Why do parents let their kids run wild?

Tangerine - posted on 02/09/2010 ( 70 moms have responded )

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I am FLOORED by the number of people who just let their small children run around in public places like restaurants & super markets totally unsupervised...running into people. What the heck?! Believe me when I say that NO ONE thinks your kids are charming or cute when they are running amock and being a nusiance.

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Amanda - posted on 02/16/2010

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Children are taught to behave, as early as age 1, if your child isnt behaving in a mall, grocery store, it is on YOU! I hate it when I am tripping over misbehaving children. Are all children perfect of course not, but like one mother pointed out, if your child is misbehaving it is your job as a parent to remove them from that place until a better time. Plenty of parents have said you dont know if the child is ADHD, or whatever other none visual disablity, my son is a "problem child" but KNOWS to behave in a mall, it is called parenting. Even children with ADHD, autism can be taught how to behave, it is your job as a parent to learn how your child learns best, and then teach them. It is not everyone elses job to tolerate your misbehaving child no matter what the disablity.

Karen - posted on 02/12/2010

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awww just hope none of you ever have to raise a disabled child..... ever considered that the child was either autistic or had developmental problems, or ADHD... nahh your narrow minded thinking is what makes parents with disabled children cringe!!!!!
i really hope .. god forbid none of you ever have to go through what a parent with a disabled or mentally handicapped child has to....these children constantly hate crouds, they hate sitting still and they like to scream... thb none of you narrow minded people would ever cope.... this discussion proves it!!!!!!!
you all should be ashamed of yourselfs for even discussing how other parents should raise THEIR child.
I have 2 children that are disabled 2yrs and 12yrs they hate crouds and because of their delayed devolopment screamed to comunicate.... people like you who stand and stare at them,, tutting and making sniddy remarks are unbeleivable, what you think by acting like that the child will stop all your doing is making the situation worse and to top it of ive even had one scum of a mother hit my child while out... so unless you know the situation and reasons behind a childs behaviour... no one has the right to chatise or even comment on another persons child...... end of
i'm sorry if you think my post is harsh.... but reality is, life is harsh and people have to realise you should never judge a book by its cover.
thanks for reading what ive posted have a good day

Lisamarie - posted on 02/17/2010

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OK, i had to make this post, this is ridiculous! This community is for support, advice and a debate, which by the way this is not!! This is ATTACKING mums and making them feel like shit!!
I really cant believe the cheek of some of you! If you don't like my child screaming in your face, MOVE OUT OF MY WAY, simple! In my last posts I tried to tell you our side and even asked for ADVICE, (no walkin out of the shop or strapping my eldest in the trolley plz) and obviously none of u r willing to give it (Or you actually have no idea how to do it coz someone else has raised you children) and are purely just here to ridicule the parents who are finding it tough.
To be honest, I would rather have a screaming child in my face than ur ignorant, NASTY comments, thank you.

Lisamarie - posted on 02/12/2010

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My child is by no means perfect, she shouts at me, tells me no, runs away from me (I ALWAYS follow her) I am a good mother, not perfect, nobody is, but I believe and my family believe I am a good mum to both my children. But I will admit at times I cannot control her, she is three and has a new baby brother and is testing her boundaries. She walks into people when we're our shopping because she doesn't look where she's walking, even though my husband and I have repeatedly told her to, I walk with her and appoligise if she gets in peoples way or has a tantrum and the amount of smug looking women, yes it is women most of the time, who sneer down at me (I'm 21) I can see it written on their faces that they think I can't look after my child or too young to anyway.
People who think their children are perfect are lying to make themselves feel like better parents. 99% of children have run away from thier parents at some point, no-one has eyes in the back of their heads! Its hard to watch two children, put the shopping on the conveyer belt, get your purse out, bag everything up etc.
I certainly do not think people should be making parents feel bad because their children have run off, toddlers are cheeky, mischevious and like to see how far they can push you, it's part of growing up and you can't have your child strapped to you the whole time, they are not dogs and toddlers should be walking to build their muscles!
My daughter has wondered off once in her life, I couldn't find her for about half a minute and it terrified me! To have a fellow parent then condemn you for that is just plain wrong.

Carolynne - posted on 02/11/2010

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Im saying this and being impartial as I have worked as a Middle School Guidance Counselor... Some parents whose children (in your opinion are running wild) don't always see it the way you do... Others, are embarrassed, but don't really know how to control their child or maybe something is going on (autistic etc). There are many reasons why things happen and some of them are because the parents just don't care, have the patience or energy to control them. Everyone has their own parenting style and even the best of parents may have something they do that bothers someone else. Circle of Moms is a safe place to vent, ask for advice, and be who you are and who I am unsupermom... Lord knows I have my days--- remember yes, there are parents who just dont care--but there are those times we dont know the circumstances...... So lets be fair and every is entitled to their opinion as long as we are respectful in our deliveries.. hugsssssss
They dont understand:
mother riding on a city bus
Kids are yelling kicking up a fuss
Everybody's staring not knowing what she's going through
Somebody said don't you even care?
Do you let 'em do that everywhere?
She slowly turned around, looked up and stared
She said Please forgive them
But they've been up all night
Their father struggled but he finally lost his fight
He went to heaven
In the middle of the night
So please forgive my children
(they dont understand)
Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true
(They don't understand)
Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you never really know what your neighbor's going through

This conversation has been closed to further comments

70 Comments

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Mandy - posted on 02/16/2010

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All in all, I think you should just mind your own biz, and if you dont like whats going on,too bad, you can leave. They ARENT YOUR KIDS, so you have no right to judge them OR the moms and dads. Keep your commets to yourself.

