Relationship advice with a 1 1/2 year old & a new male.

Ashley - posted on 03/25/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My sons' father and I have a rocky past relationship, in the beginning it went well. then I found out I was pregnant and towards the end of the pregnancy we started fighting and arguing a lot. My son was born it was enjoyable for a few months then it started going south again. We fought often. At times he got physical and i had him taken to court but dropped charged due to the fact that i missed him and wanted him just to change. I'm no angel, when I get mad I make sure my point is made (nothing physical on my part though). however things didnt work out so great, i kept trying & along that trying i started despising his parents and just hate them. we broke up (my doing) about 4 months ago. i started dating a friend of mine i've known for years who recently appeared back into my life, its now 3 months dating him and hes a very nice understand guy, he cares about my son and my family.At first my sons father admitted to me it kind of hurt him because he still had feelings for me. he recently told me he was dating someone and asked if i wanted to meet her ( i did the same for him so he knows whos around our son). I had wanted to tell him i've been having feelings a love towards him again last month but then i got a knock at my door and it was a petition to be heard in family court for custody. I put that on the back burner but now my feelings are arising again. I want things to work, i want my 'family' back together. I'm just confused and need any opinion or advice I can before its either too late or i make the wrong choice. Thank You all

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Louise - posted on 03/27/2011

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Yoyo relationships are common but they always end in tears. Your son needs a solid relationship with both of you and this is not going to happen if you are constantly fighting. He does not need to see his mum being abused verbally or physically. This could lead to him having problems in later life with women. Give him a loving solid relationship with you and let him see his dad and build a relationship with him too.

You really need to decide if this man is worth upsetting your son time and time again. i can understand you love this guy but it seems like one of those relationships that is not going to change.

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If you fight more together then I would not go back. I know it hurts to have your family together but you have to think about your child and what the fighting may do. Maybe some time apart will make things better. Right now my husband took a job overseas and Ive not seen him since December and we barely ever fight and its been nice. Try to be friends then work back up to a relationship and see how things go from there

Jenni - posted on 03/25/2011

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Do you really think it's the best idea for your son to get back together with his father who has physically abused you in the past?

And he's taking you to court for custody? What's that about? Sounds like you're probably allowing him to see his son already. Is he trying to get full custody?



Anyways, my advice is you need some time on your own. Just you and your son. If you're confused on what decision you should make maybe it's best not to make one at all for the time being.

From an outside perspective based entirely on what you wrote it sounds like there are some control issues here. If you're willing and wanting to go back to an abusive partner. I think some councelling may help you in more ways than you can possibly realize right now. Look into some support groups in your area for Women of Abusive Partners.



It's wise to make such decisions based on your son's best interest. Being in an environment where Mom and Dad are always fighting and saying hurtful things to each other and witnessing his father physically hurt his mother.... is not a safe or healthy environment for a child.

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Ashley - posted on 03/28/2011

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I'm highly considering going to some type of counceling to b able to deal with all the problems I've been feeling the domestic violence and fighting has done to me. It seems to arise every so often and I had asked him to go and haven't heard back. I think it will help but I also think that I need him to be there to fully get healed and if through that healing maybe one day we can work I'd want that. Im just scared of fully opening all these wounds again. I'm not big with talking about how I feel. Thank you for all the advice and help all.

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