How to get my 5 year old to wipe herself after having a bowel movement?

Amber - posted on 07/25/2012

My daughter just turned 5 at the beginning of the month...no delays BUT she is extremely OCD and a bit of a germophobe...she refuses to wipe herself after a BM....I have tried everything...money, privileges....nothing has worked...I'm worried about when she starts school in the Fall (19 days) ...she has sat on the toilet screaming and crying because she refuses to wipe!!! Its awful....I don't know what to do....hence why I came on here for some tips!!

Tracy - posted on 05/07/2012

I've been struggling with this with my son. He is 6 1/2 and still yells "MOM!!" for me to come wipe him. He is OCD and does not like to get his hands dirty. I was in the bedroom the other day trying to change his little sister's diaper when he started calling. I shouted out "I will give you a dollar if you can do it yourself!" He is now making approx $7 per week, but I haven't had to help once. I am having to bite my tongue about the insane amount of toilet paper he uses.

Kristin - posted on 05/06/2012

Patience...it will come. Offer to help, maybe give her the option of "Do you want to do it yourself or do you need some help?" At some point she will want to be independent in the potty and do it herself...remember they're only little once!

Susan - posted on 05/06/2012

My daughter will be four in August and has no delays, and she can't wipe her butt very well. Her school recommended the toddler flushable wipes so we have some at home. She tries and knows to keep wiping until the wipe is clean, but she can't reach far enough and so although the wipe is clean, she's not clean. I had enough dirty underwear that now I check her every time after she wipes. My daughter seems to know how to do it, but she's just not physically able. That's something we're just going to have to wait out. I would just keep practicing/reminding her, keeping in mind she just might not be physically able to wipe back there yet.

Nicola - posted on 05/06/2012

My son had issues with loo roll- said it was scratchy. We changed to flushable wet wipes until he got the hang of it.
Regarding pullups, we were advised to put a pair of pants inside them so he would still get the sensation of being wet without him leaking. He'd be more likely to want to go to the loo as it'd feel uncomfortable. However, we ended up not needing this advice as he got the idea really quickly & only used pull ups at night.

Chrissie - posted on 04/30/2012

My little one just turned 2 on April 2 but started going on the potty at 13months (her own choice and doing we didn't make/force her) She saw everyone else going (there is 6 of us in the house) and wanted to be a big girl. I just let her to make her feel like a big girl (of course she still had some accidents and wore a diaper) but I didn't make a big deal about it. My son who is 11 and has developmental delay/disabilities was a nightmare to potty train (almost 4) and even at the age of 6 still not wiping proper. We had to kind of make a big deal out of it.. using a reward chart of stickers and making it fun to remember to wipe. I got a pack of diaper wipes and a container to put them in. I let him decorate the container to hold the wipes and a little trash can (since you can't flush the wipes) and let him decorate that as well. When he did wipe with reminder he would get a certain kind of sticker..if he wiped without reminder he got a cooler or bigger sticker. It worked for quite a while with success. We also have visual reminders ( little stickers or pictures) with a wash your hands on the mirror in the bathroom (he always tried to get away without washing hands) a shut the light off sticker beside the door in every room. Things like that and that took a bit to work but it saved me in the end from nagging (it even worked for the older kids to lol) I have a 20yr, 18yr, 15yr girls and an 11yr boy and a 2yr old and my daughter just had a baby a few weeks ago

Michele - posted on 04/26/2012

Hey Mandy,

That was the same situation I was in. She was not potty trained and I was expecting a baby in January 2010. After finding myself more frustrated than anything, I just waited and like I said, it clicked. Yes, pullups does make it worse because it becomes a hindrance but what do you do when she is not potty trained. Therefore, when my 3rd son was born, I had diapers and pullups. Currently, I have a two year old who is not potty trained and a newborn 5 week old. I am trying to get him potty trained but it is not clicking with him either. He just does not want to go unless we take him, which is almost impossible when there is a new baby at home and I am working from home.

Michele - posted on 04/26/2012

Hey Mandy,

That was the same situation I was in. She was not potty trained and I was expecting a baby in January 2010. After finding myself more frustrated than anything, I just waited and like I said, it clicked. Yes, pullups does make it worse because it becomes a hindrance but what do you do when she is not potty trained. Therefore, when my 3rd son was born, I had diapers and pullups. Currently, I have a two year old who is not potty trained and a newborn 5 week old. I am trying to get him potty trained but it is not clicking with him either. He just does not want to go unless we take him, which is almost impossible when there is a new baby at home and I am working from home.

Mandy - posted on 04/26/2012

I would love for the process to just click, and be done. I'm having a baby in June. The idea of potty training with a newborn is very overwhelming. I'm fortunate her preschool class is working with her on bathroom skills. I think the pullups are just a bad habit. She doesn't stop playing to go potty. The school is looking into a sensor to help her feel wet to get to the potty. I'm sure she'll get it eventually. It's hard to figure out especially with her delays. She has the words & knows the concept, but it isn't all there.

I like this site too. It's nice to connect to moms in similar situations. You're a step ahead. I think I'd wonder if she's clean enough after wiping herself anyway.

Michele - posted on 04/26/2012

Hey Mandy,

Honestly, it just clicked with her and since our daughters seem to follow the same pattern, most likely she will wake up one day and it just CLICKS! It helped that went with me. She tells me that she has to go by holding herself and she says "ba-ba". However, those are the same words she uses to take a bath. In addition, we have to remind her to wipe, which is a problem because she attends school during the day and I am not sure if they check as much as they should. Even more so, most of the time she poops and I am not aware of it until she gets ready for bed.

I must say that I love this site because I never thought that she could not reach back there to wipe. I will pay close attention to her when she goes to the bathroom.

Sandy - posted on 04/25/2012

My daughter is more or less normal now at four years old, but doesn't really wipe her butt after a bm, because she can't reach it. She also wipes the wrong way 90% of the time. I wish I could use the excuse that her speech delay early on is the cause of it, but it has nothing to do with not wiping her butt. I know this, so just watch her when I can, and let her caregivers know also. She'll learn soon enough; no need to give them yet another excuse or reason to use.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/25/2012

My son will be 5 in July, with no delays, and he hollers for me every time. I don't know if I would trust him to do it completely anyway!!!! Lol!!

Mandy - posted on 04/25/2012

My daughter also has developmental delays. She walked about the same time as your daughter. She did all the basic milestones at her own pass. She will be 5 in August. I'm still trying to get her potty trained. She doesn't Communicate when she has to go. She mostly goes in pullups. What techniques did you use to get your daughter to go to the bathroom considering her needs?

Reguarding wiping I would stick to flushable wet wipes. How's her coordination & gross motor skills? My daughter has trouble pulling her pants down & balancing. I don't think she could reach back to do the wiping. I know a lot of preschoolers & even older kids have trouble with wiping. Good luck.

Amy - posted on 04/24/2012

My son doesn't have any developmental delays and he was almost 6 before he would do it on his own. We also had to buy the flushable wipes to start, and once he was comfortable we had him start using toilet paper.

Alisha - posted on 04/24/2012

Do what you do with her peeing remind her it is all you really. You could try changing the toilet paper to something different maybe or get the wet wipes to use for pooping...it might sound like spoiling her but it is worth a shot to try sometimes my daughter like to use the wet wipes to wipe after she has pooped in the potty..for my daughter it is remembering to flush..we have to remind her to do that and she will say "oh yea be right back" and hold up her finger and run back to the bathroom to flush.