Sheryl - posted on 02/16/2010

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jackie i don't know if you thought from my thing that i said it was ok to run wild. no i don't belive it ok. but know if a child is helping there parent then thats another thing. i didn't get to run like a wild child myself growing up. i couldn't get away with anything. just like i don't my kids. know yes what i was maining is them not likeing the shopping. but then again i mean not everyone has someone they can leave there kids with. i mean like me if i go to the store it is because i have too. we only got one car, my husbend works and goes to collage. my in law is a pastor and my mother an can't handle being around kids very long. plus they are older. plus, i don't have very many friends where i live cause i am so busy taking care of my kids. a lot of the time i am like a single mom. those are the time of poeple can't just stop what they are doing. i mean i take the chance if i can to go to the store with out my kids. but my oldest behaves and my youngest trys too. i do my best to make him. there are time when i know it his issues then, there are times i know its just mishaving. i do i have to make him lesson and be good,some parent are still try to figure it out. that just i how i see things. but that also been my life experance.

Roni - posted on 02/16/2010

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Ok, I have a almost 21 month old and I tend to agree with some of you talking about letting your kid down in the store....as long as an eye is kept on them and they aren't running into people. I understand issues such as autism and add or adhd, i have cousins with it. But let me just say that sometimes it's not easy especially if you have more than one child! Like me i have two under two and i'm a single mom...but i try my best to keep him under control. And as far as when he decides to have a tantrum in the middle of the store and he's throwing himself on the floor i just start to walk away because he realizes i am and stops and runs to me. If he stops listening then he just gets put in the cart and strapped in. I don't agree with the mom who said that a well behaved toddler means a well behaved teenager, honestly i think if you don't let kids have some kinda of fun and be thierselves when they're lil they will rebel 10x as hard as teenagers! Just one more thing then i'll drop it but don't complain to much because the more that you the worse karma will bite you back.

Hope - posted on 02/16/2010

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I do feel that this world in general raises there children much differently. I also agree that parents need to be "parents" and teach there children. But I can say that when I see a child when I am out I don't always look to the parent because kids have a mind of there own. I will look a child who is acting out "when the parents dont say anything" and talk to the kid. Some thing like "o my" "I all most ran into you"... That would of hurt... bla bla bla.. Kinda to do my part as a whole.. But also when I see kids act out it offers me a perfect opportunity to point out to my children what is wrong with how they act.. I can say this all makes me think of a kid my husband came home talking about the other day. He was in the cart yelling at the top of his lungs "I want a toy" "mom I said now" things like this... As a parent Im sure you are all saying "dont do it".. but wouldn't you know it.. She goes and lets him pick out a toy. Now my husband told our oldest "in front of the other family".. If you ever do that not only will we go home with out a toy.. but you will stay in your room for the rest of the day.
My point in all this is that we some times forget that our way may not always be the only way. Our children and ourselves are going to run into people who do things differently then what we think is Okay. But its there children and there is nothing you can do about it...
Now my biggest thing is parents who leave there children in the car why they "run" into the store. I seem to run into this all the time. I have my way of dealing with it and making the parents think a little. I stay next to the car and when the parent comes out I will say "Ive been here for five or so min and your kids are just fine". then I drive away. :) I like to think that they get a little worried about the idea of some stranger watching there kids..
Oh and one more thing.. I could see there has been talk of leaving the kids with someone.. Well I am a mother who has not left my kids with anyone (okay twice with grandparents for a few hrs) for things like this. Going out offers so many opportunity with your children in a way that you can not do at home.
but please people learn to be kind.. Your kids are after all watching you. :)
God Bless

Jackie - posted on 02/16/2010

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Allison, my advice would be exactly what you did with picking him up and taking him out until he regains his composure...and the key just being consistent with it.

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Bottom line, I dont really care what you think of my children. They are mine for a reason. No I dont LET them run amock. No I dont encourage them to scream. But in a grocery store or wal-mart im not about to just drop my shopping because my child is annoying you and leave. Get over it. Theres a difference when a parent completely ignores their child and walks away from them. Which I have witnessed a time or two. I get more upset with the parent. Probably because the other day the child I saw walking around the store was one I knew from the apartment complex I live at and the mother doesn't deserve her children. But when we are right there with our child and they are acting up, suck it up. You dont have to deal with it do you? As for the comment that was made towards me "does that lady not deserve a pleasant shopping experience?" does my child not deserve as much respect as the ignorant b***c who told her to shut up? Old ladies butt in line ahead of me, or drop all of their things onto the belt and then walk away to get more leaving me standing waiting for her, maybe she should leave as well. I mean, its very annoying and rude and disrespectful. Oh dear me look at that, a child is crying because he cant have that second bag of cookies, better tell his mom to leave he's annoying me. Grow up.

Nora - posted on 02/16/2010

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My 13 month old daughter was trampled over by a chubby eight year old girl in a recreation play area intended FOR LITTLE CHILDREN. Yes, my little baby loves to run around, its healthy for her and I encourage it but lets supervise our children closely and set boundaries and standards, it will help in the long run to be respectable members in society.

Allison - posted on 02/16/2010

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I will definitely agree. It's been my experience that there of adults are hurried, careless, and just downright rude when you have a small child. Even moving a cart around at store can be difficult.

