Please give me advise!

Sharon - posted on 11/30/2010

Hi, first i want to commend you and your family for being such a blessing to little Jacob.
I have 6 paternal children 5 are of mixed parentage and 1 is black, he is also called Jacob...Your Jacob sounds like it is just plain old sibling rivalry. He was an only child for a while when suddenly there was 2 and soon there will be 3...Sharing his special time with 2 other children is hard for him to deal with and he is simply fighting for attention and he is aware that even bad attention means you have to spend time with him alone. Some things can be ignored but others have to be dealt with head on. Jacob needs lots of positive attention and reassurance and some personal time with mum and then with dad.( you will probably have to explain what you are doing to your other child so that they do not start to feel left out also.) Buy some books about new babies or you could take Jacob to a library during your personal time with him and borrow these kind of books. Eventually he will get the message. I must also stress that discipline is of utmost importance and you should not make threats that you cannot or will not carry out. Have a naughty step which he can sit on if he disobeys the rules. get him to help write the rules. Have a good boy chart and give stickers and rewards for positive behaviour and make sure negative behaviour is dealt with as soon as it happens. it can be a long hard slog but you will get there in the end and feel all the better for not giving up on him. I hope this has helped a little. I wish you all Gods blessing on your family. Sharon
If i can help any more my email address is shangie68@hotmail.co.uk

Melissa - posted on 07/19/2010

Unfortunately there are not a lot of people that belong to this group so it takes a while to get advice. Where I have no experience with this situation I just wanted to write and let you know that you have support and to hang in there. I am sure you may have already discussed this with your spouse but maybe you should take him into counseling for a bit and see if that helps. sometimes kids are more likely to open up to strangers then there parents. If counseling is out of the question and you are able to have someone watch your other children overnight, maybe plan a mini getaway with just the three of you (even if it is just the hotel down the street). Something special like that might show him more that he is just as much your son as your others. I hope this helps. Again, hang in there and know that you are doing a great job and that the temper tantrums cannot last forever :)