How do you get your 3 year old to listen without yelling all the time?

Mari - posted on 04/16/2011 ( 73 moms have responded )

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I have a 3 year old girl. I find myself always yelling to get her to listen to me! A lot of the time she still wont listen. I have tried everything - the taps on the butt , yelling, time out, a stern voice , the serious faces pretty much everything! I am done with it all. I am pretty desperate to know some ideas on how to make my 3 year old listen please let me know! Thanks so much.

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Laurie - posted on 04/16/2011

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Couple of suggestions to make your 3 year old listen... One thing I saw on supernanny a while back that struck me was that a lot of times parents yell at their kids from a distance (across the room,from downstairs etc) and part of the solution was to get down in their face - i.e at their level and make sure you have their full attention and then tell them what you want to tell them without yelling at them. Not so close that you are intimidating but at their level. The kids tended to tune out the yelling parents but paid much more attention without the yelling and eye to eye contact at their eye level. Something else you might try are natural consequences - depends on what you are yelling about of course - but an example would be if you are calling them to dinner, go tell her that dinner is ready and she is to come to the table now. Make sure she hears and understands you (not distracted by the TV etc) and tell her only once. If she doesn't come, start dinner without her and she doesn't get any (although the first couple times you might let her start if she comes while you are still eating). I suspect once or twice would be enough to show her you mean business. If she doesn't come and sit down while dinner is on the table - it is "all gone" and she gets no dinner. One missed meal will not hurt her and she probably will come when called next time with no yelling or threats, although being a three year old you should warn her as part of the initial telling her to come to the table that if she doesn't come now then she won't get any dinner before bed. For stuff that she doesn't want to do - like picking up her toys - think of a consequence and stick to it. Don't yell and don't repeat yourself. For toys on the floor, you might say that anything left on the floor after ten minutes is up goes in the confiscated toy box and she doesn't get it back for a few days. The main point is to make sure she a) understands your request and b) it is something she can reasonably be expected to do. Making impossible demands of a three year will lead to a lot of frustration (I have one of my own at the moment and I lose my temper and yell so I know how hard this is)

Lionie - posted on 08/14/2013

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hi i am new to this and i have a three year old and sometimes i feel soo useless i feel like he doesnt listen to me i have to shout and he still doesnt listen wen we have our good days he is amazing but most of the time he doesnt ant to no he wont play in his room if i tell him to he wants to be around me constantly he kicks off if i tell him to do something even if we go out and its time to go home he has a tantrum... i have tried the reward chart but that doesnt help time out that doesnt help!!! he also answers back alot and he would rather his way it seems like he rules the roost in my home i need help!!! Thank you xx

Brandy - posted on 04/18/2011

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yelling is a really bad habit to get into not only will your child model this behavior but after awhile they seem to become so used to it that it really doesnt have a positive effect for the parent or the child. i understand how frustrating it can be but if you can learn to keep your cool you will find a better approach for communication. there are alot of things to consider when your child is having behavior problems but the easiest way ive found is to start with yourself. if you find yourself in mommy mode and you are trying to move things along to try to get through the routine of the day you should just stop for a minute and look at the situation, what is going on exactly? what is your child doing? are they trying to help with something but dont know how? are they expressing an emotion like anger? or could it simply be that your child is so involved with what they are doing that you are interupting them? i agree that getting down on their level is important as well as consistancy but is your child a part of what you have planned for the day? sometimes its so easy to get caught up in what we are doing that we dont include our children because its a hassle to let them help because we are in a hurry and this is really a common thing that i see with 3 and 4 year olds, mom is in a hurry to get out the door she rushes to get the childs coat shoes etc, and then just when everything seems to be going ok the child decides they want to tie their own shoe, or zip their own coat etc, they may be struggling with this and mom doesnt have time for that she needs to get going so she does it herself this can be really devistating to a child they dont understand the importance of time and they just see it as being told no or that they cant and it can cause some problems. my suggestion would be to plan out your day and let your child know whats happening throughout the day let them know they only have so much time left and what is happening next and try to give yourself enough time for sudden bursts of independence your child might have, try saying mommy has to fold these socks but its so hard to find all the matches by myself i wish someone would help me, and more than likely your child will jump right in, i sure if you try these things you will enjoy each others company more, and then when your child misbehaves it might be easier to discipline. so over all i guess im saying try to stay calm, ask questions, slow down, be consistant with time as well and be firm when you really have to. hope this helps you figure out how to make your 3 year old listen.

