Sibling competition

Elyse - posted on 01/30/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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This is for those of you with older triplets. Mine are BBG and 10 years old. Since about 4 yrs old, they have been in constant competition for taking the "top billing" in our family. They try to do anything to get the others in trouble. None of them enjoys being a triplet or even being in the same family with each other. They even fight over who gets to spend time with their little brother! I have recently noticed that they are not able to sit down and play a simple game together, because that would require cooperation! My husband and I have always given them lots of good memory-making experiences and talked at great lengths with them about putting in "good deposits" to their relationships. They get separate tuck-ins at night and separate sleepovers with Grandma. It still seems that they feel lacking in something essential for all this constant rebellious behavior to be happening. It has even affected me in recent years with increased yelling (as much as I try not to) and feeling anxious and depressed. I just desparately need our home to be peaceful. Has anyone else experienced this or found solutions?

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Jessica - posted on 05/16/2010

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I am going through the exact same thing and I haven't found a solution yet. I'm going to try spending more 1 on 1 with them if grandma gets to do that why cann't I? My mom has a difficult time with all of them at once so I was thinking of trading off with my husband he takes three and I get to do something with the other one like fishing or something active they can learn from us. I think that when kids are this age they need to have more physical activities because they are so busy, and it couldn't hurt me none to get more active. I also got my kids into Karatte its suposed to help them with impulsive behavior. We are new at all my changes so I cann't say too much about how its going to work but I feel that its all positive steps for improvement.

Tonya - posted on 03/18/2010

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Oh Elyse DO I feel your pain. My GBB trio will be 11 next month and most nights by bedtime I am ready to pull my hair out!!! Three is DEFINITELY a crowd. Just the boys alone or my daughter and either son together are fine - but throw one of the other ones in the mix and, well, all h-e-double l breaks loose. Does the fussing EVER end? It is constant bickering between them all of the time it seems. I'm looking for an answer myself.

I'm just curious - when will your trio be 11?

Elyse - posted on 03/17/2010

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Thanks for your inputs, ladies. I agree that three is a crowd. What is interesting is that all of us have mentioned that two of our triplets team off together with different siblings. Almost like they are trying to find out where the strongest bonds are. Or which "team" makes the strongest team! I think being pre-teens (tweens) brings in the hormone drama too. Lately, my daughter who has been so compliant, is now "miss attitude". It drives the boys crazy! I think it is wise to keep out of their spats, as you say Corne, but it is hard when they use hateful words. Esp. because they have a 3 yr. old brother who repeats those words! I am trying too though, as I know they need to learn conflict mgmt. It seems that this trying time will continue for awhile....and as you say, Brenda, affirming them individually does help. But I have to remember to do it out of earshot of the other two! Keep me posted on you all as well!

Brenda - posted on 03/16/2010

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Hi, Elyse, Mine are 7 & also B,B,G, and when I sense sibling rivalry, I just turn talk positive to them. I thank God, they are very close, have not really had too much of that, I guess also having 3 older siblings helps, they are the babies in the family. Also, everything is equally given. As far abchievements, we encourage without ever, ever comparing, but point out the strong suits of each child, & how one can help the other. Good luck.

Tami - posted on 03/15/2010

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HI, WELL MY TIPS ARE B,B,G AND ARE 7. COMPETION STARTED LAST YEAR FOR THE BOYS..IF ONE GETS A BETTER GRADE THE OTHER WILL OUT DO THE OTHER IN A SPORT, AND RUBBBBS IT IN. MY GIRL IS IN HER OWN LITTLE WORLD AND DOSENT COMPETE WITH THEM, SHE JUST WANTS TO BE INCLUDED. AND THE BOYS TEAM UP. I THINK ITS ALWAYS GOING TO BE THIS NEVER ENDING ..IM BETTER THAN YOU!

Corné - posted on 02/05/2010

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Hi! My girls will turn 12 in October and yes, the game is on! Like they say, two's company, three's a crowd? What I have found is that they will team up and always leave an odd one out. The team of the moment will depend on what they are up to and differ for different activities, which then again provide for little secrets that the other one may not know, etc. It is very frustrating, but I've just let them be lately and I can say that not interfering at all has helped a little. As a 3-girl crowd it's not going that well, but they are becoming closer to each other in pairs and they do not really have a favourite sister. They've had their own rooms, friends and interests - which we've encouraged from a very young age - since they started school and I suspect that the letting them be an individual, rather than a triplet, may have brought it on? At school there is competition as well, but luckily their strong fields aren't the same, it's just the overall marks that's an issue. I hope that in my case, AND YOURS, that this is just a phase, but then again, you get grown-ups that doesn't know the meaning of standing togeter either, so I'm not going to worry too much, force them to get along or change the way I do things. Good luck to you and please keep me posted!

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