he found out that they painted a wall with chalkboard paint so he could color on the wall! I also try to keep things balanced, but children will pick up on little things that will make them feel more or less comfortable with family.

Melissa - posted on 11/30/2011




They have his bed in there room because my 2 sister in laws havent moved out yet. SO they have a bunch of crap on his bed. Every time he has to use his bed they have to clear it off. Which i dont think they change his sheets. When I ask them to do something with him they dont follow thru with it. Which erks me. Its the reason I write things down :( I am trying to be nice about it. But maybe I have to start opening my mouth or just quit leaving him there....

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