Rachel - posted on 07/07/2013

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Two books I highly recommend- The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle, and Hold on to your Kids,- by Gordon Neufeld. They will help you stop dealing with the problems, and understand the child underneath. Parenting was never meant to be this demanding and counterintuitive. The twos were not meant to be terrible. You don't have to be a warden, doing punishments and rewards. All studies say that bribes and fear tactics never work long term. They are a quick fix, and unless they are used to address the underlying relationship issue, they are a waste of time at best. Read the books. Find true harmony with your child. Then your instincts will answer these questions for you.

Sabrina - posted on 11/07/2012

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I have to constantly remind myself of this because it is so difficult...I work with individuals with disabilities and some have a lot of behaviors and one behavior plan I read for a certain client. The plan is called an extinction plan. The basic idea is when a person is behaving negatively you give no attention to them what's so ever. Obviously be sure they are safe but otherwise ignoring. If other children or people are in the room..pets anything really should receive your attention. Once your child is calm you praise her for calming down and give her lots of attention. If she behaves badly again repeat this. Eventually they will no longer crave negative attention because they realize you will not give it. I do realize children are not adults with disabilities but I have realized this is a great behavior plan and works so well. Again...ignoring the behavior is hard and I constantly must remind myself to do so but its worth it.

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Amanda - posted 5 days ago

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I have a 3 year old and from the day he turned 2 to now he doesnt listen and would rather do what he wants an if he doesn't like getting his way he throws th biggest fit and screams, Like going into the kitchen and opening the fridge, going into my room, the laundry room, playing in the bathroom, pulling on the blinds or messing with his baby brother(3 montg old). My husband and I have tried everything yelling, sending him to his room for time out, spanking him and nothing seems to really work.
We have some good days but mainly he acts like this. Help please

Joanne - posted on 02/26/2014

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I just read the comment from Heather Head and I just couldn't move on to another page without saying that I agree with you Heather, parenting can be very difficult. I highly recommend you to get the ebook that is on http://truekidsstories.org The name of the book is How To Get Your Kids to Listen. It has all sorts of information on how to handle your child to make him easier to handle. Also there's lots of exercises you can do as well. Good luck

Heather - posted on 01/25/2014

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how do you handle it when they do something to someone else (especially another kid at a playdate or something to another adult). You can't ignore that they hurt them/punched them/took their toy. That would be rude and not right to the other person. *Sigh* parenting is hard

T - posted on 01/12/2014

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I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old both boys.
From the day the baby was born hes hated him, weve been thru every tactic in the book, hes well mannered etc, but baby can be minding his own business and he attacks him with severe venom in his eyes, my worry is he does some real damage!
We keep calm make him apologise but within minutes its the same again, this is dozens of times a day every day.... HELP x

Heidi - posted on 12/03/2013

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After teaching kindergarten for 25 years, I have found a couple of things that work pretty well with children that seem to have learned to ignore adults' requests. Many of these things are much easier one-on-one than in a classroom, so you're in luck! Here is where to start: When you want to tell your child to do something, get down eye level to your child. Ask your child to look you in the eye, and tell him that you are going to give him directions. Tell him that you want him to listen and then repeat back to you what he is supposed to do. Don't start talking until your child is looking you in the eye and you are sure you have the child's full attention. Then tell your child what you want him or her to do- such as clean up the toys and get ready for nap time, or whatever. Then tell him what will happen if he follows your directions and what will happen if he does not. Now ask your child to repeat back to you what he is supposed to do (the instructions you gave,) and what will happen if he does and doesn't do them. Some children also respond well to a timer when asked to do things like stop playing or clean up. For example, your directions might be that he needs to get all of the duplo blocks back into the box before the timer goes off. The timer helps keep the child focused and gives him a tangible goal.

