Toddler tantrums

Maria - posted on 01/20/2012

I can relate to what you`re saying because my daughter started having tantrums recently too. Whenever she doesn`t get something that`s dangerous for her or some other object, she drops on the floor and goes into crying/whining. She also comes over to slap you or hit you.



What I started to do (and everyone in my house is being consistent with this which is really important) is I substitute objects for other things that would be of interest to her and safe at the same time. That way she gives up easily things in general (kids need to have an alternative to "No", so if you`re just saying "No", they get frustrated, but when you offer an alternative, they have a choice to agree). Not only does it makes her calmer, but it helps for her to realize that it`s not that I don`t want to give her something, but it`s that there are alternatives to everything.



Sometimes, she would not go for alternative, and she would still have a tantrum, so at that point I make sure I let her know that it looks very unpleasant and ugly, and it makes her think. It`s actually pretty funny to see how her expression changes when you tell her how ugly it looks when she acts out her tantrum. She stops immediately. At that point I make sure I have an alternative activity ready, so she is distracted from her moods, and it brings her back to normal behavior.



From what I read, the researchers say that it`s important for todlers to have alternatives, so they don`t get frustrated with simple "No" (you still have to say "No" but with that provide the alternative for other activity).

Candace - posted on 01/19/2012

Awee that was beautiful thanks for that :)

Julie - posted on 01/19/2012

♥ Spend good fun cuddling time with your daughter.

♥ They depend on US to be stable and loving as everything in their world is new to them -

♥ touch her with good loving touches throughout her day

♥ affirm her throughout your day but don't be phoney or exaggerate

♥ go for walks with her

♥ read to her before bed ... letting her pick the book

♥ make sure she has a stuffed animal or dollie to sleep with and her her tuck that creature in for bed and climb in with it so "it wont be alone at night" and then thank her for being such a good friend/mommie to that special friend.

♥ watch her diet - feed her real foods like fruits and veggies and apples not juices, etc. Sugars are making kids more hyper by the day and that will also give them mood swings.

♥ if you work, put yourself in her place... her mommie leaves her every day of her life ... what can that but help do to a child whose whole world is their mommie? (as it should be..) She may be VERY tenderhearted and things affect her deeply. That can be areal gift.

♥ LOVE HER ... and remember she will see the whole world through your beautiful eyes... you are her whole world **

Candace - posted on 01/05/2012

Yea thats true its easier now to understand. N im glad so many people gave me feedback after a hard day i may have had and its jus me around I would feel real alone! N wonder if it was normal i have quite a few friends with children who would have tantrums but it was never as bad as what i would see my daughter doing. But i feel alot etter now readin all your stories and am thankful for the advice.

Ivy - posted on 01/05/2012

My daughter is going to be 3 in March. Thankfully her tantrums are very rare from what they use to be. She is also underweight, but I don't think that has anything to do with her behavior as she eats pretty healthy foods. What has worked for me is counting to 5. First I say if you don't do this or stop doing that or whatever is happening by time I get to 1 then I will put you in your room for a time out. Then I count slowly from 5 pausing to give her time, when I get to 3, I remind her of what I will do if I get to 1. Once I get to 1, I reinforce what I said would happen. The first few times she would ignore and scream at me when I gave a time out. I didn't let her out of time out till she either stopped screaming or the cry changed from an tantrum to upset and needing a cuddle. When she was younger, she started at 18 months with tantrums, I would put her in her high chair and ignore by not talking to her and/or turning my back her for a minute. My daughter is quite clever and it only took 3 times before she started to get better. I always try to get her to calm down, then I ask her what she wants or why she is upset. Since she is older now, it is much easier to understand her needs. I think her having tantrums earlier made it easier for her to communicate her needs or wants, so I could find a compromise if it wasn't something I was willing to give her.

Candace - posted on 01/04/2012

I often let her get it out o her system by sitting her in her rm wit the tv on and her cup filld with water. Mostly time out works for me tho. During the holidays ive noticed putting on the xmas music calmd her down quite a bit and relax her enuff fir a nap. I also hit te back o her hand to put only if she hits or throws anything. Trying to teach my daughter about emotions more on why shes feeling a certain way does sound like a good idea. She knows what emotions are and she tells me what shes feeling but i will teach or try and exPlain why she is..thanks for the advice!

Joy - posted on 01/04/2012

I have a daughter who's about half a year younger (28 months) who also has these meltdowns. I also don't spank. Generally, if the behavior does not hurt herself, anyone else or property I let her have her meltdown. If she is in danger of those three, I pick her up and move her to a safer environment (usually her room or the backseat of the car.) If its the backseat of the car I turn on some slow classical music to help calm her down.

I've been trying to teach her what kinds of emotions she's experiencing and alternate ways of dealing with them than meltdowns. We've found that a light but firm touch to the back of her hands has sometimes helped. My daughter's also still nursing and that calms her down really quickly, but I know that she will probably self-wean sooner than later and that most children are not nursing by her age.

