Going crazy!

Jessica - posted on 02/05/2011 ( 33 moms have responded )

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My b/g twins will be 17mths on the 18th feb. lately ive been feeling really down and just sick of everything. i feel like every day im just going around in circles. i spend an entire day cleaning and mop the floor etc to have it look exactly the way it looked that morning the next day :(
i dont know wat to do anymore and i feel like im taking it out on my babies bcoz im getting stressed and cranky.
does anyone else feel like this? anything u can suggest to try and get my life back in order?
im not the most organised person in the world but im never this bad and im getting to the point where i just feel like giving up :(

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Heather - posted on 02/05/2011

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I have felt that way several times. I found the best thing that helped me was writing down everything that I need to do. I don't try to have the house spotless every day. I just wrote down the main things and divided the others throughout the week, with one day to catch up and one day to spend with the family. The only things I do every day are laundry, dishes, and vacuum the living room (and if I have to skip something it's the vacuuming). Then one day I clean the bedrooms, one day I do the bathrooms, one day I detail the kitchen... My house isn't spotless, but I get to spend more time with my kids and enjoying what I work so hard for.

Kim - posted on 02/11/2011

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Hang in there Jessica. I had b/g twins as well and was fairly organized myself. I had to take a step back and realize that mopping everyday, vacuuming everyday, etc was just not as important as it once was. As long as the house is in order and clean "enough" for the babies to walk around and play without being in an danger, don't stress about it. When you have multiples, you really do feel at times like your isolated because it is a bigger chore to pack everyone and everything up to go somewhere than it is to just stay home. However, staying home all the time just compounds the depression and is unhealthy. Depending on your finances, you could try to get a sitter for a few hours, or just take the twins out for a walk in fresh air. The sunshine will do all of you wonders. My twins are now 7 and I promise it does get easier the more they are able to be self sufficient. Hang in there, and if you need anyone, I'm here. I'm not sure what area you are in, but I would be happy to keep the babies for you so you could have a day out.

Megan - posted on 02/12/2011

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hey! well i just wanted to put in my two cents and tell you what has totally helped me. i have two sets of twins, 4 and 18 mo. and my house gets CRAZY!!! so i finally got tired of cleaning after them every minute they were awake and wanted to do something for my own sanity. i took crochet and knitting lessons from the "old" ladies at my church and i didn't even have to buy anything, they geve me all kinds of yarn hooks and needles. so what this has done for me is to put my hands to work and let my brain and body rest. once you learn it is all muscle memory. then once you complete a blanket or scarf, you can give it to one of your kids! how great is that! so even if you don't have control over the chaos in your house you can control what you are making and you can see a finish line. and one last thing, the crochet hooks are totally safe and the kids can watch you do it and play with the yarn while you work! it has changed my daily process!

Fernanda - posted on 02/11/2011

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Actually you can't be a Mom of Twins and a super housewife. I picked the first and I do not regret it! Everything about the house comes in second place, so you spend time with your kids, have that accomplished and when they take their nap in the afternoon you take care of the house until they wake up....but on Fridays, when you should take car of yourself!

Alta - posted on 02/11/2011

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Hi Jessica, my twin boys will be 18 months on 2/20. I felt exactly the same way last month. Until I read your post I thought I was a bad mom. Good to know someone else is going through similar, which means it's normal. I was so afraid that one day I would lose control I put them in daycare. This week was their first week and they love it! In terms of organization, I'm like you. You actually sound like my twin from another mother, lol. I think the kids are getting older and need more to do. Again, daycare helps a whole lot

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Charity - posted on 09/12/2013

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my b/g twins are 21 months and HELL on WheelS!!!!!! Oh my gosh the messess!~~~ the Chaos !! Refusing to go to sleep. Refusing naps. You name it oh my word. They have been really bad the last few days. Like I turn my back and my house is destroyed. I have gone crazy my house is taken over by toddlers!

