Need Help Please

Amanda - posted on 05/15/2012 ( 30 moms have responded )

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My 3 year old won't listen to me or his dad at all...Can someone tell me how I can get my 3 year old to listen I am getting so stressed out cause of it...He fights going to sleep ..t nights...He thinks he's the boss around here how can I change this...Spankings don't work or time outs don't either he thinks i'm playing games I also have a 7 month old so my hands are full...His behavior is so bad that he refuses to potty train and sleep on his own..I want my sweet little boy back

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Amanda - posted on 05/20/2012

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My 2 don't nap during the day, they are 4 and 2 1/2. I have found that they need their space from each other as well as me so they have to spend time in their rooms playing quiet games. Sometimes after lunch we will watch a movie or read books. They just need time where they are not going at a million miles an hour. Occasionally my little one will have a sleep, but she's pretty good, if she's tired she will curl up on the sofa or take herself to bed for a nap.

Amanda - posted on 05/17/2012

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My son is going through this right now. I babysit my ten month old niece a lot. He started to cry and yell and say small words to get what he wanted. I ignored him and said I don't have a baby I have a big boy so I don't know who you are. Every time he acted like a baby I would turn around and ignore him. Sounds mean but I just kept telling him I don't see my big boy anywhere. I even went as far as eating candy in front of him and when he asked of it I told him no babies can't have chocolate. When he pouted I put the chocolate down and talked to him. I told him I understand that you are mad that I have to help Sadie so much. But she is a baby and can't do big kid stuff like you. If you want to act like a baby I will treat you like one. I will get you diapers, put your crib together and feed you baby food. It worked I have my big boy back and he is even very helpful when I babysit he gets me diapers and plays with her. Sometimes you need to let them get away with it by playing it up. He will see that it is more fun to be a big boy when he wants to do something. treat him like a baby for awhile. Give him baby toys baby food and pull ups not diapers. When he pees hand him his new one and say ok change yourself. Stop with diapers. If he wont put it on and pees on the floor he cleans it up.

Yashika Denise - posted on 05/16/2012

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All I can tell Ya;ll is to whoop that butt.....my kids been getting spanking's, every since they were 6months old....and um mm tell your husband or baby daddy that he better man handle him,that is what my husband says to do...or take him to the doctor and see if he has ADHD, it's some side affects in your sentence that points out early ADHD,tell the doctors what is going on with him and everything he is doing...That's all I can tell you....Sorry I couldn't Help out any further...but let me know how it's going after you make that doctors appointment....ok

Louise - posted on 05/16/2012

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You have to regain control here and fast. Always talk to him on his level and get eye contact first. When you ask him to do something always maintain eye contact, ask him if he understands what he has to do before letting him go.

Unfortuanately it is hard to potty train with a baby as well as you cant be in both places at once. My advice is buy a toilet seat and not a potty at 3 he could do it straight in the toilet. Take him to the toilet every half an hour until he pees and then wait an hour and start again every half an hour. Constantly remind him he is a big boy now and wears pants. Praise him for doing a wee and make a sticker chart to show his progress. You should really stay in for at least 3 days so that he has every chance of success.

I dont see why sleeping on his own is a problem, he should sleep in his own room on his own?

Time out will work if enforced. Sit him on the bottom step of the stairs and continue to take him back every time if he moves and get down on his level and get eye contact. "No you will stay here until I say you can get down" do not smack him as you have then lost control. It does not matter if you have to take him back 20 times as long as eventually he does sit there for 3 minutes and you discuss with him what he did wrong and how you would like him to behave in the future. Always end with a hug.

Your son is testing the boundaries at the moment, children can sence when mums are stressed and act up even more. Try to relax and always stay in control. Your son will soon learn that when mum says no she means it. Also at three children have suddenly realised they can do so much more with their bodies and get into all sorts of trouble. Just chose your battles, not everything is worth a fight over.

