My toddler loves his daddy more :(

Morrisa - posted on 12/09/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I'm hoping that by posting I might find other moms in my similar situation. For as long as I can remember my son has always preferred his father over me. Even when he was a baby I always felt like he felt more comfortable with my husband. Ever since he has been able to make his preferences clear he has made it clear that he wants to be with Daddy. My son is about to turn two this month and now he seems to prefer pretty much everyone over me. My husband's parents pick my son up from daycare and he goes to their house until we both get off of work. My husband picks me up from work and we go directly to his parent's house to pick up my son. As soon as we walk in the door he is so excited to see Daddy and doesn't even seem to care that I am there. If I try and reach out for him he pushes me away and wants Daddy. If the four of us (my husband, myself, and his parents) are in a room with my son he will go to everyone but me. He cries when my mother-in-law or husband leave the room but doesn't seem to care when I leave. I feel like I could be gone for a whole week and he might not even notice. My husband doesn't seem to understand why it makes me so upset and tries to trivalize my feelings. I know he is doing it to try to make me feel better but it doesn't help. This has been a source of pain for me for so long and my husband keeps on telling me that it is a phase but it hasn't gotten any better since my son was not even one. It makes me question everything I do as a mom. I feel like I must have failed somewhere along the way. I blame everything, from the fact that I had to have a c-section and that my husband was the first to hold my son. I was too sick in the recovery room to see him so I didn't see him for 4 hours after he was born. I feel like maybe me missing that bonding time hurt my relationship with him. I had a really rough pregnancy that included bedrest. I went through 6 years of infertility and IVF before we got pregnant. I have dreamed of being a mommy for so long and I had no idea that my child that I wanted for so long would prefer anyone over me. Please tell me I am not alone? Am I the only mother in the world who has a child who prefers almost anyone but his own mother? I'm sensing this isn't a phase since it has lasted pretty much his whole life. I feel like a failure as a mother and I need a way to feel okay with this. Has anyone been through something similar? How did you cope? Will it EVER get better?

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Summer - posted on 12/09/2010

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I am a stay at home mom and my daughter loves her dad more. Sticks to him like glue when he comes home and on weekends. Not sure how to feel about this. She also perfers his grandparents over me....Minds everyone but me....why?

Tracie - posted on 12/11/2010

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How much fun are you? Have you tried rolling around on the floor like Homer Simpson? crawled around mooing like a cow? starting running around outside kicking a ball all by yourself shouting "goal!" Get out some white vinegar, food coloring and baking soda (bicarbonate of soda) in plastic see through cups and make some potions up together - he'll soon be a fan of yours! Perhaps because you have to work you get home and have to do all the un-fun stuff? Let your hair down with him a bit and I'm sure you will both become closer, it's worth a try :-) good luck xx

Louise - posted on 12/14/2010

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I think you need to be proactive in sorting this relationship out. Now he is two he is able to do lots of things that are fun. Make time for your son where the two of you are on your own doing something fun and exciting. Even if it is only finger painting or building lego. Get down on the floor with him and participate eye to eye. Bring back some fun into the relationship so he sees you as a fun person and not somebody that cooks and cleans the house all the time. Try and take him to the park on your own or swimming. Not all mother and child relationships are not natural you have to work at them and you are obviously not happy with what is going on. Ask your partner to help by encouraging him to take a step back so that you can be seen as a fun person to be around. My daughter is quite loving but as soon as anybody walks in the room she wants there attention and completly ignores me, it is just the way it is.The problem you have is that it took so long to conceive your child that you had a pre conceived idea about the relationship you wanted with your child and it is not living up to that. Start a fresh tomorrow. Day one of fun mummy. Good luck!

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Angie - posted on 05/23/2017

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I'm a better teacher academically than my husband. I will go through my 7 yr old homework everyday even tough I need to work full time at my home office. When he started his primary school, I realised he is getting sticky to his daddy. Last time everything was mommy first. Now, he wants to share a bed with daddy. I'm very frustrated too, wondering if I was too fierce to him on his homework, daily routine & discipline that makes me to dislike me.

Shannon - posted on 12/22/2010

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oh honey don't blame yourself, my son is four and has always been a daddy's boy my daughter is also a daddy's girl, they both prefer daddy over me all the time. it stems from me having to work full time and he spends more play time with them, he also baths them.... I'm used to it and think it's great that they have an awesome relationship with him. however if they get really sick they do just want mummy so to me that's a bonus cause i'm good at cuddles for sick littlies.....

Jennifer - posted on 12/09/2010

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My 3rd child who will be 3 in Feb. is the same way. He is a total "daddy's boy." At first it really hurt, but then I thought about the fact that he does have a wonderful father and it is good that he looks up to him. I can't tell you that it still doesn't hurt sometimes, like when he refuses to let me tuck him into bed, but it does help to think of the positive. I can promise you one thing, if you were gone, he would definately notice. Within 2 months, I was gone for bits at a time (3 days in hosp to have my 4th child, 3 days in another hosp, because the baby got really sick when she was a week old, and just last week for 2 days, because my 5-year-old had pneumonia and was in hosp.) The whole time my husband and mother-in-law said he kept asking for me and telling them he wanted his mommy. It sure was nice to know he missed me.

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