Nete - posted on 02/16/2011

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WOW.. tw + 1 + tw ...now thats amazing couldn't imagine doing everything and being preggers again on top ...
- kelly where is that super woman cape outlet? :o) that's impressive!..
anyways was just thinking... the age from 18 until they begin to be able to really communicate was a bit rough... but now I'm actually loving the two's .. I do try to get them involved with everything I do ... on top of the twins and the house, I also got a double lot of garden to keep ..YEP that's right,... fun huh? lol
Got them bubble lawn mowers (never used the bubble part that's just begging for trouble) and now they dug tail behind me, with little wheel barrels, spades and rakes for a few leaves .. I teach them about the flowers, trees, safety etc. as we go along ... great time together, takes 4 times as long but so what ...(just must make sure your own tools, has all the safety bells and whistles of course)
same concept inside, my girl is great at picking up.. my boy not so much, but he likes to wash stuff and wipe anything with a towel ... ''good for dusting'' :o) , just use water, no soap or if you must then there is a company called babyganics who makes safe products and they work a lot better than anything else you might have tried ( yes I was surprised too) point is to try to find and match their skills and interest ...picking up is a lot more fun when its a game of ''how many red balls can you find / - or mummy only want's the yellow balls.... then the green etc. '' teaches them about colors and numbers at the same time and it has become fun (until try tip them to GO again! geee ok sweets lets do it over... m..) and you can take a few shortcuts, I put 3 sheets on the bed at the time, then I can take the top off and woola the one underneath is good to go ...that way I can cut the bedding wash down to every 14 days or sometimes a little more ... I don't have a dishwasher so I got a double wide sink with one big bassinet ..in the kids bathroom, step stools, room 4 two, ..and they can play with the plastic cups and plates that was only used for water and light snacks... (babyganics) they think they are playing with bubbles, but they are actually helping me out ..gotta take it where you can... when you don't have other family or anyone else to help out or cut you a break ...
for nap time ...well yes I tried to use that for cleaning in the beginning...but now I zzzzz happily with them and guess what?-- nap time is not an issue, we get some cuddle and book time after lunch and the its 123 NAP tiiiiime ...ZZZ...uhh good stuff I have become a huge nap fan!! try it ..getting recharged is golden ..so everything pretty much with the exception of laundry... that they can unfold faster, that I can fold it, can be turned into something fun ...I now have a train track in the closet on the floor that they can play with if i'm folding.... usually I wait to after their bedtime while I watch tv --..including them has worked great! they are oh! so proud of our ''team work'' and I get a chance to incorporate team spirit, sharing and helping and I think the sense of accomplishment for them, really boost their confidence and as a bonus its good family time ...
tomorrow we're planting tulips ..got plants instead of roses for valentine... they can now be recycled to look pretty in the yard, we have an activity and I saved money with the double duty ...now that works :o) hope this can give you some ideas, maybe try watercolors over crayons ..you might end up with some art work for the walls
stay positive !! & enjoy

Connie - posted on 02/15/2011

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I like to clean a small area (abt 15 minutes of work) then do something small for myself, like facebook, then do another area. If the kids are up I'll alternate with an activity with them. It is tough...give yourself credit for that and allow the house and life to not be perfect.

Kelly - posted on 02/14/2011

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I think the other moms have given you some great advice. You stay home to take care of your kids, not your house. I had twins, then 20 months later a sigleton, then twins 24 months later (5 in 44 months). I can remember feeling overwhelmed with my first set was around 15 months. I was trying to do too much. Now I put my kids ahead of everything else. They are not going to remember how clean their house was, but rather the fun that they had growing up. Only do housework when they are napping. Divide the housework up and only do certain things on certain days. Do your best to get them out of the house everyday. Even if it is just for a walk. It does get easier as they get older. Hang in there. Being a mom to twins is so special. Just try and enjoy.

Nete - posted on 02/14/2011

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hey our house looks like someone rubbed us every day as well, all I do is clean, wash and scrub but once the hurricane comes trug I can start over ....u not alone but do try not to take it out on the little ones, cheer up it will get worse once they can pull every toy box of the shelf ..lol

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can't we jsut ignore them and stay on CoM? als long as they aen't killing each other. we Do know the real pain cries by now as opposed to he omg I DEMAND at'nn!
(no, no pm's plz it is a joke...sorrta :)

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I also have boy/girl twins, and the 16-24 month stage was the worst, most stressful part. I felt like a crazy person with two little wild animals always running off in two different directions. All of the suggestions above are wonderful and very useful. I wish I'd thought of some of them myself. Keeping them confined to one part of the house with all of their stuff was our solution and it worked pretty well. I have some advice, based on living through that phase myself. First, get a little regular time for yourself. Even 2 hours on the weekend to go for a walk or take a bath ALONE. Take your kids to visit friends or family often. I used to go to a friend's house once a week with my twins, and I think it saved my sanity. Returning to work is a personal decision. I don't work outside my home, but most of my friends do. Some love it, some hate it, but all of them agree that working makes it more difficult to accomplish the things they want to do at home.

