Does money buy love???

April - posted on 04/21/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My daughter will be 4 in November. I am a single working mom and my daughter spends most of her time at daycare (unfortunately). When we get to spend time together she seems to really act up and not want to listen at all. I spoke with her day care provider and she says this never happens there, that she is really well bahaved. I have gotten into the habit of buying her what she wants so she will behave and listen. It is financially taking a toll on me and getting exhausting. How do I stop this??? I miss spending time with her, but not the way shes been acting. Is that normal?

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Mechelle - posted on 05/07/2011

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It sounds like she really misses you. I would stop buying her things all the time and make some extra time for her. Explain to her why you have to work and why she has to go to daycare, but you will spend as much time with her as possible.

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2011

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Right now you are rewarding the bad behavior. Look at it from her eyes. If I through a fit and scream mom gives me toys and treats....so why not through the fit so I can get something I might want at that moment. The bad behavior does not occur at day care because that behavior has negative consequences that are not fun. Kids are very smart. If you continue with rewarding the bad behavior the behavior only gets worse with age and also less acceptable from others (friends, teachers, society). You need to stop buying her things. Her behavior is going to get worse for awhile because she is use to you giving in so she is going to push and push to see if you will give in. If you give in then that just means she will push even harder the next time. You have to stay strong and know that you are the parent and that you know what is best for her. If you stay strong and do not give in and follow through with what you say then the behavior does get better. Your daughter will realize that she will not get her way by throughing fits and the fits will stop. BUT you have to be CONSISTANT and FOLLOW through.
For my kids bad behavior equalled a time out or missing out on something fun we had planned to do. Going to the store they were expected to be good. I made sure I was not going during their naptime or meal time. I would always praise their good behavior, but I do not believe in buying a treat or toy at the end of the shopping trip because they were good. For me you should be good because that is how we are suppose to act. I think this also prepares them better for life. In life you should do the right thing or act in a well behaved manner because that is the right thing to do not because of what you do or do not get from it.

September - posted on 04/26/2011

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Stop buying her things all the time and spend time with her doing things that are free. Take her to the park, read to her, play in the yard, listen to music, dance, make homemade finger paints and paint together, cook and or bake together, do arts and crafts together, make popcorn and watch movies together...These are some of the things that I enjoy doing with our 2.5 year old son. I think that spending some good quality time together doing fun things will help with the unwanted behavior. Good luck and enjoy!

Donna - posted on 04/26/2011

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my daughters seem to think so lol. I dont think it does. you should try a mommy daughter day, my girls love that, if they could have mommy daughter days daily theyd love that even more haha. do some mcdonalds or something like that, then go to the park or an indoor gym if its too cold . just an idea

Meeka - posted on 04/24/2011

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She misses her mommy! She needs that quality time from you. Think about it... at the age of four; she may like toys but in actuality, they are her least concern. She wants you to spend quality time with her, hold her, hug her. She is at an age where you can play board games with her like matching games or word sounds. I am a fours and fives teacher at a childcare center and I have a parent that cannot get her child to eat at home but eats everything when she is at the childcare center. It could be a number of reasons why the child does not eat at home and I understand that it can make you feel bad when your child seems more behaved at the center than with you. Unfortunately, parents have to work. I understand that and a lot of the children are there from the time we open until the time we close. The children have become accustomed to that because our job is to give them a structured environment at the center. But you are the PARENT! You do not have to force her to do anything or buy her things to make her act right. Get it under control at home... it is kind of hard to reason with a four year old but rub her back before she goes to sleep, talk and play with her in the tub, and try to sit her on your lap and read her stories. You need to work on getting emotionally attached to her. Small children want to be loved and shown genuine attention just as an adult does. Hope it works out for you

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I understand that this is really hard on both you and your daughter. All you can do is cut down on buying things, even though it may upset her. It may make her happy but she has gotten into the pattern of being bad until she gets something as a gift or treat. Cut that down! She needs to learn she gets good things or gifts every once in awhile when they are being good! I have seen this many times, and heard it from other people. I think that this is a really normal thing. Kids will do anything to try to get what they want. All you can do is explain you have to work so they have a house and lights and food... I have a 4 year old son and a 4 year old step daughter and this is often a battle in our house. My husband works A LOT! So we have had this talk... She of course will not really understand but somewhat! You have to make sure she knows your boss, does that mean you might get some more attitude and problems??... Maybe!! But as she gets older the problems you are having with her will get worse. She acts bad for you because it is your attention she wants... All you can do is give her all the love you have to give!

Louise - posted on 04/21/2011

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Never buy stuff regularly for your child as it then becomes expected and not appreciated. Let her be rewarded with things every now and again, things that do not have to be expensive like a picnic in the park, a bike ride or a meal out. She has to learn the value of money and that is a hard lesson to learn. Her day care provider has rules that she has to stick to and you will probably find she has to share everything with other children, when she is at home everything is hers. My friend got into this habiet every time she went shopping she bought something for her boys and now they play up every time she goes out until they are bought something. Not the way to go. There is nothing wrong with the occasional treat, but don't spoil her. Live your life as you mean to go on and that is not wasting money on gifts that are not needed. 10 minutes playing in the park is worth more than a dolly she will ignore when she gets home!

Amanda - posted on 04/21/2011

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I would also stop buying her things... but i would take a softer approach to it. Maybe when she asks for something tell her that you would love to get it for her but you dont have the money right now... she is big enough to start understanding that, and tell her maybe you can save up some money together or wait for her birthday (xmas... easter.... etc.) Also make sure you are doing FREE special things with her when you can be together.... paint pictures to send to gma? macaroni necklaces? three legged races across the living room? I would think that she just wants your special attention and because you work she deserves it.... right? Good luck Hun... i am rooting for you.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/21/2011

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..........Quit buying her things. She's 4. When you quit buying stuff for her and tell her no, no more unnecessary things, she will learn quickly enough. You just have to be strict. My mom when I threw a tantrum would leave the shopping cart, take me right outside the front door, and tell me everyone knew I was being bad because I was crying. And she just stood there until I stopped crying. Do whatever it takes. You are her mom. She's 4. Good luck

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