What to call a "step-grandmother"?

Jennifer - posted 3 days ago

This comment has helped me today. I knew no one else who could have this same problem. On learning today that my ex husband's wife is calling her self Grandma to my 16 month old Grandson has broken my heart. I waited excitedly to be called that name just like my mother before me. I've earned this in a kind and considerate way and being a good parent to my son. Life can be hard. !!

Ima - posted on 04/13/2013

I have not read through all 152 comments, but I have read quite a few. I am a Grandmother. Let me just say this: there are always extenuating circumstances that just might dictate what a step grandmother should be called.

If the step grandmother was the 'other woman' responsible for the breakup of the grandparents marriage I urge you parents to consider your Mother's or your Mother in Law's feelings on this. If you have a good relationship with her and you love her - talk to her about it to see how she feels. Yes, I am the Grandmother who was left behind and I do have a good relationship with my daughter. I would be crushed if I knew that her children were calling the other woman who broke up my marriage 'Grandma'. I say I would be because I'm really not sure 'what' they call her. I have my suspicions, but I don't know. It bothers me very much that I don't know - but I don't want to bring it up for fear she will get mad at me. I love her very much. So, I suffer in silence. I just think --- isn't it bad enough that the other woman stole my husband from me (and my grandchildren's grandfather) - does she have to steal the title that "I" earned too? The title that she did NOT earn?

Lisa - posted on 04/03/2013

My fiancé and I have been together 11 years. Our children call each of us by our first names. His daughter had a child 3 years ago. Since we are not married but live together I found myself in a similar dilemma. Since the child already has 2 grandmas, I decided I would like something different but not my first name. Since my name is Lisa, I am known as LiLi. Works fine for me. I still feel I have respect without needing the title grandma.

Lesli - posted on 03/11/2013

I wanted to thank you for the response. It was helpful. I've decided not to worry so much about how I feel and focus on my child's feelings. I know his step mom has his best interest in mind. As long as he's happy and comfortable I will let him call her anything he wants. (within reason) I think it will be Grandma and the the last name. If he's happy then I'm happy.

Haley - posted on 03/10/2013

*I guess with the first situation, we never knew the other grandmother and calling Grandpa's wife "Grandma" wasn't disrespectful to her. Whereas with the other grandparents, they were all still living and not in any hurry to feel replaced? I have no idea, that's just always what we were told to call them.
In my situation with my husband's family and our kids, my husband's parents are divorced and his dad is remarried. When our kids came along, his dad's wife picked a non-traditional nickname saying "she's too young to be grandma." But I like to think that I know her pretty well, and I think that she also wanted to respect the fact that, while she's married to Grandpa, their grandmother is still around.

Haley - posted on 03/10/2013

Let's see. My father's father was a widower when my father was still a child, and remarried when he and his brothers were teens. It's hard to remember because they passed when I was 6 or 7, but I think we just called his wife Grandma; my mother's parents divorced when the kids were grown, and both remarried. We've always called their spouses Grandma-Firstname and Papa-Firstname.

Angela - posted on 03/05/2013

My friend (who is NOT Russian, by the way!) wanted to be known as Baboushka when her first grandchild was born!

We have a grandchild (my son's daughter) whose mother is Swedish, so the Swedish grandmother is known by the Swedish term for Grandma - "Mormor". My ex-husbands widow and I are both "Grandma".

Grace - posted on 03/04/2013

I think "Nana" is nice. That's what I suggested to my step mother in law.

Rachael - posted on 03/01/2013

He's too young to identify her as "non-family," so just go with "Grandma", or pick a different grandmother name - Nana, Bubbie, Meemaw, Gammy, Gran, etc. My husband's grandparents were all Grandma and Grandpa . We call my sons' great grandmother Grandma , even though he has a plain Grandma (her daughter and my mom). He'll be at least 4 or 5 before he might question why he has 3 Grandmas, but that'll be pretty common as divorced people remarry. I've known kids with 4 grandmothers because all the divorced grandparents remarry.