Hang in there! I'm proof positive that this stage of life stretches endlessly when your in the middle of it, but is gone in the blink of an eye. My little monsters are 13 years old now, and I went on to have 3 more kids. They're all well out of that stage now, and we all survived, even though there were days I had serious doubts. I might even miss it a little bit. Maybe. Good luck! You can do it!

Melinda - posted on 02/11/2011

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Sometimes you need to forget the housework, only do the necessary- you'll revive a little, get energy levels back up and do the rest some other time. Just give your time to your babes now. One day there'll be time for other stuff!

Aleesha - posted on 02/11/2011

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You are not alone! My twins are 5 this year and I still feel like that sometimes. When it all got to much for me, I decided that 1 day a week (or fortnight!) I would clean. Then just spot clean when needed for the rest of the week. The kids seemed much happier living in a pigsty then when it was clean. So I figured 'stuff it!' Soon they will start to help put stuff away. ( I used to bribe mine with treats to do jobs for me) Good Luck!

MARIA - posted on 02/11/2011

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OMG!!! YOU ARE SOOOO NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! MY B/G TWINS WILL BE 3 IN MARCH AND I STILL FEEL LIKE THAT AT TIMES!!! I STOPPED STRESSING THE CONSTANT CLEAN UP.
MOST OF IT IS JUST TOYS ANYWAY AS SOON AS THEY WAKE IT HAPPENS...STEP OVER THEM EVERY OTHER DAY DO A MAJOR TOY ROUND UP!!!
THE CLEANING DO EVERY 2-3 DAYS UNLESS OF COURSE SOMETHING SPILLED..THEN YOU SPOT CLEAN!!

Alta - posted on 02/11/2011

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Vickie we all sound so overwhelmed. My parents actually suggested I see a psychologist because I get very emotional and loud when explaining the never ending cycle. I've been trying to clean my kitchen for 2 WEEKS! I turned my lvgrm to a play room, do laundry everyday and every other part of the house is a disaster. I refuse to have guests over. My twins tear everything apart as well and one loves to lick the floor, lol. Husband and I are doing family outings on weekends. The boys just loved the Miami Children's Museum and can't get enough of the beach. Starting them with daycare this week made it better because now I can do everything without having to worry, but nevertheless its still a lot to do. I thought I'd have less work, but no... just more quiet time to things

Ola - posted on 02/09/2011

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I also have 17 months old twins (g/g) and I know how hard and frustrating it can get. I just try to get out of the house every day (this cuts down on the mess they make and keeps them occupied and less bored = not whiney. I go to YMCA two to three times a week (they love the play room and I get my sanity time), once a week I take them to the library for story and toddler time and to the Zoo and children’s museum (membership at these is dirt cheap and so worth it). The kids love to be out and about and they behave much better then on the days we are just at home.
When we are at home, I try to contain them to one room at a time and we clean up the toys before we move on or go eat. We sing the clean up song and the girls put the toys in bins. It took them a while to get it, but now it is like a game.
I used to have a very busy career before I had the girls and it was quite a change! It took me a while to get the balance in my life again, but you get there through the bad and good days. The key is to have more of the good ones. After I had kids, I went back to work for 6 months. It was so hard and I had so many things to do that I felt overwhelmed and stressed out. I made a list of all things that I do daily, weekly, monthly, etc and I asked my hubby to do the same. As you can imagine my list was much longer and he had no idea. We decided that he would take over weekly shopping and cleaning of the bathrooms and that made things much easier for me and gave us more family time. I also make lists of things to do all the time (for the weekend, for the evening, etc.) It makes it easier to remember and my hubby likes it to as he knows what to expect.
Finding a good group of moms of multiples locally is a great idea. They go through the same thing and are a great support and resource. Our group additionally does a Once A Month Cooking Club. We meet once a month, have dinner at a restaurant and then come out to our cars and coolers and exchange our frozen meals. You cook once a month two meals in bulk (5 entrees for a family of each dish) and bring for the exchange. You bring home ten different home cooked dishes. That saves me so much cooking time (two dinners a week)! Highly recommended!
I am not quite ready to go back to work yet, but good luck to you Jessica!