Allison - posted on 02/16/2010

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Do you have children? I was soooo embarrassed a week ago when my 3 year old drop to the floor at the book store and began kicking his legs, flailing his arms, and screaming at the top of his lungs. I picked him up, carried him out, explained his punishment to him, and stuck it out. The same thing happened 2 other times that week and I felt like everyone was staring at me, but that's OK. I took him out again, explained him punishment again, and there haven't been any more store tantrums this week. Toddlers are learning how to behave and aren't aware of all the social expectations that are placed on them yet. I realize there are children who are not very well supervising, but even those of us who spend 100% of our time and attention supervising our children still have moments in public when our children are not the best behaved and maybe even create a scene. If you have children and they haven't, wow, you're children are super-well behaved. If you have infants, it will happen to you sometime. Do you have any suggestions for those of us with toddlers who are testing their boundaries to learn how to interact with others and act in public that would be helpful? This is no a sarcastic question. I am really interested in your advice...

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I think my son was just over the age of 2 when he had his first tantrum in a store...he was great before that day! So being the first time dealing with it it was pretty hectic trying to get him to calm down...Now that he is 3 1/2 he has his good moments and bad moments. I finally got a running car after 2 mos of a broken down car, so I could only go shopping once a week or every other week when I could borrow a car from my neighbor. These opprotunities being rare and far between I would have to get all my running around done as much as possible because it was the only opprotunity I had, or I didn't know when my next one would come...unfortunately in a list of errands grocery shopping comes last, but just the same I have had worse shopping experiences from the ADULTS in the store and NOT the children! I have been ran in to more times then I can count from ADULTS, NOT children! With that being said, my son now 3 can't always sit still in the shopping cart and unless i want him to take a header to the floor I gotta let him walk...especially if he's been in the car too long or we've ran lots of errands that day...So on some of these days he is well past nap stage, but is also in between needs naps and refuses to take them stage...if I don't take him to thte store I can't teach him how to PROPERLY act in public. If I don't let him out of the cart I can not teach him how to stay near the cart and respect other people's space and watch for others...When he doesn't listen he gets reigned in and put back in the cart, I apologize if he doesn't look out for people or runs into someone, but he's still learning...we don't LIVE at the store so some things have to be revisited!

Mairav - posted on 02/16/2010

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I agree to a point all kids need to lern bounderys and respect for others otherwise when do you expect them to learn?
but I'm not a mum that wont let her child do anything.
whenI tell my child she knows that it's enough and if she keeps going she's in big trubble.
she also is very mindfull of others I make sure fo this by reason and I don't treat her like she is stupid she understands wance she has a reasone why she shouldn't do something she doesn't

Imani - posted on 02/16/2010

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i believe that thewy let them run around so that they dont care about there child enough to keep them close to them if they do it there they do it in the house as well.

Lisamarie - posted on 02/16/2010

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After reading more of these posts I had to comment again. My oldest is 3, NOT a young lady, btw, a CHILD, she is getting too big to sit in a shopping trolley and I don't drive, my husband works and only get one chance a week to go shopping, I can't just leave and go back.
I can admit I don't have many friends and none that live nearby, and I know it's hard to believe but my family have lives, they work, they can't drop everything to look after my children, yes plural, more than one child.
I am not ashamed to say I struggle to control my daughter sometimes, she is very strong minded and likes to act like an adult. I am NOT a bad mum, I am a learning mum, we all are, we learn as we go, one of the joys of parenting, surely?
Don't get me wrong, I don't LET my daughter run riot, I am after her as soon as she's off, if she runs into somone I am embarrassed and always appologise.. And I'm sorry but how can you not take your eyes off your children for a second whilst shopping??? I'm not an alien, I don't have eyes in the back of my head. My daughter is the most socialable person I have met and wants to talk to everyone, (I am always there) and move her away if she's too touchy, (she likes to hold other kids hands) and I think is damn rude and just plain mean to move away and ignore anyone, especially a child.
As for running around a public place, the key word being PUBLIC, myh children are members of the public and they have the right to be there as much as you do! If you don't like the public shop online!!
I think the worst thing in all of this is that us parents who do struglle taking their children out are here defending themselves and all the rest of you can do is condemn and disrespect us, so congratulations on making us feel like rubbish parents!

Jackie - posted on 02/16/2010

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Terri, please read my post before making the same repetitive comment over and over again. I have said 3 times now I am NOT referring to children with disabilities. Its hard to tell with some children, yes I know that...you have said that many times. So fine, your kids are exempt from this conversation, keep the debate on point. I just said in last nites comment (for at least the second time) when I make my posts I am referring to the children who do NOT have disabilities, I said that in plain english, so stop putting words in my mouth.

That said, I have also seen parents with disabled children who do set appropriate limits on them as well as someone else above also mentioned...which I think should be expected. Of course they can't act like a "normal" kid, but its not a free pass to have no rules/discipline either.

Hope, from the way you describe your kids they def. don't fall under the category of wild children as far as this debate is concerned, not the ones I am referring to anyways. I have never said a kid should be chained down, I think its great when they help as long as they know to watch out for others, and get out of the way when someone is coming, say excuse me if they need to get by etc etc. My comments have never been directed at that, though everyone makes me out to be someone who thinks kids should be chained down. I don't mind the kids walking around at all, its those well behaved and well mannered kids whose moms I smile at or will comment to when their little boy/girl knows to say excuse me, or stop and wait for someone to go by before they take off from where they are....its the unsupervised kids who certainly aren't "helping" that I am talking about.

