scared about going for number two? am I ready?? :O

Jay - posted on 09/03/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I always wanted children close together and so does my husband.
But when my LO turned 3 months and DH started to talk about going again I didn't want to because I was still BF and felt like I never got a break.
Well now my LO is 6.5 months old and still breastfeeding. He wont take a bottle for anyone and just spits milk or formula out if we put it into his cup. So I am still having to be there all the time.
I was 21 having him and Pregnant since I turned 21. Since TTC him and having him I have been out maybe 4 times with my DH 3 of those times and once with my sister.
I just feel like I need a break! But my DH keeps mentioning how BIG the gap is getting between LO1 and LO2. I know he is mad to get trying again, but I don't want to regret anything! Got to go out with my DH for the first time since LO was born last week and it was such a good night. ruined by the fact that my mother rang to say LO wouldn't drink any of his Bmilk from bottle/cup/spoon.
It was just a birthday party we were at but it made me feel so good and it really made me feel connected to my DH again!
I just don't think he understands, Or am I being selfish? I mean, we had plans about having babies 1 year apart and I am flaking out!!
I just worry that it is really killing him and he is not showing me how much. But then today I was ready to cave, I made plans to get my MMR done on mon (because I didn't have it done before baby 1). And then he says for our anniversary we should go out, to the night club and have a proper night of it, That is in 3 weeks time.
Are we both sending mixed messages? But I think HE is completly ready... I am not sure about me... I don't want to regret not trying, and definately don't want to regret getting pregnant! !
PLEASE HELP, I am very confused and concerned about my relationship with my DH xxx

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Rebekah - posted on 09/17/2011

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I would certainly wait until you are 100% ready. The transition from one to two children was extremely stressful for me. My two are 27 months apart and that first year was honestly a nightmare. I'm a SAHM, so that might have made a difference, but I felt like I was drowning and in over my head for a really long time. I can not imagine trying to survive if my oldest had been even more of a baby... I at least had him potty trained and sleeping all night in a toddler bed.

Having said all of that, my two are super close now. My son and daughter are best friends and I love their age gap. I love it so much that I'm expecting #3 to be about 27 months younger than my daughter too.

What I'd recommend is to spend some time with a child that's roughly a year older than your child and see how you handle both. Or just imagine how you might feel if not only did you have your infant, but you also had a 1-2 year old. If you think you're ready... go for it... If it scares you... wait.

I'll add, I also got pregnant within the first year after my son was born and had a miscarriage too… Then my midwife told me it's best for the health of you and your baby to wait 12-18 months after a baby to TTC again. We did and that's how our children ended up being 27 months apart.

Brianna - posted on 09/12/2011

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thats really close to have another baby and personally i couldnt do it. when my daughter turn 1 year old i thought i was ready and started to try and got pregnant right away and ended up losing the baby at 10 weeks.. turns out there are lots of risks about getting pregnant that close together they say u should wait 18 months between pregnancys other wise your higher risk to have miscarriage (like i did), premature labor, and low birth weight, ect..

maybe if u tell ur hubby that he will understand?

also i think u need more freedom and take a break from pregnancy for a while. I dont think ur being selfish for not wanting another baby yet.. i think ur hubby is being really selfish though. i mean i no u guys want kids close together but i u wait another year they will still be very close together. ur hubby is being really unfair after all YOUR the one who is going to have to be pregnant, give birth, breast feed ect.. he is asking ALOT from you.



I think you should wait till you feel you are ready

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Beth - posted on 11/20/2011

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I say when you're both ready, try again. My daughters are 13 months and 3 days apart (my LO1 was almost 3 months when we got pregnant again with LO2) I didn't have any complications and she was definitely not low birth-weight. LO1 weighed 9lbs 9oz at birth and LO2 weighed 8lbs 15oz at birth. They are 4 and almost 3 now and are basically best friends. We are planning LO3 right now and I think the gap between them is perfect. My two oldest's are excited about having another baby...when the time comes. I don't think you're being selfish but I don't like the "freedom" and don't like going out without the kids. I'd rather involve them in almost everything we do than leave them with a sitter...I'm also a SAHM though so big difference. When the time is right, you'll know :)

Jay - posted on 09/13/2011

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Thanx Brianna,
I have told him that even 2 years is close together. But I don't think he gets it.
I never realised that there were risks. A miscarriage is what made us feel ready to try for my son, I think too soon after, and I have had another MC at 6 weeks since, but it was not as hurtful, but maybe it was for him? Maybe that is why he feels so ready... ?
My son is really not wanting to take a bottle of milk or a cup of water and barley even eating food now since he was sick for a few days, so he is stuck to me... I love him, I know he doesn't understand that mummy needs a break.
But thanx, i just really needed to vent to someone, I tried to talk to my DH but it doesn't work... :( xx

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