Toni - posted on 02/09/2011

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IT IS HARD i go to playgroups every day jus to get out an not shout "put that down ,stop banging the telly, stop hurting each other ,stop throwing ' the list goes on but as long as there clean fed an happy who cares no one that comes to your house is gonna check for dust or think oh that floor needs mopping .my two need constant supervision so nothing gets done while there awake everthing go's n their mouths they even eat books so i know where ur coming from ' the main thing s you need to feel better happy mommy equals happy babies so put that mop away an stop worrying

Lindsay - posted on 02/08/2011

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Hey Jessica-I am right there with ya' sister! I am a single mom with 14 mo. b/g and some days do seem like more than I know how to handle. One thing that I try to remind myself of often is that this time is so short. I've gotten a lot of advice like, "don't worry, it'll be over soon." "don't stress, it gets easier as they get older." And as true as that is, one thing that is important to remember is that we only get this time for a very little while. So what if the house is messy sometimes. (dirty is different than messy!) Who cares if the laundry isn't done at night, finish it tomorrow, because one of these tomorrows you're gonna wake up and they'll be 17 YEARS old and you'll wonder, "Oh my gosh, where did the time go?! Where are my babies?!" ENJOY THEM.
Being involved in a mom's of multiples group can be so so helpful to. To meet with moms in person who know what you're going through is invaluable! And if there are people in your life who offer to help TAKE THEM UP ON IT! Even if they just come over for a couple of hours to watch the kids while you clean, DO IT!
All the best to you, you really can do it. Savor every day.

Jessica - posted on 02/08/2011

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thanks emily. i do think that going back to work will help me. ill be going back in a couple of months for 3 days a week. Am hoping that being out of the house will also mean it wont get messy as often lol. :)

Emily - posted on 02/08/2011

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Hang in there, you will make it through! Everyone has some good thoughts, this site is so great for that. I'm just going to add though that you MAY find going back to work actually helps. Really. Not kidding. I adore my munchkins and miss them like crazy when I'm not with them (cried for a week when they started daycare), and am often very jealous of stay at home moms, I would LOVE to be able to do that....however spending 5 days a week away from them I think makes me (me personally, not a general comment) a better mom in some ways when I do get my time with them, as I really focus on the time I have with them instead of trying to multitask all day long like I did when I was at home with them. Don't get me wrong, I'm exhausted between working and kids (as I was when I was on mat leave with them)- but because I haven't been running after them all day, it's a different exhaustion. I'm sure everyone experiences the work/kid thing differently, so some may agree some may disagree, but that's what I've found. I actually have time to finish a coffee (which I need as mine aren't always great sleepers) instead of desperately make myself one with one hand while managing the twins with the other, LOL, than having to reheat it 7 times because I don't have the chance to drink it! I know that sounds like a small and very selfish thing, but it makes me feel that work is about me, and what a different spin that threw on my job! Yes, work is my '"me" time, somewhat sad but true :) It is harder to juggle the home, keeping things clean, etc., however I find once they go to bed, if I put an hour in a night at most (and there are other nights I just collapse with a glass of wine or cup of tea or chocolate - you do what you need to do!), stuff gets done. My kids "help" me with the laundry now, so 1 thing folded and put away = six things unfolded and thrown - but that one thing got put away and it just takes longer than usual to get done, but the kids think it's a game (for now - until they realize what "chores" are, LOL!). Between "games" like that, some stuff during the weeknights, and the twins naps on weekends, it's not perfect (which drives my hubby crazy - he likes his socks organized by colour, LOL, but then again because of that he does pitch in for the cleaning), but it's only for a few years and then the kids won't be home, they'll be out playing hockey/at ballet/with friends etc, and then my house will be much neater, their rooms will be tornado zones, and it will still be crazy, but different crazy!

Jessica - posted on 02/08/2011

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HAHA im not suffering from depression. Im actually really happy just getting a bit stressed with all the mess. Im pretty sure ppl that are depressed cry a lot and cant cope with most things. im fine with everything just the mess that gets to me.
But thankyou SOOO much for ur concern and being so so nice about it :)
Thanks heaps vicki and the other ladies who had CONSTRUCTIVE advice and help i really appreciate it :)

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Maybe when someone suggests that maybe someone is suffering from depression they can word it a bit more sensitively.

Vonnie - posted on 02/07/2011

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I had those times too with my b/g twins. Especially at that age. I felt to talking to my spouse about the things that I needed more help with that he was willing to help with really helped. He honestly had no idea I was that stressed out until I listed the things I felt needed to get done. It was much better after that. You have two babies to make twice the mess! It is a lot of work. I am sure that you hear all the time that ig will get better....AND IT DOES!!! Hang in there!