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There are ways of letting them help without them running amock! My little boy loves helping me and quite often wants to help carry the basket. I found that, naturally, its too heavy for him so I bought him a shopping basket of his own which he proudly carrys the smaller items for me! I've seen other children since doing the same (some with their own trolleys!) Its very sweet and they feel helpful and enjoy coming shopping!! x

Terri - posted on 02/15/2010

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well guess wat Jackie I am one of those people that dont have anyone to watch my children. I have to take 4 children out shopping aged 8 and under, with a baby and I dont have the luxury of just walking out and coming back. So when my boys play up yes I tell them off, to the point I threaten to take things away or no tv or whatever.

But this doesnt always work because they are hyperactive boys, one with autism and the other possibly Aspergers. But to look at them you would not know it. They look like any other normal 8 and 7 year olds. Until they get overstimulated.

And that is my point, yes you may be talking about children without disabilities, but unless you go up to the parent and ask them, how do you know? A lot of children these days have ADD or ADHD. You just dont know. Im just saying it doesnt hurt to have a little bit of tolerance and compassion for parents. Just try putting yourselves in their position and think how you would feel.

Hope - posted on 02/15/2010

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I can say that I agree with what you are saying. Now on the other hand I have to sit back and think... could people think my child is just running around? I have a six and four year old. When we go to the store they help me shop. I will let them know what I want and when we get to the area where it is I let them find it. Now I would NEVER let them out of my site. But there has been times when people will come around a corner and almost run into my boys. When the boys see a cart they get over and wait for the person to pass so normally its not a big deal. I hope that people do not feel that they are unsupervised and if they do they would only have to look up and see me standing there. However having the boys help not only helps with them not getting restless but it helps them to feel like they are contributing to helping our family.
Now when we are in a restaurant they would never be aloud to run around. Unless its chucky cheese :)
But my children are being raised by me and not by the judgments of others. They are very sweet boys and even though they are not perfect. They are my kids.. Its part of being a free society.

Jackie - posted on 02/15/2010

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Sorry, but yes you can leave your cart and walk out of the store or restaurant. I have seen many parents do it before, and those are the parents that I have the understanding smiles and nods too b/c they are trying to make it better. I understand some of you may not have a babysitter...but you go back and try again later. But I have NEVER met someone who didn't have at least one person whose offered to watch their kids (a neighbor, friend etc)...most people just won't accept the offer. Anyways if you think leaving is giving them their way (which ok, if the tantrum is b/c they don't want to shop then you are right) then you bring them out, let them calm down and bring them back in....and repeat repeat repeat. You teach them that that type of behavior only makes shopping take longer...thats not giving them their way while still respecting everyone else trying to use the public shopping place.

And when I make these comments in this conversation I have been very clear that I am def.not referring to the child that stays by their parents side and talks in an indoor voice to their parents and helps put things in the cart. Kids def. need to be taken out, all over the place and experience new things, but they should be expected to behave in the process. I am referring to the kids who are literally running back and forth in the aisles while their parents nonchalontly go about their shopping, the kids who are just randomly screaming at each other, or worse their parents and all the parents do is say "sally, joey stop it".

And sorry cheryl, we didn't all run around wild in public. I was not allowed to run around the store like a wild child. my childhood exploration took place at home, in the backyard, at the playground...places where that behavior is appropriate.

And yes I also have more tolerance for the younger crowd who are still in the learning process.....AS LONG as their parents are correcting the behavior. I think it reflects just as badly (on the parents) when the behavior goes uncorrected.

And continually bouncing back to the children with disabilities is not debating this topic. It has been stated very clearly that this conversation is in reference to the children with no disabilities. While yes there may be a few with unvisible issues....a VAST majority are perfectly fine, and just severely misbehaved/undisiplined children, that is exactly the group that this debate is about.

Sheryl - posted on 02/15/2010

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i should say not all be can till if a child is autsic or like sensory processing dis. my son has it and till you what he likes just like any other child. you can't till unless you can till his can't talk. you guys say if you can't calm them down then stop. but i see as let them get there way. i mean cause what kids really want to go to the store. i agree about taking them to the bathroom but some people they have to get done what they came there for. then again like what if they are a single mom! not everyone has someone to watch there kids or that they can trust. i mean like me if i go to the store it cause i really need something for there. but that just my point of veiw.

Lori - posted on 02/15/2010

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I guess I'm a bit "confused" as to what constitutes "running around" in a store. I can understand children being expected to sit & eat in a restaurant (unless of course it's Chuck E Cheese or the like) but again I'm not sure exactly what "level" people are commenting on. Where do you people shop that you have kids running screaming up & down the aisles and running people over? I've seen kids giving mom/dad a hard time simply because they are bored (mine have all done it) but I don't think that's what the original question/comment was about. I'm all in favor of not letting little ones literally run around in a shopping area simply because it could be dangerous - mostly to them. Personally I feel sorry for the parent who's child is throwing a tantrum (for WHATEVER reason) and find that what helps most is a "been there, done that" kind of comment. Getting in someone's face about it never serves it's purpose. Each kid/parent relationship is different and sometimes it's really hard to know if someone is being a "bad" parent or is just having one of those days :-)

Ellen - posted on 02/15/2010

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you can tell if a child is autistic/pecial needs they cant help that,and therefore it's ok but when a child knows better. and most children do. and parents don't do anything thing about it, then it is a problem. But everyone should take into consideration that there may be an underlying factor as to why a certain child is acting out.

Ellen - posted on 02/15/2010

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Mabye not bad parents, but I think all parents have a responsibly to keep our children under control when out in public. out of courtesy. when my children act up I stop what Im doing and take them to the bathroom, if they keep acting up-We leave and try again next time.

Ellen - posted on 02/15/2010

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I totally agree with you! I have two toddlers myself and frankly that is one of the reasons I hate eating in public. my three yr old won't sit still. and I'll be darned if I let him run around wild. Im trying to teach him at home before I take him out to eat in public again. I think it is down right rude when parents don't watch their children in public. Mabye we should say something the next time we see such things.

