Any MOMs of older kids-when to seperate in school?

Marissa - posted on 04/20/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My husband and I originally agreed to keep our twins together in school until primary grades were finished but their preschool teacher is suggesting we seperate them next school year as they go into a 4 year old preschool special needs classroom. I understand why she wants them seperated as they have speech delays and make the same mistakes, so she wants them to have different peer models. I'm worried how my one boy will do. He is so dependent on his brother, not like he's relying on his brother to do things for him but he needs him to be present to feel more secure. I am afraid of taking him and putting him in another class and having him fall apart.

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Erin - posted on 05/01/2010

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My twins are 9 now, and I seperated them every year after preschool. For me, I decided it would help them develop their individual identities, and they wouldn't be compared to one another as much by students and teachers as if they were in a class together. It has worked very well so far.

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I have twin boys who also had speech delays. They were in the same pre-school classes and also kindergarten because of the speech therapy that they needed. But then I split them up going into 1st grade, which I could have done it earlier and had no problem. I have had them in separate classes until this year when they begged me to put them in the same class...6th grade. It is definitely easier having them in the same class with homework and only having to help out in one class instead of two. But I liked having them in seperate classes when it came to seeing them learn and seeing their different strengths. Sometimes one feels bad because the other is doing better and they see it more when they are in the same class. They also don't branch out like they used to on the friends since they always have each other in class. I am glad that this was the only year that I have put them in the same class. Hope something here helps in your decision.

Chantal - posted on 09/22/2010

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hi, i have a boy and girl twin who are 7 years old. they were always together until starting grade 1, when we decided to separate them. i must add that my daughter is the extrovert twin and always ended up doing things for him and end up talking for him. what a great decision we've made to have them separated as now we've noticed the improvement of my sons behaviour and just being a little person of his own! it's a good thing you can do for them ;-)

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You are the parent if you feel they need to be together then insist on it. My twins are older but they have serious delays, probably much less than yours. We also have speech issues so we tried separating them. Understand they were in 5th grade at this stage. What a disaster! They both regressed so much that we had to move them back together. If they do small group work, like having math groups or spelling groups or whatever; try having them in the same classroom but separated for goups. That way they get individual attention but the security of seeing the other in the room

Claire - posted on 05/05/2010

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hi i have twins of ten just eleven and have kept them together all the way through school and they have two years left in primary left.i have found it easier to do this for a no. of reasons one being that they make each other secure as you say and also as they its easier to do homework as they get older because they will know how the teacher explains certain things in the class.i was taught different methods in maths etc.,so if one gets stuck the other can help.also if one forgets a book the other usually has it,which is a godsend let me say.this was my experience but you know your own children and the boy you are worried about will be alright as i have seen another pair of twins in their year split up and they do settle especially if younger.they always have the yard to play together.my daughter is quieter than her brother and enjoys doing her own thing as well and i worried whether she would cope on her own without him in certain situations but she has been ok and enjoys her space.hope this helps and all i can say is go by yur gut feelings they are usually right good luck

Vicki - posted on 05/03/2010

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I have my boys in seperate classes for many reasons, but mostly because they behave better when they are separated. They learn better when they can actually sit and listen instead of trying to do whatever his brother is doing

Alet - posted on 05/02/2010

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Thank you for your replies and help on the twins being separated. Unfortunately I am a very indecisive person and sometimes take a lot of time weighing up my options, but I tend to think separating will help with Jacques and his laziness. He even asks his brother to chooses his clothes or wait for Renier to gives answers because he knows that Renier will do it for him. Thanx

BettyAnn - posted on 04/28/2010

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You really can't go by what anyone else does...your kids have their own personalities and you have to base all decisions off that, not what anyone else says.

My identical twin boys were put into different rooms in the first daycare they went to and it was the most horrible experience making me think that I may have to quit my job and home school because they were so distraught about being separated they screamed by the class doors every day until they were exhausted. This is not normal separation anxiety that goes away after a few minutes. I spoke to the head of the daycare and she refused to put them in the same class. Anywhere you put your kids should listen to your wishes…”because that’s our policy” is NOT a reason to separate your kids. The next daycare allowed them in the same class and we had no problems at all.

Kindergarten and 1st grade they were together. K was a small one class school and 1st was a big public school so I wanted them together for such a big change. They started off with one leaning a little on the other because one is a little shyer but once they were comfortable they were fine. They are not dependant on each other and work individually but like to be aware of where the other is. The teachers made a point of seating them on opposite sides of the room where they could see each other but still have their own circle of friends. Mine had slight speach problems that lasted through 2nd grade but that had nothing to do with them being in the same class, they hear plenty of other people talking and can easily be seated on different sides of the room. I asked the teacher for her opinion for 2nd grade and she of course said to separate them, but the reasoning was to give them their own friends, etc...not because they don’t get along or are too dependant on each other.

2nd grade I separated them and found that the boys enjoyed being able to tell me about their day because one had gym while the other had art, etc. but one class doing projects and being more organized than the other caused more problems than it was worth.

