im 6 months pregnant and have a 3 year old how do i help him understand about baby?

Tiffany - posted on 02/22/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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im currently 6 months pregnant and i am struggeling to help my almost 3 year old boy to understand that he i going to be a big brother, he keeps saying he will hurt the baby and not be nice..

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Serena - posted on 02/22/2010

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I had the same problem you did when I was pregnant with my second child. He didn't want to have anything to do with the baby and would slap my tummy when I would bring it up. When I would tell him he was hurting the baby he would say "good", so I was worried. Then a lady at work gave me the idea to tell my son that this baby was his. So I kept saying your baby or your brother. He came around after the baby was born. I had my husband take our older son (who is 3 also) to the gift shop at the hospital and pick out a toy for his brother. We hyped up that we had a surprise for him and when he came up to the room to see us, he did extremely well. He enjoyed giving brother the toy and if your son doesn't want to share the toy, let him keep it. I think you are doing everything you can now and the rest will fall into place once your baby is born. Try to have him help with everything he can cause then he will feel more helpful and want to be responsible for brother. Good luck

Amy - posted on 02/22/2010

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When I was pregnant, I had my son feel my belly. Showed him the ultrasound of the baby inside. Had he get some type of connection by having a name for the baby. So when I would say, "Where is baby Ethan?" he would point to my belly. I had him talk to it since there is a little person in there. I tried to explain that baby wants to meet him when he comes out. I showed pictures to my oldest of him in my belly and when he was born to get some type of connection. There are also books that talk about being a big brother. I hope that helps.

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Amanda - posted on 03/01/2010

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i agree with tonya hardy. we also had a gift from the baby to the big brother. we also took the oler child to all the dr's appt, anntenatal appt, and ultra sounds, and when we chose the name for the baby we called by that instead of bubby. we also envolved the older child in picking out clothes for baby, and asked when baby comes home would he like to pass mummy the wipes when it is time to change baby. and whe the baby does come home ask him if he wants to help even if it is just passing you a washer. and when the baby has a sleep spend a lot of time doing what the eldest wants to do so that they realise that you still love them and you still want to do fun things with him

Breezy - posted on 02/25/2010

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From the moment we knew we were having our last son, we got our twin sons a baby elmo and a baby cookie monster and had them practice how to old them, feed them and showed them that they can do these things when the baby gets here. I think doing that helped a lot! Dont get me wrong we had the moments of the swing going fast, and the time they made the baby dizzy at 6 mo old by spinning him in the jumper, or find SpongeBob stickers in the baby's mouth. You'll have these moments! I do tend to believe that a 3 yr old cannot do things out of spite or malious. Be patient, they are only little for so long.

Tekisha - posted on 02/25/2010

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some kids are very jealous. when my niece was born we really had to keep an extra eye on my lil nephew. he was one of the jealous types. when she was 2months and he was 3 years old he took a pillow and put it on her face....... then sat on it..... when we asked him why he did it, he said cause i dont like her. she was ok... she looked as if it never happened... he really got use to her around 5 or 6 months...

Heather - posted on 02/24/2010

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I am 81/2 mos pregnant and my son has special needs and is 31/2. I noticed that once I really started showing it became easier for him to take notice and simple talk abou the baby started to make sense to him. We decided on a name early and have been calling my belly by his name, we also bought a simple newborn doll that helped him understand how to treat the baby, ie - it is not ok to poke at the baby's eyes, and don't give the baby to the dog.... it seems to have helped great. Now my son kisses my belly every morning on his own and snuggles up on the couch and strokes his baby brother.

Tonya - posted on 02/22/2010

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you might also take him to places where you know there are other mom's with baby's and their siblings. this might help him associate baby with a brother or sister for him

Tonya - posted on 02/22/2010

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I didn't read all of the previous post's but I am due with #5 anyday now and I began talking to mine early on. I took them with me to the dr's appt and let them hear the heartbeat and see the ultrasound. another thing I did was tell them this was their baby. I also let them watch things like baby story's and other things with baby's in it. I have stuffed animals and baby dolls and encourage my boys to play with them along with their sisters. it sounds like he is a lil insecure about this new change and is acting out and saying things like that to get a reaction from you. the best way to handle that is to say something like No, you can't hurt the baby it will cry and that will hurt our ears. We want to love the baby and be gentle. make sure he gets a lot of attention and involve him in baby care. Also we bought a gift for my oldest to bring to the hospital for the baby and then had a gift waiting for him from his baby bro. We did that with all of them and while they still fuss and fight they get along fairly well now. don't force him to hug/kiss/talk to the baby unless he wants too. if you force it it will become a battle of the wills\control thing. just keep talking to him and letting him know how excited you are that he is going to be a big brother. he will adjust in time. Be careful in the beginning and watch for signs of jealousy etc. hang in there!! it'll be alright and work out.

Marie - posted on 02/22/2010

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He may not show you that he understands but if you just talk to him and show him pictures he will know what is going on. I just had my second baby and my son is a year and a half. He was a little hesitant about her but I just talked to him and now he goes up to her and gives her hugs and kisses!! It is really sweet!

Karen - posted on 02/22/2010

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I was in the exact same boat you are, when i was pregnant with my son and i was worried how my 3 year old daughter would react. She was the baby of the entire family on both side, the next youngest member of the family was 7 on my husbands side so we were worried but we knew that we were having a boy and had his name picked out so we just kept pointing to my belly and told her that Matthew was in there and he couldnt wait till he got bigger and come out and play with her and he had a surprise for her. We bought her a cinderella dress as she adores the princesses and when she got to meet Matthew for the first time we gave her the dress and said that Matthew got that for her and 10 months on we still cant get the dress off of her and they have such a love for each other is brilliant and we are hoping fingers crossed it lasts till they are at least teenagers lol. I hope that helps. Congrads to you and your family on the new addition to your family.

Theresa - posted on 02/22/2010

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My boys were almost exactly 3 years apart. I read that you are not supposed to tell the older sibling that they are going to get a playmate because they will be disappointed. We told our oldest that at first all the baby would do is eat, sleep and poop. When ppl would ask if he was excited to be a big brother he would say "no, all babies do is eat, sleep and poop." Most ppl got quite the kick out of that. I don't remember him having any issues about the baby coming. He didn't really seem to have an interest one way or the other. It was a great age difference. He was old enough to understand that the baby needed mom's attention and sometimes he would have to wait. i made sure that I included him in things, he'd help bring me a diaper, or wipes, etc. I would read to him while I fed baby and I made sure that we got one on one time when baby was sleeping. I didn't leave him alone with baby though. If I needed to go to the bathroom or shower I brought baby in with me. I was afraid that if he cried my older one would try to pick him up and bring him to me. Maybe your son is more worried that he might do those things accidently then actually threatening to hurt the baby. See if your hospital has a siblings class. It helps get the older sibling prepared for a new baby. We did that with our son. It was helpful.

Tiffany - posted on 02/22/2010

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thankyou, yes i tried getting him to feel my tummy when baby moves but he just hits me instead.. we took him to an ultrasound and he really wasnt interested an just wanted to play with everything else in there.. my son will say goodmorning to my tummy but after that he doesnt want anything to do about it. he has been playing up the past 3 months extremely and im not sure if it has to do with the new baby or if he is just having a terrible 3's stage?

Esther - posted on 02/22/2010

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i took my son along to my hospital appoiments so he could see the baby for himself. he took ok to the pregnancy but now with my 2nd girl who is 2 is playing up big time she is driving me around the bend couldnt take her to hospital cause of swine flu not sure how to explain to her.

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