Sheryl - posted on 02/15/2010

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to joy lidy! i am sorry but i disgree with you. you can't expect a parent to up and stop everything they are doing. just becuase there child is acting out. like i said up on my lost posting you may not understand way they are doing it. what i am getting from your post is like that you may think that those kids should just be kept at home. i am sorry but even those kids need to get out. just as much as other kids. yes should parent do everything that they can to keep there child undercontrol. but sometime its not there falt. not all parent who kids are acting up are bad parents. but this is just my point of view.

Sheryl - posted on 02/15/2010

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ok, would some of you concerding a child running around if they are walking with there mom and help them pick stuff up. i have to say i have a child who has sensory processing disorder. ok! by looking at him you can't till there is anything wrong with him. plus he may autsic. what poeple need to learn is you don't know the story behind way kids are they way they are. just stop to think if you talk to that parent. just maybe you would understand way the kid is acting that way. i try to make my kids lesson. i do everything i did with my first and his great about behaving i get wow his a great kid all the time. my youngest i even get wow he doing so great sometime when his able to get ahold of him self. its not that all parents just let them go wild. sometimes theres more to it. plus who are we to judge other people that is gods job. just the other day my son had a milt down. Cause, they had him waiting an hour and half. plus the doc. office pact. my son could not handle it. belive me i did everything i could to stop it. if you people that don't have a child like this, you wouldn't understand. have you ever thought about talking to someone and reading up on these things. in that office there was a women who sat there and said if that where my child his butt would be bloody red. guess what my other son was setting and being a good lil boy. us parent hate when poeple just judge us. many of us feel so alone cause many people just judge us right away. you guys now that children with many issue are on the raise. just maybe if you ever just took the time and talk to parent who have children with issues then just maybe you could understand. i am sorry but this is the way i feel. why don't some of you just open your minds and just try to see things through other peoples eyes. one time in the doc. office to. On another day a women said wow he seem like a handful. and i said yes and till you what other people over heard and till you what there faces changed. they seem a lil more understanding. just that made me feel better. cause she try to understand what i was going through. please everyone just try to understand things may seem normal but they may not be. once again this is just my point of veiw and a mother of a child who has sensory processing disorder.

[deleted account]

I agree about the restaurant, I hate to see kids running round and bumping tables with other people's food on! However kids do run, slide around in the supermarket. They find shopping boring so they do what they can to make it fun, or annoy the heck out of their parents/other people. The parents who look like they don't give a damn normally do but are just too tired to have the same conversations over and over with a child who isn't going to listen. I think there are times when it matters and times when you shouldn't sweat it! You will only drive yourself (your kids and probably everyone else too!) mad.

Cheryl - posted on 02/15/2010

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Are you one of those moms who uses a dog collar and lease on there kids? Listen we all ran around when we were kids to. KIDS are Kids.. Its called Childhood and Exploration.... I know when i am in a grocery store ADULTS like to be rude and run into you at the grocery store does that make them a nusiance and childish????

Nicole - posted on 02/15/2010

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Wow, this one ignited a firestorm!
Here's my 2 cents. A child is a child. That being said, there's a huge difference between a 2/3 year old "running amock" and a 5/6/7 year old doing it. In that same grain, more patience should be shown to the younger ones than the ones who are older and should understand more about acceptable behaviours and the time and place for certain things.
But the key here regardless is to withhold judgment. Fact is you don't know what that parent or child is facing or trying to deal with that day or have been dealing with that week. Who's to say if this is normal behaviour for parent or child or if both or one are just dealing with issues unseen that are perpetuating their behaviours (ie child acting out, parent "letting them").
I used to be one of those irritated shoppers who would think judgemental things about parent(s) who let their kids "run amock". Then I had a child and became one of those parents, chasing after my daughter to keep her from destroying the store in her bid to "help" me shop, or fighting/struggling with her to keep her in the cart seat. The lesson i've learned is it's just as frustrating for those parent(s) as it is for you (the shopper), trying to avoid hitting the kid with the cart or irritated by the crying. Even more so. So parent to parent, just show some empathy and some tolerance; that will go a much longer way.

Shellie - posted on 02/15/2010

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I have learned not to criticize people and how they raise their kids. Unless they are being beating their kids or the kids have no house structure at all i have no criticism for them. Because the fact of the matter is you don't know their child that seems out of control. The more you force a child to behave the more they will rebel latter. So as far as i am concerned have tolerance for other people and maybe they will have understanding for you. This world can always use more tolerance.

Mary-Ann - posted on 02/15/2010

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My mom handled 4 kids on her own in public for years and we never ran around in store and such. My brother is mentally challenged and was very much like an autistic child and he was not allowed to get away with running up and down the isles and such. Now I would never ask someone in your position to not take you child in public, That would be rude and in my own families experience not necessarily possible and not to mention not healthy for a child like yours or my brother. But there is still no reason for kids to be running up and down the isles and bumping into people. There still has to be limits with children who have disabilities. just because they have a disability does not mean they shouldn't have rules and expectations, geared to their needs. Having a brother who has disabilities and knowing it is difficult, but it can be done.

Mary-Ann - posted on 02/15/2010

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I agree with you Tangerine. There is a time to play and a time to settle down. personally a store is not the place to be running around and playing, that is what an indoor/outdoor playground is for. My daughter helps us get groceries and puts things in the cart, that is not the same as kids who are running up and own the Isles and bumping in to adults or other kids because they are too busy playing to pay attention to where they are going. One kid at a farmer's market was knocked down by my husband because he just darted out in front of him from the side he was holding my daughter. my husband didn't even see him until the kid bounced off his legs. That happened because the parents were not watching their kid, they had their backs turned.

