Birth/Hospital experience with adoption

Becky - posted on 06/02/2010

Our first adoption was basically a private adoption so we had to figure these things out as we went. We let our birthmom decide what level she was comfortable with. She wanted us at the hospital but not comfortable with anything else. So were stayed with her until she was called back for her C-section. Then I got called back. What a great experience to see those beautiful babies born. I was able to hold M's hand during the delivery & then introduce the babies to her before they went to the nursery. We were allowed to come & go from the Nursery anytime. M didn't want the babies roomed with her, but she spent her nights in the nursery with them. We spend our days there. Wish we had a room but didn't know to ask. The babies were released to us/attorney from the hospital & M was released later that day.

With our second adoption we had a great Agency that helped with all that hospital stuff. We were ok'd to see the babies before we even got there. They were born early so we were there for their delivery. The smallest was in NICU for a few days but we didn't have any problems with getting access to take care of her & we were given a room that we could use with our son. Our birthmom chose not to participate in their care. Both hospitals we worked with were great & so helpful.

My little sister had adoption fail due to a Social worker stepping in an complaining about a white couple adopting a black baby. Maybe it would have failed anyway but the Hospital Social worker really did do a lot of talking the birthmom about the mistake she was making.

Good luck with everything.

Sarah - posted on 03/14/2010

Our hospital experience was not good. We matched with our birth mom when she was 5 months pregnant but she never sought prenatal care.



She lives in the deep south, where adoption is not as accepted as it is in the midwest, where we are from.



On the night she delivered (repeat c-section), she called us when she was being admitted. We immediately packed the van and started out on a 16 hour drive. We got to the hospital at about 9 a.m. the morning after our daughter was born.



The birth mom's attorney had had some issues with hospitals in that particular state and recommended to us that we present ourselves as "cousins" of the birth mom.



Either my husband or I stayed with our birth mom as much as possible until she was discharged three days after her surgery. She chose not to hold the baby, which was rooming with her, so we provided all of the baby care. It was very awkward. The nurses seemed very confused that when we were there, we were always holding the baby. Overnight, the baby went to the nursery.



At discharge, the nurses gave the birth mom all the discharge instructions, but we were there to hear them. They actually made her stand up at the van to strap the baby in her carseat (a hospital policy - the nurse has to make sure the mom knows how to do it).



In the end, I wish we had been brave enough to tell the hospital staff that we were the adoptive parents, but we listened to the attorney. Apparently in that state she had had two adoptions almost go bad because the hospital's social worker intervened and tried to convince the birth mom to keep the baby.



15 months later, we have our gorgeous daughter and none of it matters very much. We lost contact with our birth mom, despite my wanting an open adoption. She has older children herself and couldn't handle it. We pray she'll come back into our lives one day.

Cindy - posted on 12/31/2009

We had a great experience. We were both in the delivery room, I cut the cord. My husband and I were the first to hold her, it was wonderful. The hospital we used had "rooming in" for adoptive parents. We had a room in the maternity ward, and our baby girl stayed with us. The bio-mom was just across the hall. She came to visit twice. She actually left the hospital a day before we did, in our state the baby has to be 48 hours old before the bio-parents can sign the papers. Our little girl just turned 6.

Kelly - posted on 07/23/2009

August is almost here. I things are still going as planned and that you've worked out some of the hospital arrangements.

Robyn - posted on 06/11/2009

Our hospital experience was awful. I have a web page about it, and I write for AdoptionBlogs.com and wrote about it there.



Go to http://adoptionblogs.com and click US Infant Adoption, then go to the last page

http://rmcsquared.net/The_Chittister_Fam...



Having equal access is incredibly important. I hated that my son was alone for most of the first days of his life.

Kelly - posted on 05/27/2009

Hi and congratulations on number 7 (if I remember right)! My daughter will be 3 in August. I did not know or have contact with the birth parents prior to my daughter's birth. However, due to various medical issues she stayed in the hospital NICU for 3 weeks after birth. During this time I spoke with her birth parents and then drove out of state to meet them. At the time of meeting them and my daughter they still had not made a final decision. They way we ended up working visits and such was that the birth parents signed consent for me to be in the NICU and participating in any care for my daughter even if they were not there. That was a huge part so that I could have equal access even before a final decision was made. Every staff person knew and neither of us had to explain the situation at every visit. There were times we were visting together and that was actually a great way for us to get to know each other even more. We shared care taking as well as just holding and rocking her. I agree that the flexibility is a huge part to make this work. Everyone's emotions were at a high level and the mutal respect for one another made things more comfortable. If possible I would start talking about what roles you would each like to have ahead of time. This way there is at least a plan even if it isn't followed exactly. For my son (15 months) I never met his birth parents and he was released from the hospital prior to my receiving placement. Good Luck with everything I wish you all the best!

Laurie - posted on 05/23/2009

Our hospital experience was very good. We were able to talk with our birthmother for several hours but were not there for the delivery because she had not decided on adoption yet. The only advice our adoptive counselor gave was to be flexible in your plans. She also said that her advice was to participate as much as the birthmother would like. She felt we should not be worried if she changed her mind about meeting us (in your case being in the room) or if she nursed the baby. She said that flexibility works much better toward a positive outcome for you. Have you thought about bringing the biological sibling? We decided not to bring our kids in case our birthmother changed her mind about parenting but I would have a different opinion if I knew the mother and already had her other child. Our counselor also mentioned bringing a gift for the mother but that you need to check the regulations in your state (some prevent gifts) We were able to spend the night with out new daughter even though it was against hospital policy. We just asked as though we were clueless how long we could stay. It seems that things work better in a friendly hospital. One of my friends chose adoption for her daughter and said the hospital was very rude to her, They kept the adoptive parents away and did not let them have the ID bracelet so they needed her to go into the nursery. I also noticed that our birthmother was rushed out since she had Medicare. She stayed less than 24 hours and had to deliver with no support. I am not sure if you can contact the hospital beforehand or not. When I delivered my babies they had me meet with a birth coordinator. You might check with the hospital since you know in advance and know the bm.

best wishes on your adventure. Your son is very cute and I am sure his brother/sister will be as well.