What disipline usually work and do you believe in spanking? Does spanking work?

Sophia - posted on 09/08/2012

It depends on the age of the child... I use to hold my son until I felt he understood what I was saying. He could only watch the programs I wanted to watch ,cant make or get phone calls. Keep talking .. pay more attention when he did the right things. give more when he follow rules.

Kari - posted on 11/14/2011

I believe in spanking, but my children have pretty much become immune to it. I spank them and I get no reaction what so ever. So, my new method is to stick them in a chair in the corner. That is working wonders!

Brittany - posted on 11/14/2011

I do believe spanking does work. I don't believe in redirection...at least on my children. I've tried it and their response to it was just negative. I found myself becoming more frustrated. When I spank my children, I am calm. I don't use my hand, I use a paddle. I don't use the paddle in a rough manner its more of a "scare tactic" but I do use it on them.I see no issues with spanking as long as it is controlled and it isn't leaving a mark on the children. I have had a much better response from my kids by spanking. I hate doing it because it hurts me just as much as it hurts them but ever since we started spanking, my kids have behaved much better and I don't feel stressed out anymore because I know my kids will behave. I have even gotten several older women who have come up to me in the store and at restaurants telling me they cannot believe how well they are behaving. One women even gave my kids a dollar for their behavior. I would have to say I do believe spanking to work better. At least for my kids.

Liz - posted on 11/14/2011

l agree that spanking leads children to be aggressive is not good l m not for it, l think punishment would work but l still wonder if closing the child in a room for some minutes if is good?

Julie - posted on 03/07/2011

Time outs wow that is the best, we as a family do not believe in spankings and i am not sure if that would be the only factor in having an aggressive child. ther comes a time when no matter what they will challenge you and you must stay constant and choose what really needs to be addressed. hope this helps with your paper.

Penny - posted on 03/07/2011

use as a last resort I thinkj

Samantha - posted on 03/07/2011

oh, and I forgot to say, the parents I know who have found that spanking doesn't work, are the ones who only use it when their child REALLY riles them. Its like the child knows that they've pushed their parent so far that they've resorted to something they wouldn't normally do and it has less of an effect on the child. It kind of gives the child more 'power' so to speak. So i think regardless of what tools you choose to use, you have to stick with what you plan to use and do it consistently and lovingly, knowing you are helping to shape your child's character for life.

Samantha - posted on 03/07/2011

Spanking or smacking is just one tool in an entire disciplinary tool box that we use. A smack for our children is an open hand on a fleshy part of the body, and usually only administered for direct acts of defiance, for example where you ask the child to do something and they either refuse or do the opposite. A warning was always given first, and smack only ever administered when we were calm. We found by doing this consistently from a very young age, our children are very obedient and clearly know where the boundaries are.
That said, i know some people prefer not to smack, and do very well with their kids. I think the biggest problem with discipline is when people are not consistent with their follow through. One thing I learned very early in my parenting journey was to never ever say no to my child if I didn't fully intend to see it through, because if I ever said no and she managed to change my mind at some point, that would mean she had manipulated me into getting what she wanted. I always take the time now, just a second, to think - now what should my response be, do i really need to fight this out, or is it something I can let go?
I don't believe that smacking used in a loving way is detrimental to children in any way, but there is quite difference to smacking as discipline and being abusive.
Kylie, I think all parents could take aleaf out of your book, and learn to walk away for a bit when they get frustrated or angry. Its normal to get worked up from time to time, not just for vistims of abuse, and our kids need to see us dealing with our emotions in a positive way.
I don't personally agree with the 'adults don't get spanked' argument, as adults have a far greater ability to reason and be reasoned with than children do, and occasionally they need to be shown that there is a boudary here, whether they like it or not. I personally think that firm boundaries give children the security they need.
By the time my children turned 3, smacks are almost non-existent in our house, because as they've grown old enough we have introduced time-outs and other forms of discipline. I quite like naughty corner, or facing the wall. If these disciplinary techniques don't stop the behaviour, however, we will then administer a smack. I usually like to so it following another time out. I explain to them that I don't want to have to do it, bu they continue to do the wrong thing and therefore have to be smacked and administer the open hand on the fleshy clothed bottom, usually in private away from the other children. Giving them the time out first helps me to be calm and not just give smacks as an angry reaction.

Kylie - posted on 03/01/2011

i use time out for my child where he is removed from the area and sat down, explained why he was moved and he sits there for 2 min (he is only 2). i then come back and ask him to talk to me and to say sorry. this works and we both get heard and get to say how we feel. and u can see that it works cause over time he has learnt that he should not use that behaviour.

But as a child i was abused, i acted out and got in trouble and i now have a very short fuse, so some times when i do get worked up and feel like smacking him i just tell Nathan "mummy is going to have time out as she is feeling angry", he understands this and it means i can calm down and re assess the situation with out my feelings being in the way.