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Dana - posted on 06/13/2012

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3 is a hard age...much harder than 2 IMO. For starters, there isn't an easy fix...it takes work! Spankings rarely work at this age because they don't even associate the spanking with what they did wrong. My best suggestion for getting him to stay in bed, is be consistent and don't let him take control. Put him to bed, read him a story, give him a kiss, say your prayers, etc (whatever your bedtime routine is.) Turn out the light (we have always left a nightlight on for ours because they are scared of the dark) and walk out of the room. If he gets up, do not say anything, get up, walk him back to bed, and leave. Don't yell, don't talk, do not respond to him at all. They are testing their boundaries at this age...you need to set them clearly. If he gets out of bed 20 times, you put him back 20 times without saying a word. It may take a few nights, but he will get the point and eventually just stop getting out of bed because he knows he'll be put right back. If you react...he gets exactly what he wants...attention!

Merredith - posted on 06/07/2012

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Ok. I have a 5 year old boy who is one amazing kid. I have an almost 3 year old girl who is a bit of a smarty pants sassa frass. My advice is if spankings and/or timeouts are NOT working for you, it's time to find what your child's pain is. Time outs will work for my five year old. He takes a time out he quits the behavior for the most part. My sassafrass doesn't do well in a traditional time out. Going to her room for a time out is helpful, but even more important is telling her if she continues to behave that way she will lose her treats. She is a dessert fan. At 3 years old I think she is perfectly cabable of understanding that she can't have a treat after dinner because I told her that afternoon if she continued a particular behavior she was going to lose dessert that night. Or she lost out on her snack because of something she did and can only have white milk or water until dinner. With some kids it might be a toy or stuffed animal. With some kids it might be TV... When my son was 3 I took all the books out of his room and put them in our family room for 6 weeks because he kept tearing pages. He stopped after that. It might take a while but finding what your kid really dislikes missing out on is a great way to help with behavior problems.

Amanda - posted on 05/30/2012

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His behavior just gets really frustrating especially when he throws severe tantrums cause something aint going his way...He has been getting mean lately...I wish I could also get him to sleep on his own in his bed but I get so tired at night that I just don't want to fight with him last August we stayed with my dad his schedule got all messed up now he doesn't go to sleep till about 10 & I know thats alot of his problem right there ever since he got out of the crib which he was 2 1/2 he quit napping & sleeping on his own he gets to wired that he won't sleep that's a lot of his problem...Is there anything out there besides water that doesn't have much sugar in it that I could give him cause he drinks juice & Milk & I think thats a lot of his problem is sugar

Kristin - posted on 05/29/2012

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When i had mny daughter who is now a year old my then 5 year old son wanted to revert back to being a baby as well. I think this is normal as they feel jealousy that they are no longer the youngest and your attention is divided between them and baby. I made sure to include my son in helpoing with the baby and applauded him for being mommies big helper. He tried once to suck on her bottle and pacifier i explained to him that he was a big boy and that the baby cant drink out of a cup and that if he wanted to continue being mommies big helper he would not suck on her pacifier or drink from her bottle. I also made sure that when the baby was sleeping that i spent quality time with my 5 year old doing things he wanted to do. I also made sure we still kept up on park time and bike rides ( i would and still do pack the baby up and away we would all go). As for the napping I dont know what to tell you there. My kids quit napping when they were 2 and they go to bed early and if they are very tirerd they just crawl on the couch with a blanket and go to sleep. As for potty training i would not make this a big deal just let him use his pull ups for now and still encourage big boys go to the potty. He will eventually want to go to the potty once he realizes being a baby is not all that fun. As one mother tole me once never sweat the potty training as she had never met a kid in kindergarten who wasnt potty trained, Let it come naturally and the less you fight about it the faster it will come. Good luck.

Angela - posted on 05/28/2012

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Get the book 1-2-3 Magic by Dr. Phelan! You can even get the videos at the library if you don't have time to read. You must stick with it though. Don't get discouraged if it doesn't work right away. It has changed my 3 year old for the better. Good luck!!

Grace - posted on 05/27/2012

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I understand where you're coming from witha 3 year old who does not want naps but needs them. What works for me is waking her up at 8am, breakfast, and then some rigorous playtime, at the Mall PlayCenter, or park( weather permitting). Some serious tag/ hide and seek. Anything to get her moving for at least an hour, and then switch activities.playdates with exciting active friends. Lunch at 12 clean up she's worn out and ready to sleep by 1. Quiet time for me!
Somedays I dont feel like it but it's always worth when I look back. He may just need to expend more energy in a different spatial setting to stimulate his mind and body. That should make him want a nap.
I hope it gets better for you and you find some release.

