when should i?
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April - posted on 10/31/2009
I was in the same position, Fortunatly we were friends first and then we started dating, however he had never met my son. I was a bit hesatant at first as he always said he didnt want kids, he loved kids but didnt want his own. So I got to know him and how he was in a relationship and then when I felt things were going well, I slowly introduced him to my son. It was probably about 2 - 3 months into it. I just kind of let nature take its course. I watched how the two of them interacted without me saying anything.
Kids are a pretty good judge of charater. Things seemed to go well the first bunch of times so we hung out more and more with my son, eventually we moved in together, bought a house and now 2 1/2 years later we are getting married. He says he cant live with out us and loves my son as if he was his own. They have developed a special bond. I couldnt ask for more.
Best of luck in all you do! Be strong.
I just love telling our story because I feel my fiance is a perfect example of how people can change, if you give them a chance. He started off not wanting kids at all to now wanting to adopt my son and have another one! Life has a funny way of working things out. Every relationship is different, so feel it out and do what you are comfortable with. One thing I did was I never pushed my boyfriend to do anything he was uncomfortable with, I let him go at his speed as he was not so comfortable at first around my son.
Rachel - posted on 10/30/2009
I don't know about the first question, but I've seen and talked a lot with friends who are/were single moms about the second. The best example was a friend of mine who didn't even let her child know she was seeing anyone (even as a friend) until she knew it was serious. Her son (who was 5) was able to get attached and they are doing well several years later.
Bad example: another friend of mine has had multiple boyfriends, all of whom have been semi-serious and loved her daughter. Each of these lasted at least a year and one was for almost three years. Her daughter is almost 5. Now my friend is engaged and her daughter is having a really difficult time attaching to the new fiance. Her daughter cries about wanting a daddy like her cousins and she exhibits a lot of insecurity symptoms that I think will take a lot of healing and secure surroundings to get past.
Bottom line, if it were me, would be to prioritize the health of my children's hearts. We have to protect them because they can't protect themselves at this point.
C.J. - posted on 10/30/2009
You need to make sure that this relationship is a steady one before you let them know you are serious...maybe introduce your kids to mama's new 'friend' and keep it on the down low, dont let your kids have 'dependency' problems (not sure if that is the right word) Dont make it seem like every time they become attached to that person, they leave...that feeling stays with them growing up, it did w/me...good luck!!