The next thing you need to remember is that you shouldn't need to yell to get your child to do anything, unless he is so far away that he really can't hear you any other way. The more you yell, the more ineffective it will become. Your child will not notice it, since it is not unusual. Just make sure you have your child's attention first, and then give your instructions. THEN, be ready to follow through with whatever consequences you have set- because if you DON'T follow through with your consequences, your child will know that you are a "bluffer," and may not feel compelled to listen to you next time.

Also, when you are giving directions, turn off other distractions, such as the television set or computer games (or take away the iPad, etc.) There are plenty of adults that ignore EVERYTHING going on around them when on a computer or when watching the TV! So it should not be too much of a surprise if your child does the same.
Heidi Butkus
www.heidisongs.com

Joanne - posted on 08/22/2013

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Marie De Jesus-Ali, I just noticed your post was more than 2 years ago. Your daughter must be five years old. I hope you got some help on how to get cooperation from your daughter back then. Otherwise, she just may be more difficult now. I mentioned yesterday about a new website that has great stories about raising children of different ages. Check out http://www.truekidsstories.org It'll truly help you.

Joanne - posted on 08/21/2013

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I like Rachel Rasmussen's post. She's right. Children do not respond easily to being mastered around like a soldier. Rather children respond to lots of love and communication. They are people with little bodies. Try to change your tactics. Get down to her level and speak to her kindly. If you want her to do something, ask politely. If she doesn't respond, then take notice on what she is doing for a minute and get interested in her and her activity. Then ask her again. If you treat her with politeness, she'll do the same for you. Children learn from their parents and will copy you. If you act irritable with her, she'll do the same to you. There's a new website that is just getting started that has tips on raising children through true short stories about real kids and families. There's only three stories right now but they will be adding more. Check it out at http://www.trueKidsStories.org

Brittany - posted on 08/17/2013

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I do a lot of book reading my 2 year old is a bit if a handful. I read and found this helpful. I walk over and get down on his level so he can see my face and tell him he needs to finish up what's he's doing and then we need to do what r we going to do. It sounds silly but it seems to work for me

Heather - posted on 08/16/2013

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3 year olds don't listen. Even when they are 4, they don't listen hardly. Make everything a game or sing and dance about it, and they are all for it. Boss them around and tell them what to do, and forget it, they aren't going to listen.

Make it a race to see who can get undressed the fastest, who can put away their toys the fastest. Bribery! Tell them to do something and they can have one or two M & M's for doing it!

Renee - posted on 08/09/2013

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I feel your pain, but mine is with my 3-year old son! I could use any help as well!!

Teresa - posted on 07/07/2013

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Is she just not hearing you? Is she hearing you and ignoring you? Or does she just seem in another world? She is small enough that you can pick her up and get her full attention. Then if she just seems in another world, I would talk to her dr. and tell her you think so. My 9 year old has ADHD and when he's not on his meds he gets so into his own world he just doesn't nswer sometimes. NOt saying she ha ADHD jut tht htere could be some biological reason.

Ashlie - posted on 07/02/2013

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Oh and some kids just have stronger wills than others... Just like people.

Ashlie - posted on 07/02/2013

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It gets better, I promise. I have a son just like that bit as he started to comprehend 41/2 it made things easier. Also final outs. Like if he gets me to the brim he just goes in his bed, period.

Tracy - posted on 06/28/2013

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I have 3 and 4 year old girls that are 10 months apart. They go in phases. When it gets really bad I get out their reward charts (dry erase type). There are 6 goals for the week. Rewards are based on the number of smiles they earn (15 = going to the park got example) they are told what to do and if they don't do it they are going to get an X, they have until the count of 3 if it its not done they get an X. Each night we go through and determine whether they got a smile or an X (some Xs are immediate when it happens). We count and go over why they got an X and see how many smiles we need for our next reward. Start over at the beginning of each week changing goals and rewards as necessary. Had to get the charts out a couple of weeks ago because the oldest wouldn't listen to anything. It took 3 days before there was a noticeable improvement.