Candace - posted on 01/04/2012

I talk to her but sometimes i yell to get her attention cause when shes on a role and gets hysterical its like everything around ger doesnt exsist! And i understand what you mean udk how many ppl mentiond spanking and as i said i dont think differently f anyone who does or think im better im just not comfortable with it the worst she gets is a smack on her hand and thats very rare! And im happy to see you can relate about the underweight issue i didt have anyone who can understand not friends nr family obly her peduatrican I guess shes making progress my daughter is complete opposite tho for me its unfortunate that she loves pediasure since its so expensive! Lol maybe ill try vitamins.Thanks for the advice !

Takela - posted on 01/04/2012

Sorry posting this from my android phone.so many typos

Takela - posted on 01/04/2012

My daughter is 3 and still has her momemts and my hudband abd i try to talk to her calmly when shes mad.i try not to spank her as that seems to be the only respose people give.we believe in talking to her bout her actions and we take her favorite things from her.as far as her being hyper and weight dont worry bout that as long as she healthy and she eat dont stress over it.my child is underweight and the drs put her on pediasure and she wont drink it.i had to put her on age appropiate vitamins from age 1 till now.she finicky about what she eat but she eat and all day but healthy stuff.no sugar realy but here and there but fruits and healthy snacks or stuff with low sugar counts .so just comtinue to what your doingj and dont let the drs stress you on her weight like the did me my child hyper too and they just burn more calories than they take in.let her play and burn it.just offer her frequent snacks in between meals.thate what i do and she fine(my daughter).your will be too











t to loose it but i do sometimes and yell back.i try not to spank when that seems to be all my friends response

Candace - posted on 01/04/2012

Yeah i dont judge anyone who believes in spanking i just dont have it in me lol. Thats why ive been searching for other methods that will actually be effective. And I do exactly the same I just get up and walk away and she will either come to me when shes ready or find something new to play with. Iam happy to know that it is normal behavior I was afraid it was something i just wasnt aware of. I guess all I can do is find the best methods to avoid the problem esculating and wait for her phase to pass. It is real frustrating because alot of the times it happens because she is too overhyped. The best is laying her down wit juice and her blanket and put on cartoons but i dont wana stop her from playing! But she is incredibly hyper! That she can be dehydrated but still fOrce herself to jump and play. I understand 3 yr olds are hyper but i think she is more than usual cause even a 3 yr old has to eventually get tired. It has become so much that she doesnt eat regularly and has dropped weight. That now she has to use pediasure cause her lack of nutrition which is important for her cause shes also lactose so she needs the nutriants shes missing from some dairy. but if I try to stop and relax her she screams! So it is very frustrating with so much goin on at once

CJ - posted on 01/04/2012

My daughter does get her butt swatted for things, but more for doing things she's been told over and over not to do and keeps doing. Not for her tantrums....I don't think it'd help. As for the hitting and throwing things, I'm not sure other than explaining to her that she's hurting you. When my daughter does something that has or could hurt me or someone else, I tell her that and relate it to a time recently when she was hurt. I'll ask her if she liked getting hurt and that mommy doesn't like it when she does things to hurt me. It usually works, but sometimes it doesn't. My daughter also has random outbursts. One minute your playing nicely, and the next she's screaming at you for something, it is very frusterating. I usually stop playing when this happens, let her cool down and explain that mommy doesn't want to play with her if she's going to yell at me. It is nice to know there are other people going through this, and it's not just my child being overly naughty.

Candace - posted on 01/03/2012

Cj i really relate with what your saying one thing my daughter has been doing is pretend she cant hear what im saying . I often try to talk ti my mom for advice but since shes grandma she isnt much help and just makes excuses for her. So I really appreciate all this. When its an all day thing I have thought to myself maybe im doing somethung wrong or ill tell my fiancee i feel like a bad mom! So reading your stories makes me feel alot better. Im only 22 and this is my 1st and only child so i wanna make sure everything is right! It has slowed down quite a bitt but the part i can never understand is the sudden randomness of outbursts all out of nowhere for no apparent reason. Ive even told her pediatrician and she laughed just as my mom would but they dont understand that it really botherd me and i wanted answers! . I have also lost my patience and yelled too then afterwards feel bad so now i jus sit her in a time out chair and she has even startd to come to me wit a kiss and has said sorry so its by far the best method. But then she also startd to throw anythin in her sight and sometimes hit and im not sure how to get her to see thats not acceptable..and i dont believe in spankin discipline( ppl have mentiond it so just throwing it out there) both of your stories have been very helpful, insightful and appreciate the advice thank you :-)

Michelle - posted on 01/03/2012

you are not alone she is just being a normal toddler, mine cries whenever she doesn't get the answer she wants or if you don't go do what she wants when she wants it is a stage and she will outgrow it, take a deep breath if it is slowing down then you are almost there. You are the mom you will win this battle of wills.

CJ - posted on 01/03/2012

My daughter has been similar, mostly for the last 6-7 months or so, she''l be 3 in february. She argues with me all time, over everything I say to her. She yells and screams when she doesn't get her way. She's become very bossy and whiney and emotional. I try to just stay firm that she should not talk to mommy that way, and put her in her room to cool down when she starts her screaming. I often lose my tember/patience and yell at her when she acts this way, but have found calmly explaining to her after she's calmed down that mommy doesn't like when she acts this way and that it makes me angry works much better than reacting strongly while it's happening. She'll often act much better for at least awhile after she's been put in her room for awhile to calm down and then talked to calmly about how the way she's acting is naughty afterwards.