Getting so frustrated with potty training

Carrie - posted on 03/31/2011

Wait! When they are truly ready, it will take between 5 days and 2 weeks from full time nappies to fulltime independantly using the toilet. I hate cleaning up accidenta and I loathe potties, so I wait as long as I can and its easy.

Kylie - posted on 03/31/2011

hi there . i too had the same problem with my girls.they showed all the signs of being ready for the potty training but then it stopped. unfortunatly you can't make them go on demand. i was just told to wait and they will go when they are ready. sure enough out of the blue they decided they wanted to use the toilet, although they still wear nappies at night time. my girls are going to be 4 this year. so have patience the time will come. good luck with it. kylie

Rebecca - posted on 03/31/2011

We did the 3 day potty training ebook. Followed it exactly but only had limited success. totally trained but simply refusing to do what we asked. When there are major changes going on at home and your child is feeling stressed sometimes things just fall apart. My girl thinks the entire world revolves around her and with me being put on bed rest while carrying the twins, going potty simply something that she had no desire to do. We never went back to diapers though. Just had lots of laundry!

Cindy - posted on 03/31/2011

The average age for potty training is 3 years. Toddlers do not develop the ability to identify the feeling of peeing or pooping before age 2. People who say that their child was potty trained before that time was actually potty trained themselves. The parent used a schedule and was able to anticipate and react to signs of the child needing to use the potty. I would never discourage my children's interest in the toilet but these skills usually develop without any assistance if you just let your child do it when they are ready. My daughter was using the potty a few months after they turned 2 but my son was about 2 1/2. Girls typically potty train faster and easier than boys but that isn't always the situation. Good luck!!!

Beth - posted on 03/30/2011

p.s just read the previous posts, and not intending to sound rude by an my means but people need to relax some. Every sure I go on has parents arguing over advice & parenting techniques. Why? Ever child is different. Parents don't all use the same techniques. If it makes you all feel any better, the social normal was to potty train babies @ 6 months in the U.S back late 1800s to early 1900s. Everyone does things different. The last was asking for advice & support. Let's face it, it can be frustrating no mater their age. But seriously every site with people asking for advice or support ends up with someone offended - usually over a difference in parenting technics or they don't like wording or advice. And that is why I don't usually bother putting any advice on any if them...i don't even like reading they the drama over nonsense... Grow up people

Beth - posted on 03/30/2011

Do feel alone! We have 3yr old twin boys & up until a month ago I swore if I got them potty trained before college I was running away to celebrate for a night. I introduced potty chairs at 14 mo. Youngest got the idea 1st time out (yay!) Oldest wore it for a hat. Youngest decided that looked much more fun & quit using potty. Tried again at 20 mo. Youngest got it - again. Oldest would pee standing up...sometimes. Normally a bloody murder screaming fit if you asked him to sit. He would NOT go poo...i laid off. To make his point, he flat out refused to poo at all...5 miserable days of constipation, prunes, calls to dr, even meds dr told us to try... He wouldn't go. After day 6 I decided to just focus on youngest as he was trying to get out of going potty again. I gave him all the praise in the world (sticker charts, videos, books, cars, cheerios, m&m's nothing we tried worked for oldest) then, by accident, we found out boys loved marshmallows...mini ones. They couldn't get enough! I came to conclusion they knew what the deal was with the potty. We had tried long enough. Oldest would only poo in his pants no matter what. So I decided to gang up on them instead of other way around (sounds mean unless you have multiples, then you get the full meaning). I got them hooked on marshmallows. I let them have them as a mid day snack for a wk...just a few. Then, I kept at youngest & one day, he told me he'd do anything for a marshmallow. :) I made a deal with them. If they went potty they got a sticker, if they poo'd in potty, they got a marshmallow. Youngest was potty trained in 5mins(no lie). Oldest is stubborn like his mommy. He held out for a whole week. Once he caved, he hasn't turned back. They will try divide & conqueor on you when ever they can. If you need to try a break, do it. But they will go exactly when they are ready. Frustration- oh been there! But, they want control over something in their world. Next time, if you haven't already, try having them clean up their accidents. Our youngest did it once & had him clean it up. He didn't like cleaning pee up, never did it again. (oldest is another story) hang in there! It'll happen soon! Good luck

Heather - posted on 03/30/2011

My sister used that book as well... She sent me a copy so I have it if anyone would like it sent to them...

Amanda - posted on 03/29/2011

Well, it was never my intention to insult anyone, and for that i apologize. I just wanted to let Khadijah know about a book. Its call 3 Day Potty Training By Lora Jensen. Its an ebook available online, sorry i dont know where it was passed on to me by a friend. I read the book and by no means followed ALL her advice because i knew that method would not work of me and my kids, but i took a lot of her advice and incorporated it into what i was going to do. If you are able to get the book and read it i think it might help. Cheers and good luck.

