Time out &punishments?

Prudence - posted on 08/06/2012

Keep up the talking to him at eye level, reminding him your the mummy... also it all takes time and sometimes we dont have the patience but thats when we have to ask God for it and for wisdom to do the right thing. And the right thing will be in the best interest of us and the child as God loves you both. Praying you find that great balance and your little man starts to listen.

Alycia Paige - posted on 01/24/2010

My daughter is 3 years old and I've just started having the 'not listening' problem. We do time outs and if that doesn't work, she gets to stand in the corner. She really doesn't like that. I don't want to spank her and when I threaten her with a swat, she tells me to go ahead and do it. "Do I get a swat now, Mama?" . I don't swat her hard enough to hurt, just to get her attention and she knows it. I also have tried to start giving her 'chores'...setting the table, cleaning up your toys and offering her a big reward when she does it for a week or two. I'm trying to focus on the positive more so that becomes more important to her than the negative. I'll get back to you on how that works out for us!!! :) Hope it gets a little easier.....for all of us!

Treva - posted on 01/22/2010

I've been having the same problem with my 3 & 1/2 yr old but what my mom made me realize is that hes controlling me, kids will take attention either way, negative or positive, so when you are yelling at him, hes not focusing on what your telling him not to do, he's getting a reaction out of you and he knows it. So therefore he's going "oh, i can get mom to scream or yell""hehe". Anyways just talk to him firm but dont lose your cool, thats what he wants. And dont nag him. He understands you perfectly, warn him once then if he doesnt listen, it goes straight to punshiment. Hope this helps:) God Bless!

Theresa - posted on 01/22/2010

Depending on what it is he's doing, you coulad take toys away. When my kids wouldn't pick up I canfiscated the toys. They were put up for a day or two (depending on age, up to a week). If he's driving his car on the wall and you tell him to stop, he doesn't listen, you say "if you drive the casr on the wall mommy's going to put it away and you won't be able to play with it." If he continues, you take it away and put it where he can't get it. He'll still probably scream, then you put him in his room. He can come out when he calms down.

MaggienScott - posted on 01/22/2010

Hello,

I want to say hang in there. Time outs and yelling in my experience seem to be very ineffective at this age. Time outs become more effective at around age 4. Children quickly become desensitized to yelling if it is done too often. And I do not support spanking. For many reasons.

From the research I have done for my own toddler, it seems our little ones are totally normal. They seem like they are not listening or being defiant, but in most cases this isn't so. Apparently it can take reminding them hundreds of times before the message sinks in. It is just a normal stage of development and not them wanting to be bad. Most toddlers don't want to be bad. They love you and you are their world!They key is be consistent about the rules. Consistent about how you handle things, and redirect. A child treated with patience and respect will learn quicker than a child that is confused. Remind them " Do not touch, danger, you can get hurt" then distract them by redirecting them to something appropriate. I take my little one by the hand and walk over to a different task. I will repeat this many times through out the day. Knowing it is normal, and that all of my hard work and patience is paying off is so much more rewarding than feeling guilty for yelling, and handling things with anger. And when we feel better about ourselves and how we are functioning, we are generally happier. Our little ones can sense this too. Makes life much easier. At first you may feel like this approach isn't effective. But stick with it, you will see results. This means taking time to pamper yourself, and take little time outs in private to vent if you need to. I still do. When I start to feel like I am losing my cool, I go to a different room, and vent under my breath. Feels good to let it out sometimes LOL And I try to put myself in his shoes/ Limited comprehension of the world, limited vocabulary, can be sooo frustrating for him too!

Hope this helps.

Crystall - posted on 01/22/2010

Nope Laurie im quite please with the advise. i use to spank when he was on but i must have not knew my own strngth that i bruised him slightly and lived in regret ever since. i will not do it again and its been 2 yrs. we tried the chair thats what our time out is and he pretty much has no dang toys left due to he refuses to clean... i dont necc. scream at him just loud enough for his selective hearing to act right. i dont want to strike fear into him by why is it the only thing working. i have done calm but firm and its a no go. i have patience but 3 yrs of it is too much when the disipline isnt working. its def time to change route

Crystall - posted on 01/22/2010

Merab
i just recently started talking to him as though i want to be talked to such as getting to his level and explaining the situation but i think he is use to the negitive punishment that he still doesnt hear me

Merab - posted on 01/22/2010

Hi dear, i will support you with time out...but I would like to discourage you from yelling at your son that is why it is ot working. When you yell you are dealing with you son in anger and not in Love. i would recommend that when you put him on time out , be firm (this is not shouting at the top of your voice) it is going down on your knees, getting to your toddlers eye level and telling him why you are putting him on time out. Even if he screams ignore it....after the time out is over , go to him explain again his mistake, ask him to say sorry, hug him and all will be well. Dont give up...constistency will pay after a while

L - posted on 01/22/2010

hey girl. i have a 2 year old little boy and i have the same exact problem !! the thing that really gets to me is when i yell at him he grins- like im a big joke. i used to spank but that really didnt get me anywhere- so ive been doing time out. i have a special chair that he knows is the time out chair. and when he gets himself into trouble- i make him sit in it. the first couple times he got up and stuff, but i keep my eye on him and been staying firm so he knows not to get up anymore. i know it sounds kind of cheesey, but while hes sitting there- i ask him if he knows why hes there. and for the most part- he'll tell me. he tells me that he dont like time out, and that always makes me feel kinda good (not in a crazy way, but really what is to like about it?) then, if that dosent work- ill give him a spank on the but and tell him to go to bed. i did a research paper about spanking and i learned alot. if u are interested i could sent it to u. (its not that long). but the BEST advice i can give you- is nothing is really about the punishment. its about discipline- and they are actually really different. just try to make sure that the lesson was learned. and that ur child actually learns right from wrong- instead of being afraid of what will happen.



i know for my son i want him to behave because he knows its the right thing to do, and not because hes scared of me, cause i started feeling that way when i resorted to spanking. and most of the time when i chose spanking- i was just caught up in the moment and i know the moral of the lesson didnt get through to him because he would be resenting me for hitting him & that he woulndt want to take in anything i had to say anymore. now i know u said that u're tired of time out, but u could always try taking away toys that he like till he "earns" them back with good behavior. i do that soemtimes too. like if i find small peices all over the floor, and he dosent want to pick them up- ill just clean it and put it away for a week or 2. i hope i dont come across as a know-it-all type, but since i have the same problem i thought something i said could possibly help you. let me know if u have any tricks that could help me- im open to suggestions. haha. let me know what u think, and the best of luck to you :)



oh and dont forget to be firm & stand ur ground, cause kids can tell when u dont really mean it.