If you are going to let your kids run around like that then at least teach them to be aware of others that are there so they aren't running into people.

Joy - posted on 02/15/2010

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disrespectful???? If you are willing to let your kids scream and act like that in public then you should rethink about going out in public! With all the stresses in life that should be one less stress,I love to shop with my daughter but im NOT going to get staired down cause she cant act like a young lady should. If you think that im going to sit down in a public place and let my child act like a spoild bratt you have thought wrong.Its not like i said beat your kid if they act out i said leave the building and let them calm down and if they dont leave!!!! As far as your 2 yer old running around all it takes is you to look at something and they are gone or ran off thats how parents lose there kids! This conversation does not matter to some of you because your kid is the one we talk about because you dont care ''its cute and funny''. Well Thats all i have to say on that. fyi your kids not cute pestering people or crying or throwing fits or running around with no respect for any one or any thing!

Jackie - posted on 02/15/2010

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Terri why would you call that disrespectful????.

All she said was thats not the place to let your child throw a fit. I do agree with the comments above of how you don't give in to your child and give them what they want...thats exactly why I won't let me daughter throw a fit in teh store, b/c she wants attention. You don't have to give them the candy (or whatever that they want), but you should take them out of the building to do their screaming until they can regain their composure.

Terri - posted on 02/14/2010

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I think this last comment was extremely disrespectful. And that is all I have to say on it.

Joy - posted on 02/14/2010

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Okay well over half of you are right but, num one if your kid is acting out in a store tell the to stop,num two if they dont calmly pick up you child grab your belongings and leave or at least go to the car untill they calm down and if they dont then leave.ugh i hate when you see a child in the store screaming,running around,and the big one throwing fits....sorry but if you know your child is going to throw a fit then get a sitter.You are the parent your child is not the parent! There is no reason for a child to act like a butthead your the mothers! No my kids not perfict eather but ill tell you what she does not throw fits or cry or run around in the store like she has been raised by children her self. My daughter is three and if she starts at the store she knows that she gets nothing and we leave if i cant shop with her ill get a sitter or just not go untill i have an open window where she can stay with her step dad. Im sorry but the store is no place to teach a child anything about not getting what they want or fits if you cant handel your child at home half of the time there is something wrong with that!

Jessica - posted on 02/14/2010

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I do not approve of children running around store. My son will be 4 in almost a month and gets to walk around the store with me and he also knows that if he does run off on me or doesn't mind me he will go in the cart or if he starts throwing a full blown tantrum he will be taken out of the store immediately with the cart left wherever we are at and taken home and I will go back to the store alone while he is left with his father. In my eyes going to the store with me is a privelage and I know in some people's case that is not an option. I also do tell my son before he even gets out of the car NO RUNNING away from me and that he needs to stay by me or I will take him home or he will be put in the cart and I have found this works for my son and he knows I mean business b/c I am not about to have an abnoxious child with me and yes I have left 1/2 a cart full of groceries sitting there and walked out of a store with him and he's learned that when i say I'll do it I mean it and I've found he's a lot better behaved if I let him help me. People still look at me like I'm nuts b/c I do remind him if he even starts to act up in the slightest he will be put in the cart or will go him. I don't like to hear other peoples kids throw fits in a store so why would i let my own child do it.

[deleted account]

Lisamarie, my shopping cart has been banged into by another adult's shopping cart and they got mad at ME cuz it made my child cry!!!



And I agree w/ the 'you can't always tell if a child is disabled' thing. My best friend's son is also high functioning autistic. Most of the time you can't tell at ALL... unless something sets him off which crowds and noise tend to do that.



Who is going on these 'calm and quiet' shopping trips? Most of my shopping trips are sheer madness and it's not from my kids...... ;)

[deleted account]

No more questions Jackie. I don't agree w/ that 'book' and I AM doing what is best for my children. :)

Terri - posted on 02/14/2010

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Thank you Carolynne. That is exactly right. My son is high functioning on the autism spectrum and most people dont know he is.

And then we go out to a shopping centre, where it all becomes too much for him and he will start running up and down the aisles or shouting or talking very loudly, bumping into people. I ALWAYS apologise on my children's behalf when they are behaving inappropriately.

But like you said people dont know the circumstances of the parents and you cannot always tell if a child has a disability. Put yourself in the parents shoes. A lot of people dont have family support where they can get someone to mind their children while they shop.

Also I wonder how many of these parents only have 1 or 2 children, and how many have girls. Because the more children you have, the harder it is and boys are especially more active.

Carolynne - posted on 02/13/2010

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Some good reads are How to behave so your children will too and how to behave so your preschooler will too both by Sal Severe.... Wrote one of my papers on them.... Really good info... I also find when Carina (shes get like whoa sometimes lol) if she is doing something wrong and I ignore that and redirect her and she then does something positive I praise her for that... Then I get more positive behavior because she wants the praise. I use poker chips as tokens to save and use for rewards, including alone time with mommy exclusively.

