Can offer advice for triplet mom's, I'm a 30 something year old triplet

Carmen - posted on 02/20/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I am a 30 something year old mom and a fraternal triplet. WIll be glad to offer you a different point of view, from a triplets eyes.

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Hi, thanks for your availability - its great to read some of the posts and to affirm some of the decisions we have made and are making day to day.  Hope my BGB triplets (5yrs) turn out as well adjusted as you.

Carmen - posted on 03/08/2009

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Maja,

Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I saw my mom this weekend and I asked her a bunch of questions for you. Also my mom's friend and old neighbor from my childhood was there too.
In regards to language development there were some delays and issues. She said that we had some intervention and once we were in school some additional help and the problems resolved rather quickly, so not to stress to much.
In terms of bedtime parties, she said she just lost her temper a lot. Which I remember ;) and she said eventually we out grew it. Good luck she said, and hang in there.
My neighbor chimed in that my mom was often overwhelmed, but had a good sense of humor about it.
They fondly remember that age as the best, craziest and the one my mom often dreams of. So enjoy it.
Carmen

Maja - posted on 02/28/2009

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Thank you.Carmen. Say hi to your mom :)



My triplets will be 4 years old end of April

Carmen - posted on 02/28/2009

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Hi Maja,

Their closeness it totally normal. Their thoughtfulness of one another shows caring and compassion for one another. It's a good thing. In regards to them hanging out too much with each other, they need to be separated in school so they can socialize independently if they are of school age. If not try and encourage different activities they can get involved in with out each other. For example if one does soccer have the other two cheer him/her on at a game. That creates a support system for each other and then they can teach each other new things and yet have the time along to explore new relationships. It's normal to worry about them and see them forming a wall to not let other's in, you know them best and can spot those signs better than anyone. When you see it happening try and intervene. It's basically a sharing lesson they need to share each other's company with others.
Yes, there were problems with language development. They were caught early and thankfully resolved.
My mom could answer better. I will ask her and get back to you.

Maja - posted on 02/28/2009

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Thank you Carmen. I am Croatian - so close to Italy ;) therefore let me explain what I meant by mafia - I meant that they hod their ranks close together, always looking out for other, asking where one of them is. If you offer them a chocolate they will always ask to get two more for brother and sister. That is good side. Bad side is that I think they hang too mush with each other - I worry if the will ever have friends (I know that is a bit stupid worry but I can not help it :)). Also tell me - did you have problem with language development i.e. speech development?



How about sleeping time? My trio have the party each night I leave the room. :( they talk, laugh, do silly things - until I have steam going through my ears :)

Carmen - posted on 02/26/2009

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Hi Maja
Not sure how to answer your question 'How does it feel to be a triplet?' Could you be more specific? If your wondering if you grow up feeling like your own little entity, to some extent I guess but it's more of being a family. I am Italian (100%) so I get the mafia reference. Think about it this way, as a family you are always cautious about who comes into your home. It's a home and you want to protect it from strangers and those who will not respect it. Same deal with letting people into the triplets social network. They are protective of it. It's normal. Allowing others in also can be threatening to the hierarchy of the dynamics of the group. For example as kids a neighbor made us t-shirts one year for our 2nd birthday. They were labeled The Star(me), The Boss, and The Baby. She pegged us to a T and it was our dynamic.
Depending on the personality of the person trying to be our friend they had to not challenge those dynamics. It someone tried to be a leader of a game lets say it was 'The Boss' we looked to not the friend. Does that make sense?
In terms of getting them to socialize outside of themselves find the one thing that they like that differs from the others and encourage it. It will allow that child to have something that is theirs and develop friends with the same interest. For example one of us was musical, athletic, and artistic. So we each went to activities just for those interests and our friends grew out of those interests. You'll be very busy ;)
In regard to lack of attention, give your self a break. You have triplets. It's not easy.
My parents dealt with this issue by doing their best, they worked full time and often 2-3 jobs to make ends meet. However there was consistency, every Sunday was a big family dinner. And they would pick names out of a hat to create a schedule of private time with them. It was one on one time with a parent, usually nothing fancy going for pizza or to run errand while the others stayed home.
Honestly you have to do what is best for your family dynamic, what worked for us might not work for you. Keep trying different things and listen to what they are asking for. Story time at night might be a good option, too.
And hey make time for your husband, your marriage is just as important. I know that's not easy with work and kids, I see that as a mom and wife and understand what my parents went through only now that I am experiencing it for myself. They held it together until we went to college and then divorced. There is a higher divorce rate among families with multiples because of the additional financial stress and never ending demands.
We are all close to our mom, she did a good job. And our dad as well. Our mom was also not afraid to ask for help and we lived thankfully in a great neighborhood. Because our parents worked so much there was a lot of neighbors who watched out for us. I call my old neighbor mom, not out of disrespect to my mom but because she played an important part in my upbringing. I spend so much time playing with her kids she'd call me her 3rd daughter. So if you can't be with them surround them with people who can love them and be thankful for it. They won't love you less. Hope that helps.

Maja - posted on 02/26/2009

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Jane, how great :)



Please let me know - as this bothers me. How does it feel to be a triplet. I have the feeling that my kids are close like mafia. I have the feeling that they are too close and developing more like the group less as individuals.



And also - did you feel the lack of your moms attention - I have the feeling that I am not giving enough one on one attention

Carmen - posted on 02/25/2009

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You both have mixed set triplets, so sharing a bedroom eventually will have to come to and end. It is not easy to break the bond and closeness and get used to sleeping independently. I went from sharing a room with my siblings to college with room mates to being married, so I never really had to experience sleeping alone. The few rare occasions my husbands been out of town the kids usually sleep with me. So it's a dependency I obviously still have :) . It's more important to give them independence in the outside world (such as school). It is also a space issue, if you can have individual bedrooms great, but maybe wait until they ask for it. Sleeping together in the same room strengthens the bond and security, splitting them up too soon could stress them out. By giving them the comfort of each other at night should give them the confidence to explore more independence during the day.

Jane - posted on 02/25/2009

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I've been thinking that the ideal situation for mine would be to have separate rooms at some point, if possible,  to ensure that they learn how to be alone and all that comes with it.   That was why I had included that question to Carmen in my post.

Stacy - posted on 02/25/2009

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What is view on sharing a room? I am trying to decide whether to split up my 2 year old BGG triplets or let them stay together?

Carmen - posted on 02/24/2009

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Jane,
I was separated in kindergarden from my sisters. We are fraternal triplets. It was a good thing. We were forced to socialize outside of ourselves. It was easy to be a group and not let others in, but it was also isolating. We have extremely different personalities, so we were able to grow into different social circles and made our own friends. Every now and again we fight over who befriended who first, but it usually worked out. We did dress alike at times when we were younger, mostly by our mom's doing but occasionally when we all really like the same outfit/character and refused to let the other have it to themselves. The different color same outfit worked well for us too. What do you mean by color coding? I guess for identical? We did share a bedroom. We were the 3rd,4th, and 5th children so space was tight in the house. We had individual space though. The best advice I can give you is to treat them as individuals who happen to have group birthday parties. Let them go in different directions, so later in life they know they can make decisions for themselves. They can always lean on each other for support but need to walk independently. I am close with my sisters we talk or email just about daily, but each has our own life.

Jane - posted on 02/24/2009

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Your opinions on being separated in school and, if so, at what age?  How about having your own room?  Also, were any of you identical?  If so, how about dressing alike (but in different colors)?  Oh, how about color coding?  Thank you!

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