Sarah - posted on 06/26/2013

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I have a 3 year old girl and 10 month old twins...I try to be as patient as I can but I find myself sending her to her room an awful lot, especially now that the twins are teething and fussy. I make special time to be with her, but that has not made a difference. Even when it is just her and I she acts out and doesn't listen to me. I just keep hoping 4 will be a little better. Nice to know there is someone else in my boat!

Melissa - posted on 05/18/2013

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Since my son was born he was always different, moods would change all the time. A very serious little boy. I would often wonder why? As i am very loving, patient. He then would physically hurt me, kick, punch you name it. Say terrible things like im going to cook you on the braai (south african barbeque). I would be so hurt and upset. Eventually after tryimjg time out, spanking, talking, taking things away and still n0t helping , i started feeling like i wasnt capable of being a good mom. My m0m said d0nt ever st0p sh0wing your boy how much you love him even if he rejects you, hurts you. So after many years of perservering he is very effectionate, still very moody, angry and will lash out and not listen to his father or my m0m. I have recently n0ticed s0methimjg else. All day we repremand, he doesnt listen, doesnt sleep deeply, always wakes up, inattentive, impulsive, cant relax. Seems it could be ADD/ADHD? Bear in mind he has been to psychologist which didnt help and OT Now for the second time in his life. I have always bought activity bo0ks to help write, alphabet, c0unt etc. He was drawing numbers starting from the bott0m going up n0t the other way r0und, he also will write j and then write A sideways and letters in his name upside d0wn. I didnt kn0w what to do but cry. The basic things he w0uld battle with ie put pants 0n, cant turn the pedals 0n a bike. W0nt learn to swim. He is very bright in s0me things and very active, his b0dy is even very athletic with muscles thjt pe0ple cnt believe. He cant stay f0cused 0n 0ne thing, 0r c0ncentrate. Where im going with this is- i l0oked up info 0n dyslexia and they said that if y0u tell y0ur child go tidy y0ur r0om they w0nt because they 0nly use the right side of the brain and w0nt c0mprehened. Study 0n a girl who wasnt 'listening' when her m0m t0ld her to clean the kitchen and she didnt. They asked the girl why didnt y0u she said clean what? The plates? Fridge? St0ve. So if y0ur child isnt listening they might have dyslexia and do s0me tests- say please clean y0ur r0om if they d0nt after saying a few times, try saying please put that yellow car in the third draw and see if they do it. Also if you talk or call them they will tend to turn their right ear to you to listen. ADD and Dyslexia children seem n0rmal and are 'naughty, interrupt, act disobedient and have the traits of a naughty w0nt listen child. Im n0t saying your child is, im just saying its w0rth checking it out, remember the s00ner the better f0r them and the family. Read up 0n info. Best of luck

Sabrina - posted on 05/16/2013

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Im a mother to 3 kids....10,8, and 3. my now 8 year old drove me crazy when he was 3. He never listened and i felt so crazy all the time I had my doc put me on medicine. sometimes certain kids just dont listen at all at that age no matter what. wish i had an answer for u other than it WILL get better I promise. Spend a whole day doing nothing but putting them in time out...weather u have to physically hold them there or not.....after about . Hours of that my son seem . Get it for about a month. U just have . Decide to take the time and make sure you follow through ALWAYS....after 3 kids I finally realized how important it was. Good Luck and believe me though it might seem like everyone else's kids are good we all have that one kid that really tests our patience.

Melissa - posted on 05/14/2013

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Turn off all electronics; radio, t.v., computer ... sit down with her in a dim quiet spot gently hold her hands or rest your hands on her shoulders, speak slowly & clearly in a stern voice but not yelling or shaking her. Try to remain calm and tell her that is bad behavior explain why it is mean or dangerous. Then take away a privilege. An afternoon of no iPod or iPad or a favorite or annoying toy.
Then give her examples of what is allowed. What to do if the situation comes up again and then remind her again before bed so she can repeat it to you in her own words and you can make corrections if needed.