Carolynne - posted on 02/13/2010

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Okay... I have to chime in here...... It is not always easy to tell if a child has a disability... There are children who have disabilities who exhibit same behaviors as typical 2 and 3 year olds. Prehaps the child is older *but on the small side) so they may look like they are acting age appropriate. I have worked at the Dan Marino Center with autistic children, aspergers, etc.... Some arent as severe as others... What about ADD or ADHD those too are children with disabilities, who may not be receiving treatment yet... Because perhaps their parents don't realize they have a problem, or think that their kids are just out of control, or just have given up, or whatever reason... You can not always tell when a child is disabled. When I told my Peds doctor I was concerned because when I took my 3 yr old out in public and he didnt sit still and I saw some kids sitting so nicely not hardly moving a muscle. Know what he said to me? You dont know why they are sitting that still... They could have the fear of God in them, knowing they will get spanked or whatever they get if they misbehave.... Your son is 3, he is going to move around and be 3... You do the best you can, because you know what? There will be those days where my kids are angels and your kids might be acting up... It happens, they all have their moments... Whether disabled or not.. Or well behaved or not.. Because Im even sure that many of you will agree, your kids are very well behaved for others, but dont always act that well behaved for us... But one thing, my son who never sat still, is what I now consider my angel.> Along came Carina and boom, if I had her first Im not sure there would be a Joey. hahaha If you know Joey, his teachers said they couldnt even tell he was ADD and I said you would if he missed a dose.. One day dad forgot to give him his Vyvanse and I called the school.. His teacher said, no hes fine, Im like I dont mind.. By the end of the day, she was like whoa I would never have know.... So you really dont know if a child has an issue... and yes, add and adhd is a disability too... My daughter, shes worse and will also be starting meds at 4 as Joey did.... I know I cant keep them home forever until they are behaving like angels, I have to get them out so they can learn whats expected. and know what? some therapist tell you when they are acting out, you ignore the behavior to extinguish the behavior. When you give in, you teach them that okay I only have to scream this much to get my way. If you then decide to fix it and not give in like before, they scream longer and harder or act out longer and harder until you give in. Setting a new boundary.... We are taught that if you just let it get its worse, they will see what they want is not coming and it will help to stop the behaviors. it may take a few times, and standing firm isnt easy when other parents are like um, are you going to do something about your kid... Its behavior modification. But, there are those parents who are just not doing their jobs, and I can understand where your coming from. Im just saying, dont jump to conclusions unless you know... Just like my daughter might have had a seizure the night before her mood may be off and shes acting really bad... you just dont know.. sorry about the winded reply...

Lisamarie - posted on 02/13/2010

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I would like to know how these mums who's children don't play up at the supermaket (for instance) teach their just turned three year old to watch where she is going, not run, not scream and shout (normal 3 yr old behaviour)? Because I have been trying and persistant for the past year, constantly telling her and going through it over and over.

Also, for people saying they walk fast round the supermarket and don't want to have to watch out for children, where is your human decency? OK, if you're in a rush, you need to speed, but do you just go bashing everyone that gets in your way, because I don't know about you but I have been walked into or barged into with trolleys of ADULTS not watching where they're going or people have rushed out infront of our trolley from an aisle! Surely, as adults, any adult, we should be looking out for children, any children. They are all precious and shouldn't be seen as an inconvenience.

Have any of you actually thought that maybe the only way for parents to stop their children from screaming and throwing a tantrum for 5 minutes on the floor, is to get them involved in the shopping, helping mummy and daddy. Surely that is what a FAMILY does, they help eachother and have fun together.

Just for the record, I don't care if people don't think my children are cute, I think they are, they may drive me crazy a lot of the time but they are the cutest in the world. I had my babies for me and my husband not anyone else, I will raise my children the way I think is right and good for THEM. If they're not hurting anybody or themselves and they're having fun, why not? I love my babies unconditionally and they are adorable whether you think so or not.

Nicole - posted on 02/13/2010

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Ok, kids running into people because they're not looking where they're going (like my 14 month old does sometimes) is one thing, it's no big deal. We've all done it. A child running up and down the bench at a casual restaurant while the parents ignore him and continue their conversation is a totally different story. There is a time and place for these things (running, yelling, etc). We as parents need to teach our kids what is appropriate. My son likes to yell, he likes the sound of his own voice, especially if there's an echo. When he does it in public we tell him to use his indoor voice. He just learned to walk, so he runs into people and things sometimes. I say "Excuse me" for him, which is more than some adults do when they run into me! He's also obsessed with anything with wheels, he'll go up to other people's shopping carts and strollers and try to push them. Of course I don't let him, I remove him because that's not his cart/stroller to push. And disabled kids are a totally different story. But you can usually tell if a child is diabled or just acting up. It's also a safety concern for small children to run wild in places. What if they knock something over on themselves or fall and get hurt? Who's liable for that?

Terri - posted on 02/13/2010

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To those of you who are lucky enough to have cooperative children, I say congratulations. You are extremely lucky parents. Unfortunately there are other parents out there who do not have well behaved children no matter how hard they try.

I am one of these parents, with my eldest being autistic. Unfortunately you do not know the parents lifestyle or the kids so I dont think you should judge other parents for their behaviour. A lot of parents are doing they best they can, and sometimes just going out in public can be a chore in itself.

I have been there so many times it's not funny and if I see a mum struggling to cope with her hyperactive children then I give her an encouraging smile as if to say I dont condemn you, I have been there

Just remember that most mothers are more embarrassed than you being a little bit annoyed or slightly inconvienced by a child acting up. Try putting yourself in their position for a moment and think how you would feel.

I think it shows greater maturity to show understanding than condemnation and would make the parents feel better.