Lesli - posted on 02/25/2013

Let me start by saying that I am a father on my wife's account. My wife has a step mother that likes to spend a lot of time with our child. Sometimes I think she over does it a little bit. She calls on a weekly basis and says she is having withdraws from our child and she needs to see them. My father-in-law and wife's step mother only live a couple of blocks away so to stop in every now and then isn't really a big deal except she acts like this is "her" grandchild. She talks to her friends and family like it's her actual grandchild. She also posts pics and says look at my grandson.
This lady has two children of her own and they both decided not to have kids. So it just feels like she always wanted to be a grandma and she is going to take full advantage of the situation.
Now I guess I should say that my mother recently passed away from cancer and I am very sad that he doesn't have his real grandma. I know they would have been great friends. I know my mother passing has a lot to do with my feelings but I think it's more than just that. I just wondered if anyone thinks I'm being selfish or if anyone has an opinion at all. Thank you.

Julie - posted on 02/23/2013

I had a step grandmother and she treated me like a step grandchild, if you know what I mean. I your step mother acts like a grandma she has earned the moniker. My kids call their great grandma "grandma" and they have three grandmas and she's the one they are closest to. If you need a separate name try Nana or Oma or Meemaw. What's in a name really, a grandma by any other name is still just as sweet.

Jamie - posted on 02/20/2013

I have a step mom and my kids call her 'me maw'. This way she has her own special title between child and step grandparent. You may be surprised at how much a step grandparent can do for the kid. My daughter adores my step mom. She also loves her grandmas. Both of them. 'Nani' is also a good title for her. Justa couple of suggestions for you.

Amy - posted on 02/20/2013

I don't think you can have too many grandparents. My kids have 4 grandpas and 3 grandmas due to both sets of our parents being divorced and all but one remarried. I just say if she is going to be part of their family and attend birthdays, holidays, etc. then calling her grandma shouldn't be a big deal. My kids are so blessed to have so many and I frequently say, I didn't realize there was a benefit to your parents being divorced until I had kids! My kids call them Grandma first name and Papa first name i.e. Papa Jim, Grandma Dianne and have no issue with this whatsoever.

Amy

Liz - posted on 02/19/2013

If you love someone it doesnt matter what you call them. If it is a step or not if it is a grandma its grandma. Why such a fuss. Love is love right! He doesnt love one or the other any different...he doesnt even know what grandma means at this point and she could be gone by the time he does know! Appreciate the time and love she gives him ,not a name! I know kids that have step parents and they dont call them HEY step mom or dad.

Liz - posted on 02/19/2013

nana

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2013

I think I would ask her what she would like to be called...but I like the idea of something like "Mom-Mom _____" with her name

Janette - posted on 02/18/2013

my daughter calls my mother's husband, Grampie. He is not my biological father, but is her grampie. Those "names" are not about blood, but about a feeling. About how the person treats your child. And how they view your child. If this person views your child as a grand child,, then they are a grandparent...My next door neighbor, growing up, was not related at all, just a family friend. And to this day, I still consider her another grandma, and her husband was a grandpa. A name, is just a name, its how they feel about each other that matters. Why cant your child have another grammie, grandma, grams, anything of the sort!

Lauren - posted on 02/18/2013

I don't see why your child can't have 3 Grannies! In this day and age I would WELCOME another Granny to help! If she is a part of his and loves him...wouldn't it be great for her to be called Granny. I reckon you shouldn't make an issue of it. In days gone by, your neighbours children were your own, your brother's children were your own and your children had many many aunts most of whom were not related....sadly this has changed

Victoria - posted on 02/18/2013

Have him call her nana. or what ever the other grandchildren call her, do not make an issue of it, then she will feel different and can sort of exclude her from being part of the family. I have 5 grandchildren, and they all call me the same thing, and the two oldest were from previous relationships of my daughter in laws. they each have a grandma, and then me NANA. I love them all the same.

Victoria Ingram
WA State

Kristy - posted on 02/18/2013

Im going to have the same problem come april when my father in law marrys a woman my husband kids and i have only met twice. they already have 5 other nannies nans and grandmas that the kids get confused with due to broken marrages etc, what to do what to do????

Jane - posted on 02/17/2013

We always refer to my husband's father's wife as Nana Sharon.