Heather - posted on 03/29/2011

I respectfully disagree with some of the previous posts. I'm very happy to hear that is possible to successfully potty train twins, however, I have potty trained 2 singletons and am now working on my twin girls. They are over 2. My neighbor has twins that are 2 weeks older than mine and they are still potty training as well. You can't put blanket statements like that, because all children are different. I will say that if your child is 4 or 5 and not trained then you probably need to take them to the doctor. The training methods I used with my singletons aren't working with my twins (obviously) and I'm about to pull my hair out. The LAST thing I need is another mom telling me I'm lazy or that I'm not expecting enough out of my children.

Jessica - posted on 03/29/2011

I disagree with Amanda. Every child is different so to make a blanket statement that "every child can be potty trained by age 2" is rather presumptuous. Kudos to you for getting yours trained by age 2, but don't assume that it's going to be just as easy for everyone else. Perhaps you had a problem getting your twins to sleep through the night by 3 months and another mom thinks that's incredulous as it was easy for her. There are also cultural elements to potty training. My strict Eastern European Grandmother trained me at age one. So I could up the ante and say, well, your child really should be potty trained by age 1, because I was so it must be doable for everyone.

Carla - posted on 03/29/2011

I agree with you Amanda. We, as parents, have become to complacent with our children. Let them do it when they want to... The reason my twins weren't toilet trained when they were younger was because the are special needs. Right now, at the age of 24 yrs., their mental age is only that of a 3-5 yr. old. But, I was determined to prove thoise doctors wrong! And by golly, I did...we did! They have not regressed one iota since I trained them and I am very proud of them. Of course, we had to learn the sign for "potty" because they don't talk - but we learned that rather quickly , too!! When our son was born, the girls were 7 yrs old. They never tried to go back to being babies; they just loved "baby-ing" him!! And he was toilet trained by 18 months. I did not have to use all the same methods with him, he was very easy to train; but the first time he "pooped" in the potty he came running in the kitchen yelling, "mommy, there's proggies in the potty"!!! I didn't quite know what he was saying so I ran to the bathroom and he said, "see , I made proggies"! (froggies, for those who didn't catch that)...And he was SO proud, he has gone to the potty ever since!!!
Anyway, I just don't think 4 and 5 year olds should be running around in diapers because they "don't want" to go to the bathroom... But to each his own, and I did it my way. But if you don't put your foot down when they are that little just think when they are older.... Best of luck to you all; and God bless!!

Amanda - posted on 03/29/2011

I dont mean to be mean to any of you... but.... it does not seem as if you are expecting enough of your children. by 2 years old every child can be potty trained and you should expect them to do it. I trained my b/g twins in 2 weeks, first try, and i started those 2 weeks with them both scared to sit for more than 5 seconds. But i knew they could do it and i told them that i expected them to and they did. you said that one of your twins will sit for a long time then go and pee in another room, just dont let her go to another room. We spent 2 weeks in one small part of the living room so i could watch them.

If you stop training them again that is just telling them that you will stop again and again and they will never learn that you expect them to go on the potty.
Offer a reward for going on the pot, we did stickers, and since i have twins and one would cry if he did not get a sticker after 2 days of crying i made it a rule that when one went both got a sticker and that worked for us.
Lots of praise and high fives when they go, make a big deal of flushing. People will tell you to ignore the bad, and that is bad, how will they know they oopsed. tell them that it is yucky and you dont like cleaning it up. make them say "yuck".
Hope this helps... worked wonders for me.
Good luck and for the love of God dont give up again.

Jessica - posted on 03/29/2011

This happened to me as well. My girls seemed so ready at 18 months. We had a couple of small successes but mostly failures. I gave it a break and tried again at age 2. Same thing! Finally at 2.5 I was like we are just doing it!! Well this time it worked like a charm and they are petty trained. No accidents, they go to the potty on their own, wipe, flush and wash their hands all by themselves. I think it was just too early before. By waiting until they were 2.5, they were so ready and also articulate since they now talk like regular people. Maybe showing signs of readiness is not always enough, but age and maturity plays a role as well. Maybe give it up for a few more months and try again!

Rebecca - posted on 03/24/2011

There are 2 stages of potty training. 1 when they discover how to use the potty and 2 when they decide they want to use it. To me it sounds like you are pushing it. I made that mistake with my first child. Smart kid ,way above average, could tell me when she needed to go, understood the concept of peeing in the pot. loved the rewards she would even stay dry all day long if we were away from home. But... would go through a dozen pairs of panties in one day at home. Then when the twins came just after she turned 3 it got even worse. She completely reverted and we had to give it a rest . I finally got her fully trained just after Christmas and she will be Five next month.It was the most frustrating thing I have ever been through. One thing to remember is to watch out for bladder infections because that will hinder even a fully trained child. Accidents will happen and instead of punishing( not that you do) try to use it as a learning tool. ie "ooopsie. Oh no lets clean it up and have the kid help. My twins will be 2 soon and I have no intentions to start training them. The potty is there they sit on it to imitate me and their sister and I ask them before a bath if they want to try. Sometimes yes and sometimes no. But I never force them to sit. Even placing the child there can take away their sense of power. They need to feel it is their idea. Whatever you choose to do Good luck!