Micha - posted on 05/14/2013

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I honestly thought I was by myself on this one too. I have a 3 yr old boy along with 6 month old twins. My oldest refuses to listen at all. Ive literally done it all to the point I lose my voice from yelling so much. Nothing works and at times I find myself very upset and crying because im exhausted from him not listening. Ive never met a child who doesnt listen not even once. Ive tried positive reinforcement and ive tried disciplining. My results....nothing. what am I suppose to do?!?! It makes me upset when I look at him because I think of how much I have to yell and discipline him and make him upset but I cant have him doing whatever and not understand what boundaries are. I feel so worthless and like a bad mother because this is everyday all day. I love my son with every breath in me but something has got to give!!! :(

Rodger - posted on 05/10/2013

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I am not a mom but rather a dad... My daughter loves me to death and is a real daddies girl, however she will not listen to neither her mother or my self. She is a strong willed child but when we try to explain that things can hurt her or that she should not do things a particular way with teaching examples she still ignores every word or action done in favor of her way. I have tried yelling, spankings, time outs, teaching examples (family teaching model), and auto correction with no results. HELP!!!!! I am scared that I may cross the line one day.........

Leesa - posted on 04/19/2013

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Wow here I WAS FEELINNG like a horrible mother. I have no respect from my son, but its my fault I have been inconsistent. Now back to firm and I started sticker sheets if they listen they get a sticker. You know I was yelling , micromanaging, praising, Losing my mind. My son listens to my husband not me.

Jennifer - posted on 04/18/2013

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I understand where you are coming from. I'm a single mother of two boys. My 4 year old is getting me to that point where I don't even like beig around him cuz he doesn't listen. I don't know why he doesn't listen. He knows what he's doing isn't ok and he is continually doing them. I have tried asking for help from dr's and such and nothing. I am at a loss. I'm either always screaming at him or putting him in time out or spanking him. I don't like it at all I have tried the quiet stern voice and the little rewards. He doesn't get much sleep and I'm trying to be understanding that that affects his behavior. It is very overwhelming and its transferring over to my two year old as well when my oldest is with me rather then his dads. I can't help but feel like its something his dad is doing

Siobhan - posted on 04/16/2013

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Hi there

A friend of mine has been having similar trouble with her 2 year old. Also the little one has been waking up at night etc and generally badly behaved. It turns out that she is that way as she cannot breathe and all the mucus etc has affected her hearing too. The poor little thing can hardly hear anything as well as has trouble breathing. My friend has had her daughters adnoids out and she has a completely different child.

You might find it is something like that? It is worth testing your daughter hearing I suppose, just in case!

Sarah - posted on 04/08/2013

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My 3 yr old keeps telling me she don't like me and to shut up! This weekend more so after staying at her dads all weekend! She's always been a handful like loves attention but this time cuz I'd missed her she wasn't even interested her attitude was discraceful! Keeps telling me shut up! I feel like I'm failing in some way :'(

Kayla We - posted on 03/29/2013

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For my son I had a lot of problems with not listening and him telling me no I may not give the best advice but within a month my son was able to take me serious and focus and he no longer tells me no when I ask him to do something I changed my voice pitch lower not louder when I was serious because offen he thought I was playing also say I told him to pick up his toys many times and he wouldn't I would hold his hands and have him pick up a few with me then he would continue to clean if I made him feel more like he would be helping me to listen than making me mad not he seamed to just want to if he didn't want to set down n a cart I would gently set him down and tell him he fixed it the more I made him feel good about listening the more he wanted to I'm not saying I have never had to raise my voice at him but I haven't very often also I have to keep in mind there is a lot he can't exactly understand so other than frustration I would show him once he say I was calm and not mad he could fouces to understand what I was wanting him to do

Angie - posted on 03/25/2013

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You might try some work upfront. My daughter does better when she hears my expectations first. For example.. Before we get out of the car, I tell her we need to hold hands. Before you go in the store tell her that she needs to stay in the cart. Tell her if you have a lot or only a few things to buy. This won't stop outright rebellious behavior, but it might help when she gets wound up or excited...

