how can i stop my 3 year old from peeing her pants when i yell at her.

Tracy - posted on 09/23/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Like when i tell her she cant have something. Or like then she wants to do something and i tell her no she will look at me and say " look i peed in my pants". I have tryed so many things and cant stop it. and giving into her is not good.

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Robert - posted on 10/16/2012

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I suggest you not yell at her. What is happening to her is an involuntary response to negative stimulus. Listen... when I was growing up I had a problem. When I would receive a shock such as a corrective slap in the face I would hold my breath and I couldn't catch it until I passed out. Now grant it what happens to you child is not as severe but may still do emotional damage to her. When you are a parent there is not written in stone rules. You have to modify your treatment/discipline based upon the individual child. The human being is a very complex biological machine.



And if you do yell at her and she pees don't yell at her for that. It is just like telling a kid not to cry after you spanked them (that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard a parent say to a child 'I'll give you something to cry about').

Suzie - posted on 07/31/2012

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It sounds like she is doing it because she is genuinely scared or it accidentally happened once when she was in trouble and she found it difffused the situation. She has learned that if she pees her pants whatever it is stops, and that gets the attention. I would try lowering your voice when you discipline and tell her no... you may not have X. And then if she does pee, I would say, peeing in your panties is not going to get you what you wanted and you are still going to sit in timeout for whatever offense it was she committed! haha I would say, lets get you cleaned up and get you to time out.

If she knows there is no advantage to peeing her panties, then she will stop. Kids do things like this because it works for them in someway.

Angela - posted on 09/23/2009

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Girl trust me as a mommy of 8 wonderful babies I know how frustrating it can be, but if she is peeing in her pants as you yell then she is doing because she is scared, and a child should trust,respect and listen to their parents but never have to fear them. So take a deep breathe and calmly TELL her how unacceptable whatever behavior it is that she is doing really is but please do not yell! Trust me I also used to be a yelling mom and sometimes have to put myself in (timeout) before I can deal with a situation to make sure i do not yell! But I noticed that when I stopped yelling my childrens behavior improved tremendously!

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Jane - posted on 06/27/2013

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Well, first off if you are just yelling at a 3 year old nothing good will come of it. You're beyond the terrible twos and into the horrible 3s. They understand you now. They know your ways and for the next 15+ years they'll be testing you.. If your child is showing out by peeing in their pants, much like my daughter was doing a few months ago, then you should try rewarding the good behavior and still refuse to negotiate with the bad. It is frustrating, but this is what helped my Odette. I think it is just their way of asking for assurance; making sure you care.. Or a test of that unconditional love.

Sasha - posted on 09/28/2012

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my 2year old daughter does exactly thesame when i yell at her or punish her she will wet herself and stay couped up in a corner or under the sheets trying to hit it from me, im not sure if its fear or attention seeking but its really pissing me off

Stacyann - posted on 07/28/2012

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my 2 and a half year old has just started doin this I tell her off for being naughty she throws a Tampa tantrum and stands there and pee I've tried the no shouting and yukki ect and still she does it I'm outta options with her now

Shardae - posted on 09/26/2009

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You dont need to yell at her when she is noughty, firstly it will just tell her that yelling is ok and secondly she is obvestly very scared if she pees her pants when you do yell.

Put her in the noughty corner when shes noughty that tells her that it is not ok to do what she was doing and it will also solve the peeing metter becouse there will be no need to yell

Jamie - posted on 09/25/2009

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I wouldn't yell, but instead would say something like "we don't pee in our pants. It's yucky. Now you need to help mommy clean it up." I'd have her wipe up the floor or something to that extent.

Jennifer - posted on 09/25/2009

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I'm going to assume when you say yell at her you mean when she is being disciplined for something else unrelated. Once I knew my son was at the point where I could hold him responsible for making it too the bathroom without me we made the rule that if he had an "accident" then he had to put a pull up on. Since we already had the rule (as part of potty training) that he now only wore pull ups for bed, he eaisly concluded that he would, besides wearing the pull up, have to go to bed. He tested this ONE time, it was VERY intentional and obvious as he told me he had to go potty went in the bathroom and then stood in front of the potty with his clothing completely pulled up (have had times where pants don't come down fast enough and don't count those) and went. All I did was "help" him clean up the floor, "help" him put on his pull up and pajamas and put him in bed, crying his eyes out!!! I didn't say anything! He was even the one who said he had to go to bed now! I was acyually trying not to crack up!!! I actually only left him in his room about thirty minutes and let him get up and put back on clothes (and underware). He has never done it again. So long story short maybe if the consequence for wetting is NO FUN but also unrelated to the other behavior (and she has consequence still for that, don't let the wetting cause her to avoid that) then she will stop using it. I rember clearly that if I could get my Mom mad enough about me not cleaning my room she would come clean my room for me! It was her button & I pushed it! ;-) It's hard not to let out little ones push our buttons!!!

Tracy - posted on 09/25/2009

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ive tried telling her she cant even go to school cause she pees in her pants and she wants to go to school really bad. she can sit in her pee pants for 5 mins and it doesn't bother her at all.

TYLA - posted on 09/24/2009

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Well yelling at a child can be very scarey to them, a child doesn't understand emotions and feelings, but they feel that your upset, but dont understand why your feeling that way. A child can say there sad or upset but really dont understand that emotion of why. So in their defense system they do things that they really dont want to do, or do it for a different kind of attention. Dealing with the situation would be first to calm down when your upset take a time out yourself, and then focus on the situation and talk to her, on her level, not as a superior to her, staying as calm as posible. Sometimes we all get upset that is just what people do, but we are the adults and need to remove ourselves from that emotion in some way. This will also teach your child many diffrent things at the same time and hopefully this will change the peeing the pants. Try diffrent reward systems, reward and punishments but on a random bases seem to have good results. Good luck!

Kasey - posted on 09/24/2009

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Do not yell do not say any thing at all just clean her up and put her on a time out. If she is doing it for attention try taking a little more time out of your day I know that can be hard but just set the timer and spend 30 mins a day with her one on one no phone no husband nothing and see if that helps. And make it fun no yelling it may take some getting use to if you don't do it much but every child needs one on one time.

Krista - posted on 09/23/2009

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First of all, stop yelling at her. After she pees her pants, don't come down on her like a ton of bricks but tell her how yukky it is and even leave her in the wet stuff for a little while. It's awfully uncomfortable. But seriously, stop yelling.

Magan - posted on 09/23/2009

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Alisha is right, you just have to consistently punish the behavior ,with time out seems best.

Alisha - posted on 09/23/2009

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I found with my son he was doing it for attention good or bad doesn't matter its attention and it sounds like she is playing a game with you. With stephen I just took a deep breath cleaned him up and put him in time out and said that is not what he is supposed to do and he eventually stopped. Hope this helps I know it can be frustrating but don't let her see that she got to you. That is her goal.

Alisha - posted on 09/23/2009

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I found with my son he was doing it for attention good or bad doesn't matter its attention and it sounds like she is playing a game with you. With stephen I just took a deep breath cleaned him up and put him in time out and said that is not what he is supposed to do and he eventually stopped. Hope this helps I know it can be frustrating but don't let her see that she got to you. That is her goal.

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