Bad behavior at school but not at home. Need advice!

Lbelyavina - posted on 12/05/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Ladies, I need another advice. I am so torn and sick worried every day what is happing with our precious little girl. She’s 3.8years old. Her behavior started to change since June. I got notes that she was hitting, scratching, saying not nice words, etc… Sometimes meltdowns over littlest things, not listening to the teachers, etc….. First we thought it was daycare, because all this started happening since she got a new teacher, then we pulled her out and it’s continuously happening at new school. Its to the point that I feel it’s never a day that she is on her good behavior, every day its one or the other. We are going to get her evaluated, but while waiting for an evaluation I am sick worried what can be wrong with her. She’s brilliantly smart, I would even say gifted smart. At home and everywhere else we go like parks, dance school, among friends and their kids, with her little brother (he’s 11months), she’s great. All the things they tell me she does at school, it’s 100% opposite at home. The meltdowns are almost none existent at home, where at schools they say she gets upset if she can’t get her way (right away), etc… It’s just in school setting. We have tried everything at home. Every day reminding her to be a good girl, praise her if she’s good, I’ve taken away cartoons and toys if she’s not good at school, I’ve taken away some of the weekend activities. Nothing seems to work. Could it be she’s not ready for school? She has been in school since 12 weeks but we never had any issues until 6 months ago. Even when she was younger she never had a biting issue, etc. She speaks fluently, like teachers say adult in a kid’s body. What could it be? I am sick worried not knowing and researching and guessing! I am also upset coming to school every day hearing complains and being embarrassed for her behavior.

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Lbelyavina - posted on 12/12/2016

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thank you again. They do have a reward system and checkmarks. After certain check marks they get a sticker or something else. If she's not behaving after a few tries they do bring them to a director's office and talk to them. Not sure if this helps. Thats what I am thinking I might have made a big mistake by pulling her out from an old school and harmed her even more. Maybe her behavior would have stopped eventually, but it continued into a new school with an adjustment period. I am not sure.... Do you think it's still better to evaluate her to be on a safe side?

Ev - posted on 12/06/2016

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It is a normal stage that kids go through and some at this age and others younger and older. As for her seeing the other kids doing this and repeating the behavior--yes that is also common. If she is tossing fits when things do not go her way--this is normal but at the same time they are not doing anything that is cutting the issue down. At age 4 she is preschool age meaning she is capable of being in preschool. Most kids are in daycare all their early years as parents have to work to make ends meet. That is why I asked what the school people were doing with her--what consequences do they enact with her at the time of incidents like time out? By not doing something they are allowing her to continue this behavior. And being in one school a while and then taken out and placed in another does not help the situation either. 12 weeks is not enough time to get adjusted when switching daycare like that. She is old enough to understand things and that they have consequences.

Lbelyavina - posted on 12/06/2016

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Ev thanks for your reply again. What do you think it could be? A stage? Could it be her seeing other kids hitting and repeating this behavior? They say it's mostly if she cant get her way not really in self defense if someone hits her. She usually doesnt hit back. They also think that she seems to do best with one on one attention. Could it be she's not ready to daycare yet she's been in daycare since 12 weeks.

Lbelyavina - posted on 12/05/2016

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thank you for your response. This behavior only started happening since June. There was no changes at home. I did have a new baby but that was 11 months ago. In fact when she turned 3 she gave us a very hard time at home in terms of terrible tantrums, not wanting to get dressed, etc, but at school she was great and now it switched. At home she’s great, i mean of course she’ll have meltdowns here and there but very mild and stops right away if I threaten her with taking away this or that. But never aggressive. Sometimes even her baby brother will pull her hair, or her cheeks, she’ll just sit and tell me, mommy he hit me. She doesn’t hit at home or does any of the things at all whats so ever what they tell me in school. Do you think if she had some kind of internal issue, I would see the same behavior everywhere? I do think also, that there may be some kids whose behavior she repeats, but she did have this since June and it started at old school, where at new school, some new things appeared now. She seems to like this school and talks about it.
In terms of them doing something, I think they do bring up kids to main office and talk to them and tell them its not nice, they do have a reward chart where they get check marks and certain check marks they get stickers and other stuff.

Ev - posted on 12/05/2016

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She sounds like a normal 4 year old or almost 4 year old to me. SHe is not always going to be having good days. You can not expect that. You can not tell me she does not have them at home either. Have there been any changes in her home life? She can and will pick up things at school because the other kids do them.

What is the school doing about it besides sending home notes? And also, punishing her for those things after they have happened at school is pointless....she may not remember why she is being punished.

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