Catherine - posted on 03/25/2013

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I'm in the same boat you are. My daughter is going to be three next month and already she's started with the not listening. I think it's just the age, but you do have to be persistent. I understand the yelling and a soft tap on the bottom. It's really hard not too but I have to keep reminding myself she's only almost three and this stage will soon end. Even though you might get a better reaction talking to the sidewalk, persistence is key.

It might not seem like it now, but trust me, if you keep putting her on time out for not listening, even for a short amount of time, eventually she's going to get the point. It might take a while and it is frustrating, but I'm sure she'll eventually get it (at least that's what I keep telling myself). She's going to learn you mean business and what she can do and not do eventually.

No one said parenting was going to be easy. Every day there are different obstacles a parent faces as your child grows into a more independent child and growing into their own. You kind of wish they wouldn't grow up so quickly, but unfortunately, children don't come with manuals when they're born.

Stephorna - posted on 02/08/2013

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Smart, independent children make for challenging parenting. Welcome to my world. We have 3 1/2 and a 14 month old girls and another girl due in June. God help us all.

Augustiana - posted on 10/04/2012

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i have a 4 year old who is the same. its hard but remember to stay on there level. get down on your knees make sure your facing them and explaine as calmly if they start shouting say i am going away untill you calm down. go back after a few minutes and try again dont raise your voice cause when you do they think they can remember your there roll model. Start a star chart say at the start at the day for all the times you listen i will give you a star. If you get x amount on saturday you can have a bun or something. remember start little work your way up. Remember being a perant is not easy for anyone and all we can do is help and advise each other. x

ANTOINET - posted on 09/27/2012

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IM NEW TOO THIS.. BUT IM A SINGLE MOM WITH THREE KIDS TWO GIRLS AND A BOY MY SON JUSS SEEMS NOT TOO LISION TOO ME.. I YIELL NOT WORKING TIME OUT STILL DONT WORK TAKE AWAY THING STILL NOTHING.. IDK WUT TOO DO ANYMORE.. I JUSS GIVE UP..

Bridget - posted on 09/25/2012

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Hi I'm new to this site but I feel your pain! I have 2 daughters, a nearly 3 year old, and a six year old. The 2 year old is dynamite and I recognise many of the behaviours described above. We do have some success with time out but on bad days you can tell it's lost its punch after a while! One thing we have found works brilliantly, is a star chart. Probably wouldn't have thought of introducing this so early but we had one going for her big sister, and so it was a natural progression. If you keep the timeline on it short, make it visually fabulous, and simple so it is achievable, it is a really positive way to get good results. And, bonus, you don't have to yell all the time!

Erin - posted on 09/22/2012

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Mutual respect. When she feels like you respect her, she will respect you and your rules/decisions. You can show you respect her by investing time in her, making her feel important when she has things to say. I used to have an attitude that mom's rule was law, all must abide by it lol, but have since revised my attitude. When my kids feel like I give them my time, engage in the topics they want to talk about (even really silly ones!) they are MUCH more receptive to what I have to say.

Ruby - posted on 09/17/2012

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Feel like a broken record player. Your not alone, 3 year daughter does not listen. Until we put her in time out, which she hates. Only 3 minutes, add one minute every year by age. My mother-in-law told me it's the same for all boys & girls. She raised 3 boys, 1 girl. That includes twin boys. When all four turned 5 years old they started listening better. She told me " Children listen better as they get older, just be patient ".