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but don't worrry re: that kind of art. they do that and its age appororiate. ir it stresses you don't bother. the painting can be fun with pudding. then they can eat it and you don't have to worry.

I didn't mean are they getting enough sleep. I meant are YOU! I know mine are and I'm not. that is what is killing me. my brain can't relax after the insane day and I don't get to sleep til midnight or 1.

then cleaning at night. but I like the idea of one room at a time. and honestly, I can't remember last time I mopped upstairs halls or bedrooms. babies room gets a swiffer and wiped floor with baby wipes when they are playing. until my mom feels bad for me and skips a day with her bi-weekly cleaning woman and asks her to come to me whch is great cause she is a good friend.

I am the most organized person (to a fault). send me a pm if you want to tell me where exactly you feel like you are particularly struggling and maybe we can brainstorm.

personally I think going back to work might be great. OMG the days I go to see my psychiatrist is like a day off :)

Jessica - posted on 02/06/2011

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Ive got a friend whos going to work the opposite days i am so they will be in daycare one day a week and with her the rest of the time. ive got all of their stuff (toys animals etc) in big bins and tubs in one room which is designated to be their playroom (separate to their bedroom) so all their stuff stays in there which doesnt bother me when thats a mess nearly all the time.
ive tried doing drawings and stuff with them they dont seem to be really interested in stuff like that yet. they still just put EVERYTHING in their mouths! got them a chalkboard and they drew for about 30secs before the chalk went in their mouths :(

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yup, that's the age!
check out the thread Activity ideas for VERY ACTIVE 15 month twins in the dead of winter? and look for the link for crafts. might help keep them busy.

I gave up having a lvngrm. all playroom now. toys in bins. bins labelled with pics. do a small change each night to keep them interested in day. also do same sorta thing in kitchen so I can cook and whatever. still always a disaster. I try and get it all tidied before they go for nap or bed so I don't have to waste much time on it when they fall asleep. helps me stay organized re: their stuff and they know where things are so they go for what they want.

are they going to daycare or nanny?

Jessica - posted on 02/06/2011

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I think so. My two are really good sleepers and rarely wake throughout the night unless they are unwell etc... so usually they sleep from 7.30- about 8. We do try to go out a fair bit but they are just so destructive the second they get home they have to run around the house and pull everything apart and the second i put something away it just seems to get pulled out again. and our house is pretty well babyproofed too so not sure how i can fix the stuff they do pull out. im going back to work in a couple of months and also just worry that doing everything im doing now plus working 5 days per fort im just not going to have time to do anything else :(

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wow. so I'm not the only one. sorry jessica. feeling like you these days. 15 month b/g. only thing that helps me is prepping what is possible night before and doing the write down stuff as well. I get them out every day even if just for a walk to pick up a few things. hard work and kills me sometimes but does keep me sane and breaks up the day.

are you getting enough sleep?

Samantha - posted on 02/06/2011

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i can often feel like this you are definately not alone, my identical twins are 21months old and ive found that if i keep trying to clean away as they make the mess it does become a never ended circle, i have them both in a routine and they go to bed for 7pm with a bottle so this then gives me a couple of hours to tidy away everything they have had out and vacuum, mop etc before my partner gets in from work. I also have stair gates in place so the girls cant get to the kitchen and/or upstairs, this keeps the mess to one room. Ive found since doing this i am so much happier and just enjoy the fun with the girls that thye are having playing with all their toys. As for the rest of the house the girls tend to have a nap in the middle of the day so i use this time to try and give the kitchen and bathroom a once over, however, if i am particularly tired etc then i use this time to relax sit down grab a cuppa and a bite to eat and just get ready for round 2 hehe. My house is not perfect and there are times when it feels like the washing is a mountain along with the ironing but then i look at the girls laughing with each other when they discover something new and realise that as long as they are happy and well cared for there will always be a chance another day to catch up with the housework.

Tara - posted on 02/06/2011

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Jessica, I totally understand! You are NOT alone! I am a stay at home mom with 14 month old twin girls. They are so wonderful and I can't imagine going back to work, but my life does seem like an endless cycle of wiping, sweeping, mopping and folding. When I get to feeling down, I try to get out and do something fun with the girls to shake up my day. We go to the park, or walk the mall. I get together with friends. My husband and I are making an effort to get out of the house on date nights more often. I know that is not always feasible if you don't have someone to watch your twins. Just remember this too shall pass and once its over, its over! Also, talk to your S.O. about what you are feeling. Maybe he can help with certain things to take some pressure off you.

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