Crystal - posted on 03/24/2011

Whatever you do don't give up! That was the mistake I made with mine. It took 3x as well with my twins and I kept giving up thinking they just weren't ready. If they don't like sitting on their potty gave you considered letting them sit on the "big" one? That's what sent my two over with the help of 1/2 a treat if they went. They wanted to go to the potty where mommy and daddy did. To sweeten the deal I'd give them 1/2 a small cookie and tell the the other 1/2 was waiting if they went again next time. I did this everytime until they stopped asking for the treat (which didn't take long bc it's easy to redirect their attention) My twins will be 4 in about 2 weeks and we are out of diapers completely now. It took about 6 mnths but it was worth every moment of pulling my hair out! Good luck :)

Carla - posted on 03/23/2011

That is very good advice, Khadijah. I guess I didn't mean don't show ANY affection to the one that didn't go, but with mine I found that the one that didn't get the "extra" attention tried harder the to go potty next time so she would get that "extra" attention. That's what I was getting at. But your idea of seems to be working also. I just realize that these days kids seem to "get' so much that sometimes it hard to offer them something as a "prize". And we, as parents, seem to be on the go so much its hard to really settle down and potty train our children. I was in the military at the time, so I took 2 weeks vacation just for the sole purpose of potty training my twins and that is exactly what we did.

I wish you the best of luck with yours! IT really sounds like you have your hands on this. So stay on it and the 3 of you will have it down before you know it!!

Khadijah - posted on 03/22/2011

Thank you so much for all of your advice. I backed off my girls slightly and surprisingly a few times they have come to me and said "Go pot pot", and when I put them on the pot they actually used it!!

Carla, I have also started using the treats which have helped in a big way. My only problem was, not showing one of them affection if they didn't go to the potty because the one that usually don't go is soooo affectionate by nature so she always wants to hug and give Mommy and Daddy kisses. So even if one of them doesn't go, I cheer for the one that goes and still give hugs to the one that doesn't and say "Good try. Nothing this time but we'll get it next time". They seem to be responding well to this so I am going to keep at it and see where it goes. I am still hopeful that one day I will be Pamper Free!!

Celeste - posted on 03/21/2011

Honestly, I probably would back off. They might be showing signs but it doesn't necessarily mean that they truly are ready. I know it's frustrating because I just went through this with my boys last summer. They started showing signs at 18 months but weren't fully potty trained til 3 1/2.

I'd ask them if they needed to go and if they needed to go potty. There was a point where I thought they'd never be PT'ed. One day, one of them decided they wanted to go potty and never looked back. Then a few weeks, the other one decided he was ready!

So, with all that said? I'd back off for right now. I'd gently encourage it, but I wouldn't force them to sit on the potty longer than they want to. I kept telling myself that they wouldn't go to college in diapers LOL

Carla - posted on 03/20/2011

I have twins and they were born premature early, so when it was about the time (I thought) they should be getting ready to potty train, they were still a little bit beind others their age. The pediatrician told me not to try to train them, but I did anyway. I took some little cookies (can't remember exactly now) but make it a great TREAT, place it in the bathroom. Take the twins in the bathroom and explain that it is a TREAT for when they use the potty (or big people's potty), then be sure to put it out of site/out of mind until you take them to the bathroom. Next watch when you give them something to drink. About 20 to 30 minutes after they drink, take them to the bathroom - you may need to remind them of the treat IF the use the potty. When they use the potty give hin/her the treat AND tell him/her how proud you are (clap hands, hug, kiss, etc) whatever it takes to show that ou are VERY impressed. If only one goes to the bathroom ONLY 1 gets the treat AND the" over affection". If neither goes to the bathroom, let them come out of the bathroom, but don't show negative attention either. If they are going elsewhere and peeing on the floor, I would put them in a diaper because they will pee in it rather than your floor and you won't show them your NEGATIVE attention. Even when you are potty training, you can the diapers back on them that are velcro. Another suggestion- if they are pulling these off, use diaper pins to keep THEM from pulling them off.
I may be wrong, but they probably sense that they are drawing a little more of"something" from you when they pee on the floor instead of in the potty.And if you blow up, like I robably would afdter 6 times, they know they are getting more attention. If you do the treat thing, after they get the potty idea you can slowly start to pull away from the "over affection" and "treat" and they will probably forget too. My girls were fully toilet trained in two weeks this way.

Sian-Ady - posted on 03/18/2011

My b/g twins are now 26 months old and I have tried it several time myself and seem to get nowhere. My son will sit on it with his trousers on but won't when he hasn't got his nappy on. My daughter has problems going for poos so she will bot even contimplate the pot. I'm due to have another baby in 8 weeks time and really wanted them both out by his arrival! What to do????

Liz - posted on 03/17/2011

I'm having similar problems with my b/g twins. They're just stubbornly refusing to do it, and they'll be three in June. We've been trying since last november on and off, but it hasn't been working.

Going to start once the spring comes full force again and hopefully this time they'll get the hang of it.

Heather - posted on 03/17/2011

I am right there with you!!!! I don't recall ever having this many problems with my singletons, every time I think one of them has it, they realize that the other doesn't and they give up! AAAHHHHH