Jessica - posted on 05/22/2012

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I've been through that from each of my kids. I find it helps them listen if they feel they are in control. All kids go through stages of not listening, it's normal and it will pass. If he feels like he is in control, it should go more smoothly. None of my kids fight sleep, or ever have so I don't have any advice. :) Giving him 2 choices for certain things, or asking if he wants to help you out, should help. Let me know if it works:)

Claire - posted on 05/20/2012

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i used to have to lay in the room with my son to make him nap so i could keep an eye out and make sure he wasnt playing. only drawback was i would fall asleep too!!!

Nicola - posted on 05/20/2012

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I don't know of any easy ways, but consistancy with nap times and making them stay in their room quietly even if they don't nap every day makes it easier as they come to expect it. Also, making sure they go down for a nap before they get into the defiant frame of mind that comes with being over tired makes a big difference. With our son, I have also explained to him that Mummy needs a rest too and if he doesn't either take a nap or at least play quietly in his room then Mummy will be grumpy for the rest of the afternoon and that won't be fun for anyone. That seems to help.

Amanda - posted on 05/20/2012

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Can someone tell me easy ways to get my son to sleep he refuses naps even though he needs them

Nicola - posted on 05/19/2012

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That's exactly how our son was.

I have found that a bad night's sleep usually means he'll have a short or non existant nap and then another bad night's sleep. It becomes a vicious circle and a very unhappy household.

We have found there is a window of opportunity to get our son to sleep. If we don't get him to bed before the end of his goofy stage (happy mood but messing around), then it will take much longer for him to get to sleep as he gets over tired and cranky. We have also found that for him, he needs around 2-3 hours of sleep during the day and then 11-12 hours at night.

Amanda - posted on 05/19/2012

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I have the feeling its lack asleep cause he's not sleeping 12 hours I can put him to bed but he fights over an hour & he refuses to take naps when I know he needs naps cause he will get up early & be crabby all day

Amanda - posted on 05/19/2012

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Nicola made a good point about misbehaviour and lack of sleep. My 4 yr old son has sleep apenea and his behaviour some days is horrendous.
If you son isn't getting enough sleep, or poor quality sleep it can have a big impact on his behaviour.
You know yourself when you have a bad nights sleep, you're crabby, can't focus and concentrate properly. It's the same for them only they can't communicate how they are feeling because they don't understand

Nicola - posted on 05/18/2012

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I know how you feel as I also have a 3 year old and also a 1 year old. Just keep reminding yourself that "this phase too will pass". Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me going. I have recently been speaking with other Mum's at my son's pre-school who have slightly older children. It seems that this kind of behaviour is very normal and you are not the only one going through this - you are not a bad parent. It is just your child going through a phase of self awareness which is new to him. He is learning that he is an individual and not just your son. It is a very tough phase for him also as he is trying to understand the different thoughts and feelings he is having that he doesn't yet understand. For us, the only way we have found to deal with him is to put him in his room until he calms down and then set the timer for 3 minutes for his time-out. At the end of that time, either my husband or I will go into him and explain what he did wrong and try to help him understand what needs to be done differently next time, or what he is not alowed to do again and why. He is also required to apologise to the person he hurt (if applicable).



As for bedtime, we got fed up of having to go in multiple times after he had been put to bed. Now when we put him to bed, we give him a verbal list of everything he cannot do now that he has gone to bed. For example, no shouting, no getting out of bed, no asking for more water etc. We also remind him of how much we love him and hope he has a really good night sleep. If he asks us to sleep with him, we say that we have to go get some work done or have dinner before we can go to bed ourselves and that he will sleep much better on his own anyway. It has been a slow process, but instead of him being awake for over an hour after he's been put to bed, it's now only about 15 minutes or so, which makes a huge difference.