Crystal - posted on 09/12/2012

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I Mari, I have an idea that has changed my life that I would like to share with you. I am a preschool teacher and a mother to a very rambunctious 3 year old. My students listen to me in my classroom because their friends do. I was having trouble dealing with my son at home so I took some of the ideas I use in my classroom and implemented them into our routine at home. I made picture schedules and a rule flip book. They are easy to make. All you need is some cute clip art, a printer, glue, and some poster board. The rules I use are down below, but you can make them your own. Also, taking the time to read books about whining, disobeying, etc. is very helpful. Reinforce good behavior.







Rules:

1. Listening Ears ( Listening to directions, paying attention)

2. Soft Touches ( Not hitting, biting, nice words, please thank you, etc, )

3. Be Respectful (It's a big word, but they will understand once you explain it)

4. Be a team player ( Means trying hard and letting everyone help)

Leslie - posted on 08/27/2012

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Lots of Time Outs and don't let them push you to the yelling part, You shouldn't have to ask your child more than twice to stop doing something, The Third, "NO" is followed with a Time Out. If they act up at the Grocery Store and don't stop, Take your child home for the day...Sometimes we do have to Sacrifice things we need to get done to get them to start acting appropriately. When your child knows that you "HAVE" to run errands That's they're favorite time to test/push there boundaries, but if you show them that you can leave the store when they are behaving badly, It will only take a few times before they start acting appropriately.

Someone told me a long time ago, 'How can you expect your kid to stop yelling, when you are yelling at them to stop yelling," Thought for the day....

Shannon - posted on 08/23/2012

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i feel u, my 3 year old girl is the same way, she doesnt listen to me, my friends say to come join them in outings with their kids but i cant do that, its more work for me, an its just better to have her in a contained area so i dont have to keep yelling for her to respond to me when i need to know where she s or wondering off. the only person she listens to is my husband but just bc he spanks her hard, we always get into it bc he says i cant handle her, and its bc he never once says ' you need to listen to mommy when she asks u to do something. im am going to have a heart attack or anervous breakdown before she hits school if she keeps at it.

Tiffany - posted on 07/13/2012

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Getting out of the yelling routine is not easy. I have a 4 year old that just wont listen so I do the counting when i get to 3 if he oent listen i sit him looking at a wall no distractions around no tv no xbox no toys nothing. And if he still dont listen he gets a longer punishment. He cqnt play his favorite game, he gets more study time less tv time and no dessert. Its the only thing that works for him. Then when he gets extremely bored he apologizes and asks if im still mad and promises he wont do it again, so its a bit of a cycle but kids are kids and this is the age where they are testing boundaries. Good luck with ur chickie!

Luisa - posted on 07/11/2012

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Easy....stop yelling! Honestly the more you yell the more accustomed she gets to the yelling And the more amune shell become. You need to retrain her, start from the beginning. I do not scream , I give him warnings in a normal voice and then I count down from three, if I reach 1 I put him in time out. He hates being in time out and hates it even more when I ignore him he seeks for my approval and hates to see me mad. The oment he says sorry and ends sthe time out, I given lots and lots of praise, hugs and attention.

Luisa - posted on 07/11/2012

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Easy....stop yelling! Honestly the more you yell the more accustomed she gets to the yelling And the more amune shell become. You need to retrain her, start from the beginning. I do not scream , I give him warnings in a normal voice and then I count down from three, if I reach 1 I put him in time out. He hates being in time out and hates it even more when I ignore him he seeks for my approval and hates to see me mad. The oment he says sorry and ends sthe time out, I given lots and lots of praise, hugs and attention.

[deleted account]

I'll second the stop yelling.

I was one for a while. I would get so frustrated, I would just start yelling, often saying things I really shouldn't have. I still have a tough time if I'm extremely stress, anxious, or over tired.

I started with me, and changing how I acted. In the situations where I found myself getting overly upset, bedtime and clean up time were my big triggers. I would take a deep breath, pause what we were doing, sit on the floor, look my daughter in the eyes and say, "I need you do listen, and do X, we need to get this done what can I do to help you get this done?"

Now my daughter is only 2.5, so her answers aren't all that clear. But I'm often able to get her to focus a bit more.