Bethany - posted on 02/17/2013

My kids call my grandfathers wife by her name. She was so thrilled they picked up on it I don't think she cares that she doesn't have a "name". If one day they come up with another name I think that would be fine with all of us but I don't think certain names for grandparents should be pushed on children.

Alberta - posted on 02/17/2013

"NaNa" maybe. She should have a special name but you may want to talk to your dad and just say to him you don't feel your child should call her Grandma but what would he think if the child called her something else such as: Nana, or whatever you decide.

You don't want to hurt her either because she is technically Grandma even if it is not your biological mother she holds that position of special to your father so don't offend!

Jessica - posted on 02/17/2013

I'll be honest and say that I think it's a little unfair to try and create another name for her just because she isn't your mother. I grew up with a grandpa who isn't my mamas dad but he was the best grandpa ever and I think he deserved to be called grandpa. My parents are the same way with my 2 year old step daughter. She calls them grandma and grandpa because that's that they are to HER which is what matters. To your son the name you give won't mean anything, what will matter is how she treats him and that is how you should see it. She is HIS grandparent, not your parent. Just think of how you would feel if you were her.

Debi - posted on 02/17/2013

I had the same problem and we picked between granny, memaw, and nana

Carrie - posted on 02/12/2013

My kids call my step mother nana, and everyone likes that.

Renee - posted on 01/31/2013

As a biological grandmother, this has become an issue for me in my family. I am surprised when this question emerges and hardly anyone thinks to ask the person who is most affected by it-the bio grandma (or grandpa). My ex husband has promoted calling his new wife "Grandma". She promotes it too. I am offended and hurt. I am remarried too and have never promoted that my husband be called just "Grandpa" out of respect for my ex. I would be ok with the term grandma plus the qualifying first name, but I want the distinction of being just "Grandma".

Katrina - posted on 01/29/2013

My kids call their step-grandmother Nanny Hilary. In fact, the only grandmothers/great-grandmothers who aren't called Nanny [first name] in our family are my mum (who our eldest decided to call Nonny, for no apparent reason), and my own grandmother, who is just Nanny- one of the perks of being the matriarch I guess lol

Sarah - posted on 01/27/2013

my son has sooo many grandparents. right now they're all grandma and grandpa, but as he gets older we'll call them by their names like grandma laurie, grandpa bob etc.. but he's 2 and it's just easier this way. both mine and my husband's parents are divorced and remarried, plus there are great-grandparents. so we're chock full of grandparents lol. names will sort themselves out eventually.

Jeanine - posted on 01/26/2013

I too am on the search for a name for my husbands new step mom. He agrees with me about not calling her Grandma and we were referring to her as just her first name. That however seems to be causing friction with a few family members. My son does not seem to have a problem calling her by her first name either. I too am on the search for the right name for her. I wish people could be more considerate of the dynamics involved and be less judgmental. Both my husband and my Mom's live far enough away that we don't feel its right our son knows this new lady as his grandma. Maybe if our Mom's lived closer it might be different but they don't. As for quoting scripture calling those of us that want to call our new family member something other than Grandma is just so silly. Chrissy have you come to a decision on a name....I need something clever too ;).

Sarah - posted on 01/09/2013

my kids call my mother grandma my ex's mom nena and my grandmother nena. my step grand baby will hopefully call me nena because I want the father's mother to be grandma like she wants.

Mary - posted on 01/05/2013

Out of respect I would ask her what she would like to be called. :)

Donna - posted on 01/05/2013

It it would mean a lot to your dad if your child called her Grandma (her name). There's never too little love to go around

Nancy - posted on 01/03/2013

What we've had to do with one of my grandsons is whichever grandparent we're talking about we refer to them as grandma Alana grandma Nancy or grandma Dagmar.It helps him keep things straight and it seems like it makes everybody happy.

Kelli - posted on 01/02/2013

My parents are divorced and both remarried and I have always called my step parents by their first names. My grandparents on my dads side are also divorced and remarried. I never new my grandparents as a married couple so on my dads side I always had two sets of grandparents. I also have a step son and two children with my husband. All three kids call ALL the grandparents, including great grandparents, grandma or grandpa. When talking about them, they say grandma/grandpa first name. But when talking to them, they just say grandma or grandpa. I don't know why there needs to be a differentiation between step or not. The granparents treat them all the same...step, blood or even step step :) in my step sons case. :) From the moment I started dating my husband, all 4 of my parents treated his son like they treated any other grandkid, they did not then and do not know treat him like anything other than a grandchild, so why should he call them something other than grandpa or grandma.