Dora - posted on 03/01/2011

I was spanked as a child and I am so far from being aggressive. We have a 2 1/2yr old and we don't spank our son just because it is a personal choice. We believe in redirection and that seems to work great with my little one. Also we have found that by redirecting bad behavior to good behavior it is physically teaching him the difference between right and wrong. Also communication is a big thing in our household. Everything is explained to our little one from good to bad behavior. Our goal as parents (speaking for me and my husband only) is to teach our child and help him grow as an individual. We are trying a different approach with our son and so far it is working well. We are having cutie pie #2 in June and are hoping this method works as well for our new little one. If not we will find a different method.

Jenni - posted on 03/01/2011

I believe children deserve the same respect that we as adults deserve. I personally wouldn't be receptive to someone spanking me or even yelling at me.



I ask myself how I would feel if my boss spanked me when I mucked up a job or was goofing around at work? Resentful, most likely. Sure i'd probably try to do as he asked out of fear of getting spanked. Now if he sent me home for the day because I was goofing off and not getting any work done. That would be fair, right? That would be a boss I could respect. If he talked to me like an adult and explained why he was sending me home: You're not doing your work and you're not being productive to the company. So I'm not going to pay you for doing nothing. I'd be more receptive to someone explaining to me firmly why my behaviour is wrong, followed by an appropriate consequence. I think I would be more likely to consider my own behaviour rather than redirecting the blame onto him for the situation. If someone were yelling at me or spanking me it would just make me feel angry towards them and I wouldn't care what they were trying to tell/teach me. From personal experience this is how I felt as a child when I was spanked.



That said; everyone has the ability to lose their temper. I have spanked my son, twice. But I felt horribly guilty because I wasn't spanking him to teach him anything, I had spanked because I was at my wits end and lost control. It was more to do with me than with what he was doing. So that's why I don't believe in spanking in my home.



With violent behaviour (which some toddlers are infamous for) we use time-outs. It is definitely not an immediate solution. It's not like you give your toddler a time-out and he's immediately cured of hitting. It takes time and is a learning process, teaching them how to handle their emotions. When my son would hit it was an immediate time-out. After he calmed down I would explain to him that hitting hurts. It's ok to be mad but we don't hit when we're mad. Then I'd offer him an alternative: use your words. Say, I'm really mad right now!! It took a long.... long time but he's finally getting it. Now when he gets mad he says: "I'm really mad right now, mom!" Then I praise him for using his words and ask him why he is mad? He tells me and we find a solution.

With not listening we also use time-outs but I give him a warning and count to 3. I ask him one more time to comply at the end of the count down if he still chooses not to, we have a time-out for not listening.

I try not to be too controlling and allow natural consequences to be the teacher. If he puts his new Cars undies in the toilet, the consequence is... he can't wear them.

I also explain to him *why* we shouldn't do certain things and instead of saying "No" all the time I try to use: "Let's try this instead..." Or "You can use toilet paper but we only use one piece"... "You can flush the toilet, but we only flush once because we have to share the water with everyone".

PD - posted on 02/28/2011

Only suitable for minors?:

Schoolchildrens' "spanking" related injuries (WARNING - These images may be deeply disturbing to some viewers. Do not open this page if children are present).
http://www.nospank.net/injuredkids.pdf

Reasonable and moderate? You decide.
(WARNING - This sound recording may be deeply disturbing to some listeners. Do not open this file if children are within listening range).
http://nospank.net/prj-006.wav


People used to think it was necessary to "spank" adult members of the community, college students, military trainees, and prisoners. In some countries they still do. In our country, it is considered assault and battery (sexual battery at that) if a person over the age of 18 is "spanked", but only if over the age of 18.


Recommended by professionals:

Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak
http://www.nospank.net/pt2010.pdf

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson
http://nospank.net/sdsc2.pdf

NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor MD and Adah Maurer PhD
http://nospank.net/taylor.htm


Most current research:

Spanking Kids Increases Risk of Sexual Problems
http://www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2008/feb/l...

Use of Spanking for 3-Year-Old Children and Associated Intimate Partner Aggression or Violence
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cg...

Spanking Can Make Children More Aggressive Later
http://tulane.edu/news/releases/pr_03122...

Spanking Children Can Lower IQ
http://www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2009/sept/...

Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child "spanking" isn't a good idea:

American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
American Psychological Association,
Center For Effective Discipline,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
United Methodist Church
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child.

In 31 nations, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child. The US also has the highest incarceration rate in the world.

The US states with the highest crime rates, poorest academic performance, highest obesity rates and health problems, and largest welfare caseloads are also the ones with the highest rates of child corporal punishment.

Of all the things prison inmates lacked in their upbringing, "spanking" certainly wasn't one of them.

There is simply no evidence to suggest that child bottom-battering instills virtue.