Bedtime was really hard for me. So I set up a long routine ending with a short cuddle time in bed. There are nights still where she'll cry and beg to leave her room. I can't ignore her since her brother wakes easily from her screaming. I know she's over tired in those cases. So if she gets too loud I take away a book, then one of her stuffed animals, after those her comfort blanket. I've never gotten passed a book. She realizes I'm serious, and will do her best to calm herself.

Follow through with any threats of taking things away. At the same time don't punish everyone for her misbehavior. If she acts out, don't take away the trip to the zoo that everyone is looking forward to. Instead take away, an activity at the zoo, or maybe the souvenir.

Giving her control on little things will help as well. I give my daughter choices when it comes to snacks, what she wears, often what she drinks. I don't make it open ended, it is a this or that question. If that time there isn't an option, like we are too low on milk so she can only have water, I don't give the option. If she asks, I explain why.

Hopefully that will help a bit. It can be hard

[deleted account]

One thing that worked for me, no, it's not nice, but it works better that making yourself bald or crazy.

Keep a sucker in your backpocket. When they pull the "turn their back on you when you get to their level", and you have tried talking quiter rather than yelling to get their attention, pull the sucker out and put it in your own mouth. When they want one, ask them to "remember when you didn't listen and couldn't hear mommy when I tried to talk to you? Maybe I wanted to give this to you, but you were not interested so I decided to eat it myself."

Worked like a charm for me, yes, it was a regular occurence but I refused to yell at my kids because I couldn't stand when I could hear the neighbor yelling at their kids. I vowed never to yell. There are always other means to get their attention. (sucker, treat, missing supper, not going the park that day, etc)

Once they are 3 and there are no medical problems they are old enough to "know better", provided you have done your groundwork.

If there are medical problems (ADHD, etc) I don't have any answers, only love, love, love. Find a friend that you can talk to. I have a friend with an adopted child with ADHD and 4 of her own previous to that and a younger adopted child. Many times I field calls from her in that she feels like a bad mom and I can only really talk her down. I don't have the answers and won't pretend I do.

Jennifer - posted on 06/19/2012

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If you try and make a connection with her, that might help. I had this same issue and tried to be more patient. I said my daughter's name more than once and when I noticed that she wasn't paying attention, I told her to look me in the eye. Then I could really tell that she was listening. Now, I ask her to look me in the eye and she knows that I mean business without having to yell.

Diane - posted on 06/13/2012

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3 years, 4 years old.....something my mom said to me when i was pulling my hair out with my little ones......remember how long they have been on this earth, they are still babies, they need to learn, you need to teach. Sure made me re think what i was doing. Would you listen if one of your teachers only yelled at you in school,,,uh no!! Think about the people who taught you life lessons...how did they treat you?
Good Luck, it really does get better...my baby graduated college last weekend...wish i had just one more day with her at home, on my lap, reading books, or playing in the garden getting filthy.
Diane

Michelle - posted on 04/26/2011

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To make your 3 year old listen you should talk quieter, it forces them to quiet down and listen. At least that what's been working for me. And when i whisper- it's always about something they WANT to hear. Like "after 10 minutes of quiet time, we will take the listeners to the park"! Works every time!! :) good luck!!!

[deleted account]

Some good points here on how to make my 3 year old listen. I feel very fustrated with my 3 year old and the worst bit is she is teaching her 1 year old brother how to mis behave.

I get my girl to stand in the corner. She hates it but it works. The naughty step didnt work or time out so her time out is standing in the corner. I remember hating it myself. She only has to stand there a few mins and then she calms down.

Now when i tell my little boy to stop it he ends up taking himself to the corner.

Its not the misbehaving that i cant stand. Its the screaming at each other that goes right through me. I think i will try the whispering thing but not sure i will be heard through the screams.

Allison - posted on 04/19/2011

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If you want to make your 3 year old listen try whispering to her, it will completely catch her off guard. My mom did this with my 4 year old who has ADHD, and OD and it worked with her so I also tried it. I calms us both down without the frustration. Good luck.

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