Chrissy - posted on 01/01/2013

I had no idea this would get so many replies! Thank you to everyone who was respectful of me and understood my situation.

I love how most of you got your point across about never having enough people to love your child and I could not agree with you more.

As for those of you who were rude about this, you don't know my situation as far as the circumstances of my parents divorce and all the feelings that come along with that so you shouldn't be so harsh... I had the right to feel a little uncomfortable about my situation. I am no longer concerned with coming up with a title for her... i don't think it's overly important. She knows that she is a part of his life and always will be.

Evelyn - posted on 01/01/2013

My son has step grandparents and it does not matter if he calls them grandpa or grandma even those of his bio family are alive. THat is just another grandparent to love.

Shell - posted on 12/14/2012

Yeah... why wouldn't a step child be able to call the "new" grandparents Grandma and Grandpa?? That is what they are. (Of course this is if the child wants to and the younger they are the more likely they are to want to do so-- I would never force it on a child of any age). I'm confused that there is so much confusion by this??????

Gloria - posted on 12/14/2012

Grandma or any variation of the child's choosing.

Cleaver - posted on 12/08/2012

i call my grandmothers husband grandpa steve (hes been around since about when i was born)

and my father is grandpa to my sons

but my moms father left before she was born

and my father was gone when i was 2

...maybe its not the same but i though id add that

Beckie - posted on 12/08/2012

MMy children call my step mum, auntie as they already have loads of grandparents it stops them being confused

Karen - posted on 12/01/2012

Does your stepmother have her own grandchildren? My daughter calls my husband's stepmother "Nana" because that's what her blood grandchildren call her. My daughter loves that she has 3 sets of grandparents.

EDUARDO J - posted on 11/30/2012

Hi Chrissy,





I'am from Lima, South America

In spanish we use to call like prefix for grandmom's the word "mami".

Example Mamichrissy, a whole word.



I hope it help you,



Best regards,



EJ



Sorry for my grammar mistakes

Dia - posted on 11/25/2012

I have the same situation but my kids call my step-mother "Grammy Sue" and my mom is just, "Grammy". I asked my mom first if she was okay with it and she was.

Gwen - posted on 11/23/2012

My mom's parents divorced when she was little,so her step parents had been in the picture way before I came along. Nobody ever pushed me on names, they just let me choose what to call them. I ended up calling my step-grandmother my grandma, and it never bothered me. She was just as much in my life as my real grandparents were, so why should she have a separate distinction?

Molly - posted on 11/14/2012

Grandma sounds appropriate to me, especially if she loves him and is active in his life.

Charmaine - posted on 11/13/2012

My kids call my step grandma "grandma mickey" as mickey is what we called her.

Jade - posted on 11/04/2012

Both my DH's parents have remarried, but neither of the step-grandparents have ever asked to be called grandma/pa, because they believe the kids already have their grandparents, so we have Granddad S**** and Nana (my parents), then Granddad L*** and Debbie, then Grandma and Phil.

Debbie - posted on 10/29/2012

I have 7 step grandchildren. They all call me by my first name. I agree with you. They do already have 2 Grandmas. Of course people look at it differently. My husband thought I was dead wrong. He said it would confuse the kids. However just like with your situation his kids were older when we were married and call me by my first name.

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Stephanie - posted on 10/23/2012

well growing up i didn't have more then two. so im not sure. Have You talk to Your dad or his wife bout what Your son should call her?

My husband has a step-father who had married his mother after he was not living with her and has not really been part of his life but on the side lines of my husband's mother. Tho ever since i had my/our first born and handed him to my step-father-in-law i called him "pop-pop" (the name i have my kids call my father as well as granpa) and that just made his whole face light up ..

another question to ask is is she an honoring wife to Your dad? Is she a good role model to look to?(at lest for Your kids) then if yes why say that Your children shouldn't call her granny/grandma/nana/wanah?