We have also found that his misbehaviour is often due to lack of sleep. It seems as if 3 year olds need much more sleep than you would expect. Try putting your son to bed half an hour earlier at night and see if that makes a difference.



Sorry for the essay! Good luck.

Amanda - posted on 05/18/2012

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I was actually talking about this other post that made there kid clean up pee...I let my son help if he wants but cleaning up pee is just mean thats the parents job

Yashika Denise - posted on 05/18/2012

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the only mess I had my three year old clean up was her cup she drinks out ,and pick up her toys...she would knock it over so i will have her pick the cup up and if she wanted to help me she could help me pick up her milk mess or knock down her dry cereal out the bowl...no matter what she knocked down i was the one who cleaned it up and if she wanted to help then i would let her...so if that's mean then aye i will stop commenting on your post and just leave you the hell alone... so oh well....

Amanda - posted on 05/18/2012

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You know what I asked for advice not mean stuff to kids you two are horrible to little kids get off my post I'm not mean to kids & thats mean let them clean there own mess seriously he's 3 my son ain't even potty trained yet

Yashika Denise - posted on 05/17/2012

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I did and I already know you where referring to me...lol lol so yup I did it and I'm going to continue to spank my kids....lol lol smh and you act like I said I was beating them,No I never did That...I said spank...when I say spank I'm talking bout like a little tap on the Leg Or Hand not a actually spanking Come on Now.... omg lol lol it's funny...and then I taught all my kids no all three of them...and from then and til now my kids respect me and their father(my Husband)so with that being said on to the next ...

Julie - posted on 05/17/2012

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hi i have a 3 year old too and trust me they can be a handle full at times. my advice is to let him know that you are the parent and there fore what you say goes. kids at this age are very black or white so if your yes is a yes and your no is a no he will start to respect you, but if you're all over the place with your discipline and making up rules as you go you're only confusing him and of course he will act out. it sounds like he just what to know that he is still your number one boy and all this stuff he is pulling is actually a cry for you to spend one on one time with him. i don't spank my kids under the age of 2 because they don't have the ability to understand that kind of discipline if you feel that you must after the age of 2 then only for stuff that is absolutely against the rules. like: running away from you at the store for example. time outs do work if you do it right and remember he is just a little kid cut him some slack at this age you should only have 3 major rules that he can not break no matter what. pick your battles potty training can be put aside for now until he is under better control. laying with him for a few minutes at night and just talking to him can help with the whole night thing. let him know that you are in his circle and he will start listening to you good luck and have fun they are only lttle for a short period of time don't sweat the small stuff

Amanda - posted on 05/17/2012

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I have a question who would spank a 6 month old that doesn't understand what's going on or what there doing I would just teach them no but not a spanking I never got spanked so I don't believe in it

Yashika Denise - posted on 05/16/2012

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AND WHEN I SAY SPANKINGS I'M TALKING ABOUT LITTLE HAND POP'S AND THIGH POP'S NOTHING CHILD ABUSE OR NOTHING LIKE THAT....HELL NOOOOO NO WAY...

Claire - posted on 05/16/2012

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I am having a similar problem with my 3 year old, and I too have a 7 month old. My 3 year old son talks back, doesnt listen and thinks he is the boss. It is driving me INSANE!!! I feel for you girl. I will also be listening to some of this advice cause I'm starting to go crazy!

Amanda - posted on 05/16/2012

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with the potty training he knows how to pee every since I had the baby its changed I will try to put under wear on him he will say no Diaper it has to do with the baby I do spend a lot of time with my 3 year old or he goes to his grandpa on weekends I have that feeling a lot of stuff he does is for attention but thanks everyone for the advice I will try these things something has to work

Amanda - posted on 05/16/2012

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Get down to his level and make him look at you when you are talking to him.
If he keeps asking you the same question ask him what he thinks the answer is.

You need to be firm and make sure he knows what you say goes. Do not give in.
If he wants to have a tantrum and shout and scream put him in his room until he can control himself and and calm down.

Maybe you could try having some special one on one time with him while baby is asleep.

Keep telling him you love him, and praise him when he does listen or behaves or does something nice. He may be feeling left out because of the baby and is doing it for your attention.

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