Is it ok for Grandfather to give granddaughter a bath?

Kimberly - posted on 03/18/2012 ( 31 moms have responded )

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My father watched our daughter while I was at night school and my husband was at work. He gave her a bath and put her to sleep. My husband instructed me to tell him not to give her a bath ever again because she need not be comfortable with another man seeing her naked. What do you think?

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Jessica - posted on 05/27/2013

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I know I'm late on this conversation but that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever hears. It sounds creepily controlling to be to be honest. I understand teaching your daughter modesty and not to show her privates to people but taking a bath isn't a dirty thing and she should be taught that it is. If you trust you dad and believe that he is being proper with your daughter then there is no reason for the over reaction. What if she needed to go potty and needed help? Is he not allowed to help her? That's just too much.

Julie - posted on 04/16/2012

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what has the world come to eh ? Is there a specific reason why hubby said this apart from the one mentioned,,?

Such a shame , i hope that your daughter doesnt have ISSUES with men in the future from any negativity your husband will inadvertently pass on to her..xx

Ashley - posted on 04/09/2012

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To be honest this is something you and your husband need to discuss. The issue is in most cases of child molesting the child knows the person who did it. You need to decide as a couple if you guys trust him to give him a bath. If you two can't come to a decision its probably better to be safe then sorry. I am speaking as someone who was molested by a parent. So you need to decide if you want to take that chance. I don't know your dad and I am sure he wouldn't do anything like that since you trust him to watch her. Your husband however, is always going to be thinking that a man could hurt his daughter and will do whatever he can to protect her. How your husband feels is natural and its a good thing he is that type of father. Its not a real concern about her being comfortable about being naked around another man. She is young and will comfortable being naked regardless who is around....as do all kids that young. My son will get naked and run around the house naked regardless who is there.

Julie - posted on 03/26/2012

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Go with your instinct!!!!!! If it makes you or your husband uncomfortable then out of respect for each other don't let other people other than yourselves bath her. I'm sure grandpa would understand and out of respect for you he would comply. Blessing to you and your family.

Heather - posted on 03/19/2012

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Depending on your daughter's age, it is totally fine. He gave you a bath, didn't he?

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Jennifer - posted on 06/01/2013

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Why would he have an issue with your father washing her? I wash my son every day and it is no problem. Maybe there is a problem with your husband if he thinks this in any way sexual.

Liezl - posted on 05/26/2013

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If it's just about another man seeing her naked...he is not just another man. He is her grandfather and a very close blood relative. I don't see any problems with it; we love having all the grandparents involved in bath time when they're here. Of course, if there is any reason for your husband not trusting the grandfather, this becomes an entirely different issue that you'll have to talk about. But other than that, it should be fine for him to give her a bath. Keep in mind, though, that she is your husband's daughter and it is not your choice alone, so it would be a good idea to talk it through together so that you are both comfortable with whatever the final decision is.

Gil - posted on 05/05/2013

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I do not see an issue. Why not let her grandfather bathe her? No harm in that. I have had both my parents bathe with mine and my brother also when he baby sat for me. It is not at all a problem.

Sophia - posted on 11/23/2012

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other men ? what happen in his life ? wow when does a grandfather become a other man !

Elaine - posted on 04/10/2012

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Hi I'm a mother of three, and unless there is a specific reason that your father shouldn't bath her then why not i'm sure he must have bathed you a lot..my father baths mine (not sure who finishes wetter the kids or him) but i'm thinking that the problem has more to do with your husband than your daughter.

Amanda - posted on 04/02/2012

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How old is your daughter? I don't see what the big deal is, it's her grandfather! That's strange that your husband is so worked up about it. I highly doubt he is looking at your daughter in a perverted way, I mean really!!

Jennifer - posted on 03/30/2012

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She's only three, too young to really get clean by herself in the bath, so I see no problem with it!

Years ago, with my firstborn, who is now six, I was living with one of my ex's. My older daughter calls him "daddy," and we've long since went our separate ways. When she was a toddler, he had an issue with bathing her himself. I worked nights and he relied on her uncle to bathe her on my working days. When I was off, I always bathed her before a story and bedtime. I eased him into it lol and had him watch me bathe her once and the next time coaxed him into bathing her. I think he got comfortable with it rather quickly. Hell, I even had to ease him into diaper changing (the not so plesant ones lol) since it dealt with that area! LOL They've gotta be changed, and properly! It's a good thing, too, because after we broke up and he took her some nights, he had to be able to change her daiper and bathe her! Lol.

She is now six and I let her shower on her own, which isn't always pretty and sometimes I wish I didn't teach her that yet lol. When she takes a bath, however, is when I still am there in the beginning to make sure her hair is shampooed thoroughly and that she's cleaning her body good (she's still a little kid, after all, and lets face it; they don't always clean themselves that great!) and after that is done, I leave the bathroom and let her and her younger sister play.

Anyways, It's really nice of your dad to make sure she was clean before going to bed.

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I think it's a little sad to be worried about a grandfather bathing his grand daughter simply because of the nudity issue. The only reason I would NOT want him doing it would be if she is old enough to bathe/shower herself. But if she's still young enough to need someone else to bathe her, I think it's pretty cool that your dad was willing to do it. And I mean no offense to your husband at all, but I think he needs to loosen up about the nudity thing. My son is 4, sees me change clothes almost daily and sometimes still hops in the shower with me if we're in a rush. There is only "shame" or "uncomfortableness" in nudity if WE put it there. While he doesn't want her to grow to be comfortable with men seeing her naked, he needs to be careful or he'll have a girl who thinks there is something wrong with being naked. It's those little things that could (not will, COULD) lead to body image issues, etc.

