whats the best way 2 calm down a tantrum

Kathleen - posted on 07/23/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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my 4 year old has awful tantrums and anything i try 2 do 2 calm her down just makes her worse but i dont want 2 give into wot she wants which is the only thing that stops her tantrums

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Elizabeth - posted on 04/06/2011

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at 4 ..she is old enough to know this is unacceptable behaviour..when she does this ..she is looking for attention.

Ignore her. Tell her that when she can speak nicely you can talk to her.

do not accept whining either...I cannot understand you when you speak like that

Jenni - posted on 03/31/2011

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Make sure she isn't acting up simply because she's not getting enough attention. Children will seek any kind of attention negative or positive, as long as they are getting attention.



When you say "No" mean it. Don't allow her to dictate whether or not you cave in by throwing a tantrum. Don't bargain, bribe or cajole.



Some children throw tantrums because they have little control over their surroundings. ie: In very strict homes. Fullfill her need for independence by offering her reasonable choices. Milk or juice? Colour or playdoh?



Distract. It may be a little harder with a 4 year old but engage her in another enjoyable activity.



Pick and choose your battles. Consider carefully your daughter's request. Is it unreasonable? Can you offer an alternative solution?



If a safety issue is involved and your daughter repeats the forbidden behavior after being told to stop, use a time-out. Be consistent. Kids must understand that you are inflexible on safety issues.



Remain calm. Children pick up on your own frustration and it will fuel the tantrum.



You need to understand the reason behind the tantrum in order to deal with it appropriately:



If it is because your child just experienced a great disappointment: Provide comfort.



If the tantrum was caused by not getting her way: Ignore (if it happens in a store I have a 3 min rule, if the tantrum doesn't stop by then we walk out of the store until my son has calmed down). As long as she isn't posing a threat to herself or others, if she is take him to a quiet, safe place to calm down. Considering the age of your daughter it would be appropriate to send her to her room until she's calmed down. In the case of a tantrum for not getting her way.



You can tell her, "I will help you once you've calmed down".

Don't reward the tantrum by giving in once the tantrum is over.

Once she is calm hug and kiss her and tell him you're proud of her for calming down. Ensure her she is still loved.

Chesnie - posted on 03/30/2011

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So far I have been lucky, with the tantrums. She has never had one in public. She does cry a lot and throw mini ones at home so I take her by the hand walk her into her room (she cries all the way) and (by now she automatically) sit her on the floor and say 'stay here til your done crying" and i walk out of the room she fussed for a few more seconds then plays quietly in her room with her toys. Of course when I go back in there and tell her to come out she drops what she is doing smiles real big and runs to me. I love that smile when she knows time out is over. I have a few time got busy and forgot about her. 15 minutes later she is still playing quietly or riding her rocking horse and never hear a peep out of her. You might try that and after a while she will figure out that's where she is going. We have been lucky so far she is a good kid.

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Aspenraen66 - posted on 10/14/2013

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My 4+ old granddaughter has taken to hitting, kicking and has even tried to choke me when I've picked her up to put her in her room to calm down or put her in the car when e need to leave for an appointment. A lot of screaming and yelling when she didn't like the alternative choices I've given to something she wanted to do or wear (shorts and flip flops are NOT acceptable in 50° weather with me) PLEASE HELP!

Sian - posted on 07/29/2009

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bend down to there level, tantrums are caused by frustration, calm the situation you are the mother you are in charge

Angela - posted on 07/27/2009

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read the Happiest toddler on the block. Really helped me alot. taught me to understand what level my kid was hearing on when he lost it, and how to get thru to him.

Ashley - posted on 07/26/2009

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When my son throws a tantrum, I get on his level and whisper to him to calm down and it usually works.

Helen - posted on 07/25/2009

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I have a 17yr old and a 2yr old, I ignore them when they throw tantrums (well with the 17yr when she was younger lol). Once they figure out theres no attention to get they stop and do something else. When they calm down then we have a talk about how that is not how to behave we want something and we don't always get our way.

Sami - posted on 07/24/2009

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my 3 year old throws terrible tantrums a lot of the time. I ask her 'what are you crying/carrying on for? which usually makes her stop and think for a few seconds..in that few seconds be quick n crafty and turn her attention toward something she likes, not what she wants to achieve-just anything that she likes
9 times out of 10 it works
good luck!

Mandy - posted on 07/23/2009

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Sorry to hear about the awful tantrums. My daughter is 3, and it seems like she is already hormonal. Most of her issues are just screaming or crying. I ask her to go to her room until she is calmed down. That seems to help and probably is just what she needs.

Tina - posted on 07/23/2009

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As long as she is in a safe environment, just let her get it out of her system. It's a hard time for them as well as for us. They are trying to find out where the boundaries are whilst being unable to fully express themselves. Mostly I just ignore my daughter, and have spent many a time in the supermarket happily talking to the shelves and at home have walked out of the room leaving my one rolling on the floor. Then as soon as she looks like she's getting tired I distract her however I can, it seems to be working at the moment - fingers crossed.

Be strong, I have been told it gets easier, although everyone is vague to when exactly this happens!

Carrie - posted on 07/23/2009

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My 18-month-old just started throwing tantrums. She can be a little destructive and dramatic with all the emotions she can't control so when whe throws a tamtrum, I make sure she is not going to hurt herself first and then ignore her. If after a few minutes she hasn't calmed down herself, I try to distract her with new scenery or an activity. Sometimes it is a quick fix and sometimes it takes 20 minutes. If I mention the thing that caused the tamtrum, it gets worse. I never give in to tantrums even if we are in public. When your daughter is calm, try to help her understand her feelings and the best way to express them.

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