3rd grade we went back to one class and all has been going well. The kids are in different reading and math groups. They also start playing instruments and have lessons on different days so they are in the same main class but not side by side all day. They have their own friends and still get to be together.

At this point I'm just going to ask the boys what THEY want to do for next year. Having them in the same class makes homework and projects easier for me that’s for sure. At 9 and going into 4th grade, they can make that decision themselves. I’ll remind them that everyone is switched around to different classes so they won’t know who will be in theirs until the first day and that they will still see each other at lunch and recess but special classes like art & gym will be different.

Just a note…The kids wear uniforms to school and I make sure that for at least the first few weeks they are wearing different colored shirts to help the teachers. Just watch your kids and see how it goes then make adjustments from there. Good Luck!

Jo - posted on 04/28/2010

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I have 9 year old twin boys they dont really get on they where separated when they started school they each have there own separate set of friends but come together when they really need each other.

Alet - posted on 04/28/2010

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Wow! This posts actually make me have second thoughts about my boys being in the same class!!! I also have the confident one that speak good and like showing off and is good with sport and the other one is not so good with speaking, like his brother to do stuff for him/ lives in his own little world and unfortunately bullies kids to get what he wants. I will definately think about splitting them from next year (their second year at school)

Karen - posted on 04/27/2010

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I am considering putting my fraternal twin daughters in different kindergarten classes next year. They are ALWAYS together and fight constantly when they are home. They are fine in school but as soon as we leave school they are at each other. Maybe if they have time apart, when they do come home they won't fight as much. Any thoughts?

Michele - posted on 04/27/2010

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When my twins 1st started school it was a very small Catholic school with only one class per grade. My boys did well but my boy/girl twins started struggling. Thier teacher was constantly asking my daughter to translate what her brother was saying and it made him lazy and he spiteful. We ended up holding the boy back and now that they are seperated they are doing great. The older set of boy twins are in seperated classes now that they are in public school and they love having thier own groups of friends and teachers they can call thier own. The early years they were always together. hope this helped.

Tracey - posted on 04/27/2010

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Hi Marissa my identical twin boys are now 14yrs old and I went through the same thing the school said seperating them going into preschool would be the best desicion to make as they are so close and rely on each other so much that they need to build social skills ect so low and behold we did just that and I worried about the same thing you are as my one twin needed to have his brother close I went through him crying in the teachers arms and me going home upset that I made the wrong desicion only to get home and call the school to find out he settled minutes after I left he went through this for a few weeks until the routine became familiar and he was content that he would see his brother again after school my twins have never been in the same class ever until grade 6 when a new principal thought it would be a good idea as they had learning challenges and having them in the same class that had extra educational assistance would be beneficial NOT it was the worse year ever for both my boys they became resentful towards each other they were spending too much time together they didnt have time with there own friends and the teachers expected them to be the same and it actually set both of them back academically as the years went on they were in seperate classes for grade 7& 8 and things were much smoother now they are in highschool and they do share some classes but highschool is a completely different situation and they are a little older and mature that everything is not a competition so I can tell ya it was a good decision to seperate them at school cause after all they are two different people and need to have some kind of individuality so I hope this was somewhat helpful I dont regret what I did now that I see the way things have unfolded good luck and I also have 3 gurls besides the twins so if ya need some more hints let me know :)

Chelle - posted on 04/25/2010

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Hi I separated my 8 yr old fraternal twins from the first day of primary school they did kinder together but it was recommended by there day care center and there kindergarten teachers to separate them i had a very dominate twin and the other was in a sense lazy if his brother did it for him why should he i don't regret it they have different friends and mutual friends and have both done extremely well...... but on saying that the first few months where hard for them both adjusting to different rooms different teachers that was hard as they both faced different challenges but it turned out to be the best for them and they got the opportunity to find themselves away from being a twin now they a both very independent happy go lucky boys....best of luck in your decisions :)

Stephanie - posted on 04/20/2010

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you know your sons best, but separating them can have some other benefits too.



my girls are very close. one twins does have some speech trouble, not enough for a special ed class, but enough to be pulled out of her 1st grade class for extra help. :) earobics.... for months I thought she was taking an aerobics class and was soo puzzled. :) hehehe...

anyway, my gals school during kindergarten didn't allow twins in the same class. so I separated them hesitantly. and you know, they've really done well. they both have different strengths and weaknesses. Hannah is a great reader and follows directions, but Ellie is a sight word champ and a math nut. Before they finished each other sentences and answered for each other. which is sweet, but not great for school.The girls don't compete with each other any more. Now they have twice as many friends and their teachers can concentrate on just one sister.

It's been nice watching Ellie, the less dominate twin, come into her own these past 2 years. She speaks up more and answers for herself and doesn't let Hannah or anyone boss her around as much. She's really become more confident and independent.



Whatever you decide to do, it'll be the right thing. I've heard good things from both sides. Originally, I wanted them together. but found that I wasn't giving them enough credit. I was scared more than they were. you know?

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