Sandie - posted on 02/28/2011

re=reading my post made me realise i sound like i smack him all the time...i dont! its a last resort, hannah mentioned "the look" and "the tone of voice" i do the same thing, especially out and about where people judge. my son is an angel when it comes to bedtime, going out, eating, sharing etc, and is also very polite and helpful, he loves helping with laundry too haha!! so im still "a smacker" i suppose youd say, but it is a last resort and there is a clear line that id never cross.

Hannah - posted on 02/27/2011

I am choosing a non spanking approach. Children learn by example - they mimic the behavior they see and are given. If a parent yells at a child, the child learns it is okay to yell. If a parent is loving and kind to their child, their child learns to be loving and kind. If a parent spanks a child, a child learns it is okay to hit.
There are many ways to discipline a child and I am choosing an approach that is backed by research and psychology.
I am a high school teacher and if I can get a room full of 15 year olds to behave without spanking, I certainly can get one 3 year old ot behave without spanking. My son knows "the look", and "the don't mess with mommy" voice. My son is VERY well behaved, says please and thank you, we can go out to eat at resturants without incident and shop without incident. He follows directions, and most of all - is a very happy child. and I am a very happy parent. I very rarely get frustrated with him. Bed time is easy, morning/getting out the door is easy, meal time is easy, he picks up all of his toys - today he helped me do laundry and put away all of his clean clothes.
I kid you not - parenting is that wonderful and easy! and I don't spank! I don't hit! I don't even yell!
I learned everything I know from two places:
1. being a high school teacher (there really is very little difference between a 15 year old and a 3 year old!)
and
2. Love and Logic, www.loveandlogic.com
Check them out, they have tons of free resources on their website.
and here is their information on spanking:
http://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/spanki...

and here is some other information supporting why I choose to NOT spank

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t062100...

http://articles.cnn.com/2009-09-16/healt...

http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/health/2...

Spanking is a touchy subject (no pun intended) and I want to make sure I am clear - I am not critiscing any of the other mothers here who are obviously pro spanking. I am simply putting out an alternative form of parenting that works very well for me. Since you are writing a research paper, you should be exposed to all sides. (although I can hope that some of the moms who are spanking will be intrigued by this information and perhaps consider alternative forms of disciplining their children. :)

Sandie - posted on 02/26/2011

as a child both my sister and myself were smacked if we were naughty, as well as being sent to our room, or having toys taken away etc...we are very "normal" and not affected by the smacking, most of the time the phrase "do that again and youll get a smack" was enough to stop us doing whatever behaviour it was.
my son is going to be 2 in may, and as and when its nessecary he does get a smack on his hand, or on his bottom or thigh, he comes to me for a cuddle immediatly after a smack and doesnt seem to be damaged from it. he knows i love him, but he knows to behave.
the looks i get in public sometimes if gets a smacked hand are awful, you would think i was beating him (smacks dont leave a mark or make him cry even, its just a short sharp thing to stop the behaviour in its tracks...a bit like a quick tug on a dog lead, lol!!)
my great-grandmother always said that children were born with round soft bottoms so that the mums didnt hurt themselves when they smacked them,,haha!!

Louise - posted on 02/26/2011

I had my first children 20 years ago and they were brought up with a smacked bottom if they miss behaved. They were smacked from the age of about 3 to about 6 for really missbehaving but other than that they were banished to there room from then on. My sons are now 20 and nearly 17 and they are not aggressive. In fact they are very level headed and considerate.

My daughter is now 2 and she will not be smacked because I have no need to. A stern voice is enough to pull her into line. i suppose she has no sibling to play with or get into trouble with so things are very different then when I had my sons.

Tiffany - posted on 02/26/2011

Thank you, that helps!

Theresa - posted on 02/26/2011

I think the definition of spanking needs to be clear first, at least my definition of it. One open handed swat on the clothed butt, not hard enough to leave a mark or make your hand sting. And it shouldn't be done out of anger or frustration to make the parent feel better. That being said, yes I believe there are times when spanks are appropriate. Not for all discipline, but sometimes. Usually I use time outs or loss of privileges. But there are times when the child needs an immediate response to a behavior, and that is when I give the spank. They know they've done something pretty bad when that happens and they better never repeat what brought on the spank. My children (ages 15, 12, 2 and 11 months) are not aggresive, nor are they afraid of me. They don't cower when I raise a hand, they know they won't get spanked unless they've done something to deserve it. They don't resort to hitting when in conflicts with others either. Those are all things I've heard abot the down falls of spanking. However there are children who should not be spanked. For example children with certain mental disabilities that wouldn't understand the lesson, and children who have been abused. I also think it should be reserved for ages about 2 through 10. Under 2 is too young to understand the why of it and by the time they're around 10 it's more effective to lose privileges. Be prepared for some heated discussions, spanking is one of those hot topics.