Tweens and sex

Cynthia - posted on 04/11/2010

Where is she getting the idea that everyone her age is having sex? I would take a closer look at her friends. Next time they are playing at your house, ask them. You'll see by thier reactions whether its a loose crowd. Let her pediatrician speak to her, an older cousin. Let her watch Nova's Miracle of Life.

Sarah - posted on 11/28/2009

Wow, I can't really wrap my head around this one. I really feel for you, you must be just freaking out- I would be. Lock her up in a convent?? lol j/k, maybe.

Maybe you should find someone who can talk to her, I know people are afraid of counselors but if she has someone outside of the issue to talk to, it can't hurt.

And you shouldn't have your baby "grow up" and have sex this young. Its too young and she might have more problems down there due to if she does have sex this young. Can you take her to a doctor that could talk to her more about risks and stuff.

It sounds like she has a warped view about sex because she told you if she got pregnant she can just give the baby away. But childbirth is hard on teen girls, never mind tween girls. I had my daughter at 17, pregnant at 16, I wouldn't change anything but also looking back i know that I shouldn't have had sex so young. Good Luck to you, my heart goes out to you.

Kathy - posted on 10/12/2009

Wow, 12? When I was 15 coming up on 16, I was convinced I was going to be the only 16 year old virgin in America, a freak in high-school society. I'm sure it was due to the small circle I hung out with. I went into full-on panic mode trying to 'cure' that illness. Well, my 16th came and went and the world didn't collapse, then I started talking to others outside of my circle and found out that I was pretty much the norm and it was my close circle of friends that were wild.

Tell her to take an anonymous survey, ask a specific number of girls her age and see who is and who isn't. I really can't imagine the majority of 12 year olds are sexually active, more like a small handful. Like me, she may just have a false impression.

My mother wasn't one for 'the talk', the best advice I got was my best friends mother. She told me that it was a gift that could only be given once. And she told me that no matter whether you only had one lover your entire life or a hundred lovers, you would remember your first for the rest of your life. Make sure it was someone worth the gift and someone worth remembering because you will.

When I asked how to know if you're ready, she told me your only ready when you're mature enough to be comfortable the next day. If you see him tomorrow at school - Will you be embarrassed to see him? Will you feel like you have to hide or duck into the ladies room to avoid him? If yes, then you're not ready.

Maybe you could have a 'peanut-butter-pow-wow' of course you could use anything you wanted, but with my daughter that was the trick. We'd take out the jar and 2 spoons and put them on the table when we needed to talk. When the lid came off, either one of us could say anything, ask anything, confess or complain about anything and the other had to listen. While the lid was off, we weren't mom and daughter, we were just completely honest. Trust me, sometimes its hard not to react but you can't blow if its going to work. The Pow-wow was a way for my daughter to talk to me about anything that was bothering her and visa versa. This is where I approached her after her best friend's diary was read by her mother and we found out about the sex club where the girls were keeping score. Luckily she hadn't done it yet, and when I asked her why because I'm sure the other girls were putting pressure on her, she said she hadn't met anyone worth remembering for the rest of her life yet.

Kathy - posted on 10/12/2009

Wow, 12? When I was 15 coming up on 16, I was convinced I was going to be the only 16 year old virgin in America, a freak in high-school society. I'm sure it was due to the small circle I hung out with. I went into full-on panic mode trying to 'cure' that illness. Well, my 16th came and went and the world didn't collapse, then I started talking to others outside of my circle and found out that I was pretty much the norm and it was my close circle of friends that were wild.

Tell her to take an anonymous survey, ask a specific number of girls her age and see who is and who isn't. I really can't imagine the majority of 12 year olds are sexually active, more like a small handful. Like me, she may just have a false impression.

My mother wasn't one for 'the talk', the best advice I got was my best friends mother. She told me that it was a gift that could only be given once. And she told me that no matter whether you only had one lover your entire life or a hundred lovers, you would remember your first for the rest of your life. Make sure it was someone worth the gift and someone worth remembering because you will.

When I asked how to know if you're ready, she told me your only ready when you're mature enough to be comfortable the next day. If you see him tomorrow at school - Will you be embarrassed to see him? Will you feel like you have to hide or duck into the ladies room to avoid him? If yes, then you're not ready.

Maybe you could have a 'peanut-butter-pow-wow' of course you could use anything you wanted, but with my daughter that was the trick. We'd take out the jar and 2 spoons and put them on the table when we needed to talk. When the lid came off, either one of us could say anything, ask anything, confess or complain about anything and the other had to listen. While the lid was off, we weren't mom and daughter, we were just completely honest. Trust me, sometimes its hard not to react but you can't blow if its going to work. The Pow-wow was a way for my daughter to talk to me about anything that was bothering her and visa versa. This is where I approached her after her best friend's diary was read by her mother and we found out about the sex club where the girls were keeping score. Luckily she hadn't done it yet, and when I asked her why because I'm sure the other girls were putting pressure on her, she said she hadn't met anyone worth remembering for the rest of her life yet.