Jackie - posted on 02/12/2010

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Teresa, to answer your questions "by the book" babies is just a community of moms who believe in doing what is best for our children, not what is easiest. There is no one specific book. If you look up the community you will see a picture of the what to expect book b/c that is the picture the administrator found when she created the community...thats the only reason that book was used. We didn't spend time discussing "which book". But in general, the books that cover a wide variety of topics all say mostly the same thing, in that they follow AAP guidelines, and that is significantly the way we have all chosen to raise our kids. They dont have pacifiers beyond the infant months, they don't have bottles after one, they do and always have slept by themselves - not co-slept etc etc. Basicallly we all go by "ya it may not be easy to take the pacifier away at 8 months for example, but the long term affects are by far for the best, sot hats what we do. Its the specialized books (like on sleeping or whatever) where you start to get into the varying ideas. I hope that answers your question, but if you have more questions please let me know.

Jackie - posted on 02/12/2010

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Rebecca, the "cute" comment didn't come from me...hence the " ". If you read this entire conversation you would see there were people commenting that the child running around a store wild was "cute" to them. I am saying in my own experience and through discussions wiht many other people, it is not perceived as cute by most, that they are the minority.

Karen, I am far from ashamed of myself because not one single thing I said even remotely implied I was referring to children with disabilities, that is an entirely different ballgame. You have absolutely NO IDEA how I interact with disabled children or how many of them I have in my life even though they are not mine. And I resent the fact that you just told me I am horrible to disabled children, because you clearly have no idea what you are talking about.

Stephanie, no you're right, kids don't know what is acceptable so it is our job as parents to teach them. And while "shut that kid up" may not have been the best choice of words, that lady isn't wrong for not wanting ot have to listen to a child constantly yell. Yes they might yell something out once, and thats when you point out you are indoors and that's not appropriate. Let her ask a million questions, again not a single thing I said implies children shouldn't speak - they should speak adn ask as many questions as they are curious about, but they don't need to yell. Your child is entitled to run around yelling but that lady isnt' entitled to a peaceful shopping experience?? She didn't come into your home, she is in a public place which on a normal given day is a relatively quiet place.

It amazes me how much each one of you has twisted my words. No where, not in one single place do any of my posts say that I think a child should be strapped down with their mouth taped shut which is what you are all implying. Let your kids walk, but keep them next to you, let them talk, they don't need to yell, let them help, but not be destroying store displays. What I said was that I don't find it appropriate to let kids run around wild in charge of their own destiny....and every single one of you is implying I don't think your child should move a muscle...not even close, and I would appreciate it if you would actually read what I am saying before you start jumping down my throat. Yes kids act up, but you can remove them from a situation and there are many moms out there who will just let their child lay there in the middle of the aisle and throw a tantrum for 5 straight minutes....there is absolutely no good reason for that.

[deleted account]

Jackie -- I highly doubt the parent of any child who is misbehaving thinks there behavior is "cute". As as well as you think you handle your daughter's outbursts, I guarantee you there at some point been someone in the room questioning your parenting skills. And frankly, I don't think a 13 month old is capable of much in the way of misbehavior to begin with. I think the core of what is so offensive about Tangerine's post and some of the responses is the holier-than-thou attitude combined with the narcissism of thinking that the commentor's opinion of someone else's child's behavior is all about her and what is annoying to her. It's not. Ever. I highly doubt any other parent is out there in public worrying about whether a perfect stranger thinks their child is cute. And I'm sure Tangerine NEVER thinks her child is annoying, because if she had that level of self-awareness, she wouldn't be judging other parents. We are all just doing the best we can under the circumstances. And there are many, many parents struggling with circumstances beyond their control that you will never understand. So again, not your place to judge.

[deleted account]

Question about the parenting 'by the book' community.... how do you decide which books to choose since there are a lot of very good parenting books that contradict each other. How do you decide which is 'right'? Wouldn't it be based on your opinion and what works for YOU and your family specifically? Different does not equal wrong. ;)

[deleted account]

I think if you are one of those parents who think your kid is the most perfect most well behaved, you need to get a reality check. I was a HORRIBLE child. My mother couldnt get a hold on me no matter what she did. I caused ALOT of health problems for her, so as for whoever said "a respectful child grows up to be a respectful adult" or whatever. YEA OK!! I have grown up to be a very respectful adult, and I certainly wasnt on a leash as a child. If you think a kid is annoying for acting like a kid, you shouldnt be a parent. But that is MY opinion. No my kids dont run wild in stores or public places, but when they talk loudly or sing or ask a million questions, or go up to an old lady and smile at her before running away, and she smiles back, i dont think its that big of a deal. Kids will be kids. Unless they are throwing themselves on the ground kicking and screaming and swearing or going around hitting people, i dont see a problem. They are curious, they were meant to be.They didnt come with a manual, they didnt come knowing whats "acceptable". So get over it. My daughter was with myself and my dad walking through the grocery store looking for my mom yelling " naaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnny where aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrreeeee youuuuuuuuu!!!""" and i heard a lady say "shut that kid up" i looked her square in the face and said "you my dear obviously have no relationship with your children, i certainly wouldnt have been proud to call you mom". some people need to realize, children were meant to act like children, not adults. so get over it

Jackie - posted on 02/12/2010

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Rebecca, no one is saying their kid is perfect all the time, what those of us who find this behavior annoying are saying is that we don't tolerate it, and certainly don't find it "cute". If my daughter (who is 13 mos old) throws a temper tantrum, she gets removed from the situation if we are out in public....immediately. End of story. We are the parents, we are in charge. She misbehaves, she leaves. We go back in when she has stopped - no one else should have to deal with that. Does this mean sometimes a second trip back later on...of course...is it convenient...of course not. But parenting isn't about convenience, she needs to learn what is and isn't acceptable.

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