am i making the right decision by ending our relationship?

Neva - posted on 05/05/2012

The choice to be in his children's lives are his. It sounds as if he already has a track record with another child. The important thing is to not put the children in the middle. Don't talk bad about their father in front of them or so they can hear. Don't play games with things like visitation, phone calls, etc. If he is not abusive, then you should allow him any contact he wants to have. If he chooses not to have any contact, just explain as best as you can that their father loves them, but chooses not to be in their lives right now. Expect there to be some acting out. Do not let guilt get in the way of your parenting. Your children still need lots of love, but they also need to have limits set and proper discipline. Some parents feel so guilty that they let their children do anything they want. This is not helpful to you and harms them in the process. Being a single parent is hard, but so is living in a stressful environment. God Bless

Kim - posted on 04/17/2012

Shirley, I've tried everything to have a happy family. There is so much negativity and anger its so unhealthy. We aren't married, so it makes it a little easier. The bad,he is moving to Illinois, I live in Connecticut. I have a feeling he won't ever come see them. So I have guilt that ill be making daddy leave. But, its his choice to be a part of their lives. I just don't want them to turn out just like him. It's turmoil in my head right now, but the decision has been made. He bought a one way ticket, he leaves next Tuesday.

Shirley - posted on 04/17/2012

Quite a coincidence that I am reading this post... For what it's worth... I have twin boys that are 6 1/2 years old and my marriage has lasted this long simply 'for the sake of the boys'. I personally am angry at myself that I have stayed married because it is a miserable existence. If I had got divorced when they were 2 like I knew I should, it would have been much easier for the boys to deal with. That unhappiness doesn't go away - all that has happened now is that I have made it more difficult for them dealing with divorce now that they are older. My proceedings have now started and I REGRET immensely not doing it when they were younger!

Amanda - posted on 04/15/2012

My two cents are: get counseling before making a major life changing decision like leaving a significant other.



If he is abusive or something really serious, leave with no hesitation.



My hubby and I have a pre-teen and twin toddlers - it has put such a strain on our relationship because twins require so much more time. Our twins also have sensory and speach disorders which takes an even bigger toll. The most trivial of issues become so much more intense - due to worry, lack of sleep, etc.



Many parents I have met of multiples are divorced and they attribute the divorce to not being able to cope with the demands multiples bring and stated that they wished they would have waited - babies get older and things do get better.



If you source of unhappiness stems from other areas - counseling can still help. It sounds as if you love this man but just aren't happy. You and he may be able to find happiness again if you work with each other.



Best of luck.

Sandy - posted on 04/12/2012

The longer you wait then you will never leave and you will always question what if......... go your own way.. you sound hopeless and unhappy and everyone deserves happiness no matter who messed up who cheated who said this and that... we all deserve happiness and closer.... dont put yourself down about it.... make sure your responsible about it in reference to your kids and make sure you forgave and found all the closer with your husband so that when you do go you have no regrets and you was completly sure about your decsion but dont stay if you feel you already tried and it didn't work because its not fair to you or your kids they deserve their mother to be happy your ora is important and will reflect on those boys if you raise them in a negative atmosphere they'll always see the cup half empty i been through it and its not a good environment for a family at all some of my mother negativity instilled in me and i catch myself "settling" at times... BE STRONG GIRL!! dont you ever give up on speaking for how you feel to no one AMBITION is what a mother needs and you lost yours honey.... be strong... in the end what matters is the twins!! shit im telling you my plan! lol haha if i end up feeling hopeless and tired i have my savings and my plan is to go my own way so i have to see how my cards playout as for you my love i wish the best of luck and i hope that you find your inner happiness dont give up on yourself or your boys... men will be men and a man is not worth you losing who you are... =)

Kim - posted on 04/12/2012

Ive thought about this for years. We've tried to change and work things out. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm not. I don't want to look like a person that just points fingers and points blame at the other person, I'm not perfect and may have done and said things that were damaging to our relationship. But after 3 years of being with someone who is so unsupportive of our future, its hard to not pass blame on him.

It's not that he necessarily is a bad person, we are just way too different and have different views and expectations out of life. To me, I've already tried to give us a chance, more than once. And what ended up happening, is I shut down and stopped fightin for the things I wanted. I laid low and went with the flow,.just to keep the peace. And in the end,I hate where I am. I feel like I need to put what I think is best for my boys ahead of what he thinks is best. He's content with the way our lives are at the moment, and I'm not. There's things I want to do and places I want to go, and I have no support from him. He's holding me back. One of my friends told me, I can't make anyone happy, unless I'm happy. But do I really deserve to be happy?

Sandy - posted on 04/12/2012

Im going through the samething I have twin girls I want to leave but i feel guilty because if i leave i also would be half way across the country and my husband works so much he wont see them so much maybe once a year and im inbetween because I dont want to seem selfish but I also don't want to be unhappy and become miserable but im still not sure I still love my husband etc... I don't know your situation clearly but all I can tell you is this, you owe it to your childern to at least try and work your marriage out there is not such thing are falling in or out of love it simply means the old habbits you guys once had that made you both happy has stopped. It's up to you and your husband to try and recandle the flame and if that doesn't work then you tried and it becomes okay for your to depart and start your own life with your baby boys, your husband is partly responsible for the way you feel so that is up to him if he chooses to be a part of his boys life because if his concern was his family he'd be trying his best to make you happy again in way possible. Im applying this to my situation and its working out okay for now my husband is trying his best to change and be more understanding and im doing part in trying to understand him and we been making progress we brarely fight we discuss and try to make it better for our twin girls I don't know your husband or you but I hope you guys work it out but he has to be just as willing as you or it wont work... your not being selfish tho.... because you still considered your husband but ask yourself this..... would you rather stay with him and be miserable and let your sons suffer the outcome of miserable parents? or would you rather find yourself happines and raise your boys in a positive happy envoirment? i suffered from parents fighting in misery growing up and it wasn fun i always told them i rather see you both happy if that means sperated...... I wish you the best and remember if your not happy hwo will your boys be?