Medic - posted on 03/28/2012

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I think he is being a little over protective. My dad gives both my kids baths, my dad used to have to wash my long hair when I was at his house up until I could wash it by myself. He bathes my daughter all the time and we have never given a second thought to it. My husband also does the majority of bath times in our house due to my school and work schedules.

Munira - posted on 03/25/2012

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Husbands are like that. Father inlaw are like outsiders. U however don't see the isuue cos he's just dad. He'd have a different opinion if its his immediate relative. I assume ur child is an infant or under the age of 3. Then its perfectly fine. Otherwise, have her bathe in her panties. Adult supervision during baths Is crucial.

Keri - posted on 03/20/2012

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How old is your daughter? I don't think it matters whether mommy, daddy, grandma, grandpa, aunt or uncle bathes any child under 5. My son is growing in independence and since he was about 4 he's wanted to take more charge during bathtime, but he still needs a parent's help - and usually asks for me. Your daughter's probably happy to have papa giving her a bath and doesn't think anything of it. Tell your husband he's nuts!

Kimberly - posted on 03/20/2012

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Thanks ladies for all of your comments. My daughter is 3yrs old. I appreciate all of your comments. I will definately be using this advise!

Vicki - posted on 03/20/2012

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Well I assume you trust your father to be alone with your daughter, so I don't see why a bath would be a problem? My Mum looks after my boy when I work, yesterday I asked her to shower him as he'd fallen asleep while out the evening before and needed it, it's too much of a rush in the morning. She had a shower with him. I've absolutely no problem with that, I shower with my toddler, it works for him, it made it easier for my Mum. He also has water play out the back of her house and is usually naked or just underpants, any combination of family member may be there, it's just normal kid stuff.



So yeah, assuming your father is trustworthy in general I don't see why not.

Soribel - posted on 03/20/2012

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is so sad but in this times you cannot trust anyone when it comes to your children even family last year in my town was a case child abused by both grandparents as sick as it is for the daughter she thought was normal ????. i don't say all grandparents are like that but is so much bad stuff out there, web, at even at school . the other case a little boy at daycare only 3 told his teacher to touch him like daddy??? the dad was incarcerated. and still when they explained the potty train technique????? the judge felt was not appropriate. it is scary.

Yurena - posted on 03/20/2012

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(PS I don't have an issue with nudity at all, in fact, I encourage everyone to be happy and proud of their bodes, but also be aware there are nasty people around and may want to harm our bodies, as there are.)

Yurena - posted on 03/20/2012

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He's got a point, she is old enough to do it herself as well. Don't make a big issue of it and maybe just pjs and story on nights you are not there and she stays with other people.xxx

Kerstin - posted on 03/19/2012

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I think your husband's feelings should be respected. You can't be too careful these days, and I think the more cautious parent in any argument should prevail--what if something DID happen, and you hadnt gone with your husband's gut?



Now, having said that, your husband should think about how overreacting to nudity can cause unnecessary body shame, which can lead to all sorts of unhealthy things for your little girl, including body image issues, Eating disorders, sexual hangups, etc. he needs to remember that nudity does not equal sexuality.

Stacey - posted on 03/19/2012

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um, I think it's fine? Why would he have a problem with a family member giving her a bath? Am I wrong here?

Amy - posted on 03/19/2012

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Unless your dad is a pedophile I don't see a problem with it! I don't see either of my kids grandfathers giving them a bath unless they specifically asked to take a bath, so that may have been the case but you don't say how old your daughter is. Did you daughter express discomfort with it? If not your husband needs to not push his feelings onto your daughter and make her self conscious about her body. I also agree with Brittney you husband has to get used to the idea that she's a little girl, and almost all kids go through phases where they like to be naked. My 6 year old son has been going through this phase for at least 2 years and my daughter will now strip down in 3 seconds flat the minute you turn around, heck she'll even do it while you're watching.

Louise - posted on 03/19/2012

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You do not say how old she is? A child under the age of 5 is not body concious and would not care a bit. Older than that she may be aware of her body, but to be honest if she has a loving relationship with grandad then why cant he give her a bath. What would your husband say if it was his mum bathing your child would that be ok? Double standards here! Ask him if there is any reason that he does not want his dad to bath his children because unless your daughter is to old to have someone bath her there is no reason her grandfather cant help to put her to bed.

Helen - posted on 03/18/2012

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how old is the child if she is old enough to wash her self or at least her privates they he could supervise her let her wash her self and dry her self

Brittney - posted on 03/18/2012

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He is just gonna have to get used to it! My daughter is 17 months and prefers no clothes right now, he has run from her room as naked as can be and tried to go outside to play. Her dad (my hubby) told her to cover her nudes and he covered his eyes, got up and closed the door so the little kids outside couldn't see her nudes. My husband rarely ever changed diapers and only one time ever gave her a bath and that was because I was out at the store and we were out of wipes(the reason I had to go). He didn't know what to do cause she had pooped, so he put her in the tub and used the shower head to spray her clean, then put the diaper on backwards and forgot to put her shirt back on.

Kimberly - posted on 03/18/2012

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He just feels uncomfortable about nudity and her being a girl! He doesn't really like to give her a bath unless necessary!

Brittney - posted on 03/18/2012

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I'm sure your father gave you baths when you were a baby, so its up to you if you trust him or not. My dad never did any of the 'actual caring' for my daughter (feeding, burping, spit-up removal, diapers) he just held her and bounced her. But I'm sure that he gave me baths when I was little. Its all about comfort level. I wouldn't trust just anyone to care for my baby, everyone has reasons for not trusting people to care for them. I didn't like it when the caregiver for my daughter gave her a bath, mostly because she was enjoying bath time and I didn't get to see her too much and I wanted that time. But again its all up to you. Have you asked him why he thinks that?

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